Spreading The Good Feelings
Characters: Adam and Kyle Setting: Kyle’s room, evening
Once Adam was done with planning poker night, he worked the afternoon at the bar, so he could have the night off. There was one stop left on his to-see list and the last thing he wanted to do was cut into time with Kyle. Stopping off in the cafeteria to grab dinner for both of them, Adam made his way to Kyle's room, assuming that was as good a place as any to start looking for him when he wasn't already at dinner, and knocked on the door.
Kyle had hardly moved from his room all day. He had made one trip out, just after lunch, for food supplies and more paint from the activity room. Aside from that, he had locked himself in his room, painting furiously, trying to rid his mind of the images of Violet's body.
It wasn't working, that much was clear from the reds smeared across the three canvases he had covered today, including the one he was currently working on. When the knock came, the artist was tempted to ignore it. There was a hesitation, mid-stroke, as he considered it. "Who is it?" he called in the end.
Adam found himself frowning at the door. Kyle usually just opened it. That wasn't a good sign. "Adam. Brought you dinner," he called back, fighting off the anxious feeling. Just because they'd had a fight didn't mean things were broken for good, Autumn had said that much. That Kyle's had gone to Autumn wasn't a deal breaker either. Just a concern on Kyle's part.
Adam. "Oh! Right! Okay - just a minute!" Kyle called, feeling a little flustered. He put his brush down and hurried to try and move the still-wet canvases somewhere less noticeable. There was no hiding anything else in the small space, but he didn't want his mind on display the way it felt it would be right now.
That done, he crossed to unlock the door, belatedly realising as he opened it that his hands -and no doubt therefore his face and his hair - were covered in paint. Mostly red. Looks like blood. No, no. You're not thinking like that, Kyle. Stop it, he told himself, fiercely.
Adam let out a sigh of relief, despite the sound of scrambling going on behind the door. At least now was being let in. When Kyle answered though, covered in red paint, he made a face, confusion mixed with concern. "What happened to you?" He asked immediately, moving closer to ensure it was paint and not worse.
Kyle gave an awkward little smile. "Sorry, I've been working," he said, knowing that Adam would not be aware that the more emotional Kyle was feeling when he worked, the more of a mess he was likely to make. In this case of himself. "I should, er, probably go take a shower, real quick, if you don't mind...." He trailed off, gesturing to his bed which was, once again, the only free place to sit in his room.
Adam closed the door behind himself, frowning at how messy Kyle was. That seemed more than usual, but maybe he was just busy. "Go for it. You covered in red paint is a little distracting anyway." Not that thoughts of him in the shower were any less, but Adam kept that to himself. Just to prove how fine he was, he went to sit, eyes searching for somewhere to set the food.
Kyle decided not to make any comment at that. Everything which came to mind just had far too much to do with blood. Instead he gave a sickly wavering little smile as he wiped the worst of the paint off his hands, before grabbing some clean clothes out of his dresser and disappearing into the bathroom.
The smile that Kyle gave was unsettling and as soon as the door was closed behind him, Adam set the food down on a safe place on the bed and getting up to sort out what Kyle had been working on. The red was a give away and despite Kyle's efforts to pull them out of the open, he managed to find what Kyle had been painting. He stared at the paintings, not making much sense of them but not feeling good about it.
Kyle had meant what he said about a quick shower. Just enough to scrub the worst of the paint off of himself, then redress. He was still pulling his shirt over his head when he walked out. "You weren't meant to see them," he said, quietly.
Adam turned to look at his friend, not hesitating in moving closer, not caring if Kyle's shirt wasn't quite on yet. "Why wasn't I?" he asked quietly, reaching to guide Kyle into a hug if he wanted it.
Kyle stepped away from the offered hug, aware of his conversation with Autumn and his own part to play in the whole thing. He wanted the comfort, but not as much as he didn't want to lead his friend on. "They're not really for public consumption," he explained. "That's... That's me trying to work through emotions. All that stuff that you always accuse me of locking away."
Adam frowned why Kyle pulled away, visibly concerned and hurt by that. Taking a chance to turn away and look at the paintings instead of his friend, Adam studied the red. "Last I checked I wasn't the public." Did he do this to Kyle? Here he'd gotten a good card day and Kyle was painting something morbid looking. "Do you want to talk about it?" He ventured, guessing if it was what Kyle was hiding the answer was no.
"I was trying to get to a place where I can deal better," Kyle told him. "But they're not working. Nothing's working." He didn't want to start crying again. Not when he'd finally managed to stop.
Adam finally looked over at Kyle. "Deal with what? Kyle, I'm sorry, really sorry, I didn't realize it was this bad. I knew you were upset and Autumn said so too, but this looks bad. You look bad. I swear, I won't ever do that again. I never meant to. And if I do it by accident I don't mean it. I know it's a trigger, but know that I don't want that from you, no matter what. If you're gonna be with me ever you should be there because you want to, not because I talked you into something." The apology had bubbled up and out completely out of his control and was there before Adam could stop it.
Kyle blinked. “God, A - this... This isn’t about you! Is that what you think? That you did this to me?” He laughed, humorlessly, with an edge of hysterics. “I was upset, but - not like this.” He slumped down onto the bed, dropping his face into his hands. “The nurse is dead. The other one. Violet? She’s dead. Matt and I were on patrol yesterday and we found her. In the infirmary. She was dead. On the floor. She’d been stabbed. There was.... There was so much blood. I’ve never seen someone dead before. She was just... There. I can't stop seeing her.”
"I don't, I didn't know of anything else!" Adam felt his cheeks heat up until Kyle explained himself and he was left staring at his friend. "Shit. I didn't even...I didn't know." He looked at Kyle then moved closer again, hand out for him. "I...shit Ky I can only imagine. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to see that." He'd only seen crime scene photos of when Ella had died and that was alarming enough. An actual body was more than anyone needed to see.
Kyle shook his head, still in his hands, not looking up at Adam at all. “No, I shouldn’t have had to see that. Nobody should ever have to see that. She’s dead, A. She’s dead.” Which lead to another fact that, so far, Kyle had managed to avoid even thinking about.
Adam sat with his friend, hesitating a moment before reaching to rub his back lightly. "I'm sorry Ky. I wish I knew what to say to make it better but I don't know if there is anything." He could only imagine how traumatizing that had been and he found himself wondering if Kyle would get past this any time soon. The quick answer that came to mind was no. "What can I do to help you feel even a little better?"
"Let me paint you." The words were out of his mouth before he knew it, leaving him to wonder what the hell he was thinking. He didn't paint people. He hadn't painted people since high school. At most, he sketched them. From memory. Never from having them sit and pose for him. Even when he had drawn Leandro, that had been an imagining of the man, not a real life portrait.
Yet, Kyle had been painting all day, and all he had been able to produce had been abstract horrors. Maybe this was what he needed, as unusual for him as it was. If Adam were willing, of course.
For a long moment Adam was struck silent. That seemed like something from way out in left field and very direct and a lot of focus on Adam. After the moment passed though his mind clicked into place and he nodded. "Sure. I mean you really don't have to ask do you? Unless you meant actually painting on me, then I should warn you, I think I'm still ticklish." It was an attempt at a joke because he was already moving, getting up and looking around to see if there was anything he could do to help get them started. "I don't mean painting on you," Kyle clarified. He stood and moved to take Adam by the shoulders, stopping him still. "I have to ask because I mean, will you pose for me? Not like before, when I was just imagining you. Will you... lie on the bed and let me paint you? It'll take a long time," he warned.
"I know you didn't," Adam said, frowning. "I was making a joke." He stopped when Kyle made him, looking at his friend for a moment. "Yeah, of course I will. What else and I going to do? If it makes you feel better Ky, I can lay on the bed for as long as you need." Kyle tried for a smile. "I know you were joking, I just... My sense of humour's not great today," he admitted. He dropped his hands from Adam's shoulders and looked around to start gathering what he'd need. That was when he spied the plate of food. "Though, we should probably eat first. Unless you'd prefer to save that for a break later?" he asked. "I know. I was trying to jumpstart it." Adam smiled at Kyle, something brighter than the one he got from the other man, trying to let his good mood rub off on him. "Up to you. I can wait if you want to get started," he said as he pulled out his test kit to test his blood sugar, just to be sure. He had the lancet in hand then looked at Kyle. "Don't watch." Not if Kyle was still imagining the nurse's blood. Even if it was just a drop the last thing Adam wanted to do was set him off.
At the suggestion that he shouldn't look, Kyle turned away to sort things on his desk. "Whichever's better for you. You're the one who had to eat regularly. I, er, got that right, right?" he asked. His knowledge of diabetes was still minimal, but he was learning. Once Kyle turned Adam finished through the process of checking his blood sugar, waiting for the monitor to beep. "You do, but looks like I'm good for the moment," he said when he got the results. "I'll let you know if I need to stop or I need a break." He put his things away and turned to Kyle. "Just tell me where you want me."
Kyle moved the food off the bed and rumpled up the covers until they lay in a way that he felt was interesting and pleasing to the eye. Then he turned to Adam, gesturing to the bed. "Just lay down. Make sure you're comfortable and in a position you can hold," he advised.
Adam didn't think that was much in the way of direction, but he did as Kyle said, slipping out of shoes and socks before laying down. He took a moment to actually think about was comfortable, laying on his back, one arm tucked behind his head, the other across his chest. "This work?"
The artist looked critically at the other man, then moved to the side of the bed, reaching out to gently encourage him to reposition his legs. “Bring your right knee up, then let it drop to the outside,” he instructed, pressing on the inside of Adam’s lower thigh. “Rest the sole of your right foot against your left calf.” He looked up to Adam’s face. “You comfortable like that?” he checked. That was important to him, that much was clear. Adam hated himself for the one track mind he had in that moment, thinking of things far different than Kyle moving his legs for the painting, but managed to keep it under control. "Yeah, I'm good," he promised once he was set, leaning up a little to try and see what difference it made.
Kyle raised a brow, taking a step back for a better overview. “You need to keep still,” he reminded his friend, though his tone was lighter now. Some element of fun that had been very definitely missing earlier was showing through. “You can talk, but the rest of you... Stay,” he said, with a mock command.
"Yes sir," Adam joked back, pleased to hear that lightness in Kyle's voice. That was what this was supposed to do, who cared if he was uncomfortable later or he wasn't allowed to move. "They transferred Ryan out," he started, figuring it was best to update Kyle on everything since he couldn't move.
Kyle set up a blank canvas on his easel and started his outline, peering around the edge of the canvas as he worked. When Adam gave the news about Ryan, he stopped and looked around properly. "They did?" he asked. "Do you know why?"
"Not in the note to me," Adam said, forcing himself not to shrug. "They were answering some other things, and added in that he was gone because they thought I might be interested. I'm just glad he's gone."
“Right,” Kyle said, sounding a little off. He disappeared behind the canvas once again and the scratching sound of him working started up again. It was a few minutes before he said anything else, and when he did, he remained firmly out of sight. “What - what do you think he was capable of?”
Adam looked up, expecting to see Kyle's face but he was hidden. "Not sure I guess. If he did attack Becka, that. He throws one hell of a left hook. And he made me anxious. I know I pissed him off." And Adam had been silently worried he'd just painted a target on his own back.
“You did,” Kyle agreed, still working away. He didn’t share his thoughts. He wasn’t sure he wanted to share his thoughts. He was trying really hard to not have thoughts in the first place. Concentrating on Adam and the portrait helped. It focused him, grounded him. Allowed him to function and not fall apart.
"So it's probably for the best. Since I think I'm telling them I'm staying and going for graduation instead of a retrial," Adam said, staring at the ceiling. He felt like he was talking to himself but Kyle was working and he supposed caught up in that.
The scratching stopped again and this time Kyle stepped out from behind the easel. “A... retrial?” he asked, looking and sounding very much like he had missed something. Clearly he’d missed something. His eyes searched Adam’s face intently, as though he would be able to find the answers written there.
Adam wanted to shift so he could see Kyle better, but he stayed where he was because Kyle had told him to. "Yeah...I was talking to Aaron about what happened and he thinks I didn't do it. That I was set up and when I mentioned it to Autumn, she said I should ask the administration about an appeal or a retrial, but they said that to get one I have to go back to normal prison. Which I don't want."
“You didn’t do it?” he asked, hopefully, though it sounded less like a question of guilt or innocence and more that Kyle needed to confirm that he’d heard that right. A smile stuttered onto his face, then widened quickly as he took steps toward the bed. “Really - Aaron, he didn’t think... God, A - what did he say? What happened? Why didn’t you tell me? That’s... This... This is wonderful! You’re innocent. You... But, god, no - you can’t go back to prison. Not at all. You can’t go back there. But, maybe - if you’re innocent and they could look into it and you’re not a danger to society because of course you’re not and maybe they’ll let you graduate and you can get on with your life and god, you shouldn’t be here and they have to let you go now! What did they say - they let Becka graduate, so maybe they’ll let you too,” he said, talking ten to the dozen until he sat down on the bed and grabbed the hand laying across Adam’s chest excitedly, his blue eyes shining with possibility.
Kyle was about eight steps ahead of Adam, but once Kyle had his hand he smiled more, squeezing it tightly. "Slow down, slow down. They said that even if it was a possibility, that I'd have to go back to prison proper and await a retrial. We both know I won't survive that, even if they are offering to get me a lawyer. As for getting out of here, I don't think I'm leaving any time soon, Ky. And I don't want to. I'm not ready for out there yet. I'm not ready to leave you yet." He didn't mention Becka because he wasn't entirely sure why they let her graduate. Maybe she learned her lesson, but maybe not. Adam still wasn't sure he knew how deep that ran.
Kyle batted Adam’s chest lightly. “I don’t factor into this,” he admonished. “Or, I shouldn’t factor into this. If you get a chance to get out of here - and I mean graduation, not a return to hell. I’m not going to even let you think of that as a possibility, retrial or no retrial. But if they offer you graduation, I’m not going to let you turn it down, A. You’re innocent - that means you don’t belong here.” He sat up a little straighter. “And it means that we need to work at making sure you are ready, for when they let you go,” he said, firmly, deciding that whatever they needed to do, needed to be done. Even if the idea of being here without Adam made him die a little inside, he wouldn’t allow himself to focus on that. As far as he was concerned, he deserved to be here, to be punished. Adam didn’t. He couldn’t pull the other guy down with him for his own selfish wants.
Adam caught Kyle’s hand, holding it and pushing up a little bit more. “But you do factor in Ky. That’s my choice, not yours, no matter how you feel. You matter. Being here with you matters.” And Wren, that mattered too, but he didn’t want Kyle pushing off his feelings, no matter how Kyle felt. “We can work at getting me ready, but let’s not rush it okay?”
Kyle quirked a smile. “And if it ever gets to the point where I’m the only thing keeping you here? I will kick you out the door myself,” he warned, though there was a playful edge to it. “And Wren would say the same if it was her. So would any of the rest of your friends. We all want the best for you, A. And being locked in here with us criminals isn’t it. You don’t belong here.” He took a breath. “I’m sorry for ever doubting you,” he said, dropping his eyes. It had been a while now since he had, but Kyle was very good at holding onto guilt.
"I'm innocent of one thing, not everything," Adam pointed out. "I just wasn't caught at the others. Maybe I'm not some huge criminal but I belong here. For right now, I know I do." He squeezed Kyle's hand for emphasis. "You don't have to be sorry. I doubted me too."
Kyle looked at him intently as he talked of guilt and innocence, of being caught and getting away with things. “Do you believe that?” he asked, in that carefully controlled tone he used from time to time. “That you may belong somewhere because of something you did, not necessarily because of what they convicted you of?”
Adam thought about the question for a long moment before shrugging. "I don't know. I know I feel like I belong here, but I'm not sure why. I do know I need to feel like there's a reason for me suffering through prison to get here, even if it's just to be here for you or Wren or whatever. Otherwise I get stuck in this spiral where I panic over how fucked up it is that I have hurt so much because of a lie."
“But it’s not fucked up if the reason that you’ve been hurt is because you’re paying for something that you did. Even if it’s not what everyone thought,” Kyle said, softly. It just didn’t necessarily sound like he was still talking about Adam, especially not since Adam had changed path to the reason he was here was to be there for his friends.
Adam definitely sat up this time, pulling at Kyle's hand to meet his eyes. "No. Not at all. What happened to me in prison wasn't to pay some debt, no matter how much trouble I caused. I don't think it was even justified if I was guilty. What happened to you in prison wouldn't atone for what you did. None of that should have happened. I only can sort of handle it when I think that it got me here, and I like being here."
Kyle avoided meeting Adam’s eyes. “Everything that happened to me is me atoning for what I did,” he said, quietly. Then he took a breath and swallowed, looking up and meeting Adam’s eyes finally, his inner walls coming down, his expression that perfect blank that he got when he was resetting. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad here is better for you. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did to get here.”
"Bullshit," Adam countered hotly before he was given that blank face. The one he could do nothing with. "You went to jail. You had years of your life taken away because of what you were convicted of, the other stuff wasn't karma, it was bad shit that shouldn't have happened." He hated that face so much and it showed in his eyes. "What about you? Isn't here better for you too?"
“It’s all karma,” Kyle said, levelly. “It’s my life balancing itself out again. I accept that bad things happened to me and I hated them, but I feel - I feel like I deserved them. I don’t want to ever, ever go back to them and I’m hoping that maybe I’ve started to pay enough for what I did, but...” he shrugged. “For you, it’s bullshit - what happened to you was wrong. I don’t feel that way about what happened to me. I knew what I was signing up for. But I had to pay.”
"Why does it have to be different?" Adam asked. "Kyle, nothing you did justified another person making you an object. Nothing." He wanted to be clear on that, shifting closer. "You have paid. The guilt you’re carrying around is killing you, keeping you from being happy. That's more than anyone asked."
“Someone died,” Kyle pointed out. “If I have to pay for that for the rest of my life, then that’s what I’ll have to do. I’m hoping it’s not going to be like that. Things... Yeah, it’s better here. I feel like maybe I’ll get a future here. But nothing’s going to change the past.”
"Someone died on my watch too. I might not have killed her but I hooked up with her. She would have gone home if it weren't for me," Adam said quietly. "You can't change the past, but you change where you're going. It's not a matter of beating yourself and suffering as well, it's about being better, maybe even getting a chance to save a life."
Kyle frowned, catching that last bit. “What do you mean?” he asked.
"I mean there's got to be a way to make up for it by helping someone instead of hurting them right? We might both be responsible for deaths in our own ways, but we could save another. Wouldn't that be a better way of atoning for what we did than suffering?" Adam felt that hope again, like he was getting through.
“So, what? Just go through life as though nothing happened and just ‘hope’ that maybe I’ll end up in a position to do something so very good that it makes up for everything?” Kyle asked, skeptically. It was clear he didn’t buy that theory.
“No you go through life doing as much good as you can, hoping that you get a chance to do something huge.” It wasn’t a very concrete theory in Adam’s mind, more something formed out of worry for Kyle’s outlook and starting to feel like he’d actually helped people recently, like he could help others. “You become a better person Ky, which is what you keep talking about anyway right?”
“I’m doing both, A,” Kyle told him. “I know you don’t want to hear it. I know you don’t like the idea of anything bad happening to me - even bad things that are in the past - but I need to do both. I tried just one. After everything that happened. I tried just deciding that I wouldn’t do anything like that again. That I would be a better person. It didn’t work for me. That’s why I did what I did. It had to be that way.”
“I hate the idea of anything bad happening to you, no matter how much you yell at me for being protective I am because I love you and you’re just going to have to learn to deal with it,” Adam insisted. “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to. You don’t. That can’t be right.”
Kyle stilled and suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t even necessarily a bad thing, just the shock of it all. “Oh,” he said, mentally trying to scramble for the right reaction and trying desperately to not go with the wrong one.
Adam made a face. What had he done wrong there? He’d expected a counter attack, something about being protective or whatever and then nothing. “Oh what?”
“I, erm, didn’t know that. I mean - I just... Not that... That is... Not that it, well - it doesn’t change anything, I just... Maybe I should just... The painting,” Kyle said, gesturing back to the abandoned easel.
Adam stared at Kyle for a long moment, trying to figure out what that mess of stammering meant. It didn’t really mean much of anything, which left Adam backtracking through what he said until he figured it out and instantly flushed pink, eyes wider, shaking his head. “No. It’s not...oh god. I mean yes, but not...fuck. I’m an idiot.” He hadn’t quite meant it that way, but how did he explain that without sounding like an ass? “You’re my best friend. That’s supposed to factor in right?”
And there was breath again. Kyle visibly relaxed. “Right! As friends - friends. Yes. Me too - as friends,” he said, looking far happier with that. That he could deal with. That he understood. That he’d been thinking about for a while, but not getting anywhere near to expressing because of the utter levels of complications it could cause. “You’re not an idiot, A. I just... With everything, I thought, I mean - well, you know what I thought. Clearly. Because, well - yes. But friends - friends. Yeah. And hey!” he exclaimed, finally latching onto the counter attack that Adam had expected earlier. “You don’t get to tell me what to feel like that!”
Was it really that bad of a thought that Kyle reacted so to finding out that wasn’t the case? Adam forced a smile that mostly covered the hurt, trying not to be hurt. It wasn’t the end of the world. They were supposed to be talking about boundaries and that was probably crossing one. “Friends,” he echoed, not quite as enthusiastic. “I can’t guide you into feeling the right thing?”
Kyle arched a brow. “That depends what the right thing is,” he suggested, half wondering which subject they were talking about right now. He hadn’t missed the change in Adam’s expression, regardless of how well he tried to hide it.
Adam wasn’t sure either when Kyle looked at him like that, but plowed forward with the safe topic. “The one where you feel like you have to be hurt and have bad things happen to you to make up for what happened to your friend.”
“It makes me feel better,” Kyle told him. “Before... I couldn’t cope with anything. When it happened. I was a wreck. Walking into that station. Pleading guilty to that crime. Going through all of that. It helped. I didn’t enjoy any of it. I hated it. But, it did help me. I needed it. And, I’m hoping that that side of things is past now. That things can get better, and I can do what you want me to do - I can concentrate on just being a better person, and making sure I never do anything like that again.”
Adam frowned, trying to take that in, but eventually he nodded. “Okay. Will you tell me? If it doesn’t feel like enough and you think bad things should happen to you again?”
Kyle nodded. “I will,” he promised. He bit his lip for a moment. “I do, sometimes. Mostly... Little things. I do things that maybe I wouldn’t, if I think I’ve done something wrong to someone. It’s generally no big deal. Not the kind of thing you’d even notice. It makes me feel better. It helps me to forgive myself. I’m not generally very good at that. Forgiving myself,” he admitted.
Adam shifted closer, looking at Kyle seriously. “What little things?”
Kyle shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he told his friend.
“Bullshit,” Adam countered. “It matters to me. Please Ky, tell me.” That Kyle didn’t answer right away was a bad sign.
Kyle shrugged. “Little things. I make people things. I go out of my way for them. I do things I know they’d like. Please don’t make me give specific examples, A,” he almost pleaded.
Adam listened, quiet as he watched Kyle, chewing on his own lip. “Those don’t sound bad...” Until something clicked and he realized that Kyle didn’t want to be specific because Kyle probably meant him. He didn’t mean for his hand to go to the bracelet, but it did, fingers tracing the outline of it.
“I made things weird between us,” Kyle said, quietly, his eyes going to the bracelet as well. “I upset you. I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t bring anything up unless you did, but I did. I did the wrong thing. I told you then, it was an apology. I just... I stayed up most of the night to make it.”
There was a silence there, where Adam forced himself to think about what Kyle had said before he reacted. He didn’t want to move too soon and make things worse. After a long moment he leaned forward, reaching for Kyle’s hand. “Don’t feel like that with me. Like you have to make up for upsetting me or something like that. That’s not what this is about. Autumn just lectured me on fights not being the end of the world, understanding that sometimes friends upset one another. You don’t have to hurt yourself to make up for it. You just have to be there after the fact.”
“It makes me feel better,” Kyle reminded him. “And, with you at least, most of it’s things that I’d do anyway, probably. I just... Give them priority. It’s no big deal. Anyway, I like to see you smile.”
Adam felt his cheeks get warm again, which had him rubbing at them, smirking at Kyle. “Well, I like when you make me smile.” God, that sounded stupid.
“See, so we both win,” Kyle teased. “Let me have this, A. I need it. You’ve seen what I get like when I get myself into a state. It’s better this way. And I promise, if it’s ever anything big, I’ll talk to you.” He quirked a smile and squeezed the other man’s hand. “No pleading guilty again to murder to make myself feel better.”
Letting out a sigh, Adam nodded. “Alright. Just this. But promise you’ll come to me if you need anything or it gets worse or whatever. Please?”
“Didn’t I just promise that?” Kyle queried. “If I didn’t, then yes, I’ll come to you. I’ll talk to you. We’ll talk to each other, right?” he prompted, knowing he wasn’t the only one with issues. Not that he really thought his issues were that bad. He knew his way of approaching things always seemed to make people concerned, which was why he tried not to bring it up too often, but it worked for him. It wasn’t like he was trying to get other people to act the way he did. Adam just worried too much. Enough so that Kyle had to wonder whether Autumn would be of the opinion that Kyle was catering to his friend right now, in just the way she’d said he shouldn’t. But, Kyle didn’t want Adam to worry. And open communication was healthy. It wasn’t something he had a problem with.
“Okay, I guess you did promise. But it’s nice to hear it again.” Adam nodded eagerly. “We will. I will too.” He leaned back a little more. “Did you want to paint still?”
Kyle looked back toward the canvas, then at his friend. “You know? Not really. I’m - do you just want to watch a movie or something?” he asked. He was in a different place now. Talking about things, even being distracted by things. Maybe just having Adam here, it had taken away the really harsh edges. It wasn’t that everything was fine now, and he didn’t know how long it would last, but he felt better.
“A movie works fine. You can eat,” Adam said, reaching out for his friend, one arm around his shoulders in a hug. “Plus who doesn’t like a good movie? Something funny or something?” Wren was right, it was a good card day.
Kyle returned the hug, squeezing the other man close for a moment, before pulling away. He headed to collect the food and turn his computer screen to face the bed more, pulling up the movie menu. “Something funny or something,” he agreed, hitting something that qualified at random before heading over to the bed. “Pot luck,” he told Adam, settling in beside him. “And you can totally blame me if it’s awful,” he added, joking at his own expense, given their earlier conversation. “You know you’ll get something nice out of it.”
Adam took part of the food and settled in close to Kyle, shoulder against his as he shook his head. “I will blame you but I don’t need anything,” he said making a face before shaking his head and starting into his food.
“...You say that now,” Kyle muttered, but he was smiling as he said so, and he didn’t look in Adam direction. Instead his gaze was firmly on the movie as he started up. Yeah, he felt kinda better right now.