Change of Tides
Characters: Edan and Matt Setting: the pool, morning
Edan was up and moving in the morning like usual, having grabbed a few hours of sleep after the storm that had woken her up passed. She still hated it, but at least she wasn’t as frantically afraid as she had been when it had raged for two days. Sticking to her routine she started the day down by the pool, sporty bikini on under a plain t-shirt, towel in hand, ready to put in a good workout before another day.
The pool was already in use though when she arrived in spite of the early hour, Matt cutting through the water quickly with an efficient front crawl. Despite the storm breaking during the night and the air finally clearing, he had slept poorly and abandoned hope of getting anymore sleep not long before five. He hadn’t felt tired though, his body instead thrumming with a nervous energy as a result of his dreams and after a shower, had headed to the pool to burn some of it off figuring he wouldn’t have to share it with anyone. He had done over thirty lengths by the time Edan came in, not that he noticed her arrival, and his muscles were starting to scream in protest but he didn’t show any signs of slowing just yet, instead relishing in the sensation and letting it spur him on further.
Edan thought for a moment it might be Cal. When she came in, Matt was swimming away from her at the far end of the pool, but once he turned she could tell it wasn’t Cal. Setting down her things she watched him until she was able to place the figure, surprised at how different he looked not buried under layers of clothes. Leaving her things on a lounge chair she went towards the end of the pool, sitting at the edge of the lane next to his, close to where he’d hit the wall, just watching.
There was no missing her in that position and while his stroke faltered a little on his surprise at finding himself no longer alone, Matt recovered from it quickly enough, ducking under the water for the last few strokes before popping up again next to the wall and coming to a stop though he continued to tread water rather than put his feet down. “M...m....morning Edan,” he said, the stammer for once a result of heavy breathing brought on through exertion rather than anything else, and pushed his hair back from his face, the water actually causing it to lie almost flat.
It was hard to think of him as the same guy. This guy, all shoulders and bare skin, was Matt who hid behind his hoodies and long sleeves. “Hi Matt,” Edan greeted with a smile, head tilting slightly for a moment before she reached up to pull her hair into a low bun to get it out of her way. “I didn’t think you were the swimming type.”
Matt shrugged, the motion causing him to drop slightly in the water before bobbing back up again and he offered Edan a small smile. “My parents own a boat so I was taught to swim very young,” he explained, his breathing still slightly laboured. “It’s also the safest way for me to exercise so...”
“Safest?” Edan asked once her hair was set. She pulled at the t-shirt, letting it come loose before dropping it on the ground behind her. “I wish my parents had had a boat. Lakes were scarce in Arizona but that would have been fun.”
He nodded. “It’s low impact so there’s very little risk of bruising or any kinds of cuts,” he explained before realising somewhat belatedly that, despite all the time he and Edan had spent together, he hadn’t actually told her about his condition and he flushed a little. “I have hemophilia so...” Yeah, there was nowhere really to go from there conversation wise so he was grateful that she’d given him something else to seize upon. “But yes boats are fun, we spent a lot of time on ours when I was growing up.”
“Hemophilia...where you bleed too much? The cuts and bruises don’t heal right right?” she asked, frowning. She could see the edges of the scar on his stomach from where it peeked out of the water and she had to wonder how he’d lived in the first place. “I spent some time on one in high school. A girlfriend of mine, her parents had one. What a spring.” She smiled more leaning towards him without getting in the water. “You haven’t talked about growing up much.”
“Sort of,” Matt replied. “I don’t bleed any faster but my blood doesn’t clot properly so without help it won’t actually stop. It means I bruise easier too and my joints swell up sometimes, hence why swimming is so good.” It was hardly the most comprehensive of explanations but hopefully it would be enough without getting too complicated. Her comment about growing up had him shaking his head a little, the motion causing him to bob back from her slightly in the water and forcing him to use his arms to stay in position. “There isn’t much to talk about, I was a very boring child,” he said smiling ruefully. “But if you want me to, it isn’t something I’d object to.”
Edan nodded at the explanation because it made sense and was clearer than what she'd originally thought. "I like it because I feel like I'm getting somewhere. There's only so long you can be on a treadmill before you realize you're trapped." She smiled at him more then slipped into the water near him. "There's no way someone as smart as you are was boring as a child."
“Very true,” he said, chuckling a little. “I’m sure there’s some kind of metaphor about hamsters on a wheel around somewhere but I can’t think of one.” Putting a little more distance between the two of them as Edan entered the water, he began a gentle side stroke, a silent encouragement for her to match him if she wished, no longer content to tread water with the energy still pulsing through him. “You didn’t know me as a child,” he countered, smiling back at her. “I was painfully shy, very quiet and spent a lot of time by myself - not really that dissimilar to how I am now.”
When he started she followed, obviously at ease in the water. "What did you do when you were alone?" She asked instead of harping on the part where she wasn't surprised he was the same as he was now.
Seeing how easily she matched him, Matt picked up his pace a little. Not so much that it would be hard to talk but enough to satisfy his need to keep moving. “I read an awful lot,” he replied. “Watched the other children playing from my window. After my grandfather bought me my first camera, most of my free time was taking pictures.” His smile turned a little crooked when he reflected just how little he had changed over the course of his life. “What about you?” he asked. “What were you like as a little girl?”
"What kind of books?" She asked, matching his pace, but keeping it even enough to still be able to speak. "Were you not allowed to play with them or chose not to?" Edan smirked when he asked about her. "Capricious. Or so my mother said. One day it was dolls and princess dresses, the next it was baseball and playing with Evan's friends."
"All kinds, I wasn't very fussy in that regard," he said smiling. "Though I was particularly fond of geography books. Until the age of 9, I was determined that I was going to be an explorer when I grew up. As for not playing with the other children, my parents were always worried I might hurt myself playing rough games so that wasn't allowed. Add to that my stammer and...well lets just say children can be very cruel to those who are different." There was no bitterness in his tone as he spoke though despite the unhappy memories, time having long since healed that particular wound.
Edan's description of herself forced the memories away further and he couldn't help but laugh a little. "I can picture that quite easily," he said around a smile. "Were baseball and dolls your preferred activities back then?"
"I can still see you as an explorer," Edan said with a smile, but it faded when he mentioned being bullied. "I know how they are. I saw it happen too." And she'd always tried not to. It was a strange ideal, to try and like everyone, but together Edan and Evan had managed. Maybe because all the while she had secrets of her own. "It was a little of everything. Dance, sports, dolls, dress up, digging in the yard. I had all these things I wanted to do like the other girls, but I didn't want to be left out of anything Evan did."
"Can you now?" Matt asked before ducking beneath the water to execute a surprisingly graceful turn, pushing himself off the wall before bobbing back up like a cork, hair now clinging to his forehead. "It sounds like you had a much more exciting childhood than I did, I envy you for it."
"I can. You're still curious about things aren't you?" Edan asked after watching him changed directions. He was surprising like this, so different than the man who seemed uncomfortable in his own skin. "It was busy, though not always exciting. Dance and sports practices become routine." She went under the water to turn as well, keeping pace with him.
Matt nodded, flipping onto his back so he could still look at her while he was briefly ahead. "That I am," he admitted. "Perhaps after leaving here I'll go out and see a bit more of the world." He paused before adding. "You could come with me if you like, we'll have the adventure we didn't get to have as children." His smile was playful as he said it but there was something yearning in his eyes as well, a desperate hopefulness lurking just beneath the surface.
Edan's strokes slipped as he made his suggestion. It was subtle, just the rhythm faltering for a moment and the cadence of the motion of water around her changing until realized she needed to answer. "Perhaps. I hadn't thought much on what happens next."
Her reaction may have been subtle but it spoke volumes and Matt’s smile fell as he rolled back over, his stroke taking on a fraction more urgency than it had before. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Too much too soon you idiot, you know things are strange between you right now, what are you trying to do, make it worse?! “It was a s…s…silly idea,” he said, hating how his stammer asserted itself and how much of a give away it was. “C…call it a childish fancy brought on by watching the Goonies too many times as a youngster.”
Edan instantly hated herself when she heard the stammer as if him speeding up wasn't enough. They were trying for normal and she'd just crushed his plans. "It's a good dream Matt," she said, speeding up to catch him. "I really hadn't thought past here of where I'd go or what I'd do, that's all." Matt wanted to believe her, believe that her reassuring him came from somewhere positive and not a place of fear where she was worried he'd get angry if she didn't agree with everything he said but he wasn't sure if he could. He tried not to let that show though, dipping below the water to let the sting of chlorinated water across his open eyes distract him from his own negativity. "You haven't?" he asked as he resurfaced, turning the focus onto her. "Why not?"
She wondered if he was still upset, still hurt, but when he asked her a question she went with it. "A lot ended when Evan died." Then she'd been arrested and she hadn't focused on what came next. She'd focused on putting one foot in front of the other, taking her life hour by hour.
That Matt had no problem believing and he bobbed his head in understanding. "I felt very similar after Rachel," he said, slowing back down to the easy side stroke. "I couldn't see how my life was meant to go forward without her being part of it. It's really only been recently I've been able to start looking ahead again."
Edan nodded. She felt the exact same way. She had a guess what changed his mind but she couldn't help her curiosity. "What changed your mind?"
"A few things helped," he replied. "Not all of them were pleasant but coming here especially, the idea of starting somewhere new with a clean slate..." Meeting you went unsaid but lingered in the silence that followed, the way Matt looked at Edan making it just as clear as if he'd spoken it aloud. Edan got the message even if it wasn't vocalized and felt it deeper than she would have liked. For a while she would have agreed, but now she wasn't as sure. She didn't leave him completely hanging though, finding a smile, though it was a little sad. "I don't need a clean slate as much as a purpose. A direction."
Matt hadn’t expected her to comment on his answer, spoken or otherwise, so her lack of response didn’t sting as much as it might have otherwise and he was quick to seize on what she did say, coming to a stop and allowing himself to just float atop the water. “Perhaps you need a compass,” he suggested, tone light. “A guiding idea or principle, once you have that then it’ll give you a direction to go in.”
When he stopped, she stopped, closer than before, just treading water. "A life compass, exactly." There was a soft sigh, her eyes not on his face, but him, letting herself be distracted by the sight of him not buried under layers of clothes. "Nothing seems to matter enough."
He was aware of how close she was, of her eyes on him, but as it had been before, the water around him was like a layer of comforting insulation and so he didn’t shy away from her like he would’ve otherwise. “Then start with something that matters a little,” he said, turning his head to look at her.
Edan managed to pull her eyes away from his distracting hips and focus on his face, surprised to see him look so comfortable. "Then it gets silly. Making a good grilled cheese for lunch, finishing the book I got from the library, remembering the chords needed to play something on piano, spending time with people." It gave insight into how her days broke down, hour by hour, accomplishing one, then the next.
“None of that stuff is silly Edan,” Matt said, his tone one of gentle chastisement. “Sure they might be small things but they’re important. Maybe not enough to help you decide where you want to go in life but still. Besides which, that isn’t to say something bigger can’t come out of them - think of it like stepping stones to something bigger.”
Edan shook her head. "It's just step by step. I've been focusing on that, staying on schedule and all I've done is gone nowhere. Time has passed, I'm still here, but that's it. I was supposed to meet Asher for a meal and we missed it and I went days before I rescheduled. Because it fell outside that day to day scope."
He frowned a little at that and twisting in the water, put his feet down on the bottom, leaving just his head and the tops of his shoulders in the open air. “It’s early days Edan,” he pointed out. “We aren’t long out of proper prison and that alone would be a massive adjustment even without grieving for a loved one. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”
Edan dropped her feet as well, able to stand mostly on her toes, and looked at him. "This is all there was in prison too. One hour after another, filling them and moving on to the next. I don't know if it gets better."
“Surely this is an improvement though?” Matt slowly began to move towards the shallower water, aware of how Edan was being forced to balance and not entirely comfortable with it. “And I know it sounds likes a empty platitude but these things take time, they don’t get better over days.”
"The actual, routine I suppose is an improvement, but it's still a routine. It just took this, long to get adjusted." Edan followed him as he moved until she could properly touch the bottom of the pool and walk. "I know it doesn't, but at the same time, I'm not sure if it will."
“Why not?” he asked, voice free of any kind of judgement or mockery, instead just a gentle encouragement for her to keep talking.
Edan looked at her hands, moving them through the water and not thinking about how close to Matt they were getting. "Because I can't function without it."
Matt was aware of how close they were, acutely so, each move they made sending the water to buffer up against him but he didn’t move away even though a part of him wanted to. Instead he took a small step forward and brought his own hands up so that they were almost cupping hers between them. “Maybe not now you can’t,” he said quietly, eyes on hers. “But two weeks ago I couldn’t even have fathomed doing something like this, let alone trust someone enough to want to and look where I am now. Still not where I want to be but that bit closer than I was before.”
Edan froze when he came closer, but it wasn't out of fear, just stopping her idle movement so she didn't accidentally hit him. "Where do you want to be?" She asked, dropping her own issue for the moment.
He smiled then, an expression that was as soft as it was shy and a touch on the crooked side. “Comfortable in my own skin, comfortable enough to not just touch someone else and have them touch me but to actually enjoy it ” He paused to take a breath, one that shook as his exhaled. “To not be scared of this. Of you.”
"Nothing about your skin is worth being uncomfortable with." Because like this? Matt really was rather appealing. "You have enjoyed it before too. So it's possible." Edan looked up at him when he breathed like that, itching to make it better even if she knew she should be cautious. "I wouldn't hurt you Matt."
“And I wouldn’t hurt you,” he replied, the sharpness of his words cutting through the gentleness of his tone, recent memories all too present in his mind.. “But fear isn’t always rational and it makes us into people we don’t want to be, forces us to act in ways we don’t want to. It is what is and yes it can be beaten but it takes time...” He took another breath and caught her hands between his. “...Especially if we want it to stay beaten and not just quieted for a little while.”
That hurt, when he said it like that. "I know it's not rational, which means you have to understand mine too." Edan was pleading she could hear it in her voice, but then he was touching and she let it drop, fingers curling around his slightly. "Beaten is good. But quieted is okay too."
Matt let out a sigh and closed his eyes, thumb absently rubbing the back of her hand. “I do understand Edan,” he said. “But I’m not just talking about you and me here, I mean your routines, my…total avoidance of people wherever possible.” Amongst other things. “Everything.” Her next comment made him smile a little though and his eyes drifted back open to meet hers. “Quieted is okay,” he agreed, nodding. “But I want the feeling to last, not just have some temporary fix. I want to do this as long as I want, not just until I start to panic again.” He squeezed her hands for emphasis.
Edan sighed herself. "I don't know if it's fear. It's...I forget to eat. To remember to do anything." She was surprised at how he was touching her. "You don't seem very panicked now."
“Maybe it isn’t fear then but it’s still a battle with yourself, one you know you shouldn’t have to fight but you do,” he countered, still using that gentle tone. “And you’re right, at the moment I’m not but I don’t know how long the moment is going to last. How long it’ll be until I betray myself.”
"I guess it is," Edan said, raising her shoulder just enough to convey the shrug, but not enough to move his hands. "Sounds like you need to be making the most of the moments you have then. Which is really how anyone should live." Taking a small dare on herself she moved closer, just a half step. Distantly she realized it was probably stupid, but she'd be drawn to Matt for a reason and that hadn't gone away completely yet. She still felt it, pulling her closer.
Given their conversation not so long ago in the shop where she had spoken about needing her space and wanting to slow things down between them, Matt couldn’t help feeling surprised as Edan moved further towards him. He didn’t want to discourage it though and kept hold of her hands, wanting to, as she had said, make the most of the moment while it lasted. “Is that what you want to do Edan?” he asked, eyes still on her face but rapidly becoming aware of just how much of her skin was bare and how close it was to his own, his heart starting to beat faster.
No. Yes. Maybe. A litany of options floated through her mind at his question. "I wouldn't fight it," she settled on.
“Are you sure?” he replied, voice turning low as his grip on her hands tightened a fraction. Not so much that she couldn’t easily pull away if she wanted to but enough so she would have no doubt he wanted her there and close to him.
Not at all. Edan wasn’t even close to sure, but she also didn’t want to say no. Because no wasn’t the right answer. That was probably why she was nodding, looking up him, waiting to see what he would do next.
If Matt could have known how unsure she was, the doubt that was in Edan’s mind, he wouldn’t have continued to push. He didn’t know though, focused so much on controlling his own reactions that he missed any subtle clues her own might have given him. All he saw was her nod and that was all he needed. Leaving one hand wrapped around her two, the other went up to cradle her jaw. His fingers skimmed across her skin to trace the line of her cheekbone and he was torn between watching her face as he did so and letting his eyes close to better memorise how it felt, cool and soft to the touch.
Edan’s breath hitched slightly when he touched her cheek, eyes falling shut. There was a that rise of fear, but it subsided to just a niggling concern, letting her focus on him, how his fingers felt against her skin. After a moment she leaned into his hand, head tilting slightly, subtly encouraging him despite the war raging inside her. It was fine. He wouldn’t hurt her, despite the fact that the doubt was there, the mantra helped to quell the worst of it.
When she lent in, Matt swore it was like an electrical current running into his hand and down through his body, pulling a sharp exhale from his lungs it it’s wake. “The things you do to me Edan…” he murmured, his tone one of both fondness and bewilderment as his hand moved across her cheek and down to the side of her neck, fingers catching in the loose strands of her hair that had escaped the bun.
That pulled her eyes open, not moving away. "Oh?" she asked, curious what he meant by that. She hadn't done anything, beyond react to him. As his hand moved lower she reacted again, neck arching slight to give him more purchase.
He wasn't sure if he could explain what it was exactly, not in any way that made sense, but the expression on Edan's face compelled him to at least try. "How you make me feel, the things I want to do, the things I would...it's all you Edan. Before you there wasn't...I feel like I'm finally awake and that's your doing."
Edan was struck with how much pressure that was on her. That she was responsible for him feeling a connection to someone, to anyone. "Tell me about it," she went with instead of focusing on his she felt pressured. "What you want to do, how it feels."
"I don't know if I can," he said, eyes finally dropping from hers while his touch grew more insistent, like it could somehow make up for his utter failure to communicate. "I don't have the words, the experience...it's all so new to me."
"You don't have the words for the what?" Edan asked, raising one eyebrow at him. "I imagine you have a clear idea of the what." She didn't mind the more insistent a touches, smiling at them, something soft and small.
"Edan..." Matt's voice was verging on plaintive, frustration bleeding around its edges and, before he could psych himself out of doing it, he let his head fall forward and rest atop hers. His face was pressed against her hair and he let the dampness of it ground him, breathing in the familiar, comforting scent of chlorine and beneath that, the smell of Edan herself.
She’d pushed too far. She was able to pick up on that well enough and let it drop. “Later then. I’d like to know.” Where he wanted to take things was a good thing to know. With his head against her, she drifted closer, more to make him more comfortable than anything else.
He huffed a little then in what could have been amusement, his grip shifting to the back of Edan’s neck. “You’d be the only one I’d tell,” he pointed out, a little of the tension bleeding out of him even as she closed the gap between them, close enough now that Matt could feel the warmth coming from her skin but still he didn’t pull away.
Instinctively when his hand found the back of her neck she tilted her chin up, angling more towards him. “I suppose you could tell someone. One of the guys,” she said, voice light, gently teasing. “I wouldn’t be mad provided you did tell me at some point.”
That time Matt did laugh, a quiet one that still managed to ripple out over the water. “Yes, one of my numerous guy friends,” he joked. “The only tricky part would be deciding which one.”
“Always is,” Edan said, pushing on her toes more, trying to coax his face out of her hair so she could see it. “You’re just so popular.” It was funny, but also sad considering she probably had more guy friends than he did.
Matt took the hint then, lifting his head so she could see him, a strand of her hair clinging to his face and mingling with his own lighter strands before falling away. “Well you know me,” he said, smiling at her.
“I do,” she said, realizing she meant more than the context of the joke. She watched his eyes for a moment, smiling softly. This was what felt right and why the fear was so easy to ignore, to push aside. It was safe here, close to him, and the first thing in her mind was kissing him and not running away.
He wondered if she knew how beautiful she looked to him in that moment, her expression no longer by the wariness that had been tainting but instead soft and open, trusting him the way he trusted her. “And I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Edan smiled just a tiny bit more before pushing up on her toes so she was closer to him. “Good.” It was soft, just for him and far too close to his own mouth. She knew she wanted to kiss him, but wasn’t sure how it would go over, or if it was a good idea in the first place. Probably not.
She was right, it probably wasn’t but it had been so long since Matt had been close to her like that that he needed little in the way of encouragement and while they were in that moment, surrounded by the water and the peculiar kind of grounding effect it had on him, he wanted to enjoy it. So he did the only thing that made sense to and, without any warning, pressed his lips to hers.
Edan didn’t need the warning. Not when she’d been thinking about it. The only hesitation was that instant of thrill before she answered the kiss, leaning into him more. She knew it was a bad idea, she did, but she wasn’t stopping it. That much was more than obvious when she deepened the kiss.
For a brief second, he thought he had crossed the line, that he’d somehow misread the situation and that she was going to was pull away, that he had ruined it but that concern was obliterated as soon as she began to respond. Instinctively he followed her lead, instincts he wasn’t sure he’d even possessed, returning the kiss in kind and pulling her flush against him.
That was right where she wanted to be. She might hate herself for it later, but one hand flat against his chest, skin touching so much of hers, Edan couldn’t help herself. It felt too good to be wanted, to be needed and Matt was giving her all of that. She slipped one arm around his neck, pulling herself even closer, and kissing him harder.
With his heart already racing, when Edan’s arm wound around him panic threatened to course its wake - it was too much, too much of her touching him, too close, too much everything and the sensation of it all threatened to overwhelm him. Matt refused to let it though, not yet and instead, wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled them both back into the deeper water, letting it wash over them until it was past his shoulders, kissing her all the while.
Edan wasn’t expecting to be pulled anywhere, let alone deeper waters, but she went with it, even if it ended up with him supporting more of her so she was above the waterline enough. It was different, that sort of surety in his movements and she let the kiss draw out until she had to breathe, pulling back, but not far, keeping her forehead close to his, arm still around his neck. “I liked that.”
“Me too,” he replied, voice breathy as he moved his hands to her hips to help keep her steady. “I’ve missed it...missed you.”
She liked that sense of control, his hands on her hips. “I missed it too,” she said softly, fingers twisting in the hair at the back of his neck. “You too.” She hated it, but she had. She’d missed him a ton.
It probably wasn’t healthy just how satisfying it was to hear Edan say that but Matt didn’t care, letting the feeling spread through him and warm him from the inside, delighting in the knowledge that despite what she had said, he still meant as much to her as he had before all the business with Pippa. “You did?” he replied, selfishly wanting that extra validation.
She was more lost in the moment than anything else, that sense of feeling needed, wanted, and of course, it was the sense that she was finally as close to Matt as she wanted to be. “Mhmm,” she confirmed, rubbing her nose against his lightly before tentatively kissing him again.
Which was validation enough for Matt if the way he kissed her back was any indication, hands slipping up her waist and wrapping around her, stopping Edan from being able to float away even if she did let go.
When he kissed her back, so different than before, Edan was more likely to wrap her legs around his waist than try and let go. Instead she ran her knee up his leg, teasing the idea of doing just that.
And really Matt was all too happy to encourage to her, one hand leaving her waist to curl around her thigh - like a starving man at a feast, he was gorging himself, taking as much as he was able to get before his body rebelled against him and screamed no more. He was letting himself get lost in the simple pleasure of her and wanted as much of it as he could bear, letting out a small moan against her lips as he tried to pull her closer.
Okay, that she could go along with, letting him pull her leg around his waist and lifting herself up more to warp the other, smiling into the kiss at his noise. That she liked a lot, which meant she wasn’t stopping this until he forcibly shoved her away.
Something that didn’t look to be happening anytime soon, the smile against his lips only encouraging him further. Spinning them around, he moved the few feet across to the edge of the water where he quickly pressed Edan against the side of the pool and, in a move that surprised himself, ground his hips up against hers.
Edan was surprised to be moving again, and let out a small noise when her back hit the edge of the pool, not expecting that. It was his next move, his hips against hers, that had her breaking off the kiss to let out a low moan, something that she didn’t even realize was her.
Adrenaline was pumping around Matt’s system and for once, it wasn’t triggering the flight reaction. Instead it fueled him on further and it, along with the arousal that was uncurling in his stomach, had him moaning in tandem with her. Lips breaking from hers in a desperate bid for oxygen, he wasted no time in pressing them back against her, this time to the delicate lines of her neck where his fingers has traced so lightly earlier though nowhere near as gentle as he’d been before.
She let out a soft noise, eager, hand in his hair as her neck leaned back to give him more purchase. It was wildly inappropriate making out like this in the pool of all places, but she really didn’t care if it meant he was going to keep doing it. Her legs pulled him closer, needing to feel more.
He didn’t disappoint her, letting himself be pulled so close that their bodies were pressed flush against each other and he could feel her heart beating in tandem with his own. His hands skimmed up and down whatever parts of her he could reach, unwilling to settle for being in just one place and instead wanting to explore everything that he could. His kissing of her neck grew more urgent too and, after a few seconds of debate with himself, his lips parted and he nipped at the side of her neck just above the collarbone.
When he nipped at her skin, she yelped, but it wasn’t a bad noise, just a reaction to the surprise of him going that far. It had her tightening her hand in his hair, nodding with it. Everything about that was fine. More than fine. He needed to keep doing just that.
The noise she made had him worried for an instant only for the way her grip on him tightened to sooth it away and feeling encouraged, he did it again. This time though, he latched on and began to suck a mark onto the skin there, wanting there to be a physical reminder of what they’d been doing before the inevitable end came and he fled.
She made another surprised noise when he did it again and latched on, sure he’d leave a mark. Her legs tightened again, even though there wasn’t space for him to move closer. Her hips pressed into his with a soft noise, groaning at the feel of him and what he was doing.
Matt groaned back, his hips snapping up in response to hers and despite the relative cool of the water, he felt himself start to get hard. Pulling his lips away from Edan’s neck, he dropped his head there, breath coming in ragged bursts as the sensations threatened to overwhelm him but still he held onto her, hands finally stilling at the top of her legs his fingers grazing at the edge of her bikini bottoms.
When things slowed, Edan realized she was shaking, adrenaline pumping through her veins, skin burning where he’d left that mark her on her neck. Her breath was coming in gasps as well, fingers working through his hair, mouth close to his hairline, pressing a soft kiss there. “Are you okay?” she asked, close enough to feel that sudden change, and fine with it, but not wanting to push him too hard.
Not trusting his voice enough to speak, he settled for nodding even if the gesture was mostly lost against the curve of Edan’s shoulder. His grip on her didn’t waiver though, like the spell might be broken if he let go of her and so he stayed there as still as he could, the only part of him moving his fingers as they flexed against her.
His fingers flexing on her legs made Edan shiver, mostly because it was paired with so little else. Gently she reached for him, pulling his face up so she could see it, soft smile there. “It’s not bad. None of it is bad.”
“G....g...good,” he managed to whisper, returning the smile with an equally soft one of his own. “I don’t want there to be bad between us, this...it doesn’t feel bad to me either.”
She leaned in to kiss him again, something soft and sweet and not the same as their hurried kisses from before. “There won’t be. Not after this.”
Relief flooded through Matt’s body and poured into the way he kissed her back, his grip on her growing as fierce as the kiss was gentle. “You promise?” he asked.
Edan made a little noise again at his grip, wondering if he’d leave marks there in his wake as well. That inkling of fear rose up again, a reminder that he was stronger than he looked. “I promise,” she said, hoping it wasn’t a bad idea to agree.
Unaware of just how tightly he’d been holding onto her, Matt could only smile on getting her promise and on a whim, he pressed forward and kissed her again.
Edan let the kiss pull her in, arms around his neck, one hand tangled in his hair as she answered the kiss. It helped subside the fear, though his grip was still strong.
This, this is what you do to me, Matt thought to himself, practically giddy as soft lips yielded beneath his own and letting out a small moan at the pulling on his hair that verged on painful yet he desperately wanted more of it.
She drew the kiss out until she had to breathe, pulling back and finding herself close again. “What now?” she asked, wanting to know where he wanted to go with things.
“I don’t...I’m not sure,” he admitted, his grip on her finally relaxing though he still didn’t let go completely. “What do you want to happen now?”
She didn’t want it to end. She didn’t want to be here out in the open, but she knew that moving to a new location, might take it all away. Thinking about it she brushed at his hair. “I want to do this again. Somewhere where we won’t get caught.”
Matt wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle it again without the comforting embrace of the water around him but more than anything he wanted to, or at least try to and it was that desire that had him nodding in agreement. “My room?” he suggested, knowing he would at least feel more comfortable there surrounded by the trappings of his own life rather than in Edan’s new room which was a total unknown to him.
Edan nodded, but didn’t quite move away from him. “Your room works.” Hers was farther away anyway and it felt weird letting him know where exactly. Not that she didn’t think he knew, but it was the principle.
As it was, he did know and had made it his business to know as soon as he’d discovered that she’d moved but that was hardly relevant to the conversation they were having. “Now?” he asked uncertainly, pulling back from her just enough so he could glance towards the door, gauging the risk of crossing paths with anyone on the way if they did.
She leaned in and kissed his jaw gently. “Only if you want. Now or later.” Now was good because he was currently the entire focus of her mind, which was what tended to happen with her, but later would serve the same purpose.
The problem was Matt didn’t know what he wanted to do; oh he knew he wanted to carry on exploring her, cataloguing how it felt touching her, the noises he could pull from her and his own reactions as he did so. It was just trying to decide whether to carry on then, see if he could maintain his composure over the time it took to get upstairs and continue as they were or whether to wait until later, let his thoughts regroup and try and recreate the feeling later - perhaps with the addition of alcohol and candle light. “I don’t know,” he admitted, hoping Edan would make the decision for him.
Edan didn't want to stop but she had a feeling he wouldn't make it back to here if they stopped and tried to start again. "Later," she decided for them, leaning in to kiss him lightly again. "When we aren't wet."
“Later,” he echoed, smiling in relief that the choice had been taken out of his hands. Whether or not it would prove to be the right choice was yet to be seen but for the moment he was just happy to accept it and kissed Edan back. The worrying could come later.