talk of distractions
Characters: Autumn and Susanna Setting: Kitchen, noon-ish
After Ryan left, Susanna found herself completely unable to move, frozen as her mind reeled over the encounter, replaying it over and over. It would seem that as disappointing a start as she’d had to her day, it truly had only been able to go up, because as the day progressed it really was just getting better and better. She didn’t want to snap out of it, not really, because all of this? It was a million times better than prison had been, no matter that this was still technically a prison. So much better, in fact, that she was filled with excitement and anticipation in ways she hadn’t experienced in a very long time. She leaned back against the counter, her hand lifting to press her fingertips against her lips, a bemused expression on her face.
Autumn had gotten Mazie into a bath tub, with some really nice smelling, luxurious bubble bath. So, that was taken care of, and she didn't think Mazie suspected a thing. So, she was in a great mood. She'd gotten her present, Mazie loved it, there was nothing but good. So, it was with a bounce in her step that she headed for the kitchen. When she spotted another woman in there, she pulled up short, though it was with a smile on her face. She tilted her head to the side as she eyed her. "Something good on your mind?" she asked.
Susanna was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn’t notice that she had company again, not until the other woman’s voice caught her attention. She glanced up with a brief expression of confusion before she realized what had been asked, and then she laughed lightly. “You could say that,” she confirmed with a smile that was a cross between secretive and mischievous. “I’m certain we’ve not met yet. I’m Susanna,” she introduced herself, still feeling light and friendly even with the new tension in her.
"Ooh." Autumn said, grinning. "Care to share? Or is it a private thing?" she asked, not above asking. Some people shared! "And we haven't! I'm Autumn, pleased to meet you." she said in return, walking closer to offer her hand to shake.
Hesitating only briefly, Susanna wondered if she ought to share. It wasn’t as if Ryan had seemed to be bothered by the possibility of someone walking in on them, and the truth of it was that they were all people, had all been incarcerated and probably felt some level of the same frustrations. “I’ve just had the most interesting encounter. Part... flirtation, part more?” she ventured in a speculative tone. Autumn didn’t need to know all the details, but if she was going to attempt to appear to connect with her other residents, giving a little bit couldn’t hurt. “Oh! Autumn, we’ve talked some on the journals,” she said with a genuine note of pleasure, taking the offered hand in a light grip. “You dance some as well, you said.”
Autumn arched a brow at that, an intrigued little curve to her lips forming. "Part more, hmm?" she asked. "Do tell!" Then she heard the last bit and she laughed, nodding! "Right! Yes, we both do a little dancing, but you'd probably put me to shame!"
Susanna laughed lightly. “A lady never tells,” she said cheekily, winking at Autumn. Oh if only this good mood would last; she was certain she’d pass whatever tests this place was doing on them with flying colors. She waved the next comment away. “I studied at Juilliard and danced with the New York City Ballet Company, it wouldn’t be fair to compare to someone who’s not done so. It would be lovely to have someone to dance with, though.” She may not have always got along with her fellow dancers, but that didn’t mean she didn’t enjoy dancing with them.
"Well, if you didn't mind someone who might not be able to keep up, then I'd be game." Autumn said, even if she was far more interested in what the other woman wasn't saying. Far more interested. "Sure you're too much of a lady to share? I'm really good at keeping secrets." she tempted, voice lilting. That, as she went to start looking through the cupboards to find something to munch on.
“In these circumstances, and after as long as it has been since I’ve been allowed to truly dance, I’m not about to be picky. And while I’ve never really attempted instructing anyone, I’d be more than happy to help you advance whatever skills you may already have,” she offered. A community, right? Susanna had to figure that people did that sort of thing in communities, helped each other out, offered to teach them things. It was tempting, all too tempting, because Susanna had never had someone she could share her secrets with. Before, well, she’d kept it to herself, appearing to all on the outside to be the devoted wife with not much of a social life. Here, well that whole image was pretty shot to hell, wasn’t it? “I’m not sure if you’ve met him yet, but I had the pleasure of meeting Ryan just a bit ago. Did you know that the poor man’s been incarcerated for nearly three years?” she asked with a sad shake of her head. To go so long without; and she’d thought it was difficult in just her not quite two years.
"Ooh I have met him!" Autumn said with a grin over her shoulder. "Kinda a hottie, huh?" she suggested. "I liked the twang. There's something about an accent, of course. Doesn't matter what kind it is, there's a charm to any." She giggled when Susanna mentioned how long Ryan had been locked up. "I was aware! Shame, hmm? Poor baby. Did the 'something more' than flirting come in the tension relieving variety?" she asked, not shy about it.
Susanna grinned in amusement when Autumn confirmed that she’d met Ryan. “Undoubtedly.” Ryan was attractive, more so now than what she’d thought of in her first impression of him, but that was neither here nor there. “I’m not certain I’d have found the twang as attractive as other accents, but he does have an undeniable charm about him.” Like the way he’d boxed her in between him and the counter, or how he’d taken that final kiss even after she’d drawn the line. And she shivered slightly again at the still-fresh memory. “Such a shame, and for embezzling money, I think I remember him saying on the journals.” She also recalled that Autumn was in for prostitution, but the woman certainly didn’t carry herself as the washed up, drug addicted street walkers the term brought to mind. “No, it didn’t, much to his displeasure. If I hadn’t put the brakes on, I would have been unsurprised if it had happened right here in the kitchen,” she admitted, shaking her head in amused incredulity, as though it was unbelievable that anyone would have sex right there in the kitchen where anyone could walk in.
Watching Susanna, she caught the shiver, making a mental note. "Well that would have been hot." Autumn said, laughing a little. "But putting on the breaks, meaning something was going on. Something shiver-worthy, at any rate. Tramp." she said playfully. "Did you just meet him, like, today? Was this the first time you met him?" she asked, pushing herself up onto the countertop, clearly loving the gossip.
Susanna tipped her head back and laughed at the teasing. Under other circumstances, it would have got her back up, but obviously her mind was still much too muddled to do as much. “He kissed me,” she finally admitted, leaving it simply at that. She crossed to the refrigerator for a water, glancing back at Autumn at the questions. “Yes, and yes, and clearly that just makes me such an awful tramp,” she said dryly but with a hint of amusement. Oh, if only Autumn knew. But what she’d done with Reece? That wasn’t for anyone else. That was theirs. “I’m not certain anyone can be blamed for such things. It’s been twenty months since I lost my freedom, thirty-something for him, and what starts as simple flirtation can quickly spiral,” she pointed out.
"Oh, don't feel like you have to defend yourself." Autumn told her with a laugh. "I'm sure you caught what my profession was on the journals, I haven't made it a big secret or anything. So, random, spontaneous intimacy in the kitchen? Doesn't exactly rate as 'shocking' for me." she said, smiling. She leaned forward a little. "I had a client whose entire deal was public places." she confided, tone a mock-whisper.
While she hadn’t intended to come across as defensive, Susanna could see where it might have seemed that way. “I did, yes, though you certainly don’t fit the image ‘prostitute’ drums up,” she pointed out, honest and curious all at once. She quirked a brow at the admission. “Was it? Interesting. I can’t say I’ve never done anything in a public place, but anything below a certain level of discretion would not have been tolerated, so old habits can be hard to break.” And who she may or may not sleep with here was no one else’s business.
"I prefer 'call girl'." Autumn said. "I wasn't a street walker. I was high priced, extremely exclusive, and had a pretty rigorous screening process. People had to apply to be a client of mine." she explained. "But yes! He liked that element of 'danger', where we could get caught. It was...interesting."
Eyebrows raised, Susanna made a little ‘ahh’ sound at that. “Well then,” she said, secretly impressed that the woman was apparently of such a caliber as that. “People have often expected me to be prudish because of the environment I was raised in. I’m far from that, even with a preference for discretion, and I see nothing wrong with providing such a service, especially since it seems you had very high standards for what clients you took on.” It was probably the most honest and true to her own opinions as she’d ever been with another person, but she believed that the circumstances warranted it.
"I'm glad you aren't a prude." Autumn said, with a smile. "People....get a little funny about things, and not in the ha-ha way. But so far people here haven't been bad. But it's still nice to hear. I did have very high standards. I wasn't going to get into anything I wasn't comfortable with, and if all the client was looking for was sex, well, there's a lot of other people out there who could provide that. I was...more in depth."
Susanna twisted the cap off her water and took a long drink of it as she listened to Autumn. “Ah, so you were a companion, then?” she guessed. “If people were more true to their own urges rather than stifling them to fit some preconceived notion of what is proper, they would be far less likely to judge others for living an open and rewarding life.” Hypocrite. If she’d lived the way she wanted, following her urges, well, she’d have likely ended up in prison much soon. But as far as sex was concerned, she believed what she was saying.
"Yes." Autumn said, pleased with the term. It was how she mentally identified herself. It was actually really nice that people here seemed to get it too. "I filled in the blanks in people's lives. Sometimes it was sex, sometimes it was parties, video games, dinner, quiet mornings at home...a lot of different things.”
It made perfect sense in Susanna’s mind that if she did well at filling in those blanks and enjoyed it, why shouldn’t she work it out to be paid for it? But she also didn’t completely understand why anyone would want to fill in those blanks in people’s lives; it would be exhausting and tedious. She much preferred keeping sex simply sex. Things were much less complicated that way. “It sounds like a productive and rewarding business,” she half-lied with a tone of honesty. “I would imagine you miss it. How long have you been in?”
"It was." Autumn confirmed with a nod. "And I do miss it. But I haven't been that long. Weeks as opposed to years or anything." she said. "So I'm not nearly that hard up yet, though I must say, there's a lot of rather attractive people here."
Susanna nodded, stomping down on the sudden envy that Autumn hadn’t been in near as long as she had been. It didn’t matter how long any of them had been in, not really. All that really mattered was that they did what was necessary to get the hell out of this place and back to freedom. She smiled at the observation, noting the term ‘people’ rather than the expected ‘men’ though she wouldn’t go there. “There are, yes. Have you met many of them yet?” she asked curiously, through from all appearances Autumn did seem the social sort, so she wouldn’t be surprised in the least.
"I've met quite a few, yes. Though a lot I've talked to on the journals, too. I still have to meet some in person, but I figure I will soon enough. Like this! Everyone's got to eat, right?" Autumn said with a smile. "How about you? Lots of social time for Susanna?"
“Ah, the journals. I’m afraid that I’ve never done much with computers, and so I frequently forget to see what’s being posted there, although I do try to skim over it.” She would say every day, but considering this was only their third day here, that wouldn’t really mean much. “Most of my social interactions so far have been pleasant,” she answered, lips twitching in amusement at the formal tone. It was something she couldn’t help most of the time, though she was trying, especially since this group as a whole seemed to be filled with people who carried themselves with more familiarity than that.
"I check it a couple times a day." Autumn said. "It's interesting, at the very least. People say different things over the computer than they do in person. So, it's been fun, so far." At Susanna's last bit, Autumn smirked a touch. "Yeah, most of mine have been too." she agreed. "But nothing's happened that is undealable!"
Susanna’s eyebrows rose a bit at that. “Do they?” She hadn’t met enough people or paid close enough attention to what was said on there to make that assessment, but she supposed it could be true. She glanced away, then, remembering her own last post, and she rolled her water bottle between her hands as if to seem anxious and hesitant about bringing it up. “I know that for me, there are some things that were difficult enough to write out on the journal, I truly cannot fathom how much more difficult it would be to talk about in person.” She glanced back at Autumn then, her smile carefully small and thankful. “Though I do appreciate the offer to talk.”
Autumn looked surprised. "You really don't have much experience with computers! Yeah, what people say and do on the internet is often really different than what they'd do in person. If people were really that bad in person as they are online, the world would be even worse a place than it can be now." she said. "So, it's interesting to see here." When she put out there the offer to talk, Autumn immediately latched onto that, and the offer she'd made. "You're welcome, and it's open. Indefinitely. So, if you ever get around to the place where you want to talk about things, then I'm here. Sometimes it helps."
Susanna shook her head slightly, making a small ‘tsking’ sound. “See, that must be why I’ve not had much experience with them. Not entirely, actually. No, I was just always too busy with work, rehearsals that go on forever, and then social functions on top of that. I preferred a book and a nice glass of wine to wind down,” she admitted, though it wasn’t entirely the truth. There were other ways she’d enjoyed winding down that had nothing to do with books or wine, and that hadn’t changed. “Well, thank you. Cal -the doctor- said much the same, though not on the journal. It’s just not something I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to talk about, with the gaps in my memory from everything, and to be completely honest, I’m not sure I want to remember.” It wasn’t a complete lie, it was just the truth twisted a bit. There was nothing wrong with that, not if it got people sympathetic toward her.
Nodding, Autumn understood. “A lot of people take that track.” she said. “And, if that’s how you feel it’s best to go, then I support your decision. But if you change your mind, then all’s well too. I’ve dealt with people dealing with trauma before, and it’s different every time.”
The turn this conversation had taken was bringing down her good mood, and that just would not do. “I would imagine so. After all, no two set of circumstances are ever exactly the same,” Susanna agreed. “But back onto lighter things, if you wouldn’t mind. Since I shared - have you entertained some flirtation yet?” Fair was fair, right? She wasn’t sure she cared to know either way, she just wanted to turn to topic away from her conviction.
Autumn grinned. "Oh yes. Not necessarily that overt? But I've got my eye on someone." she said with a delighted little wink. "Mazie. Gorgeous blonde, hacker girl?" she provided. "She's just beautiful, and kind of prickly, personality wise? Which I kind of like, and when she blushes, it's freaking adorable."
Susanna couldn’t deny a little surprise and interest when Autumn shared, mentally filing away the answer to her earlier unspoken question. “I haven’t met her yet,” she said musingly. “You’re so... bubbly and friendly,” she commented. “Why does the prickly personality attract you?” It was irrelevant to her, but she was content to keep Autumn talking about herself for now.
"I like men and women equally." Autumn supplied at the slight bit of surprise Susanna showed. She said it with a smile. "Both have their qualities to greatly appreciate, of course." she added. "Mazie caught my attention first." She hummed to herself and cast her eyes towards the ceiling at the question. "I like a challenge?" she suggested. "That and a prickly personality is still a strong personality. A lot of people in this world get a little...let's call it gunshy. So, sometimes I really appreciate a person who's a little bit more work to get to know."
“Ahh,” Susanna said, nodding slightly. For all the things she might judge a person on, their sexuality wasn’t one of them, so even while she was a little surprised, it didn’t phase her beyond that. She couldn’t say she really understood what there was to appreciate about other women as far as a relationship went, but she didn’t question that Autumn saw something there, and she smiled at the answer. “There’s certainly nothing wrong with a good challenge from time to time.” God knew she’d enjoyed being a challenge for someone else more than once, but she wasn’t particularly fond dealing with challenging people herself.
"No, there isn't. Plus, people like that sometimes don't have a lot of other people in their lives." Autumn said. She hopped down from the counter, and started looking through them again, finally picking out some bread to pop in the toaster. “Lots of different personalities here.”
Susanna was of the opinion that having a lot of people in one’s life was more of a hindrance than anything, but she knew better than to voice that opinion. “No, sometimes they don’t,” she merely agreed simply. She let out a short laugh at the observation. “Yes, there certainly are. Some more difficult than others, though I shouldn’t complain as I’ve not had trouble talking with most everyone I’ve met so far.” The ones that hadn’t invasively jumped down her throat about her conviction not even two minutes after meeting her, anyway.
"Yeah, I've mostly had good luck too? One...sort of difficult encounter, but that'll happen. I usually blow things off pretty easy. I'm not one to take offense. Life's too short, y'know?" she asked rhetorically, looking around for peanut butter.
“In a place like this, close quarters, no real opportunity to get away from everyone unless you hide in your room, those types of encounters are bound to happen, yes.” Although she nodded at the rhetorical question, Susanna found herself speaking again. “It is, though I can’t say I find it as easy to blow things off, as you put it,” she admitted.
Glancing back at Susanna, she focused on the girl. "No?" she asked, hoping the woman would expand on that.
Susanna didn’t want to explain, but when she found Autumn focusing on her, she knew that it would be rude not to offer some kind of explanation. She didn’t want to be rude, if only to avoid alienating someone else. “It depends entirely on the circumstances, but, for example: I made a mistake, thought on it, realized that I’d done so, and when I tried to apologize for it, it fell on deaf ears. Things like that frustrate me, and I find it difficult to blow it off. Though I know I have no control over it, it is not pleasant when others cannot be reasonable.” It was ironic, her being annoyed at others she considered being unreasonable, even if she couldn’t recognize that trait in herself.
"Sometimes people need time." Autumn said, giving Susanna a light smile. "Just because you're ready to apologize for something doesn't mean other people are ready to hear it. People are always on their own timelines, and life works out a lot more smoothly if you understand that and can accommodate for it. Maybe they'll come around later?" she suggested.
Susanna thought that was a whole lot of bullshit, but she sighed, nodding and giving Autumn what she hoped passed for a sheepish smile. “Perhaps they will. In the meantime, I’m just hoping to avoid any kind of confrontation. I don’t want any trouble here, and I would hope that no one else does as well.”
"Makes one wonder, though." Autumn said, finding peanut butter and she got a butter knife to spread it on her toast. "What would happen if there was trouble." she mused. "Would guards appear? Would we be expected to deal with it ourselves?"
Making a soft humming sound of agreement, Susanna found herself wondering the same. “I’m trying to recall what was said in that welcome message. I may have to reread it later. One would hope that they would step in if things were to escalate to a certain point, but the impression I received was that they intend for us to deal with things ourselves, but I could be wrong.”
"No, that's pretty much the impression I got too." Autumn said, happy to confirm that. "I just wonder how much of that is just trying to get us all to behave. I mean, so far people do seem fine. It doesn't seem like there's many in here who are all 'grr!' or anything. But still. I wonder. Like, okay, hopefully no one gets violent, but what if?"
It really wasn’t the situation for it, but Susanna found herself biting back a laugh at the way Autumn was wording things. “No, I do understand the concern. Unfortunately, I’m afraid that it’s only a matter of time before we find out what will happen if someone becomes violent.” She wasn’t anywhere near enough of an optimist to think that it wouldn’t happen, nor was she oblivious to the fact that she very well could be involved in whatever violence might occur.
Autumn sighed. "Yeah, I know." she said. She was an optimist, absolutely, but she also knew reality. And the reality was there were a bunch of different personalities in an enclosed space. Different people, different values, different personalities--something was going to clash hard eventually.
“But perhaps there are enough positive personalities here to balance things out,” Susanna posed, lips curving up in what she hoped was a positive smile. She didn’t believe it for a moment, but Autumn just seemed so damn down about the thought that she found herself wanting her to return to the optimism.
Giving a little bit of a sad smile, Autumn sighed. "I'd love to believe that." she said. "And, I'm an insufferable optimist, but all it takes is two people with maladjusted coping mechanisms." she said. "Which are going to be stunningly common in here." She brightened her smile. "But who knows, maybe it'll all get taken care of quickly."
Well, at least she’d tried, right? Susanna thought with a mental shrug. It wasn’t any skin off her back if Autumn wasn’t eternally optimistic about how things would go here. “I won’t argue that,” she replied simply. She had her eye on the prize, though, so she was going to continue trying her damnedest to not cause trouble. “With any luck, whoever is running this place won’t allow things to escalate too far,” she agreed. Particularly because she wasn’t sure how she would handle it if someone did start anything up with her. The last time hadn’t gone so well.
"I hope not." Autumn said. "But maybe since it's a closed environment as well, if there is a fight, it'll be hard for anyone to really get much done without someone intervening?" she suggested. "I guess we won't see till it happens though." she said, putting the peanut butter away, and she washed the knife she'd used before she went to retrieve her toast. "Until then, let's hope for the best." she said brightly. Then she winked. “And for some nice, tension relieving sessions.”
Susanna wouldn’t call herself an optimist, but she did hope it anyway. If for no other reason than she wouldn’t want to be put in a situation that would have her sent back to a traditional prison. No, she enjoyed the perks here too much to jeopardize that. She laughed at the wink and comment. “Oh yes, certainly that! But timing is everything, and while I do enjoy an audience for some things, I am not an exhibitionist in that respect,” she admitted with an amused smile. Her resolve was weak, though, and she was aware that if Ryan had pushed, she would have let him do whatever he wanted.
Autumn laughed. "Sure." she said, teasingly. "Though I suppose I should head out, check on Mazie. She tends not to remember things like eating." she said, motioning to the toast she hadn't started eating. She figured it would tide them over til dinner, at any rate. "It was honestly really great meeting you, though. I hope to hang out sometime soon."
“Oh, yes of course,” Susanna said with a smile, not minding that Autumn was leaving now. She wanted to get in that workout and shower, perhaps reclaim some of that buzz that had faded a bit. “Likewise,” she said, almost surprised that it was true. And hopefully they would get a chance to dance sometime soon. It would be nice to have someone to dance with.