stormy times, weathered
Characters: Autumn and Adam Setting: his room
Autumn stopped at the kitchen before she headed to Adam's room, grabbing a couple apples, a couple donuts, and she grabbed two orange juices. Then she went to his room, kicking at the bottom of the door since she didn't have a hand free to properly knock.
Adam looked like shit yet again. He’d half brushed his teeth when he woke up on the floor, but that was about all he’d done. His eyes were still red-rimmed from tears, shirt still rumpled from where he’d slept. He heard the knock and went to the door, pulling it open and letting Autumn into his still-dark room. “What’s up?”
She glanced around, and walked in, setting her haul on the desk. Then she went to throw the curtains open. "You're not doing super well right now." she said. "We're going to talk about it." she informed him. "Also, I brought you some breakfast." she added, giving him a smile.
“No shit,” Adam said then winced at the sound of his own voice. That sounded harsh. He went for the orange juice and winced again when she opened the curtains before going to sit on the edge of the bed. “What did I do?”
"First tell me why you look like death warmed over, and you're snapping at me." Autumn said, sounding absolutely not offended by his tone. She wasn't. People got cranky. She was essentially his therapist, he probably didn't want to talk to her just now. But he was, and that was a good sign.
Adam closed his eyes for a moment. “I didn’t mean to snap.” Because he hadn’t. The words had just come out that way. “I had a rough night. I...found out some information and it sort of changed everything and then there was,” he made a vague gesture towards the bathroom but didn’t go into the part about throwing up the entirety of his stomach to the point that even the next morning the orange juice was too acidic.
"It's okay." Autumn told him straight away, taking a seat and biting into her apple. "I'm a big girl, I can take it, it's just not usual for you. Which means stuff is wrong." she explained. She paused, watching him. "What did you find out?" she asked.
Adam looked at his hands. “I think I’m innocent.”
Autumn stared. "...you do?" she asked. "Please, share." she invited, sitting forward as she focused on him.
He took a deep breath then started. “I was talking to one of the cops or whatever they are, doing patrols last night and he was sure. Really sure. I told him what really happened because the cameras were out and he asked and...He said was I set up.” And he’d gone to jail and suffered relentlessly because of it.
"Then you need to contact the administration immediately, hon." Autumn said. "And you need him to as well, and anyone else who can remotely vouch for you, including myself. If you've been wrongly convicted, then this isn't the place for you--you need to be out there, with ridiculous amounts of compensation for being wrongly imprisoned."
Adam turned to look at Autumn shock in his eyes. “I can’t. Autumn I can’t tell anyone. I can’t tell them why I know. I can’t.” He looked up and shook his head again. “I’m not ready for being out there. I wasn’t wrongly convicted. I confessed.”
Autumn bit at her lower lip, watching him. "Adam," she started, voice quiet. "That's...highly irrational." she told him gently. "Why is it you think you can't tell anyone?"
“Because of what they’ll do. If they find out I...they’ll go looking for who did. I can’t. These people, Autumn they’ll make good on the threat.” Adam sighed and shook his head. “I don’t want to go. There’s too many people here that I need to be here for. I can wait.”
"Well first of all, letting someone get away with murder isn't at all good. For anyone." she said. "Second who is threatening you?" since that was important. "Lastly, yes. You have friends here. Important relationships. And I am willing to bet not a single one of them would want you rotting here, an innocent man. I know I don't. Hell. You wouldn't have to give up your old life if you didn't want. You would have every choice in the book."
“I don’t think I have anything from my old life waiting for me,” Adam said. Even his grandmother probably wouldn’t take him back. Maybe, but if she didn’t Adam wasn’t sure he could take it. After a moment he got up and moved closer to her, sitting with her so he could keep his voice low. “Jeffrey’s family. They...made threats.”
"Tell me about Jeffrey's family, and what threats?" Autumn asked, so she could get a better picture of the story.
“They’re crazy,” Adam started, letting out a sigh. “They’re a crime family, into illegal shit and well-known for being insane. And violent. I’ve seen his brothers take out guys in bars for beating them in pool. Jeffrey...burned his brother’s house down, almost completely, and laughed about it when his brother kicked the shit out of him in the front yard.” He looked at his hands, like they might be to blame for something, but fell quiet.
Autumn listened, taking that all in. "'Take out' as in kill? Or send to the hospital?" she asked, since that was a pretty important point.
Adam frowned. “I guess hospital? I didn’t make a habit of sticking around when they started really tearing shit up.” He’d seen more than one bloody person sent into the driveway if he was visiting with Jeffrey’s brothers, but he wasn’t really close enough to get in with the dead bodies.
"Was it just Jeffrey who was unstable? I understand there was violence involved here, but that's...sort of different, depending on your point of view." Autumn said.
Adam shook his head. “Jeffrey was normal for a long time. Like for two years he was normal and his brothers were nuts. Then...something changed.” And his best friend had been a lot less normal.
"And you're afraid that they can hurt you." she said. "Adam, there's programs for people like you. There's appeals, there's avenues you can follow. I know people like that cultivate this air of total fear and omnipotence, but no one knows everything. And it's only the movies where like, one organization, especially a criminal one, has contacts literally everywhere. I understand your fear...but it shouldn't ruin your life."
“I confessed...I don’t think there’s anything to appeal,” Adam said frowning. “And it’s not just me. They could hurt...other people. My family.” Or all he had left, which was just a single person and an easy target in his mind. “They already ruined my life Autumn.”
"Sweetie, you wouldn't be the first person in the world to confess to something you didn't do. People have done it before. There's factors of duress, which you very clearly can state, and if they're a crime family? Then the police or FBI or someone knows something that would add weight to that. And that's what protective custody is for, if you have other people to protect. Again, Adam, people aren't gods. They can't just up and do whatever, just because they told you they can. You could get this done, and with your concerns, have a lot of this taken care of before they even got wind of it. Especially since we have no contact whatsoever with the outside world--we don't even know where we are. This is you, getting in your own way. Don't call it anything else. As for ruining your life--shut up. That's bullshit. You haven't even cracked twenty-five. Your life hasn't even started yet, it can't be ruined. Not unless you completely give up."
Adam was quiet as she spoke, listening to what she was saying, trying to think through it. It made sense, but it didn’t completely eliminate the fear. Yes, the police could do something, but looking at his situation now, he was wondering why they didn’t do something in the first place. Why they’d let him wonder if he’d hurt someone, let him confess to a crime he didn’t commit and not say ‘something is wrong’. “I’m still afraid of them Autumn.” Swallowing hard and shook his head. “It feels ruined. I’m so...I’m such a screwed up person.”
"Being afraid shouldn't mean you let that rule your life. Take charge of it, Adam. At the very least, contact the administration and see what they have to say." she encouraged. "And I'm sure you do feel ruined. Welcome to the club. I know I've said this to you before, or I think I have, but everyone's got problems. Here, probably moreso than others, even. Everyone's got regrets, everyone's screwed up big time in their life, and everyone's screwed up in their own way. You're working on it. And that's a huge plus. Don't give up on yourself. You've got people who aren't going to give up on you. Including me. You can do this. I know you can.”
Adam looked towards the computer, the portal to the Administration and found himself struggling. “I don’t want to leave. I don’t think I’m ready to leave.” He bit at his lip and rubbed at his bruised cheek. “Sometimes I don’t think I can. And now...I was tortured in prison. For a lie.”
"I know. And if you aren't ready to leave, maybe you can ask to stay in the meantime." Autumn said. "But again--you need to ask first. You need to contact them and get that going." she continued. "If you don't think you can get past things, or get better, then we're done." she said. "Because this entire recovery process depends on you actually committing to it, and believing you can get better. There is no getting better for someone who can't even entertain the idea that they can get better." She sighed. "And yes, it's entirely possible you were tortured in prison over a lie. And this is going to really suck to hear, but shit happens. I was put away for longer than some killers, and it was for a misdemeanor--sometimes things just aren’t fair and suck beyond the telling of it. You can't change that. Nothing will make up for it or take it back. It's what you do from here out that matters. I'm sorry that ever happened to you. But my being sorry about it doesn't help either. My helping you through the rough steps toward recovery will."
There were tears rising up in Adam and he hated them. Hadn’t he cried enough already? He nodded slowly, looking over at Autumn. “I don’t want to be done. I’m sorry. I’m just...I feel really lost. Like everything got flipped upside down.” He shook his head. “I didn’t mean...what happened to you was awful. I’m sorry.” He wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for and sure that was the wrong thing to say. “I’ll talk to them.” Wiping at his eyes, even if the tears hadn’t started flowing yet, he forced himself to swallow past the lump in his throat. “You said you wanted to talk to me?” It wasn’t about this that was for sure and really, Adam was ready for a change in subject.
"You don't have to be sorry." Autumn said, watching him. "Feeling lost is normal. Especially with something this heavy thrown into the mix. You have a right to not know which end is up right now, and it's okay. As for what happened to me, I just told you to let you know that...unfortunately, sometimes this kind of stuff happens, and you just can't do anything about it. Looking back doesn't help. Looking forward does. If you spend all your time dwelling, you're not even in your own present, let alone the future." she added.
"I'm glad you'll talk to them. I'd appreciate being in the loop, when you find out what they have to say." she said. "I'd be an advocate for you." she told him firmly. "I did want to talk to you, but are you sure you're up for it?" she asked. "It probably isn't going to make you feel any better. We can come back to it tomorrow, if you need a day."
“At least it’s normal,” Adam said, sighing slightly. “I hate that helpless feeling. I want to get better, but I keep getting caught up on that part. Like how I felt about Becka.” He did smile, just a tiny thing, at Autumn saying she’d be an advocate for him, and it showed that he appreciated it. Shaking his head, Adam forced himself to take a deep breath. “It’s fine. I’m gonna need more than a day and it might be easier to get all the bad over with and not get hung up on it.”
Nodding, Autumn accepted that. "I hear things have been going sideways." she said. "I hear that you and Wren aren't quite on good terms anymore, and I've heard some pretty disturbing things about your interactions with Kyle. I've got my theories, and all that, but I'd like you to tell me what's going on from your end."
Those things. Of course it was those things. Adam's shoulders sunk more and he hide his face. "Wren and I got into a fight thing. It just...she's with Charlie, who I don't like and don't trust. But she's happy with him and I know I can't tell her who to be with. But she told me and she told me that she also thought there was something missing with us when we were together last and like...she thought she might have liked me but she was with Charlie so it didn't matter and I...I was an idiot. I said things that weren't right and I'm just...we have to change how things are because I know I wouldn't feel right about it if she was like she is with me with Charlie if I was with her." Adam pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.
"Kyle and I are constantly getting into it. I don't know what I did that you heard was disturbing but...telling him was stupid. I should have just kept it to myself. Now it's just makings things confusing because he won't ever feel that way about me."
Autumn untangled Adam's words as well as she could. "If you know you've done something wrong, then apologize. Talk to her about it. And what exactly has to change?" she asked. "One thing I will caution you on is you just said that you would want things to change, et cet era. But keep in mind that if you go that route--it's you changing things. Shouldn't it be up to her?" she posed. "If it makes you uncomfortable, then fine. That's valid, and you can push to change things. But it should be something that you both work out together, not just you make a decision and expect others to roll with that."
"As for Kyle, I don't think it was stupid. Suffering in silence isn't any better than things not going quite to script." Autumn said. "What I heard was that you've been being a bit manipulative and controlling. Which needs to stop."
“I did apologize. I don’t know how well it went over. I don’t think she likes me much anymore.” Or not like she used to. She’d been so distant when he’d given her his statement. Adam ran his fingers through his hair, trying to align what he was thinking with what Autumn was saying. “It should, but she doesn’t know. She’s not been in a relationship and I don’t want to deal with a jealous Charlie. Who really, probably could say he doesn’t want us to be friends because we’re too close. Or were too close. She thought she liked me. That’s not, nothing right?” He rubbed at his forehead and sighed wishing it was different.
Talking about Wren upset up enough but when Autumn said what she did about Kyle it sunk into place that he’d talked to her. How else would she know. “I didn’t...Autumn I wasn’t trying to manipulate him. I wasn’t. I just didn’t want him to go and he was so upset with me. It’s different now and he’s always hiding things or doing something and pulling it back and I can’t figure it out. And I just didn’t want him to leave.” His tone dropped slightly. “I wouldn’t. I know..that’s a trigger for him. I wasn’t trying. He just doesn’t realize he can say no.”
"So you're fine with just giving up, then? Not finding out how it went over, or whether or not she likes you anymore?" Autumn posed. "Adam, you want relationships in your life. Well, the reality is relationships aren't easy, and they can slip through your fingers in the blink of an eye sometimes, if you let them. Sounds to me like you're throwing in the towel. For someone who made your 'yes, absolutely trust them' list not that long ago, that's not cool." she added.
At the rest, she sighed. "So now you're coming at this from an angle of punishing Wren because of things Charlie might do? Adam...you get that this is kind of out of line, right? And who gives a shit if she doesn't know, or hasn't been in a relationship before. To me that says she's all the more likely not to do the same shit other people do. I mean, I do. I know I'm a very a-typical significant other. I don't do jealousy, sex for me is a pretty open subject and act, and because I know I make choices that other people find abborant, I'm never going to tell anyone they can't choose their own path. Like you know Mazie and I were having a disagreement. I'm still never going to tell her she 'can't' do something. Anything."
"Answer this question: Is avoiding a possible jealous boyfriend more important than your friendship with Wren?"
She gave it a minute, for him to decide what his answer was there, before she moved ahead to Kyle. "You hit him where it hurt, hon. You deliberately put him into a position where if he didn't do what you wanted, he knew you would be running off to get yourself all the more hurt. So, you only promised to stick around and not do what he feared if he went back to bed with you. That's manipulation. That's you, taking that perfect shot right at a weak point. Whether you consciously recognized it or not isn't the issue. It's that it happened. You found that acceptable." she said, tone gentle.
"Beyond that, sweetheart, it's just wrong to do that to people just to get what you want. You didn't want him to go so you made it shitty of him to leave. Do you see where this is wrong?" she asked. "And no, actually. You put it into a position where he didn't feel like he could say no. That isn't on him. This is on you. It's manipulative and controlling. I know you're upset, and that things feel like they're on shakey ground between you. But you can't just make him do what you want. You also can't make his behavior change, and sometimes? People need to just not have all the answers. Sometimes people need time to work out their thoughts on their own. Just because Kyle isn't behaving how you want him to doesn't mean you should push things, or try and determine the outcome yourself. People are people. Let them be them. By trying to force Kyle to stay, you're just making it harder on everyone. He isn't going anywhere, Adam. But if you honestly can't handle him not returning your affections, and can't handle boundaries, then you need to step back yourself. Or you two need to talk, and be completely honest about when boundaries are getting trod on. Then back off, and come back later."
She was quiet for another beat before she asked the question. “Tell me about Jeffrey. Not just his particular brand of crazy, I’m talking about your relationship with him. Did he push you around? Manipulate you? Control your life?”
Adam shook his head. "I don't want to give up on, but if she's too mad at me, what can I do? I really screwed up and hurt her. Maybe I'm assuming the worst but she didn't seem to take my apology. I don't want to lose her but I'm kind of at a loss for what to do."
The way Autumn was describing his behaviors though had him thinking she was right and he hadn't even realized it. He was out of line. "I don't want to punish her. I don't. I shouldn't have even seemed that way. I didn't realize...god I'm an ass." If Wren didn't want to be his friend anymore it made sense. "No, nothing about Charlie is more important than her. I just don't want to get her in trouble."
He found himself shaking his head, stronger this time when she talked about Kyle. "I didn't mean it that way! I wasn't trying to do that! I just wanted things to go back to before he got up. It was nice and good and things had gone so wrong after. I know I can't change how he feels but I can't help how I feel either. I don't want to feel this way because it’s stupid. I'm not what anyone wants, I'm not even a good friend, but it won't go away." He sniffed, surprised he was close to tears again and looked away from Autumn. "I don't know what I need. I don't know if I can keep doing this with him, fighting like this. But I'm not sure space works. I don't know how he'd feel about it and I don't want it. I don't want to be away from him."
Her question about Jeffrey caught him off guard and Adam frowned, looking at her confused. "He didn't...no. I mean we did what he liked but he knew better. I was boring without him. And I liked his things. And I liked being his friend. He was always good to me when everyone else wasn't. He found girls for me and introduced me to people and I was the one he wanted around when he was upset or pissed or whatever. He didn't manipulate me." Adam didn't think so at least.
"'If'." Autumn said. "You don't know if she's 'too' mad at you. So, go ask. Go tell her you're worried about the state of your friendship, and want to talk. Would that be worse than sitting there moping and working off of assumptions, maybes and ifs?" Some of this could be dealt with head on, very easily, if Adam stopped getting in his own way. "When you assume things about people, just remember you're not being fair to them. Try not to jump to conclusions, it just kind of muddies up the water. This can all be dealt with with a simple, frank conversation. If she's 'too mad' then it's still possible to work on that, too. The end of the world has not been reached yet. In my experience, one slip up doesn't destroy strong relationships. Sure, people can be mad for a while, but that's something that will happen from time to time. With everyone. You should start accepting that it's a human emotion, and you'll run into it even in the best of relationships. If you can accept that, and that it isn't catastrophic, you'll be happier, and things can probably get back to being okay sooner."
"Honey I'm sure you didn't 'mean' it that way. In fact, I pretty much was banking on the fact that you didn't exactly set out to do this, that it wasn't in your intention. The problem is even if you didn't intend it that way or see it that way, that doesn't change what it is." she told him gently. But she was glad she now had concrete evidence that Adam wasn't a controlling dickhole. Or he didn't want to be. She got up to walk over to him, sitting next to him. She opened her arms in an offer of a hug, should he choose to take it.
"I know no one can help how they feel." she said first. "It's how you deal with it that'll matter most in this circumstance. Maybe we need to ask the question of how you honestly feel--can you deal with the fact that you and Kyle aren't going to happen right now?" she asked. "And I ask that you don't answer immediately, okay? Give it honest thought. Sleep on it." she encouraged. "Beyond that, honey--please don't go there. It's manifestly untrue that on a world with billions of people you could possibly even a little bit be unwanted by anyone. You're incredibly good looking, you're sweet, and desirable. I know you would rather it be Kyle, and right now but don't give up on yourself. And it's okay if you don't know what you need, we'll figure it out." she promised. "And we're back to 'I don't know'. Talk to him."
She took in what he said about Jeffrey. "What was your role?" she asked. "Catering to him?"
Adam was quiet for a moment. “I’m not used to ‘mad’ being something someone just got over.” Jeffrey didn’t come down from mad. He didn’t recover from mad. People didn’t come back from that. “I’ll talk to her.” He wanted to. What he really wanted to do was hug Wren, but he wasn’t sure that she’d let him. It was what had him taking the hug from Autumn without second guessing it, just reaching out and hugging her because he needed the contact. “Even if didn’t mean to...I can’t do it to him again. I don’t know if I’ll even realize.”
Adam pulled back and shrugged about what she said. “I don’t know. I know you said to think on it, but I might not have an answer.” Which was terrifying, that he maybe couldn’t deal and that sense that he really didn’t know if he could or not. “I know it’s impossible, but I just feel like I’ve got nothing to offer anyone in that sort of capacity. I’m a mess.” He frowned, looking at the floor and wiping at tears again. “What am I even going to say? Outside of I’m sorry, that’s obvious. I’m sorry for a lot of things....but I’m confused about the rest.”
“My role? I was his best friend I didn’t...cater to him. I mean I was there if he needed stuff, but I didn’t serve him or anything.”
"In normal situations, 'mad' is something you get over. It's a passing thing." she told him. "What you've experienced isn't in any way how it'll be for everyone. In fact, I would bank on it not being true for most people in the entire world. Only maladjusted people hold onto anger like that." Autumn said, wanting him to understand there was a huge fundamental misunderstanding on his part there. If he could accept that, it would help tons.
"You are a mess. But so is everyone, in some form. And just because you're a mess now doesn't mean you will be forever, remember? It'll get better. And if you had nothing to offer anyone you wouldn't have had a girlfriend faster than like, anyone in here." she added with a smile. She rubbed at his back lightly to comfort him.
"Talk about everything. And listen. I know that a lot of things right now might wind up feeling a little clinical? But if you get things worked out with people, and you have stuff in place for boundary breaking and other things, in the long run, those'll fade out. You'll need them less and less. But for now, just talking about things and respecting the needs of the people around you too is key." she said, squeezing his shoulder. "It'll be okay." she promised.
"What you said to me, when you were describing him before was entirely focused on him. You did what he liked because 'he knew better'. What gave you that idea? Why were your interests not good enough? You liked being his friend--but you didn't say you liked him being your friend. I very much think he did manipulate you." She rubbed his back some more. "Adam, the sorts of things we talked about that you've been so upset about? I don't see them as being naturally in your character. I think you do this stuff because that was done to you, and you learned that that was how people were, what people did. But I don't think, without that influence, that you would at all do those sorts of things on your own. Like the anger thing--that's not how it is, but that's how you think it is entirely based on Jeffrey."
“I hadn’t thought of it that way. That I might have it wrong.” Adam frowned more, but listened to her, not flinching when she touched him because he still needed the contact. “I didn’t have a girlfriend...” But he knew what she meant. Becka had liked him from the jump, which had been strange, but something he’d gone with. “I don’t want to be a mess Autumn. I hate it. And every time I think I’m going forward I fall back two steps.” Talking seemed reasonable enough, but he felt like they did so much of that. Maybe they weren’t saying the right things. “I hope it is. I’m tired of it not being okay.”
“He did know better, he was more interesting than I was.” Adam frowned and shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know Autumn. I didn’t think of it that way, of liking him being my friend, but it’s not like he was mean to me. He was always nice to me.”
"That's a part of recovery too. No one just...gets over their shit and has a perfect run of it. If it was that easy, no one would have issues." Autumn said. "But you haven't even been at this that long, and I feel like we're hitting on more of the core issues, which is a good thing, even if it'll feel like it sucks. If we can get this? It should get better sooner, or you'll see better results quicker." she added. Especially if he took on board the 'anger doesn't mean world ending' thing.
"Adam, that's low self esteem talking. You aren't boring. And Jeffrey was also fucked up and crazy, from what you say, so how about we don't assume that his brand of interesting was remotely good?" she proposed. "People don't always have to be mean to be being mean." she told him. "That's what manipulation is for. And controlling others. It's a con, a really, really damaging one. It happens all the time, sadly. But it does. It's a reason people stay in abusive relationships--the other person has them convinced they a- can't do better, b- it won't happen again c- they did nothing wrong in the first place. And a whole host of other bullshit that means precisely dick."
“Really? It’ll start to feel like it’s getting better?” Adam asked, looking at her. He needed that, for it to get better. Even if it was a little bit.
He rubbed at his face, wincing from the bruises, but not stopping. “I can’t...I have a hard time seeing that. which I guess is the point. I have a hard time seeing me as someone who was in an abusive relationship.” Why hadn’t he left? How had he not noticed?
"Well, think about it. You won't have to worry that just because someone gets mad that they're going to disappear on you. You won't have to carry around anxiety that any move you make that might make someone mad will be the end." she said. "Even just letting go of that stuff will have a pretty big impact." she assured him. "You've got good people around you. Trust that they are good people. And they won't decide to ditch you, just because of some mistake, or silly argument, or something."
"You wouldn't be alone in that. It wouldn't be a thing if everyone was aware. If people could see it when they're in the middle of it." she told him, because he was so very much normal in that horrific regard. "Sometimes, people can have enormous amounts of power over each other. In your case, you weren't meant to see it. And you didn't. If you know anyone else who's gone through abusive relationships, you might want to talk to them, too."
“It doesn’t seem easy to let go. I want to, I want to believe it, but I can still feel that panic rising up,” he said. “I know they’re good people, I know they won’t leave, or I hope at least, but I’m afraid even now that you’ve said it.”
When she said he should talk to someone he’d known who’d been in an abusive relationship and instantly his thoughts went to Wren. She’d said as much hadn’t she? It wasn’t something she understood, but Adam himself had tried to explain it to her. “I can try and do that...talk to someone.”
Autumn gave him a small smile. "I know it won't be as easy as flicking a switch. Just, if you have to keep it in mind, keep some mantra in your head playing on repeat, do it. Being mad doesn't mean it's the end of the road. People get over shit. Sometimes, people just opt to put it aside because the person they're dealing with is far more important than being mad. People compromise, and work it out. Once you see it work out favorably a few times, you should start needing to convince yourself all the time. And if you've got someone to talk to, do it. It could be just what you need."
“A mantra,” Adam echoed, trying to think like that. “I can try. See where it gets me.” It was certainly a much better way to think about things with Wren. It gave him hope that she could forgive him for being an ass.
"Do whatever you need to to get through the panic. But I promise you, how you view anger isn't how it is." she said. "For instance, you know Mazie and I were taking some space? Well, we aren't doing that anymore." she told him, knowing that would mean something to him. He'd been concerned about the whole thing.
That did get Adam’s attention. “You aren’t? Can I ask...how you got to there from fighting?”
"She had a bad night." Autumn said. "And she came over. And for me, I wasn't even thinking about what was upsetting before, I was just thinking my girl needed snuggles. Because anything I was upset about would automatically take a back seat then. In just being there, talking, I let go a lot of what was going on. She's just more important, and I'm the anti-controlling-girlfriend. I'm never going to tell anyone they can't do something, regardless of how I feel about it. So I was never going to do anything like leave her in the first place. I just needed a little time. I took it. And we're good."
Adam sighed softly out of relief, glad that Mazie and Autumn had worked things out. “I hope my stuff works out that well. I could use that.”
"I have high hopes it will." Autumn told him genuinely. "I think you have people who care about you. I sure do. And I think no one in here is perfect. So no one should expect you to be either." she said firmly. She gave him another one armed little hug, and smooched his forehead. "You're going to be okay, hon. It'll take work, but we knew that before. But you'll get there."
Adam smiled, not brightly, but it was there. “Thanks Autumn.” It felt good to know for sure at least one person was in his corner, trying to help.
"You're welcome." she said. "Any time, as usual. Now talk to the administration, and go talk to your friends. And just so you know? Sometimes a simple 'I'm sorry' is good. Sometimes you have to say it more than once, but still. Not the end of the world!" she said with an encouraging smile.
Adam nodded. “Okay. Administration, then my friends. And I’m good at ‘I’m sorry’, trust me.” He tried for another smile this one coming brighter in response to hers.
She gave a little laugh. "I know. Just make sure you aren't apologizing like it's the end of the world too. Because it isn't! Go for some sorries, and see how it lands. I know you're genuine. They should too."
“I can go for genuine. Since I am.” He hesitated for a moment, then hugged her again. “Really though... thanks. I was feeling a little lost.”
Autumn gave him a tight hug. "You're welcome. I'm sorry a lot of this sucks. But I'm so proud of you for keeping with it. You can do this. And any time you're feeling lost? Come ask your personal compass what direction is what." she added, hoping he'd keep that in mind. This stuff might actually go easier for him as well if he called her before things got to landslide proportions.
“Just so long as it gets to the better part at some point, I think I can survive the suck,” Adam said trying to sound positive. He needed to believe it didn’t he? Nodding again, he smiled more. “I think I can try and remember that.” It would help at least.
She smiled at him, a warm, bright expression. "It will get better." she said again. She certainly believed it. "And you do that! I really am at your service. I appreciate getting to do this. So you aren't even just helping you. You're making me feel useful."
“You’re definitely useful Autumn. Don’t think for a moment you aren’t,” Adam said shaking his head. “You’re wonderful for putting up with me and my issues and everything else.”
"I don't mind. If it makes you feel any better you aren't even close to the biggest ball of issues I've had to deal with. Besides. You're just far too cute and awesome to not want to do this." she added, winking at him.
“Think you could hint at how cute and awesome I am to a certain guy?” Adam said, almost laughing. It was self deprecating again, but that was him. “I’m glad I’m not the worst.”
"Hush! None of that talk." Autumn said. "Besides, anyone with working vision knows you're cute." she added. "And you really aren't. So, yay." she said. "Now I am going to take off, and you have stuff to do. And hopefully, by the end of the day you'll be feeling much better."
Adam nodded, looking a little sheepish when she hushed him. “Here’s hoping.” He actually had hope this time though, which was a start in the right direction.
Standing, Autumn headed for the door. "See you soon, sweetie." she said, waving before she left. At least they'd weathered the storm, and she hoped he really did take positive things into his day with him.