Kyle Van Allen (arty_kyle) wrote in rrinitiative, @ 2013-04-13 21:38:00 |
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Entry tags: | adam, adam and kyle, day fourteen, kyle |
Emotional Manipulation
Characters: Adam and Kyle
Setting: Cafeteria/Adam's room
Adam dragged himself out of the courtroom, just glad to be away. He hadn’t slept, Ryan was a smarmy bastard, who had this attitude of being the victim and the more times Adam heard it, the less he believed it. More patrol nights. Which was fine, he would have done that unpaid anyway. It wasn’t like he slept. While he wouldn’t admit to anyone, he was just glad he wasn’t stuck in that cell in the basement again. All his bravado for doing the right thing went out the window when he wound up down there. And the bonus was that Ryan got some punishment too. So, it balanced out in Adam’s eyes. Sort of.
Frankly, he was too tired, too frustrated and too feeling hung out to dry to really think any of it through.
His head was against the wall of the elevator as it stopped in the cafeteria. He should have gone all the way up, but he needed to eat.
Kyle was sat at a table in the far corner of the cafeteria, tucked away. One leg crossed over the other, he was hunched over his sketch pad, frantically scribbling away. He had been there for a while, knowing full well what he was doing, but pretending like he was purposefully doing something productive. He wasn’t - he was sketching, but what he was actually doing was waiting for Adam - something betrayed by the way his head shot up every time the elevator doors opened.
The time they did and they actually revealed his friend, Kyle’s reaction was immediate, as the pencil stopped, the pad dropped and the artist stood, “And...?” he asked, crossing to his friend.
For the briefest of moments, Adam thought he was dreaming. A good dream, for once, but Kyle actually there, waiting for him, that had to be a dream right? Maybe he was still getting used to the part where friends did things for one another. He left the elevator, staring at his friend like he might disappear right before his eyes, there was a pause before he answered. “Everything’s fine,” he said finally, not quite smiling, but trying to look calm.
Kyle kept walking, until he was close enough to pull his friend into a tight hug. “Good,” he said, pressing them cheek to cheek for a moment, before pulling back. “What did they say?” he asked.
Adam hadn’t meant to grip at Kyle’s shirt when he hugged him, but he did, and when Kyle pulled back, his fingers were still twisted in the fabric, somewhere near Kyle’s waist. It was probably the only indicator that Adam was definitely not fine, despite his attempts to cover that up. “We were both guilty, unpaid patrol duty. Seriously, nothing bad.”
Kyle noted that Adam hadn’t let him go, and right now, he was going to let the other guy get away with that. He didn’t try and move any further back, and he left his own arms lightly around the other man’s lower back. “Patrol duty’s not bad. But... Not together. Right?” Kyle checked, cautiously. Surely nobody could be that dumb as to suggest that. Especially after what had gone down the previous night. If they wanted Adam and Ryan to patrol together, they were going to need some serious security to keep them from each other, never mind whatever else might be happening in this place.
Kyle staying close felt good. Really good. It was comforting in its own way and things started to look just a little bit brighter. "I can't see why they would be," Adam said shaking his head. "I wouldn't. Unless I'm watching him." Which was tempting. To keep his eyes on Ryan if only to maybe catch him at something. That might be something worth talking to someone about. Maybe Mazie, though he didn't want to support her ideas of messing with the cameras.
“No,” Kyle said, firmly. “You don’t get to watch him. Someone else can watch him. You watching him is a really bad idea, A. Nothing good’s going to come from that.”
"Why? He lives near me. I could keep him from hurting someone else." Adam's voice was low, just for Kyle. "I could do something right." Which, in that moment, was what he felt like he needed. Something to help.
“Honey - we live in an enclosed compound. Everybody lives near him,” Kyle reminded Adam. He was aware that the use of the pet name could be classed as light manipulation, especially considering their continued position and Kyle’s knowledge of Adam’s feelings for him. Kyle was just fine with that, if it meant he got him way, and his friend wasn’t going to get hurt again. “You start keeping an eye on Ryan, and Ryan’s either gonna come at you again, or he’s gonna shout ‘harassment’ and you’ll end up in a whole pile of trouble. And who’s gonna stop him from hurting you?” he asked. “You don’t need to do that to do something right, A. Don’t think like that.”
Kyle hit the nail on the head with the pet name. Adam folded right into it. How could he not? Kyle was calling him honey and A and it got Kyle exactly what he wanted. Adam sighed heavily, giving up and tugging at Kyle's shirt. "I know, I know. I just want to help. Make it better, even if she is leaving." He leaned in more, not enough to be too much, but also something he couldn't help. "Can we go somewhere?" It was asked with the obvious hint that he wanted to just be alone with Kyle.
“I know you want to help, sweetie,” Kyle said, wanting to really pin down that Adam wasn’t going to go off and do something stupid. He’d deal with the fallout from acting this way later - it would be easier than doing nothing and then watching his friend get hurt. “And you’ll help - I know you will. Just, not like this,” he added, with a small smile. He stepped back, easing out of the hold, figuring that enough was enough, though he maintained a lightly contact as he slid his arm down to take hold of Adam’s hand. “Come on, let’s go to your room,” he said, pulling the other man gently towards the elevator. He had left his sketch pad on the table and he figured that either Adam would voluntarily break contact to go get it for him, which would solve some immediate issues, or Kyle would collect it on his way through later.
Adam was listening, despite everything he was listening and nodding. He didn't want to let go of Kyle but was fine to keep with just holding his hand for now. That was a good enough start. What he did do though, was stay put when Kyle pulled him. "You forgot your stuff," he said nodding towards the table and taking a step back towards it. It might be the sketchbook with the drawing of himself that Kyle had done and the last thing he wanted was for it to get messed up.
“Oh - yes!” Kyle said, feigning surprise. He dropped Adam’s hand and hurried over to pick up his book, before heading directly for the elevator, talking the whole time. “Thanks - I would have totally forgotten about it. I’ve lost so many of these things that way over the years.” He felt bad, playing Adam this way. He would have to do something extra nice for him in the coming days, to make up for it. Even if Kyle knew his motivations were pure, that didn’t excuse the actual fact of what he was doing. It would have to be balanced out. Good against the bad.
Adam made a face, both at the fact that Kyle had let go of his hand and at what he was saying. "You have? I wouldn't have thought that." He saw Kyle as so protective of his art, that losing not one, but multiple sketchbooks just didn't seem to fit. Still, Adam followed after him, sticking close as the doors to the elevator opened.
Kyle walked into the elevator and turned to face Adam and the door. “Sometimes I get distracted,” he said with a shrug and a small smile.
Adam followed, but didn't take his eyes off of Kyle. "What were you distracted by?" He didn't mean before, he meant right now.
Kyle knew what he meant. He rolled his eyes. “You’re going to make me come out and say that I was worried about you, and what was going on, aren’t you?” he asked, almost teasing. “And that finding out what happened to you, and that you’re not gonna be locked up down there in that horrible cell or anything was enough to distract me from something that wasn’t really taking my attention anyhow.”
It was really hard not to reach out and try and tug Kyle closer. They were alone for the moment in the elevator and it really was hard. "I was hoping for something a little less doom and gloom, but yeah, that was probably most of what I was looking for."
The elevator came to a stop at the top floor and the door slid open. Kyle stepped out and looked back over his shoulder. “You’re fishing,” he surmised, before shaking his head and walking off to Adam’s room.
There was a slight bit of hesitation before Adam followed, hurrying to catch up. "You called me sweetie. And honey. So maybe yeah." Was it a bad thing? Maybe. But he didn't care.
Kyle swallowed - and this was the part he had to deal with. The part that he hadn’t looked forward to, but which was eminently preferable to Adam going and putting himself in Ryan’s path again. He slowed a little, looking across at Adam, not having to feign the apology and regret in his eyes. “Sorry,” he said, offering him a sad smile. “I... I get kinda clingy when I’m worried.”
For an instant, Adam looked like his hopes were dashed, but he pushed it away. Kyle didn't want him like that. He needed to remember that. Tucking his hands in his pockets, Adam focused on what was ahead of them instead of Kyle. "I think I've told you before I don't mind when you're clingy." It just tended to tear his heart up when he wasn't careful. "If I haven't, I don't." He was left torn, not sure if he should push Kyle away in this moment, suggest he not be with him now or keep him as close like he really wanted to.
“You’ve told me,” Kyle said. Yeah - he really, really needed to do something incredibly nice for Adam now. He hated being the cause of that look, the one that left them both feeling miserable.
"So don't worry about it," Adam said shaking his head. They got to his room and he fished out his key, unlocking the door but not opening it up just yet. "Ky, you don't..." He couldn't finish it. He wanted his friend there too much.
“...I don’t?” Kyle asked, hesitantly, not sure where Adam was going with the unfinished sentence.
For a moment Adam closed his eyes, thinking on how to say it. "If you don't want to," he said nodding towards the door. "I'll be fine." Not really fine, but a little fine at least. He'd manage with being miserably lonely. That wasn't a new feeling.
Kyle’s brow furrowed for a moment. “Adam... You - you remember you’re still my best friend, right? I know - I mean... If you’d prefer for me not to be around... I’m... I’m sorry - for before. For downstairs. I didn’t mean-” Lie, he thought to himself. You’re lying. You totally meant that. You knew exactly what you were doing down there. You manipulative little liar. But, would telling the truth right now actually help anything? Or would it just be yet again self-serving, trying to assuage his own feelings of guilt? It certainly wouldn’t help Adam for him to realise that his friend would manipulate his feelings in that way. No - better off to keep quiet, make amends some other way, and live with the guilt that he had, after all, only caused himself. He could add it to the pile. “It was unfair of me and I’ll understand if you would rather I wasn’t here right now,” he finished, dropping his eyes. Right now, the artist hated himself, and it showed somewhat on his features.
Adam paused for a moment, watching Kyle. He was going to regret it, he knew that the instant he reached out for Kyle's shirt, pulling at it to pull him into the room with him. "Don't think for an instant I don't want you around," he admitted in the dark of his room.
Kyle had to take a moment, there in the darkness. Had to just breathe, before he pulled back and fumbled for the light switch, flipping it on with an outstretched hand as he extricated himself from where Adam had had ahold of his shirt. “Good,” he said, slightly wide-eyed. “I’m - that’s good, because, you’re my best friend and I - I don’t want this to become weird,” he said, realising that he wasn’t making this any less weird right now.
He kind of wished they’d just left the lights off. Maybe it wouldn’t make any difference, but in the light, Adam could see Kyle’s wide eyes, all too obviously notice the way that Kyle stumbled over his words. At least in the dark he could pretend he wasn’t making the other man uncomfortable. “Can’t get any weirder than it already is,” he said, not moving, keeping the space between them small even if he wasn’t holding on to Kyle any more. It wasn’t meant to upset or intimidate, just a very tired version of Adam clinging to the moments with the guy he liked where it seemed like he was liked back.
Kyle stepped back a little, and then moved passed Adam, walking away to go and sit on the couch, taking those few moments to compose himself in a way that he knew Adam hated, but which he needed for himself right now. He had been so certain, so sure before that he would be able to handle this. He had handled it just fine in the days before Adam’s feelings were out in the open. Kyle had anticipated that things would be easier to deal with now. Not harder and more complicated. What was worse was that Kyle was feeling that the problem here was him, not his friend. Possibly that was the guilt talking.
The artist sat down on the couch, somewhat primly, folding his hands over his knees as he looked up at the other man. The picture of a composed young man. The only flaw in the image was that he knew he needed to come up with something to say. A smooth way to bring the conversation to something more acceptable, take them back to the easy waters of friendship they spent so much time on. He was blanking. Everything he came up with, he could picture leading to that devastated look on Adam’s face. He’d already been the cause of that too many times today.
Adam watched Kyle, watched the wall go up and rolled his eyes. Normally, he was more patient with it, knowing how Kyle did things, but right now he didn’t have the patience for it. And now he wasn’t saying anything. He was just sitting there. Shaking his head, Adam pulled at his shirt, not even sure how long he’d been wearing it, but sure he needed a new one. “I hate when you do that,” he said before dropping the shirt on the floor and going looking for a new one in his drawer.
More or less than things being weird? Kyle wondered, but he wasn’t actually going to ask that. He knew Adam hated him doing this, but Adam would just have to hate it. “I know,” he said, quietly.
Adam pulled an undershirt from the drawer, but didn’t do more than just hold it and looked over at Kyle. “You’re hiding what you’re really thinking when you do that. I just can’t figure out if it’s from me or from you.” He pushed the drawer shut and pulled on the clean shirt before sitting on the edge of his bed.
Okay, so much for just letting Adam hate it. Clearly that wasn’t going to work out all that well. “Would you prefer things to be weird?” he asked.
“Are the choices weird or pretend?” Adam asked, running his hand over his head and looking at his friend. “Because those aren’t good choices. I can take weird. Eventually it’s going to stop if we work through it right? Or we figure out just what you’re avoiding.”
“But - I don’t want things to be weird,” Kyle said, sounding a little petulant. “I promised things wouldn’t be weird.” Yet, here they were - weirdness. And Kyle knew it was all his fault. He would actually prefer pretend - just... ignore it, work through it and change the reality of the situation to fit what needed to be.
“You did, but I don’t think we’re doing a good job of it not being that way,” Adam said, looking up at Kyle. He didn’t want to make this worse, but at the same time, it looked hard on Kyle and the last thing he wanted was for his friend to feel like he had to lie to him. Getting up from his bed he went to sit on the couch with Kyle. “Why was it weird?”
“Adam, we don’t need to get into this...” Kyle said, hoping that that approach would work, but not actually expecting it to. “I just - I had in my head this whole thing, that didn’t work out the way I expected, that’s all. So, I have to rethink things. That’s all.”
Adam waited for a moment, making no move to not go into things. “What did you have in your head? Tell me. Maybe I can help Ky.”
Kyle shook his head. “That wouldn’t be fair on you,” he said.
“How is it not fair?” Adam asked, making a face. “It’s what you’re thinking, I want to help.”
“Because whenever we talk about your feelings for me, it’s going to be unfair, A,” Kyle pointed out, trying not to snap.
That helped it click into place for Adam. “Because you absolutely feel nothing of the same for me,” Adam filled in for him, but he sounded patient with maybe a tiny edge of skepticism in his voice, but only barely there.
“You’re my best friend, Adam,” Kyle said, sticking firmly to the official line.
Adam didn’t press anything more this time, just waiting patiently, watching Kyle to see if there was more to it than just that line that they kept falling back on. It’s fine if it is, he told himself but he knew he didn’t believe it.
Kyle was relieved that there wasn’t any more of that sudden skepticism being directed his way. “Before - before we talked, I would always watch myself with you. I - I was always really careful not to do anything that might, y’know - because I didn’t think even you realised how you felt about me, but it was clear to me. And I know now that that was wrong, but that’s how I read the situation. And then we talked, and I kind of felt like, well, that now that I knew that it wasn’t like that that maybe I wouldn’t have to watch myself. But, I do - because some of the things I say, or do - they’re not fair to you, Adam. I don’t want to lead you on. So - I just have to find a halfway point, that’s all. Somewhere between being totally stand-offish, and making things weird and upsetting.” First order of business for that: never try emotional manipulation ever again. Works like a charm, but you’re not a good enough actor to carry it through when he looks at you that way, Kyle thought to himself.
Adam looked at his hands, not able to look at Kyle just yet. “You ever think about why it is you’re like that at all around me? The way you are when you aren’t watching yourself?” Because even if that was just who Kyle was, Kyle felt good about being himself around Adam. In Adam’s mind that had to be something, or maybe he hoped for it at least. That might be him being too damn idealistic that had come out with how tired he was in the moment.
“Because I’m a touchy-feely, flirty-” Idiot “-guy,” Kyle said, rolling his eyes. “But I’m also a guy who doesn’t want to lead you on.” And you’re a guy that still has that hope in your eyes.
“I don’t know if you’re as much like that now as you used to be. You’d be flirting with a lot more people in this place if that was the case,” Adam suggested, but only to cover up the ache. This crush really needed to go away completely so he could stop thinking about wanting to just shift over closer, resting his head on Kyle’s shoulder for as long Kyle would let him.
Kyle took a breath and didn’t ask what he was thinking. How do you know I’m not? “It’s true that I’m trying not to be the guy I was,” he allowed, instead.
“Except with me?” Adam asked, looking over this time, because now he wasn’t as sure with where the conversation was going. He didn’t want to push things, because he knew it just sent them around in circles, but he was also starting to feel like there was something there they were circling around and not grasping. That could have also been the exhaustion talking.
Kyle shook his head. “No, A - even with you,” he said. Something clicked then and he scowled, clearly frustrated. “God - what is it with people wanting me to be like the old me with them?” he asked - a rhetorical question. He stood and started to pace. “When will... You know - the guy I used to be is not a good guy! There’s reasons why I’m trying not to be him any more! But whenever I get close to someone - they, you, they just want to be the exception! But - I don’t want any exceptions, A! I just want to be a better person and.... And I’m totally getting off the topic here and I’m completely ranting and I’m sorry I just... arg!” he finished, growling in frustration and throwing himself back down on the couch again.
Adam was half up to stop Kyle in his pacing, but then Kyle was dropping with him again Adam wasn’t sure what to do. It would have been easier if he could have stopping him in his pacing. That he could have handled he thought. It gave him a chance to be the stronger one, but sitting like this, they were on the same level. Reaching out he rested his hand against the back of Kyle’s neck, nodding a little. “It’s not wanting you to be different, it’s...wanting to be different to you. Wanting to be special. You bring that out in people. So yeah I want to be an exception, but not like that. Not with you not being who you want to be.”
Kyle eased himself back out of the touch. That felt like a bad idea right now. “It feels like you’re trying to build something up that’s not there,” he said, softly. “You’re already so important to me, A. You don’t need to look for reasons to make yourself an exception.”
He didn’t want to, but Adam pulled his hand away, lacing his fingers together to keep from touching Kyle again. “I know. I know that. I guess...I wish I could be more.” He wished they could be more, but he didn’t want to put it on Kyle. It was on his shoulders. He wanted to be more for Kyle, so Kyle had someone like that. “Whatever you need,” he said finally, looking back at his friend.
“I know you do,” Kyle acknowledged. He knew that much - even if there was still a part of him that wondered if the person who Adam wished ‘could be more’ was easily interchangeable. The entire situation with Wren had hurt them all, he thought. All that could be done for that though was to move on. He looked up to meet Adam’s eyes. “Thank you,” he said, clearly meaning that. Whatever was going on in Adam’s head, it couldn’t be easy for the other guy.
There was a flinch in his hands, where Adam wanted to reach out for Kyle again, but he just gripped them together more, holding back. That’s not what he wants. As much as it sucked, it wasn’t what Kyle wanted. “I’m sorry,” he admitted. “For all of it. I am really sorry.”
“God,” Kyle breathed with a small chuckle. “God, A - don’t apologise. Not for this. You don’t need to be... Really - I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want. You’re a wonderful guy, A, I just... I can’t.”
Adam shook his head. “Don’t do that. It’s not that you need to give me something. Just be you. That’s all I want.” He didn’t move even if he was dying to, to be closer. “I know you can’t. I’m still trying to understand the whys, but I get it. I shouldn’t push.”
Kyle nodded. “I can be me,” he confirmed. He didn’t address the rest. He knew that Adam didn’t understand, and he wasn’t going to try and make him. He could, he knew, he could lay it all out there baldly. Every explanation, every motive, all of it. And he would rip Adam’s heart to pieces doing it. He would lose a friend. Confusion was better.
There was a moment where he’d hoped that Kyle would explain, would say something more than just letting it hang but he got nothing, so Adam let it drop. Maybe at another time. Maybe later. Maybe never. The voice in his head had him scowling for an instant, but he knew better than to linger with it, jumping up in hopes that Kyle didn’t see it.
Kyle caught the edge of the look, but said nothing about it. He didn’t need to see Adam’s expression to know how much Kyle’s approach frustrated the other man. He stayed where he was, seated, watching his friend. “So, now that the whole ‘jury’ thing is over - what now?” he asked.
Adam was trying not to pace, so the question helped redirect his thoughts as he looked back with a shrug. “I shower I guess. Maybe sleep some, then...stay out of trouble?” He didn’t sound sure of it, because honestly, he hadn’t thought past that moment it was starting to make him feel a tiny bit lost.
“Are you actually going to be able to sleep?” Kyle asked, trying not to sound skeptical at that. He knew that sleep and Adam weren’t always friends.
Thinking about it for a moment, Adam looked at his bed and then back at Kyle. “Probably not,” he admitted honestly.
Kyle bit his lip a for moment, then said, “I don’t want to make things weird, but... I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night either...” He knew Adam slept better with someone else there and whilst he knew it could be a totally terrible idea and opening the door for badness, but still, he was going there. The flipside was it could really help.
Adam felt his insides twist almost immediately. It was probably a bad idea. Kyle didn’t want the same things he did, but Kyle was offering which meant it was fine right? Maybe not, but Adam sure as hell wasn’t going to say no. He knew that the moment Kyle offered. “I think I can handle if it gets weird.” He took a step back to his bed, toeing out of his shoes. He hesitated a second then held out his hand a little, not too far out, but offering.
"Okay," Kyle agreed. He was resolutely ignoring the fact that this could be a bad idea. Adam needed this, and Kyle needed to do something that Adam needed. Kyle needed, right now, to start making up for what he had done, what he couldn't talk about without making things worse. He couldn't just leave Adam right now. "You wanted to take a shower first?" he suggested, glancing towards the bathroom door.
"Okay," Adam echoed. He was half at a loss when Kyle mentioned the shower, part of his mind went somewhere inappropriate. "Uh, yeah I was..." He drifted a step back towards the bathroom. "I guess...make yourself at home? If you need something just take it? Comfortable clothes whatever."
"You don't mind?" Kyle asked, arching a brow. Changing would be good - he hadn't come here prepared to sleep, after all, and his jeans and shirt combo weren't the more practical. Plus there was the fact that he'd really rather not strip down to his underwear for this, under the circumstances.
"Why would I mind?" Adam said shaking his head. "You in my clothes won't be a bad thing. Just...whatever you want. Though sorry if anything is too big." He managed a small smile before ducking into the bathroom to shower. For a moment he hesitated with the door then wound up only pushing it about halfway shut. It just didn't seem right to close Kyle out of the room completely even if Adam was sure he would stay in his room.
Kyle decided to ignore the implications of the comment and stayed seated where he was, turning himself firmly away from the bathroom door until he heard the shower turn on. He stood, crossing to the dresser and picked himself out a tshirt and a pair of drawstring pj pants. They were certainly too big - around the chest and the waist anyhow, though the length wasn't too far off. Laying his own clothes over the back of the couch, Kyle crossed to sit indian style on Adam's bed, by his pillows, and waited patiently for the other man to return. He was quiet, subdued. Concentrating on doing this for his friend, so he could sleep.
Adam found himself hurrying though showering and drying off, finishing the whole thing in just a few minutes. There was a hesitation though when he was done, towel around his waist, staring at the mirror while he tried to gather his thoughts before going back into his room to retrieve clothes he'd forgotten to grab before going into the bathroom. His bruises were still there, fading to blacks and blues on his face and a few places along his hips where Ryan had taken lower blows. The split lip was still healing as well and honestly, Adam could see why it wasn't very appealing as a whole. Shaking his head at himself he left the bathroom, reconnecting his insulin pump while he walked, very aware that he was in just a towel, but not drawing any attention to it. "Better?" He asked Kyle, glancing his way to see the other man in more comfortable clothes.
Adam wandering around in a towel was distracting for purely PG-13 reasons. Kyle's eyes grew wide as he took in the bruises. "Wow - Ryan really did a number on you, didn't he? That smarmy fucking little shit," he breathed, the anger clearly coming through in his tone.
"You should have heard him in court talking like he feared for his life around me. His he couldn't just walk away from the fight because it was prison suicide to turn your back on someone," Adam rolled his eyes and pulled his boxers on under the towel. He was just going to leave the towel on the floor, but he caught sight of Kyle's things half laid out and opted to just toss the towel on the chair in some sense of not being a complete slob.
"But he got punished too, so I guess it works out in the end." He had a spare pair of pj type pants, something closer to sweats that were on the floor near the bed from where he'd left them last and he pulled those on, forgoing the shirt. He was still warm from his shower and he figured Kyle would get over it. "Though it all still sort of hurts like hell," he admitted before crawling across the bed to lay flat on his stomach next to Kyle.
Kyle couldn't take his eyes off Adam and the injuries the guy had, though he made no move to touch him. He moved back against the wall, shifting to allow Adam room to lie down, though in the twin bed, proximity was just something that was a given. "Everything I hear about that guy makes me dislike him more," the artist said. "And he thinks he's so great - I've known far too many people like that. Like they're the centre of the damn universe and everyone else should just bow down and worship them. And they never can get that that attitude is the reason that some of us with brains just... don't." He shook his head, his eyes lingering on Adam's tattoo, if for no other reason than he needed to get his mind off the bruises or he would become too wound up to sleep.
Adam rolled his head to one side to see Kyle better, liking the way Kyle's eyes lingered on his skin even if he wasn't sure why. "He thinks he's charming. I bet he thinks he's good looking too." Which Adam didn't see. Ryan was a dick and everything about his personality wasn't appealing to Adam and thus, Adam didn't see the attraction. "I knew a few people who thought the world revolved around them, but not like that. And not in situations where it obviously didn't." Jeffrey had known where his boundaries ended and in most cases, where his brothers' took over. The thing with Jeffrey though, he never left those spaces.
"Oh, he thinks he's good looking. And I'd be willing to bet he's put money into it. Those teeth alone have to have set him back..." Kyle commented, dryly. "I've known people like him before. Far too many people like him. It's one of the reasons that I wanted to get out of the circles my family ran in. Everyone's fake - playing games. I'm not saying they're all violent or... anything. But - the personalities are there. I wasn't a good fit."
"I think the games are there no matter what. The motivations change or the parts, but the game is there." Adam looked over at Kyle, watching his friend. "What circles do you want to be in?"
Kyle smiled down at his friend. “Didn’t we have this conversation the other day? Or one very like it?” he asked, lightly. “I want to be around people who I can be myself with.” He rolled his eyes in light of what they had just been talking about. “The myself I want to be. I don’t want to have to be someone everyone else expects me to be, and I want to be around people who are okay with that.”
"Something close, but I haven’t slept in two days so bear with me," Adam said. Smiling a little he reached out pulling at Kyle's shirt, or his shirt, to get him to lay down. "I don't expect you to be anyone, but you should know, I like every version of you I've seen so far."
Kyle went with the less than subtle hint and lay down, reaching to pull the covers up over the both of them, habitually tucking his up under his chin, so only his head was visible. “And that’s why you need sleep,” he agreed, once again ignoring the comment which could be taken as a compliment.
"That's on the list of reasons," Adam said, rolling on his side to give Kyle space and settling in more. "How pissed are you gonna be when you wake up and my arm's around you?" He asked after closing his eyes. It was bound to be inevitable and he was tired enough to just come out with asking.
Kyle turned to face away from Adam, up against the wall. “With a bed this small, I’m going to decide it’s inevitable,” he said, with a nod. That was safer for both of them. Just put it out there as something they both expected to happen. Blame it on a lack of space. Then that’s what it could be about. It didn’t need to be about anything else.
Adam didn't think it was just the small bed that made it inevitable, but he didn't say it. "Sounds good," he said softly, settling in more, his hand close to Kyle's back but not touching him. It was enough though, sleep creeping up on him.
Kyle couldn’t remember the last time he had been in bed with a man and not immediately cuddled up to them. To lie here this way, so conscious of another person. So conscious of not touching the way that Kyle was certain Adam wasn’t touching him was weird in itself. But he wasn’t bringing attention to it. He listened, watching the blank wall before him, as Adam’s breathing evened out. Eventually, he closed his own eyes, knowing that he was tired enough himself to sleep. He hadn’t lied to Adam, he hadn’t slept recently. He didn’t need a whole lot of sleep, but that didn’t mean he worked well if expected to entirely do without either.