Adam Samuels (adamsammy) wrote in rrinitiative, @ 2013-01-19 09:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | adam, adam and mazie, day ten, mazie |
Wise Words
Who: Adam and Mazie
When: Evening
Where: Adam’s room
Mazie wasn’t hungry. Sitting here, watching the water boil? That was more to keep her off the computers than anything else. It was hard being here instead of in her room, working on something she’d wanted to get done for a while, but if Autumn was taking some time, then Mazie figured the least she could do was take time away from her mission, since she didn’t want to take it away from Autumn. Sure, she wasn’t going to bug her, not after the day they’d had, but she could maybe take a step back and try to figure out what her next step was going to be.
She poured the hot water into the instant ramen container and brought it and a fork with her upstairs. She stopped in front of her door, hesitated for a minute, and turned to walk to Adam’s to knock on it and hope he was in.
Everything that had been said was so heavy between himself and Kyle, but things were better now, and playing around in the pool was great, good exercise and something to take his mind off of everything they’d said. He’d eaten dinner, and by the time he’d gotten back to his room he was feeling really good. Beyond good. Sure things were sometimes weird, but Kyle was his friend, his best friend, and yeah maybe there was something else there tugging at him, but the rest was good. That was enough.
When she knocked he went to the door pulling it open and slightly surprised to see Mazie there. “Hey there,” he greeted, moving to let her into the room.
Mazie didn’t wait, pushing past Adam into his room to flop down on the couch. “I don’t wanna be alone right now,” She said between bites of rehydrated noodles. What she wanted was for this day to make some sort of sense but it didn’t seem likely, so she needed to be near someone else that grounded her, especially if she couldn’t be near Autumn.
Adam opened his mouth once, then twice, then closed the door. “Okay. Sure.” He went to get his chair, pulling it towards her and sitting down. “What’s going on?” he asked, guessing that this was definitely something going on.
“What, can’t a friend see a friend when they haven’t seen each other in days? We live next door to each other, Adam...” Mazie said, frowning a little as she sipped at the chicken-flavored broth in the soup cup. “Had a rough day,” She eventually answered.
“And you haven’t come by in days?” Adam suggested, but there it was. A bad day. He slid the chair closer and watched her. “Wanna talk about it?”
“You haven’t come by either,” She pointed out, looking over the cup as he watched her. “I...don’t know, I mean...so much has happened, so much. Tell me about your day, I guess? And I’ll..work up to wanting to talk about mine.”
“I...slept in the spiritual with Charlie who doesn’t like me. And Wren,” Adam started. “Though sleeping isn’t really accurate. I have chlamydia, Kyle is working on something I can’t see though he didn’t actually say that. He and I talked about...everything and he’s still my friend.” And he was struggling with how he was feeling about Kyle. That started to show on his features, but he shook it away. “That’s it. What happened to you?”
Mazie stared at him for a moment, put her cup of soup down on the couch's arm, and cleared her throat. Which part of that did she come at first? "Ok, so…no, we're not glossing over that stuff. Which part of what you just said should we talk about first?"
Adam shook his head. “We don’t really need to talk about it. Tell me what happened with you.” It wasn’t worth going into if Mazie was here because she had a rough day. There was no point in piling more on top of her.
“Uhm, I want to go into it. You can’t just say all that and not expect me to pick something. But ok, if you wanna play it this way, talk to me about what you and Kyle talked about...” Mazie said, thinking that there was something else she should mention or talk about first but she just couldn’t get her head around what the appropriate way to converse about it was so she went with the easiest.
He found it interesting that she chose that to start with, but Adam went into it because Mazie asked. “Prison and everything happened there. Life before prison a little. Why I have nightmares and what they’re about. Lots of things.”
“And you thought he wouldn’t be your friend if you mentioned this stuff to him?” Mazie asked, holding the styrofoam cup in her hands just to feel its warmth. It was a big step that Adam was talking to people about this and Mazie couldn’t help the nice, kinda happy feeling in her. That was a good thing that happened today, even if nothing else was.
“There’s a lot of bad stuff in there Mazie,” Adam explained. “And it’s not so much that he wouldn’t be my friend, but he might see me differently. And from what I can tell he doesn’t.” Which was probably the best part. It wasn’t exactly an ‘up’ day, but that helped for sure.
“You should stop thinking everyone is out to judge you, Adam.” Mazie took another sip of the chicken-flavored broth and looked back at him. “You wanna talk about the chlamydia thing? How you feel about it?”
“It’s not a judging thing, it’s a pity thing.” Which Adam didn’t want, not from Kyle. Looking down at his hands instead of her Adam bit at his lip. “I got a shot for it this morning...so I should be fine soon.” There was an obvious hesitation, waiting before Adam could go on. “I got it in prison.”
That was exactly where she was hoping he didn’t get it. “Fuck...Adam, I’m sorry,” She said instantly, frowning. She wanted immediately to just get to her computer and rip those people who hurt Adam a new one, but her abilities to do so in here were limited. “Anything I can do?”
Adam shook his head. “Not really.” He let out a sigh and glanced up at her. “It could be so much worse you know. So much worse. And...I hate it. It’s like I can’t get away from it but at least it’s not going to kill me.”
She hated it too, more than she could even say since she definitely felt like she wouldn’t be able to accurately explain how much she hated what had happened to him. “At least there’s something we can do to treat it.” For a minute, she waited and then reached out to lightly punch him on the arm. “Doesn’t make you any less stellar than you already are.”
Adam made a face at the punch, rubbing his arm, even if it hadn’t really hurt. “So I’m still at ‘not quite stellar’?” He was teasing, obvious and shaking his head. “I’ve already seen the doc about it. He’s getting me fixed up and...we’re talking about more things.”
“Don’t make me kick your ass,” Mazie said, grinning a little at him. She leaned back into the couch again and started eating slowly. “Good, I think it’s good you’re going to see him.” Between Autumn and Kyle and Cal, maybe this would really help. “So I guess we can go to that last part. Why’d you sleep in the spiritual room?”
“Wren got stuck on this side when the power went out. We were in the library at first, but then she sort of wanted to get a group together, which included Charlie and then it was just the three of us,” Adam explained, shrugging his shoulders lightly. “It wasn’t anything exciting.”
“That’s a cute slumber party, I guess.” Taking another forkful of noodles, Mazie slurped them up and sighed when she was done. “Ok, my turn I guess. I’ll start with...someone threw up some nooses on a tree and carved Autumn’s and my name into a heart on it. Autumn and I are a thing now but we had a really rough day. Last night was incredible, but this morning...I mean, we started off with a fight basically and now there’s some crazed maniac out there making threats against us and I just...I think I’m just pissing her off with what I want to do about it. About everything here.”
“It wasn’t really a cute thing,” Adam clarified, shaking his head. Not when he obviously didn’t like Charlie. “Okay I thought you and Autumn were already a thing,” he asked, before pushing on. “And nooses? In a tree? Who the hell did that?”
“...It’s more than us being a thing. Some stuff happened last night, great stuff, and now we’re just in this awful place where she needs time because I keep screwing up stuff. We just aren’t seeing eye to eye on what I want to be doing.” Sighing, she shook her head. “Yeah, nooses. Nooses and a heart shaped carving of our names in it. It’s fucked up,” She said, looking back at Adam. “And I want to get control of the cameras so that I can monitor if this shit ever happens again and she thinks it’s..not a safe idea and unrealistic for me to be looking at everything all the time, which I know but there are ways around it. There are people who would help...”
“Mazie, you just used a lot of words to say nothing. If you want me to understand what you mean about the whole you and Autumn bit, you might have to try again in a way that I can understand.” He watched her his look obviously eager to listen.
“It is fucked up,” he agreed, sitting back more as he thought about it, worried what it might mean, well at least until the last part of what Mazie said. “You want to do what?” he asked. “You want to start spying on people...”
Mazie frowned a little more. “I don’t know what the protocol is. I mean, I don’t know if it’s something I’m like..supposed to tell other people even if it’s really exciting for me and I want it to happen again soon but we’re stuck in this place where I think I’m just doing stuff that makes her unhappy, even though she said she didn’t want me to stop if it makes me happy...” Sighing, she took a breath. “Yeah that didn’t help. I don’t know if I’m supposed to say anything.”
Dammit. “That’s what she said people would say...” Shaking her head, Mazie looked back at him, though slipping down on the couch a little and lowering her voice. “It’s not like that. Theoretically, I want to use the cameras to monitor the public spaces and I wouldn’t use them to look into anyone’s rooms unless I needed to. I mean, if they can see what’s going on, why shouldn’t we be able to?”
“So you don’t have to tell me, but I can’t actually help here. Just so you know.” Adam tried for a smile then shook his head again. “No. We shouldn’t because we’re not them. Because out in the real world we can’t see. And what’s to say that if you start with the public areas it won’t progress into people’s rooms. Do you want people looking into your room? What about these people that you want to help you?” He stopped leaning in closer again. “What if they find out?”
“Half of why I want to do this because I don’t want people looking into my room. Or Autumn’s.” She looked back at Adam. “But speak for yourself, I can do this in the real world easier than I can do this here.” She leaned back again and rested her head on the back of the couch. “I want to tell you, Adam, I just..don’t know if I’m supposed to. If I do, you won’t tell anyone else, right?”
“You can do that in the real world? Jesus Mazie, that’s creepy.” Adam didn’t like that way that felt, like someone was watching even when he wasn’t in here. “You didn’t answer my last question. What happens if they find out?” He pointed towards the ceiling. “Who am I going to tell?”
“I mean, I assume I can do it in the real world. I haven’t tried it but things are generally easier to do in the real world than they are in prison.” Mazie sighed. “Adam, you wouldn’t feel better knowing that someone who was on your side was watching over this place? Not just some vague ‘administration’ people?” She shook her head. “That’s also what Autumn says. She’s worried that if they find out, they’ll take me away. And I just...I don’t know, I have to figure out something to do in this place. I can’t keep letting this shit happen. The nooses, your door..well a lot of people’s doors, all this other crap keeps happening and no one’s doing anything about it.” She looked back up at him. “You didn’t promise. If I tell you, will you tell other people what happened last night?”
“Not really no. I’d feel better knowing that people really have my back, knowing I have somewhere to turn if something happens.” Adam sighed, and looked at Mazie. “I’m worried about he same thing Autumn is. That they’ll take you for making a mess. There’s got to be other things you can do? We’re voting for leaders or something aren’t we?” He shook his head. “I know who wrote on my door. Wren did. And yes, the nooses, that’s weird, but you wouldn’t have seen it anyway, the power was out.” He was trying to be patient, but Mazie wouldn’t listen. “I won’t tell. Promise.”
Oh, that’s right. Wren had written on his door, he’d told her that. She must have forgotten in the hullabaloo of this whole thing. “Maybe it’s a horrible idea.” The people she cared most about seemed to think so and she had to weigh her own wants against what they were saying, which was new to her in many ways considering before, she had the only opinion that mattered in her life “Maybe I can find something else to do...” Sighing, disheartened again, Mazie slouched against the arm of the couch. She was quiet for a long time, trying to separate how happy she’d been the night before from how horrible she felt now. “Autumn and I...what’s a classy way to say this, spent the night together.”
“I don’t think it’s a horrible idea, it just needs to be thought out more. To figure out what you really want. And how dangerous it is and if that’s worth it. I’m leaning towards it not being because you getting taken away? I’m not okay with. They took Leandro away last night. Just gone.” Adam watched her slump, tilting his head as he listened. “You sleep there a lot...or do you mean you had sex because you really don’t have to be classy with me. I’m a big boy and not a virgin.”
“I want to be classy for her, Adam. I’m not..fancy or whatever, but she’s got to be the most elegant person I’ve ever met and I think, if I’m gonna talk about this stuff which I’m still not sure I should be, that she deserves more than something crude or whatever’s easiest to say or something.” She looked back his way and just nodded to the rest of it. “Sorry they took Leandro away, though.”
“So that’s a yes to knocking boots?” Adam asked, smiling a little more. He got that Autumn was classy, but he also guessed she’d laugh at Mazie for not being able to actually spell out what had happened. “I’m not upset about him. I was worried about Kyle, because he liked him, but I really didn’t care for the guy.”
“That’s a yes. And it was great, but now we’re all...stuck in this place where I want to do something that turns both her and you off, so maybe there really is something to this other side I’m not seeing. And I want to get back to a place where me and Autumn are happy again.” Mazie took another bite of her food. “Is Kyle ok with it?” She ran a hand through her hair, frowning at the slick feeling that came with it. “I need to shower...”
"Great. That's awesome. And I'm a little jealous." Adam grinned a little, just to reassure her. "And there is a side to it. Maybe throttle back and you two can get back there." Not that he was useful with relationship advice, since he hasn't been in one, but he could try. "Ky's okay. He's...upset that he missed the chance to find out if they would work out or whatever. He did really like him." Something else toned his voice, setting it just off from normal. "You can use mine if you want," he said nodding towards the bathroom.
“Ok, I’m gonna take a break from everything we were just talking about and comment on the fact that you just called him ‘Ky’. And that thing in your voice, that weird thing that just happened...what’s that mean?” She asked, eyes settling on Adam and narrowing as she studied him.
Adam looked up, looking slightly bashful. "I can call him Ky. He called me A earlier." He rubbed at the back of his neck. "It's nothing. I just...it's nothing."
“Oooho, that is not nothing,” Mazie said, grinning a little as she sat up a bit on the couch and leaned forward. “Come over here and explain to me what is going on, A.”
"Shut up Mazie. It's not that." He rolled his eyes and didn't go sit with her. "Even if it was, which it's not, he was into Leandro. And...we're friends. It's fine."
“Well, Leandro is gone now,” Mazie said, looking back at Adam. She smiled again, though let the teasing drop. “Are you sure it’s not that? Because...you know it’s ok if it is that, right?”
"I know he is. I wonder why, I thought he was doing fine. He was friends with Kyle, with Becka..." Adam shrugged then looked at her. "I know it's okay. Or well yeah. I mean he's my best friend. That part would be weird. And I'm not... We're friends." At least that was what it felt like from Kyle.
“You can’t decide what he’s going to feel, though, Adam. You know? It’s not fair to go around just thinking you know how he feels about you. You have to ask him sometime.” Mazie finished off her food and sat the cup on the floor against the couch. “And who knows why they’re doing anything they’re doing here. I mean...none of us really know what the Administration is doing.”
"I feel like they should have some reason for the things they do," Adam said. "But I can't think of one." He looked up towards the ceiling and ran his hand over his head. "I'm not even sure there's anything to talk to him about. It’s just this feeling, this sense that maybe something’s missing."
“I’m not talking about him and Leandro, I’m talking about him and the way you sounded when you mentioned him. Or still sound when you mention him.” Mazie said, smiling a little bit as she watched Adam. “You sounded different. A good different.”
Adam rolled his eyes again and shook his head. “It’s not different. It just is. It’s not...” he trailed off, not quite looking at her. “I don’t think. I mean...yeah. That’s not my thing.” Yet at the same time he was slightly confused about it all.
Mazie shrugged. “Hey, I wasn’t sure girls were my thing either and well, we both see where I’m at in all of this. It’s just..it’s not like you need anyone’s approval or anything, Adam. It’s just nice to see you when you talk about Kyle, that’s all I’m saying.”
“Yours isn’t so much a girl thing as much as it’s an Autumn thing. Anyone would be into Autumn and looks don’t really matter that much to me.” Adam smiled and ran his hand through his hair. It was getting longer, slowly but surely. “What’s it like? That’s so nice about it?”
“Maybe it’s not such a boy thing for you, but a Kyle thing? I haven’t really met him but if you like him, I’d like to.” Mazie watched him for a moment then patted the couch, trying to get him to sit down with her. “It’s just...You sometimes sound so hesitant, that you’re scared that whatever you say is going to backfire on you the moment the words come out. It’s just different when you talk about him.”
“It’s not a Kyle thing,” Adam insisted, waiting a moment before giving in and going to sit with her. It was inviting more contact, he was all but sure of that, but it was also Mazie. They were usually rather casual with one another. He just needed to get over his issues. “That’s because what I say does tend to backfire. It does with him too, just...less. Or he’s gotten used to it maybe. I don’t know.”
“I don’t know, I’m not the one who has all the answers about this kind of thing. All I’m saying is that it’s not a bad thing, what I see right now.” She said, smiling a little at Adam before sighing. She slipped down, put her head on his shoulder, and closed her eyes. “I really hope tomorrow is better than today. What’s a thing I could do for Autumn but like...also give her space. Is there something I could do?”
He tried hard not to flinch too much when she touched him, wanting her to be there. “I’m not sure he’d agree. Or even notice,” Adam said, giving a little more than he had before. “She asked for space?” he asked thinking that sounded like bad news. “You leave something outside her door. Write her a note and tell her how wonderful she is.”
“I don’t know, space, time, one in the same thing really...Just basically I think she wants time to think about this stuff, think about what’s happening here. And I can’t blame her, I just...it freaks me out a little.” Exhaling, she added, “Maybe I can figure out how to make her a playlist or something...”
“I don’t think they are the same thing. And is she thinking about you two or here, this place? Because that’s different too.” He looked at her as best he could, but it was hard with her like that. “I think that would be a good idea.”
“I think it’s mostly that she feels the same way you do about what I wanted to do. I just need to think this through, to see if there’s something I can do to make myself feel less at their mercy but not compromise too much on how she feels too. She’s important to me. I’ve just..never had to factor in someone else’s concerns before.” She took another deep breath. “I just want to make this right.”
Adam was quiet for a moment while he thought. “I think that’s the hard part right? Where you have to figure out how to be you and you with another person?” He let out a breath and tilted his head towards her even if he didn’t touch her. “Think it through Mazie. Having what you love, being with someone you care about? That’s as much being you as not being at their mercy. Letting them take that away either by fighting with her or by being taken away yourself is letting them win.”
“You got some secret wisdom stashed away there, Mr. Spock,” Mazie said, smiling a little even if it was more melancholy than before. He wasn’t wrong, though, and that made about as much sense as anything had today, so she stashed the lesson away for reflection later, when she knew she’d need it. “Wanna watch a movie or something before I go back to my room?”
“I spent a long time watching people,” he corrected the nodded. “We can do that, but not until you shower. You smell.” He got up nodding towards the bathroom. “Do it.”
That got a small chuckle from her. “Fine, I’ll shower but in my room. You come over in like twenty minutes or something, we’ll watch a movie. Deal?”
“Deal,” Adam promised, nodding towards the door this time. “Get on it. You smell.” Not really, but she’d brought up the shower thing and he could tell by looking at her that yeah, she needed a shower.