So much has happened over the past two years that it's exhausting, both on and off line. I'm sick of spending my time here feeling frustrated over a lack of communication, over people not being willing to compromise, over emotions getting the best of everything to the point of break. Game after game has imploded. Relationships have been tossed aside or sacrificed for others. Friendships that should have had staying power proved that they didn't.
It's exhausting both emotionally and mentally.
RP is a hobby, an escape from the bitterness of reality. Because let's face it, folks. The real world sucks. And it gets worse every day.
I miss the times when we could all get online, write fun stories, plot around with everyone and not feel like we were being judged. Except that time never really existed, did it? Maybe I, like so many others, was settled comfortably inside my own little clique that I never noticed how awful everyone really was to each other. And what for? What's the point of it?
All I want to do is write. I want a safe space to do this where my integrity isn't called into question. I want to be able to post as often as I like, even if the post feels pointless to someone else. Why? Because it helps me feel better to live vicariously through my characters, even if it's something as meaningless as a trip to the damn grocery store. Why should I not be able to share glimpses of them just because no one else has posted anything? Why should I feel bad about flooding the friend's page if I have the time to do so? Why should I have to silence myself or my creativity because no one else is feeling as inspired? Or because all everyone else wants to do is share moodboards, playlists, and instagram photos?
I like those posts, don't get me wrong. But if that's how you want to RP, how I want to RP shouldn't bother you.
This isn't game specific, by the way. So don't request PMs, I wouldn't offer them anyhow. I honestly think that bit of bullying needs to go away. Just because one person had a bad time in a game doesn't mean you need to ruin the whole thing for everyone else.
I want to go back to when we all got along. Or when it felt like we all got along. Most of us started writing on here in high school, if not shortly after. We're all old enough where we shouldn't be acting towards each other as if we're schoolyard bullies. There has to be some give and take. COMPROMISE. Because it's starting to feel very lonely out here and I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I've seen it. I've seen similar vents, similar frustrations.
Admitting there's a problem is only half the battle, what are we going to do to fix it? Because I'm not ready to walk away from this. I want to be able to write, to share my stories, to enjoy this space again. I want to be able to connect with people and not feel penned in, or like I have to watch my back at every step because God forbid somebody I start a line with turns out to be someone who decided they hate me for one reason or another. Legitimately, and I know this will sound stupidly immature, but why the hell can't we all just get along?!
There are so many apologies I'd like to make, so many I'd love to hear. But honestly? I'd rather just let it all go, move on, get back to what I love doing. Life's too short not to. Way too fucking short.