Rebekah MacKenzie (beckathesweet) wrote in rrinitiative, @ 2013-03-22 19:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | day thirteen, rebekah, rebekah and ryan, ryan |
Suspicions
Characters: Becka and Ryan
Setting: Block A Balcony in front of the Spiritual Room, night
The little party had been fun, but the time had come. Becka had said her goodbyes, and gone back upstairs to her room. She’d already had all of her stuff together, but she had more things to organize and integrate into her stuff now. It would probably be a little awkward, but she was sure she’d manage to take it all with her without any real difficulty. Now it was just a matter of going. Heaving a soft sigh, Becka picked up her things, holding them just a bit awkwardly as she looked around the room one last time.
It wasn’t her room, not really. It wasn’t the one she’d painted with Adam or snuggled with Leandro, but it also wasn’t the one she’d been raped in, so she supposed she could deal with not leaving from there now. No, it wasn’t her room, but it was similar enough to look back on the past almost-two weeks and say one final goodbye. “Time to start your new life,” she murmured to no one before leaving the room. Once on the balcony, she paused again, looking out on the courtyard and just giving herself a moment to remember everything that had happened in her short time here.
Ryan had gone ahead and taken a shower after PM-ing Susanna about the whole screwed up holding cell thing. Adam's fucking fault, he thought sourly. Like he could have turned his back on the little fucker and expected him not to jump at the chance.
He grabbed a couple of the several books he kept in his room and a pillow just in case he wanted another and left, going to head down and hopefully sleep his way through the twelve hours.
He spied Becka just down the way, and his eyes gleamed faintly in the dying light. He hadn't really seen her since that night, and he wanted to take advantage. Especially since it would twist Adam's britches if he found out. "Evenin'," he said from a bit away from her. He eyed her armful curiously. "Need some help with all that?"
The voice surprised her, but Becka felt a bit silly for that. It wasn’t so far-fetched that someone else would be out and about at this hour, as it wasn’t too terribly late yet. The voice was easily recognizable, though, and she tensed very briefly as she turned to its source. “Hi,” she greeted Ryan after a moment. Sure, she’d given Wu a list of reason she didn’t think her attacker was Ryan, but there was always the possibility. He’d gone through her room in the middle of the night, after all.
The thoughts were quickly pushed aside by another. He wasn’t anywhere near the mess that Adam had been, and she did feel a little upset on Adam’s behalf for that. Not that she approved of fighting, but still. She hated that Adam had been hurt at all. “What?” she asked, glancing down at her things before back up at him. “Oh, no, I’ve got it,” she replied. Besides, he had a handful himself.
He noticed how the line of her shoulders tensed at the sound of his voice, and part of him enjoyed it, though he wouldn't want her being able to point a finger at him. Part of the reason he hadn't spoken at all that night.
"You sure? You've got quite a load," he noted. His split lip wasn't huge, but it did stretch tightly when he smiled at her, and the inside of his mouth hurt far worse. "Changing rooms or something?" Though he noted now, of course, that she already had done so.
When he pressed, she shook her head. “Yeah, I’m sure,” she reiterated, not willing to hand anything over. No, now she was ready to go. Becka hadn’t noticed the split lip right away, but now that she focused more fully on Ryan’s face, she did see it, and she felt a little guilty for being pleased that Adam had managed to do something in the fight. “What? No, I’m not. I’m... leaving,” she said with a brief hesitation. He must not have heard yet, though she shouldn’t be so surprised by that. She just hadn’t been able to bring herself to invite him to the little get-together. “Graduating,” she elaborated.
Ryan tilted his head promptingly. "Oh wow, a graduation already," he drawled, making approval color his voice. "You are most deserving of it as well. Though I'm sure you're kind hands will be missed in the infirmary," he said, "as well as your sunny smiles around here."
Becka looked just faintly embarrassed at the compliments. Kind hands and sunny smiles? Clearly he hadn’t been paying close attention this week, as she’d not been in the infirmary and hadn’t smiled much at all. “Oh, well, thank you. I’m looking forward to starting new.” She managed a faint smile at the admission. “Hey, I...” The apology on Adam’s behalf died on her tongue, mostly because while perhaps just slightly misguided, she understood why Adam had gone after him.
Well, he did like to make her blush - it was just another way of making people uncomfortable, and off balance, and he always liked that. Ryan tilted his head, wondering what she was about to say. "You?" he prompted almost gently, wanting to see what else she had to say. He wished she weren't leaving, there hadn't been enough time to do much of anything since the blackout, and he'd wanted to visit with her some. It was something he always enjoyed.
At the prompting, Becka did blush a little bit, shrugging awkwardly. “I heard about the fight with Adam. I’m sorry that it happened at all.” She didn’t want to point out that she understood why Adam had done it, didn’t want to draw his attention to the fact that she’d been the one raped during the blackout.
Ryan frowned, his jaw tightening for a moment, prompting a very faint wince. He reached up and rubbed the offended jaw with one hand, suppressing his urge to anger. "I'm sorry it happened too. I didn't go looking for a fight." Or continue it when it had started, which was hard for him, given he'd wanted to beat the snot out of the other man.
The way Ryan’s jaw tightened had Becka’s stomach twisting anxiously, though she had a feeling it was because Adam’s persistent belief that Ryan was the one who’d hurt her was still so fresh in her mind. “I know you didn’t,” she replied with a small nod. “I know that he started it, and I know that... he’s very protective.” Because it hadn’t just been because he thought Ryan was the one who’d raped her, it had been because he’d been in hers and Wren’s rooms.
Ryan ran his tongue across his painful cheek, wishing he'd done more to that boy with every passing moment. "Obviously, but I didn't even say anything to provoke him." He shrugged as if shrugging it off and away, though it did bother him. "I would apologize for everything, but I stopped every time he backed off and I didn't want it to happen in the first place." He just wasn't going to let someone jump him.
Becka blinked at him, thinking it was a little weird that he didn’t understand why Adam had felt provoked to attack him. “You went into mine and Wren’s rooms uninvited - I’d say that was probably provocation enough for Adam.” Though why she’d said that, she didn’t know. The last thing she wanted to do was provoke someone herself on her way out of here. At least he hadn’t gone completely to town on Adam, though she was disappointed to realize that Adam must have kept going after him. “I understand. Well, I’m sorry that it happened.” She took a small step back, not really sure what to say then, but not wanting to be rude and just walk away.
"It was a stupid mistake that I've apologized for," he said in an even tone, though his jaw tensed a little again. "I understand him being protective, but I've not done anything to hurt anybody since then, except in self defense," he added. He had tried to show her he wasn't horrible--such lies, but he was oh so good at it--but he just hadn't had enough time to do it well. "I'm sorry too. You going down, then?" he inquired. "I'm going that way myself."
The instinct to reassure him was strong, though Becka wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do. Even though she had her doubts that Ryan had actually done anything horrible (though why had he been sentenced to such a long stay in the stocks if he hadn’t?), there was still a strong possibility that he was guilty. “I get that. And... Well, you were already punished for it, I know. So it’s a grudge thing, but after everything that’s happened...” she trailed off, glancing away toward the stairwell. This was getting uncomfortable fast, and she felt a strong urge to flee. “Yeah, I am,” she said, glancing back at him with a small nod.
He looked at her long and consideringly, trying to figure out what he should know and what he shouldn't, sorting it all out as best he could. He was a canny creature, and good at covering his tracks. He wouldn't incriminate himself if he could help it, though there was a small temptation to do just that. "Everything that's happened..." he mused aloud, then let his eyes widen as if in sudden revelation and shock. "Oh God, were you the one who was attacked?" he said, seeming utterly horror-stricken, shocked, and sympathetic. "That puts Adam's behavior into a much less crazy perspective. God, I'm so sorry," he told her.
Though she wasn’t looking at him in that moment, Becka could feel his gaze on her, and when he seemed to connect the dots, she winced heavily. Her eyes shot back to his, wide and horrified, not wanting him to say it, but he did, and she felt just a bit sick. Though her lip wibbled just a bit, her shoulders squared. “Adam’s a good person and protective, like I said,” she replied, studiously focusing on that rather than the sick feeling in the stomach at the reminder of her attack, that she was a victim. That he might have been the one to do it.
His face schooled into an expression of astonished hurt. "Oh my God, y'all think I did it," he breathed, strengthening his drawl, his accent, to give further credence to his dismay. Inside he had a jolt of satisfaction at his performance as well as the way her lip wibbled like that, though none of that came even close to touching his face. "I would never!"
Becka’s heart pounded in her chest, fear and anxiety mixing with confusion. Adam seemed so sure. Wu seemed so sure, and yet... Ryan didn’t look guilty in the least. He looked shocked and hurt and... Could she have been right to question their belief that he was guilty? “I... I...” What could she say? That she believed him? She just wasn’t sure she should.
He could see her pulse fluttering at her throat, and it sent a visceral sort of reaction through him, but he hid it. He had to. But oh, he knew he would think of it later. Fucking hell that he was going to a cell tonight, though who said he couldn't enjoy himself there too? He made to reach out and then immediately retracted his hand. "I wouldn't do that. My mama raised me to be a gentleman. No is no, she always said." And most of that, except for the first, was the truth. There was just no saying he had actually listened to it.
There was no way to stop the flinch when Ryan started reaching out to her, and she jerked back just a bit. Family was important, and Becka knew very well how southern moms raised their kids - her own mother was southern, after all. That didn’t mean the kids always listened to their mothers. She wanted to believe that he had, though, that he would never do what had been done to her, but the doubt was there, itching at the nape of her neck. “Don’t touch me,” she said, just a little breathlessly, her eyes wide.
"I'm not, I'm not," he said, holding his hands up carefully and then folding them in plain sight over his chest. "Sorry, I forgot for a sec what it would come across as." He kept his eyes wide, innocent, apologetic. Inside was another story, but he'd have plenty of time for that later. He was practiced at this. For now, he would ignore those sensations he felt inside.
Becka sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s fine... I’m fine,” she murmured, though she may have been trying to convince herself of that. She needed to be fine. “I... should really be going, though,” she said, taking another small step back toward the stairwell.
Ryan watched her, not moving but still giving her his full attention. "I'd offer to escort you down, but given your doubts, I won't inflict my presence on you anymore," Ryan said quietly, his dark eyes going downcast after another moment, peeking faintly at her from under his lashes. "I wish you the very best in your new life, Becka. I hope you heal and find a good life for yourself," he said, giving her a small, encouraging smile.
Fleeing prey, his mind said, and oh how he wanted to press her, slowly close the distance... but no. He could not do anything. Damn, he wished she were staying.
His response was enough to push aside her own issues for a moment, and she very nearly reached a hand out to him. Her hands were full, though, so she didn’t. “It’s not... I didn’t...” Her expression was apologetic, as she hated that she might have offended him. “I’m sorry.” She couldn’t disagree with what he’d said, though. She did have doubts and wouldn’t feel comfortable allowing him to escort her. Becka focused on the well wishes, then, and attempted to give him a small smile. It fell short, but at least she’d tried. “Thank you. I hope that you will do well too,” she said genuinely. Rehabilitation was important, and she did hope that everyone here would be successful in it.
He nodded, accepting her apology with the same grace he usually did when it came to things with her. So much for good behavior, though, he inwardly chafed. He'd get no chance here, and who was to say if he'd ever come across her again. "Thank you, darlin'," he said with another nod, hitching his pillow up under his arm farther. Part of him contemplated going down the stairs after her rather than going to the elevator like he had planned. He watched after her as she started to move away.
With one last small smile at Ryan, Becka turned and headed toward the stairs, trying not to feel awkward or insecure about turning her back to him. It was a little awkward getting the door open, but then she went down the stairs and out into the courtyard. She took her time crossing it, struck by the thought that it would be her last time. So much had happened in this courtyard, she thought, her eyes darting to the patch of grass Caroline had fallen to, then the tool shed where things had seemed to change for her and Adam, then to where the stocks had been set up, the burned patch in the grass. Yes, this courtyard had seen a lot of insane things.
Shaking her head, Becka continued on across the courtyard to the cafeteria. She thought about ducking into the kitchen to grab a snack for later, but she was still full from the party, and with any luck she would be on her way to her new life before long, and there would undoubtedly be food with that. No, the thought was more about stalling than a worry of being hungry. As set as she was in her decision, there were still a lot of nerves about it. When she stepped into the cafeteria, she was relieved to see that it was empty. Good, that would make it easier to leave. She shifted her belongings so that she could press the button for the elevator.
It was a few long moments before the doors opened, and she stepped in, ready to face whatever the rest of her life would bring.