a lighter side
Characters: Wren and Charlie Setting: his room, late
It felt like a long day. She couldn't even quite put her finger on why. Perhaps it was because there was a lot going on. Because Adam was involved in a fight, and now that included jail time, and she still needed to talk to Wu, and go over the answers she'd been given for her survey. Though really, there weren't even that many replies. Wren had, however, smiled earlier. Charlie had filled it out, and he'd been the very first responder.
Normally, she would have gone back to her room, drawn herself a bath, and gone to bed. But as she started to skirt the farm to get to her room, she stopped, and looked back in the direction of Charlie's room. She was a significant other now, yes? She could drop in on him when she felt like she'd had a long day and wanted his company, right? There was nothing wrong with that. There was no Brian around, ensuring she didn't. Everyone else was wrapped up in their own stuff.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she turned and headed to his room, knocking on the door. The mantra 'I don't know what I'm doing' seemed to echo in her head, but she did her best to ignore it.
Charlie had been napping. He had been up at dawn and spent the morning working on the farm, once he had realised that he wouldn't be needed for jury service. Probably a good thing, since Adam was up for fighting. That would open up another whole can of worms, if he had had to have a hand in deciding the guy's punishment. He'd toyed with the idea of going and watching the proceedings, but in the end had stayed away. he was trying not to be petulant about the fact he had been relegated to being stuck on the farm and was unwanted in running the place, but it was difficult. He just made sure that he mostly kept it inside, and didn't talk about it to others. That was the best he could do.
So, he'd worked on the farm, then come back to his room after grabbing some lunch, showered and took a nap. The knock at the door woke him and he got up to open the door, smiling as he realised who it was. "Hey," he said, softly.
While still inexplicably nervous, when he smiled at her, it prompted an immediate smile in return. "Hey." she greeted. "I um...I was headed back to my room, but thought...I would see you instead." she said, realizing she was tripping through that explanation, even if she really didn't have a reason to. Any other day, she would have just told him she wanted to say hello, or something. She had the other night, hadn't she. She'd even asked to stay the night, and it hadn't made her fumble. Clearly, now was different for her.
"Lucky me," Charlie told her with a grin, clearly very happy to see her. He stepped back from the door, leaving it open so she could come in. "So - what've you been up to? I haven't seen you much over the last few days..." he offered.
It helped that he wasn't being strange. It aided her transition back from the edge of strange butterflies-in-the-tummy land. Stepping in, she shut the door behind herself, and dropped her shoes by the door. "It's been busy." she admitted. "Especially today. It's odd, having to try and set everything up, or try to. Or deal with court cases now..." she shook her head. "It's been surreal." She walked over to the couch, and sat down. "Thank you, by the way." she added. "For responding to the survey. You were the first one."
He sat down next to her. "Course I was going to reply - you asked," he told her, resting his arm along the back of the couch, the tips of his fingers not quite brushing her shoulder. "How are you coping with everything? Is there anything you need?" he asked.
"I know, but still. It made me smile." she told him, so he would know for sure that he'd had a good impact on her day. When he asked if there was anything she needed, she gave a light laugh. "For people to not require use of the jury at all?" she said, knowing it was impossible. "Let alone three cases in one day. I know it won't be like that every day. But still." She exhaled. "I'm coping alright, I believe. Still adapting. I wanted to do the survey as much for myself as everyone else. I need to know where to start."
"You may as well ask for the moon as ask for there not to be any need for a jury at all," Charlie pointed out. "It would be nice though. So, what kind of results have you gotten so far? And what do you intend to do with them?" he asked her.
"I haven't gotten many, and so far, they've been fairly inconsequential. Which is good, in some respects, it means there aren't huge issues with absolutely everyone." Wren said. "Not everyone is unhappy." She smiled at that. "So that's a start, right? As for what I plan to do with the results, if there's any fixes we can easily make, we'll do that. If nothing else, we'll have perspective on where everyone stands."
"I think for lots of people here, the 'fix' they would want would be not to have the jury system - but for some at least, their reasoning for that would be different to yours," Charlie told her. He was under no illusions that there would be some here who would prefer freer rein to work the system. He figured that if she really considered it, she would know that as well.
"Actually, I think structure is helping. I think people who wouldn't want it are the types who might have to face it." Wren mused. "Mostly I think this isn't perfect, and we'll have to figure out what actually works for people. I want there to be more community events, though. I want there to be reasons for people to interact. You don't get a community just by calling it that, you build a community by getting people to see themselves as one." She trailed off. "What do you think?"
"I think I'm glad we've got you helping to run the place," Charlie said, having been watching her as she talked, a soft smile playing across his face. He looked more relaxed than he usually did right now and he knew that he was still adjusting to the newness of not having to edit himself at all around her now, for pretty much the first time ever.
She smiled, and didn't say more as she merely appreciated his expression. He seemed so much less stressed right now. It was a good look on him. "Talk to me about something that isn't related to all of this." she requested. "Anything at all. Tell me about places you've seen, or people you've known, or something from your childhood. Something happy. Something you've never told me."
“When I was in middle school, I got third place in this science competition that they had going,” Charlie said, picking something pretty much at random. “I was so happy - it felt like first place. Looking back, I pretty much think my mom did most of the work on it, but I felt like the greatest person in the world ever, and my mom and dad acted like I’d done this huge thing - like it was so much more than a middle school science project.”
Wren didn't have much of a frame of reference for what he was talking about so much, but she could put it together from context well enough that she could continue the conversation. "What did you do for it?" she asked, curious. "What competition were you up against? Was there a prize?"
“See, that’s the thing - I can’t even really remember,” Charlie laughed. “Some thing with water and balance - who the hell knows now. I just remember that I was laughing a lot making it, with my mom one weekend. And then seeing this ribbon on it at school. It was a grade thing for extra credit, quite a lot of people entered, I guess. It wasn’t mandatory though.”
She smiled, watching him. "Sounds like it was a lot of fun for you." she said. "Were you the envy of other students?" she asked. "People who wanted their own ribbon?"
“I was the envy of some of them,” Charlie said, with a laugh. “There were the two who beat me, and there were the kids who ‘didn’t care about a stupid competition anyway’. But then - I never really listened to anyone but my own friends anyhow.” He paused and looked at her intently. “What was it like - actually growing up on the commune?” he asked her. He had never asked before - when they were living there, he hadn’t thought it was appropriate, other than in light conversation.
Wren didn't so much want to talk about it. She felt like it would bring the conversation down, which was why she hadn't shared the idea that she didn't quite know the context of his story. But, he was asking. So, she was going to answer. Before she did, however, she got a little closer to him, deciding where to start. "Lonely." she said. "I didn't know it was lonely, though. Not until you arrived. And even then, I didn't feel it until you would leave? Then all of a sudden..." she trailed off. That wasn't what they were discussing.
"Anyhow, it was quiet. People came in all the time, drifting in here and there. People just looking for something that had meaning. That was the main trait. People who took a look at their lives and couldn't find any meaning in any of it. So, it was different. Whenever people would come in, it was good. Nice. Everyone went out of their way to be embracing. Everyone went out of their way to make people know that even if they didn't feel like they belonged out there, they could belong here. That we didn't care who they used to be, they could be who they wanted to be here."
"And it would happen. There would be this transition, and I would be watching, from afar, and I could always see it when it happened. When people exhaled. When tension went out of them and they carried themselves differently. When they realized they could breathe."
Charlie moved the tips of his fingers in, enough to wrap stands of her hair around them. Enough to delve through her locks and brush against the back of her neck. “You should have been able to be part of that,” he told her, softly.
"I wasn't supposed to be. I mean, I was, just not..." she trailed off, not sure how to word it. "I was an instrumental part of their transition, and I offered comfort and certainty that they would have answers they didn't have before." she said, clearly reciting something she'd been told previously. "It wasn't like I wasn't there at all. Just not...personal. I had other purposes. I suppose the other part of it is if I was a part of it, then it might not have happened at all, because I wouldn't have been able to hold up my end of the bargain."
“I know it was set up that you weren’t supposed to be part of. I get that’s how they wanted it to be,” Charlie told her. “But what I want for you is that you would have been able to be a part of what everyone else got from it.” Of course, that wasn’t quite right. What he wanted for her was for her to have had a normal upbringing that didn’t involve a cult at all, but baby steps. “I don’t care about any kind of a bargain - you should have been allowed to have a childhood, Wren.”
"I didn't, though." she said. "Not really. I didn't even get that I lived out of a car with my mom before the commune, Adam had to point that out. I don't think I would have had a great childhood outside of it. You met my mother. She wasn't..." she paused, trying to find the correct word. "...present." There were other words that could have been used. Flighty. Dreamy. Distant. It wasn't that her mother was a terrible person, she just wasn't one who connected with the world around her in any real or appropriate way.
Charlie rolled his eyes. “I think it best if I keep my opinion of the woman who birthed you to myself,” he agreed. She was far from a ‘mother’, in his opinion. Charlie held nothing but utter contempt for the woman who was just fine with handing over a six year old to be manipulated and abused by someone like Brian whilst she spent half her time stoned and the other half flitting from man to man - and for all he knew, woman - within the compound.
"In the interest of not actually derailing this conversation into angry topics, I will allow for that. Though honestly, I would like to know how you feel. I know you have a different perspective, and I find that valuable. In this case, I imagine I have very little perspective." she told him. "...and you can keep doing that with my hair." she added, just a little shyly. "I like that." she continued. "But, onward...you could always say that I am the person you appreciate because of all of this. Because of her, her choices. How I wasn't a part of things."
“You like this?” Charlie teased, leaning into what he was doing a little more for a moment, then going back to absently playing. He looked pleased with the knowledge though. She was meant to like it, after all. “I know what we’ve been through shapes who we are,” he said, after a moment. “Neither of us would be who we are now without what we’ve lived. But that doesn’t mean to say that the past always has to be something we look back on fondly. That we have to be grateful for the experiences we’ve had, just because of who we are now. Or that we have to not regret what other people have had to go through. I... Care for you, Little Bird. That means I want the best for you. Always. Now, in the future - and in the past, even though I can do nothing about that. I still want that for you.”
She blushed, at the teasing, but smiled. "You're right, of course, on all of it. And I appreciate that you want those things for me." she added. "I know I feel that way myself at times. Like, if you'd taken a different path you wouldn't be stuck here, having been through what you'd been through at the commune, and you wouldn't be in prison now." she said. Then she paused, considering. "Are you unhappy?" she asked. "I general. I imagine you'd have to be, considering."
Charlie thought about that before answering, not wanting to give her a blow-off reply. “There are days when it all feels so unfair,” he admitted. “This was not how I saw my life going. At all. But... There are perks,” he said, with a small smile.
The thing was, she could picture him in another life. Off doing important things, designing buildings, maybe owning his own company. He was the type of personality that was destined for being in charge, for getting things done. "I'm sorry you're not out there, living the life you wanted." she told him. "If I could have anything for you, it would be that." she said. It was different for her.
“Maybe one day,” he said, sounding positive and upbeat about that. That much was a front, in the name of what she had said earlier - not sending the conversation spiralling down a negative path. He had a hard time believing that the administration would follow through on all of their promises. Anything which sounded too good to be true was, in his opinion, usually too good to be true.
Wren arched a brow at him. "Oh?" she asked. "Have you abandoned your distrust of those in charge?" she asked, a knowing little hint of a smile on her lips. "You now believe there will be an 'out there', with a clean slate?"
Charlie leveled a look at her. “No fair, knowing me too well,” he told her, with a pout.
Her smile grew, and she decided she liked the pout. Getting a little closer, she gave him a little kiss, still shy about it, but getting a little better a fraction at a time. "Someone has to see through it when you slant things." she told him, not at all sounding distressed that he'd made the attempt.
“Why?” Charlie asked, cheekily, returning the kiss. It was a joke of a question, but he felt it suited the mood right now.
"Otherwise it would be terribly lonely for you." she told him. "But have no fear--I know you well, even if I'm still learning the details." she promised, shifting a little more to face him. "And I'll hold onto hope for both of us. I believe I'm good for that sort of thing."
“Okay - you can have hope. I’ll allow that,” he teased. “As for the details - you realise that may take some time? For both of us. Think you could stick around for that long?” he asked her, a serious question wrapped up as a joke.
Wren smiled. "I realize that. I'm looking forward to it. And except for when I'm being demanded for governmental tasks, the jury, or being a friend, you can have all of my time, if you want it. It's yours, for whenever you wish to have it."
Charlie laughed. “Be careful what you wish for, Little Bird,” he warned, lightly. The idea of being able to spend so much time with her thrilled him. “Of course, all of those other things might take quite a bit of your time,” he pointed out. “I’ll be happy with the scraps left over,” he teased.
Wren laughed, and nudged his chest. She was very much enjoying the playful nature of this, and imagined it was 'normal'. Even if it wasn't, she was hoping it was normal for them. "I wouldn't be happy with just scraps left over!" she said. "If it gets to that point, then I'll just have to be reasonable about it. I'll have to schedule office hours, with time blocked off for specific things. Do you have a time preference?" she teased. "We could pencil blocks of 'Chester Time' in in the evenings, perhaps?"
“Let’s not let it come to that. That way, when some major disaster comes up, or one of your friends has a life crisis and needs you or whatever it is, you won’t have to go feeling all sorts of guilty for abandoning me,” he said, with fake drama.
That made her laugh. Especially since lately, it seemed like everyone was having massive bouts of drama, including herself. Put into that context, it was just amusing, however. "It is true. The sky does appear to be falling lately, so I might need to be more flexible. So, maybe I'll just keep doing this. And you can as well. When I want to see you, I'll come see you, and when you want to see me, come see me."
“Yes - I think that’ll work just fine, for now,” Charlie agreed, nodding slightly. “But - how come the sky appears to be falling?” he asked her.
"Everything seems to be dramatic lately." Wren said. "Adam, Kyle, Kyle and Adam, Adam and I, Kyle and I...there's a lot of drama. Adam in a fight...he seems to be going through quite a lot lately, and there are waves. But I'm learning more about being a good friend, or I hope I am, and that's something good to take away from it, yes?"
“Yeah, that’s something good to take away from it,” Charlie confirmed. “Even if your friends are being dramatic at you. Is Adam still kinda weird with you because of me?” he asked. He had tried not to pry too much into the whole situation, because he knew his own opinion of Adam would colour things, and he didn’t want to come between her and her friends.
"Honestly, I don't know. I'd been going to talk to him about things, but I don't know that I did a good job, and he's been in a fight, so there was that to be concerned about." Wren said. "He's...I probably need to just sit him down again and have a serious discussion, but I don't even know where I might start." she admitted. "I wouldn't say it was because of you, though. Don't take responsibility for that. If Adam has issues, it's due to Adam's issues. Even if you're the focus of some of them, that doesn't make it 'because' of you."
“Is it just bad luck on his part that Adam seems to be at the centre of a lot of things?” Charlie asked her, trying to phrase that in a way that didn’t sound judgemental.
"No." Wren said. "I don't think it is. I think it's circumstance. Circumstance, and possibly he mistakes feelings of friendship for more." she added, since that was what it seemed like to her. "In a lot of ways Adam is just as inexperienced with these matters as I am. I'm just not the center of drama because I'm more distant as a person, I believe. Adam can really throw himself into things. I'm...much more cautious."
“Well, look - if there’s anything I can help with... Let me know,” Charlie offered. He didn’t like Adam, and he wasn’t going to just pretend he did, but the guy was friends with Wren. And if Wren needed help dealing with whatever mess Adam had gotten himself into because of ‘circumstances’ that was spilling over onto Wren’s life, then Charlie would be there for her in a heartbeat.
"If you get a chance--and I do mean that, I don't expect you to go seeking him out or anything--let him know you've got no intentions of trying to edit who I'm friends with. I think that's part of what's got him worried. He's sort of convinced that you and I means that there isn't room for him to still be my friend, or...something. I'm unsure, honestly, the concept is alien to me. I don't get how that works. But he seems to be taking it seriously. I think I tried to tell him that you'd never do anything like that to me, that you know just how isolated I've been in my life and the last thing you'd seek to do would be to cut me off from a friend. But, I don't know that Adam understands."
“There’s a whole lot that that guy doesn’t understand,” Charlie said with a dark frown. “But noted. I’m not an evil overlord who is going to chain you up in a dungeon and never let you speak to anyone or see the light of day ever again. I take it this has something to do with him and you sleeping in the same bed?” he asked.
"There isn't. But you know there's a lot I don't understand either. He hasn't been isolated like I have, but he's still been pretty extremely isolated. Don't assume his being brought up out there and not on a commune means he's got a lot of experiences with people and social situations. Adam and I bonded initially over the idea that neither one of us had much of an idea who we were, without the definitions of other people to do that for us." She smiled at him. "And yes, impressing upon him that you aren't an evil overlord would be a start." she told him, clear affection in her tone. "And that, but it was also to do with the idea that he was going to be canceling plans for after here, and just general 'well everything must change now', even if it shouldn't have to. Nothing we were up to was anything..." she searched for a word but had trouble coming up with one. "Uninnocent?" she suggested.
“I never thought it was. And like I said over the messages - I trust you to be able to make that judgement call between what your friends need and what’s right between the two of us. I don’t have to be able to like to guy to trust you.” Charlie sighed and leaned back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m sure the guy has all kinds of reason why he’s the way he is. But, that doesn’t mean that he gets to tell people that they’re wrong the way he does. “ He looked over at Wren. “You’ve been isolated. You know there’s stuff you don’t know. And when you don’t know something, or you realise that how you see something isn’t the way the rest of the world sees things, you acknowledge that. You listen to other people. You talk to them. It’s not that you change your opinions overnight - but he... He can make it sound like everyone else’s experiences and views are invalid, just because he sees things in a different light.”
"I would say a lot of people are guilty of that." Wren said gently. "And for a man of conviction, you can come across as if you're convinced of being 'right' as well, Chester." In fact, that could be why he was having such a strong reaction to Adam. Many times, people sort of had an adverse reaction to someone who was too similar to themselves. She didn't put it quite so plainly, though. She was intending to give perspective, not anything further. "And I believe I have a gift, where I'm rather self aware. Adam is about the least self aware person I've ever met. He wouldn't have the perspective."
Charlie turned his head towards her with a mock scowl. “I listen to people,” he complained. He didn’t like being compared to Adam. He was nothing like that guy. “But yes - you’re very self-aware,” he agreed.
She nodded. "You do." she agreed. "But you think you're right. It's part of what drives you. What gives you your confidence, I can see a lot of that. It's how you talk, how you view things, how you conduct yourself. There's nothing wrong with it, just...it's very definitely there. And that's a trait you do share with Adam, even if you don't like it." she continued. "Though, the issue with Adam's version of it is if he doesn't know he's got that going on. He believes he's unconfident with everything. It isn't true, though. But either way, yes. I'm very self aware. Adam is not. I doubt he can see the cracks in things."
“Are you telling me I’m like him?” Charlie asked, unable to let that point go right now.
"Having something in common with someone doesn't make them alike." Wren told him. "Because you aren't. You and Adam are entirely different people, with different sensibilities, different hopes, dreams, reactions..." she trailed off. "You just share that one thing."
Charlie twitched a smile at a thought which suddenly rose. "Two things," he corrected, teasingly.
"Two things?" she asked, smiling in response to his expression. She was happy, however that he didn't seem upset anymore. She never intended that. She just also didn't not speak her mind due to the idea of something being upsetting.
"Yeah - we both like you too," Charlie said, twitching his own smile in response to hers. He clearly didn't lack confidence that she was his though.
She laughed, and grinned at him. Her natural response was to refute that, but she was in a much more playful mood, and wanted to keep with it. Keep with the tone, keep with the smiles. Reality could take a backseat for the moment. "Then you must both have good taste." she teased, a little shocked at herself, and that showed, but she was putting in an effort.
“The best,” Charlie agreed, going with instinct and leaning in to kiss her. It was still thrilling, that he could actually do that. New and exciting in a way that he would have otherwise claimed he was too old for.
Wren returned the kiss, smiling a little into it, and she let herself drift into that. This was exactly what she'd been wanting after her day. It was just about perfect.