eddie/muerte log Who: Eddie and Muerte Where: Ocean's Eleven door When: during Valentine's plot What: they go dancing, but it ends up being talking and smooching Warnings: a little smoochin
Eddie didn’t believe she’d actually show up.
It only occurred to him later, after he was stretched out in his bed alone, that she may lose her nerve. He didn’t blame her for it, there was a lot at stake and being with him? Well, that never really seemed like it was a top priority. Laying there alone, all his insecurities rushed in at once, reminding him that he couldn’t keep a marriage to a woman he had been with for years. Couldn’t even manage a first date with a woman he cared about deeply. Maybe this kind of thing wasn’t cut out for him, maybe he wasn’t supposed to feel anything beyond neon and question marks.
Those questions kept his mood sour for the days leading up to their date. He thought about not even showing, just slapping a green question mark on the wall next to the club’s entrance, but he wanted to give her a chance. He knew this whole thing was difficult enough for her and his insecurities were just that, his own. Going this far and not giving her a shot at something good would be unfair, it would be mean, so he didn’t bail. He tried to pump himself up for having a decent enough time with her.
So, there he was. In an Elvis Costello blue suit that cuffed at his ankles to show bright red shoes. He even wore the thick rimmed glasses to give the effect and his hair was slicked back. Granted he was a lot more handsome than the mousy Elvis, so he was already attracting attention from women wandering in for a good time. He didn’t pay them any mind. The party was held in a club at the MGM casino and was generally full of late twenties to mid thirties types looking for a hit of nostalgia. Women showed up in Madonna lace, men wore their hair black and combed forward like the Cure and Prince music pumped from inside.
Eddie leaned on the wall next to the club, head tilted up to look at the dizzying casino lights as his hands were tucked in his blazer pockets. If Muerte didn’t show up he’d just go play poker until he lost all his money. He’d go back to Gotham and forget any of this ever happened. Maybe find a nice girl who would fall over herself to be with him and his money. That would be painless. He closed his eyes and told his nerves to quit it as “Uptown Girl” started blasting from inside the club. The live band was really getting into it, punching each lyric like it was an insult. He smiled and hummed along with it.
Death had absolutely no idea what she was doing. This was so far outside her realm of experience - going on a date - that it had forever seemed to be impossible. Dream was the one who'd had the most relationships, and she'd watched each of them fail for their own reasons (only one with a mortal human, and that was the most disastrous one of all). Even so, she sort of wished that he was there, able to be her sounding board for once. For all the good that it would do her. She knew that her meeting with Destiny had ended with her making the right decision. For as long as it lasted before she'd given in to responding to a single message from Eddie.
Responding, and then ending up leaving with a hard, cold feeling in her stomach. And maybe that was how it all started - the cold dread of impending doom. For as melodramatic as that sounded. Maybe that was how it started - with her unable to make a decision and simply unraveling everything because it. Both what could be and what already was. Because she'd seen the unhappy angle of Eddie's shoulders, had the too-cheerful words forced in her face before he turned his back. It hurt something within her in return, and had left her hiding for the days leading up to the party in another door. A little pain for them both now would be better than even more for everyone later.
But she'd kept the postcard flyer. Had been aware of where she left it sitting, propped up against the fishbowl where she would be certain not to lose it. And then the days inbetween had become the day of, and she stood in front of a door that would take her to the hotel if she chose to open it. Her hand rested on the knob for too long, until she knew that the time was running very short, and she had to make a decision.
And so, with a single thought that changed her appearance, she pushed through the door and into the hotel. She'd look ridiculous if anyone saw her before she neared the party, but she wanted to dress up, and knew that there wouldn't be any way for her to change if she did become human through the door Eddie had chosen.
And that was another thing to worry about. The hotel itself was sort of a dead space (pun intended) between worlds, where she wasn't one thing and wasn't another. She could pass through easily enough, but it always felt a little claustrophobic. But the unknown of entering another world was even worse. She'd been to a few, with different results each time. It was a risk, with the thought of her existence unraveling still a worry with every unknown threshold. But there was no way to know unless she tried. And if she did disappear… She entertained a moment of worry for those she would leave behind, but she eventually turned the handle and pushed through.
To come out on the Strip in Vegas. There were enough people that one more didn't make an impact to anyone. The noise and the desert air and the strangeness of it all stole her breath for a moment until she forcibly reminded herself to breathe and her lungs filled once with gasping effort and then continued on their own. She felt very small and very vulnerable, with no awareness of what was going on in the rest of the universe. It took more minutes than she wanted, one hand braced against the nearest wall, breath still unsettled and her heart beating hard to pump actual blood through actual veins. Her cheeks felt flush after a few moments of that, and she steadied herself enough to look around and get her bearings. Hoping that this Las Vegas was the same as others she'd known, she headed toward where she thought the MGM Casino was.
With all the people, no one looked twice at her outfit as she walked - shredded black jeans (tight and more hole than denim), neon pink fishnets beneath, to show through along with pale skin at each opening, high-heeled ankle boots (with fringe, thank you), a t-shirt oversized and cut at collar and midriff, a tanktop underneath (matching the day-glo pink of the fishnets). Bangles and bracelets were stacked on each wrist halfway up her forearm, and her hair was piled into a ponytail on the very top of her head, the usual mess of it crimped as much as her thoughts could manage to make it before stepping out of her own door. She felt ridiculous, but it made her laugh at herself when everything else felt strange and out of sorts.
By the time she walked up to the casino, there were more people in ridiculous clothes, and she blended into the crowd. Her cheeks were still flushed, but her eyes were bright, and she knew she had to be careful - that she was so used to being herself that being suddenly human could be dangerous. She stepped to the side just before the door, finally wondering if Eddie would actually be there, or if she'd hesitated too much during their last conversation. Or if, in fact, she was running late and he'd already been and gone. She found that she didn't know what to do with her hands, so very aware of her own physical body, and uncertain how to exist in it. She went through a fairly quick progression of hands in her too-small pockets, resting on her hips, arms crossed over her body, and finally tucked behind her back as she leaned against the building's wall. She glanced around for Eddie, for green, but she was too overwhelmed still by everything to do a proper check for him.
Eddie rolled his head to the side and looked down to check his watch. A couple more minutes and his pride would spiral down the drain. He took off the cheap glasses and tossed them in the nearby ashtray, rubbed his eyes and decided to go gamble. A frustrated noise escaped his lips and he pushed off the wall, head turning to look just one more time before bouncing out of there. That’s when he caught sight of the goth chick in neon pink fishnets and an oversized t-shirt. He smiled, glad she couldn’t see the goofy relief on his face and walked over to her.
They were aptly representing different parts of the era. No one would be surprised that Eddie went full mod, but it was strange to see her in some color. Not that he was complaining. “Hey.” He noticed the nervousness, the way she didn’t quite fit in her own skin. It made that heaviness in his stomach go away. She was here. Even though it was hard, she was here. That meant more than enough for him.
He held out his hand. “Listen, if your guy doesn’t show up, why don’t you go in there with me?” He smiled at her without the fake cheeriness or plastered on charm. Just a smile and there wasn’t any green to be seen on him.
The voice caught her by surprise, and she looked up at the guy that had walked up, the one she hadn't quite noticed until his red shoes brought him close. It wasn't that he didn't merit notice, but that there was too much to focus on all at once. And she'd been looking for someone that didn't quite match who was standing there. Maybe she should have known that there didn't need to be green, but it took seeing him, hearing the cheesy line about "her guy" for her to realize that there didn't always need to be green with him. That so often, there wasn't. She knew him well enough to have known that sooner, and if she hadn't been distracted by everything about herself being so different, maybe she would have remembered it. She laughed as she looked at him - the suit, the shoes - and put her hand in his.
"What makes you think I was waiting on a guy? Or that I'd want to go in there with you?" Her cheeks were still flushed with the blood she was unused to, like her body was still trying to adjust to itself. Her eyes were bright and clear, without the depthless intensity they sometimes had, and her hand shook a little when she put it in his, palm just a little damp. It was her, it always would be her, but being human made her different. Her mind couldn't hold quite as much, and some things had to be swapped out because of it.
She held the game for another moment before whispering to him. "I'm late, I think. I'm sorry. This is all…" Her eyes shifted over, took in the people, the lights, the everything. She stared at it, hand tightening around his, but her thought trailed off without completion.
He tilted his head, liking the unfamiliar flush to her cheeks and trying not to stare too much. Staring was bad, especially if she was feeling off about everything. “Have you seen my shoes, lady? They’re Italian leather.” Eddie said with pride like that was enough for any woman to want to spend time with him. The shakiness of her hand made the smile flip a little, though and he threaded his fingers through hers and tugged her closer. Maybe all the lights and noise was a bad choice for someone trying to adjust to being human?
“No, don’t apologize. Hey.” Eddie whispered back, words tumbling over hers. He pulled Muerte closer and wrapped his arms around her in a hug as if there wasn’t any tension between them. As if he hadn’t coldly left the room the last time they saw each other. Rogues forgave quickly and Eddie? Eddie was pretty good at seeing the big picture when he needed to. “We don’t have to go in there. There’s a bunch of quiet places in Vegas, if you can believe it.” He pulled back to look at her, thumb grazing over her pinked cheek because he couldn’t help it. “I’m just glad-” Eddie took a deep breath and his own insecurities were on his sleeve now. “I’m glad you’re here.”
She took a minute to look down at his shoes, and when she was done, she looked back up with a smile. "I like your shoes." It was too simple of a thing to say, and she frowned, suddenly frustrated with herself. Walking along the Strip hadn't been as hard as getting herself to focus and have a conversation. She shook her head sharply, half in annoyance at herself and half to try to clear it.
Then his words were rolling over hers before she was done, and she pulled her attention back from the everything to focus on them. But then, before she could, there were arms around her, a solidity blocking her view and standing between her and everything. And she could breathe. A slow in and out as her hands came up to find and hold to the lapels of his suit as he began talking about going somewhere else. "Shut up, I want to." She blinked when he pulled back, blinked again at the touch to her cheek, blinked when she could actually feel them heat. "Oh, crap." Her eyes went wide as she whispered, raising her hands from his jacket to cover her own cheeks.
Eddie laughed loudly at her as she covered her cheeks and he shook his head. “You know if it were me, if I was some all knowing god who had to come to a door to be human, I’d probably go on a few practice runs first.” He teased and let her go, hands back in his pockets as he leaned his shoulder up against the wall and watched her freak out. “That seems like the smart thing to do, but maybe that’s just me.” A flutter of his eyelashes at her and another smarmy smirk.
He glanced back at the party behind them as “Material Girl” started to play. When he turned back, Eddie looked at her a second and then said, “You’re really pretty.” It felt strange to finally be able to tell her that, and still, he meant it. The bright neon, the way she blushed at him. It was almost like seeing a side of her he knew was there all along, but never got to see for himself until now.
"I didn't think this through." She made a face at him, wrinkling her nose from behind the hands that half covered her face. "I've been human through a door before." The words were out before her memory supplied that she'd been dying of pneumonia at the time, not going to a party at a casino club. On a date. "...Shut up." That came out quieter, embarrassed, blush still warm against her palms.
She was still covering her face, gaze gone downward, at the first sounds of "Material Girl", though the song made her smile. She rubbed at her cheeks one last time, hoping they faded back to a paler color quickly, and looked at Eddie to suggest going inside. But he was looking at her when she began to say something, and her words caught in her throat at his compliment. She was left just staring at him, blinking. Unable to find the grin or the easy laugh or even the shove that might have followed if they were in Gotham or another door where things were actually familiar for her. She finally blinked again and managed a soft, awkward, whispered "thank you".
In the next second, she was groaning, turning her back on him, and lifting her hands to completely cover her face. Her next words were muffled. "Give me a minute. Just… hang on."
He tried very hard not to smile at her embarrassed awkwardness. It was charming and not something he could get out of her normally. Still, he shook his head and laughed softly at her. At the way she tried to rub her cheeks pale and how she blinked at his compliment. He crossed his arms, head and shoulder still leaning against the wall as she groaned and turned away from him. Another laugh, this one a little more wary and he almost tried to look over her shoulder at her.
“Did- did I do something wrong?” Eddie didn’t know if it was him or maybe indigestion or maybe living without her powers made her feel sick. His mind ticked off all the possibilities and he turned his body so both his shoulderblades were against the wall. He opened his mind to keep talking, to fill the space because that’s what he did, but instead he just pretended not to watch her from the corner of his eye.
"No!" The word came suddenly from behind hands that still pressed to hide her face. "No, it's me!" Muffled and insistent at the same time, until she opened her hands like a book pressed to the sides of her face, like blinders that only left her view open to what was directly in front of her. Which happened to be the ground, as she was looking down. At least it let her words reach him more clearly, even with him behind her.
"I'm not used to any of this and it's a lot at once. You would think I'd be used to a lot at once. I always have a lot at once. This is different. And I think I'm the same age now as my body looks and I don't have the sort of experiences normally that would help me with any of this and I'm pretty sure I'm acting like a pre-teen which is just embarrassing…" The words were a ramble, and accompanied by her slowly backing up a step, then two, then turning so that her own back was against the wall. She knew it looked silly, because she still kept her hands up as "blinders" and only kept her gaze on the ground. But then she was at least standing next to him (his shoes just in her small frame of vision) instead of facing away.
"This is not a good first impression. I'm going to be oh for two on our last two meetings."
Eddie couldn’t help shaking his head again. Muerte rambling and putting up her blinders was just nothing like he had ever seen before. He didn’t like seeing her in this awkward pain, this sudden rush of everything she never had to deal with. But, it was still charming and he still thought she was beautiful in her stammering, blushing state. She was still here struggling through it for him, for them and Eddie wasn’t going to forget that any time soon. He turned towards her again, hand resting gently on her shoulder as he leaned in closer.
“Luckily for you? This is far from a first impression.” He said softly and rubbed her shoulder with his thumb. “Let me take you somewhere quieter, yeah? We can come back, this party is going to go on forever.” Eddie held his hand out for her again and waited for her to look up at him. “Honestly? All I care about is spending time with you. This was just- I thought the noise and the color would help. Because it always helps me when I’m nervous.” And yeah. He was a lot better at hiding it because being human was all he knew. But, Eddie? Eddie was really goddamned nervous.
"First like this." Though there was no explanation if this was meant to mean her being human or them being on a date. Maybe both, maybe neither, maybe she wasn't quite certain herself. She kept one hand up (the one closer to him, to keep blocking that side of her peripheral vision just for the moment, and shifted the other over to touch his hand on her shoulder. It was only a quick press of fingertips to the back of his wrist, and then she drew her hand back again.
Her voice was frustrated again with her next words. "It should help. I--" She stopped, shook her head as she became very aware of her heart beating hard again, which in turn made her aware of her breathing, which made her try to regulate it, which only backfired. She fought against the natural rhythm of her lungs, and with her next too-quick exhale, another frustrated sound escaped. "This is… ridiculous." And finally relenting. "Yes please. I'm sorry. I just need some time?" Each short sentence was punctuated by another gasp of breath. And then a groan and a murmur. "I know how to breathe…"
“Shush.” Eddie took her hand and gently tugged her away from the club. Eddie had a vague idea of what was in the MGM and where they could find a quiet spot to just sit and wait for her to figure out how this breathing thing worked. Once she was walking along with him, he carefully avoided the tables (plenty of cigarette smoke there) and people (crowds were bad for anxiety) before he found a tiny lounge that was dark and glittering with gold. There weren’t many people there, just gamblers looking to take a break from all the blinking lights.
Eddie pointed to one of the plush couches in the corner and then went to the bar to get her some water. When he came back, he carefully placed the glass of water on the table in front of her and then took a seat next to her, arm balanced on the back of the couch. He looked down and decided that all this worrying, all this rushing around made him suddenly flushed and he tried in vain to open his blazer with one hand. Tongue out a little as he struggled with the buttons.
She didn't even watch where they were going, just let Eddie tug her along and trusting him to get them to a quieter place. She used her energy instead to try to steady that uneven and shaky breath. She barely even saw the lounge before she was sitting on the couch and folding herself down over her own lap, bent in half with her feet on the floor and her face hidden in her hands while they rested on her knees. Her cut-wide t-shirt was well off one shoulder, revealing more of the pink tanktop, and her ponytail flopped its crimped sections forward. It wasn't the most comfortable position, and probably not good for breathing, but the walk and the quieter atmosphere had actually begun to help.
When Eddie returned with water, she was still curled over on herself, and didn't sit up. She didn't see him looking at her, didn't see him fumbling with the buttons on his coat. "I'm sorry." Quiet. Said to her knees.
Eddie made a tiny noise when the button wouldn’t come loose and his fingers gave up and flopped onto the couch next to him. He looked over at her, curled up into a tight neon ball. “I never went to high school, but I have a feeling this is exactly how it would have gone. Some girl having an anxiety attack over going to a dance with me. That sounds about right.” Eddie said and leaned over to kiss a little bare skin between her shirt and tank top. He leaned away again and sighed, slouching down on the couch as he watched the dark bar.
“Don’t be sorry.” He whispered back after a second and shook his head firmly. “I want to take it slow.” Eddie had imagined a whirlwind night of dancing and drinks and making out in the back as Hall & Oates blared, but this was good, too. She showed up, she took his hand when he offered it and to him that was what mattered. Small things, small steps.
At the small sound from him, she turned her head just enough to watch him fumbling with and then giving up on his coat button. She couldn't stop the tiny quirk of a smile as she reached out one hand and twisted the button free before pulling her arm back again. And though she could have sat up from her fold, she just rested there, arms tucked close as she looked at him. "Pre-teen," she repeated, with the motion of her head that might just be a nod. But then he was leaning over and she was frowning as she watched him, trying to figure out what he was doing. It still didn't make sense why, though the what was answered at the press of his lips to skin that she wasn't aware was showing. She curled her spine to the side, half sitting up in a sudden jolt, a surprised sound slipping out.
Since she was already half uncurled again, she leaned back into her own slouch next to him. She watched the few people in the bar and only occasionally glanced over at Eddie. "I can still be sorry. I know this isn't how this was supposed to go." It didn't take omniscience to know that.
He whispered a silent, courteous thank you when she unbuttoned his blazer. Muerte’s touch was warm, her weight against him felt more real than it did in Gotham. Even with the frayed nerves between them, he felt comfortable in this dark, golden lounge. Sure, this had all the trappings and tinsel of a first date, but they knew each other well enough that this could easily turn into two friends trying out something that simply wasn’t going to work. That thought made his head hurt, but it was possible. If she just couldn’t do this, at least they could be friends.
Eddie quirked a brow at her jump away from his kiss and half expected her to keep leaning away. When she didn’t, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. “You can still bail now, if you want to. My feelings will only be mildly bruised.” He murmured with a sigh. Well, it was only fair to give her an easy out if she wanted to take it.
His thanks earned a quick twist of smile in response, and though she could tell that he was thinking about something, she didn't ask what. Didn't pry. Instead, she rolled her eyes at his own quirked brow and shook her head. "It… I didn't expect that," was her whispered explanation about the kiss and the sound she'd made. "It… tickled?" She realized once she said it that it was bad ammunition to give anyone, and hoped that Eddie wouldn't abuse the confession.
The curve of his arm around her shoulders was more than she was expecting, but it was so easy to go along with the gentle pull and lean against his side. The earlier racing of her heart and breath had calmed, though there was a quick moment of repeat as she settled in. And then she laughed, soft, as she shook her head. "Only just mildly? I think I'd have to call bullshit on that one."
“Oh, it tickles. Good to know.” Eddie waggled his eyebrows at her and then laughed softly. “You’ve never been kissed before?” He knew she did the human thing once in a lifetime and he figured she’d spend it out in Paris living life to its complete fullest. Or, at least, that’s what he’d do. Go party with the Fitzgeralds, see where the night took him. “Wait-” Eddie held his hand up before she reminded him that they had kissed before years and years ago. “That time didn’t count.” He pointed at her and then shook his finger. No, no. He was not going to talk about that time.
He settled a little easier when she didn’t immediately jump out of his arm the second he gave her a chance to. “Only mildly!” Eddie repeated, sure of himself. “I have plenty of women that would be interested in me and my question marks.” His voice was arrogant and over-the-top before it dropped back down to a natural low. “I told Selina and Holly that’d I’d mope around their apartment for weeks if you rejected me. I’d be dramatic until they gave me all their sympathy or kicked me out.”
It was an awkward thing to try to explain - the things that happened on those days. It made her quiet for a bit as she sorted through the suddenly overwhelming humanity to get back to her other memories. "It's different. I'm not entirely me on those days. I mean, I am, but not completely?" She scowled at her inability to explain something about herself. "It's never been me as me as human." That might be the closest thing she could manage to describe. She wanted to give a better one, but then he was telling her to wait, and it took her a second to catch up to what he was thinking about.
That kiss. The one that had ruined so much for so long. when she was still new to the sorts of things that the hotel and Gotham's rogues could do. It had been wrapped up in so many other things, and she still couldn't explain half of the things she'd done that day. Even with the current date development, she hadn't even been close to thinking about such a thing at that point in time. Bringing it up again hurt, but with the shake of Eddie's finger, she closed her mouth against anything she might have said about it. But it did make her quieter.
The thought of him moping around Selina's apartment made her smile a little more though. She glanced up enough to almost catch his eye. "You're more resilient than that."
Eddie couldn’t quite wrap his head around her human now vs when she did it for a lark every once and a while. He reminded himself silently that being a god was complicated, that there was likely a lot of loose strings everywhere that she could pull to get back to a comfortable place. Here? She was treading water in the deep end with just his scrawny ass to hold onto.
The mention of him being more resilient earned a dry, dry laugh that barely escaped his throat. “I used to be. I used to be able to survive anything. After the divorce-” Eddie shook his head because he didn’t want to talk about it. Except, he kind of had to. “I lost a lot of my confidence. I didn’t ask anyone out the entire time I was in my own Gotham.” He sighed because Eddie wasn’t the kind of guy that sat on his hands and waited for something good to come along. But, what good did all his work for Stephanie do? What good did chasing love ever do? “I went out with a few women, but they were after me first. It was easier when things didn’t work out because what did I care? What could they possibly mean to me?”
Treading water in the deep end was a very good way to describe how she was feeling. She was managing (just barely) to keep her head above water for the moment, but there was a vast and unknown depth below her that could easily pull her down. In her own door, on those certain days, she was meant to live and to die. She'd experienced any number of things, but it was always limited and temporary. Meant to be over in a single day. This was more than that. It was meant to last longer, to be something, and going into another door left her with the very real possibility of an actual end. If something happened to her now, like this, there wouldn't be any way to stop it. The thought of it made her breath catch again, but she fought back that remounting anxiety and leaned more against Eddie's side to steady everything. She was maybe beginning to understand what he'd meant about having something to anchor and help.
She stayed quiet through a confession that sounded like it took more to reveal than he may've wanted. She did her best to stop focusing on herself (human, vulnerable, racing heart and wavering breath) and listen to him instead. She reached over part-way through and snagged his free hand, the one that wasn't tucking her against his side, and laced her (clammy) fingers with his. She didn't say that she knew how he felt, or even that she knew what had happened. She maybe could read some of his history off of him when they were in their own door, but like this she just had to listen to what he was comfortable telling her. When his words stopped, she stayed quiet for a moment, and then tried to angle a smile over at him. "Well. You didn't exactly ease into something simple now that you're back." And then quietly, trying to tease but having it fall flat, and although maybe she shouldn't have said it (for either of their sakes), "You sure you're not still going for the things that won't work out?"
He smiled when she took his hand. Eddie was silently thankful that she wasn’t pulling away from him, that this change into something more human didn’t make her want her space. He tilted his chin down to look at her and sure even he could admit he wasn’t playing safe with this. Eddie could have met someone new, found a woman that would have been easy to date, easy to start all over again. But, how was he supposed to do that if he was busy wondering what if?
Eddie gave her a look at her tease and shook his head. “I know you think you’re being difficult, but you aren’t. Can I ask you something?” He waited for her to really look at him and then inhaled shakily. “Even if this might not work out, do you want to try it anyway? Is that nuts?” Eddie shook his head because he didn’t know. “Things don’t work out all the time. I used to plan thinking things were destined, things were going to end up a certain way if I tried hard enough. But, why worry about that? Why not just try to make something good. Why not try to make each other happy while we can?”
If she was honest with herself, she couldn't necessarily say what she wanted when she was human. She was still getting used to it in general - how everything was too big and too small all at once, the way she felt, the way her memories skittered around because she couldn't quite hold all of them at once. She was trying to convince herself that she'd eventually get used to it and be able to just be and be comfortable with that. It might just take practice and more time through doors like this. For the moment, she just kept her fingers linked with Eddie's, looking down at them until he paused for her attention. It took a little bit of a twist, but she shifted just enough to peer up at him, eyebrows lifted slightly.
The small waver to his breath in caught her attention more than anything else, and for the first time she finally noticed that he was fighting his own battle with nerves while she'd been trying to deal with being human. Her fingers tightened around his, holding on as he asked his questions. And her answer was easy enough - the same she'd given before - delivered with a wry smile and the shrug of one shoulder. "I'm here, aren't I?"
Her little smile, that easy shrug? Eddie couldn’t help but like that. He smirked back softly, tilting closer to her, just so their noses barely touched. A tiny moment passed, he realized what he was doing and then backed up. The riddled man had no intention to overload her senses with a sudden kiss right after she just managed to catch her breath. But, okay, he needed a little space to get his head screwed on straight again. Sitting close with her, opening up after he had kept to himself for years was making him loopy for her.
“I-” Eddie let go of her hand and inched away from her. “Need some water- not that water that’s yours.” He awkwardly babbled and then got to his feet once they were untangled. Eddie rubbed his face, flapped his open blazer in the air and then walked over to the bar to get himself a glass of water. The thought of something stronger crossed his mind, but he could shake the nerves without it. He was sure of it.
The close lean made her eyes cross as she tried to focus on him as he drew closer, her eyebrows inching up. Her breath and heartbeat, so recently calmed, gave a renewed hard inhale and thump as she blinked wide, dark eyes at him. She didn't lean back, didn't try to run away, but she didn't press forward, either. She could turn, could touch the tip of her nose to his, and for a moment she almost did. But then he was inching away and talking about water. She gestured at the glass that was sitting nearby, the one she hadn't even touched, but Eddie was up off the sofa and walking away before she could say anything. And so she just blinked at his retreating back.
With Eddie gone, her side and hand and shoulder quickly cooling, she was hit by uncharacteristic self-consciousness. She stared across the bar at Eddie as he ordered what did appear to be only a glass of water. And she wondered what to do. Things were beginning to settle, her surroundings less overwhelming, but she wasn't sure that she'd be able to go to the party quite yet. She leaned forward, elbows braced on her knees and one hand lifted to press fingertips against her mouth. Her expression went thoughtful as she tried to get past the human part of herself and back to thoughts that made sense.
She could go over there. Could talk to him. Could even take some sort of initiative for something more. But if he was stepping away because of second thoughts, because being so close brought back old, negative memories… she didn't want to push that on him. (And maybe, through all the great amounts of time that had passed, she could still remember the look on his face that time she'd kissed him. And if she had enough to think about normally that it rarely crossed her mind, being human lodged the memory somewhere close in the uncertain part of her brain. So she found herself stuck on the couch, unable to make a decision about what to do.
Eddie was mentally kicking himself over at the bar. He considered the possibility of never leaving, or better yet? Running before she could see that look of ashen embarrassment on his face. Eddie didn’t hold back, right? He kissed women fully knowing that they were going to slap him as hard as they could in return. When did boundaries stop him before? Oh, right. The time Stephanie had a panic attack under him made him worry that if he touched a woman the wrong way, they would, too. The riddled man was a lot more scarred than he was letting on and he could only hope Muerte could handle a few bumps in the road. He drummed his fingers on the wood and gave the bartender a look like the world might be ending. Dramatic, yeah that was always Eddie’s style.
The bartender looked over his shoulder at the woman in 80’s clothing, touching her lips in bewilderment like they had just survived a near car accident. Eddie turned back for a split second just to see what the guy was looking at and sighed because it was his own fear that likely ruined a moment. He knew then that if he wanted this? The baggage had to start getting chucked out the window pretty soon. The glass of water was delivered and Eddie looked down at it, took a sip and then walked back over to Muerte. He carefully sat next to her, stance wide with his blazer open, tie askew and shirt a little mussed. Eddie stared into nothing for a second and then shook his head and laughed.
A moment passed as his brain went tick tock along with his heart and then he tilted a little closer to her. “Do you still want to go dancing? I’ll wait all night if that’s what you need. Hell, we could walk around the strip instead. I don’t give a damn.” And then he gave her a look that was more want for her than any kind of 80’s bop.
There was still confused worry in her eyes when Muerte looked up at Eddie's return. But at least the tight line of her shoulders relaxed just a fraction. Even if he was coming back over to suggest leaving, the decision had been taken out of her hands. She watched him sit again and waited. Because if she was the one to start, she knew that she would begin saying things that maybe shouldn't be blurted out. Things about being scared and confused. But she knew that if she waited long enough, he would say something instead, and she wouldn't have to spill those secrets quite yet. When he laughed instead of saying anything at first, her eyebrows went up but the subtle up-curve of her lips went hopeful.
The renewed invitation earned a wider (relieved) smile, and she nodded. "Let's try dancing again. It's…" She lifted one hand to gesture at the room around them, though it was meant to indicate even more than that. "Getting easier?"
Her relieved smile earned one of his own and it dazzled a little with natural charm instead of the kind he forced for most people. “Good. Let’s hope they haven’t played any Kenny Loggins yet or so help me god.” His voice went all gravely and dramatic like he’d actually do something about it and he turned towards her. “It’s not that hard being human, you know. Breathing, that’s the most important thing. Followed by eye contact that isn’t too long. You still need to work on that.” He leveled a look at her that was gaining confidence again and thank god he could feel a second wind blowing through.
“Let’s just hope you can still dance as a human. You’ve got moves as a god, Muerte. But, as a human? I just can’t be sure.” He shrugged, hands in the air all tease with his eyes going bright again.
That natural charm of his maybe brought a hint of pink back to the very tops of her cheeks, but she did her best to ignore it. Maybe, she thought, if she ignored it, it would eventually stop happening. It was worth a try at least, even though his 'threatening' voice made her laugh - the one that was less nervous and less uncertain, more like she'd laughed around him in the past. His critique of her humanity was met with a serious nod, even though she was still smiling, but at the mention of eye contact, she realized she was staring right at him again. And though she didn't tip her face away, her eyes shifted off to the side. "...sorry," she said, the smile going just a little awkward.
But she couldn't keep her gaze away as he started talking about dancing. Her gaze or her laugh, which slipped out again. "I've got moves?" She'd never actually thought much about it. Or how it would be now. "Well I'm not promising anything." And then, after another second to try to gather a tease, she smiled. "I'll be pretty pissed off if you abandon me here over dancing, though."
“Stop it, I was teasing.” He whispered at her sorry and touched her face without thinking twice about it, his thumb grazing over her chin, just under her lip. “I like it. I do the too long look thing all the time. You just don’t notice because you’re better at it than I am.” Eddie turned towards her fully, the leg closest to her crossed so his ankle was over his knee. He leaned against the cushion couch and let his hand drop, palm up with a wiggle of his fingers to see if she’d take it with her own hand.
“Well, I wouldn’t count on it. The last thing I need is for you to find some other guy at the party who’s taller than me. Broader shoulders. Less nerdy. Some hot man meat that you want to come visit in this door. Think of what Selina will say. She’ll never stop teasing me. The bullying will simply be too much for me to handle.” Eddie said with faux-seriousness and a very solemn nod. “If I stick with you tonight, you have to promise not to go wandering off with some other guy. Otherwise, I’ll make a scene.”
The pink of her cheeks went a bit deeper with the press of Eddie's thumb to her chin. And she knew it, could feel the warmth there. When his hand fell away, she shook her head with another smile and slipped her fingers against his waiting palm. "You have to stop…" Her eyes were warm though. "I'm never going to stop being pink if you keep this up." And then, in a rush, like she realized the danger there. "That's not a challenge!"
Her expression took on a hint of innocent listening as he listed off the 'last thing he needed'. And when he got to the end of his list, her smile twisted into a smirk. "Mm," her expression went thoughtful. "...man meat." She only managed to stay serious for a few seconds before she rolled her eyes with a laugh. A bright, honest one. "Oh yes, because they're all lining up." A loose gesture thrown over her shoulder at the imaginary line. She leaned in toward Eddie, like the next words were a secret. "All the guys want to be with the human version of a personification of a widely disliked abstract concept." She shook her head again. No, the proposals she'd had in the past hadn't been anything like what she was trying with Eddie. It was always because of what she was - the romanticism of death in people's minds. The concept of courting The End. She couldn't remember anyone other than Eddie being interested in her love of hats and pinball and good Mexican food.
Eddie gave a surprised laugh. “Fine, I won’t touch you. At all.” He slipped his fingers away from hers and scooted back just an inch so they weren’t touching at all. “I want you to know. This is the worst. But, I’m doing it for you and your needs.” A tease and he tilted forward for a half second before moving back again. He shrugged and crossed his arms. “See, you could touch my face and I wouldn’t change colors. I’m the best at this being human thing.” Said with complete pride like he had worked for years on being human.
“If they got to know you, they’d be lining up. They would.” Eddie said like there wasn’t a single question in his mind about it. “You’re mysterious, you have good taste in food and you’re really cute when you’re embarrassed. One night here and you’ll have all the man meat you could- okay I’m actually going to put a ban on those words.” He laughed at himself and had to visibly keep himself from leaning closer to her again.
She watched him with narrowing eyes as he moved back, putting that single inch of space between them. It wasn't quite what she'd meant, but now she was interested in watching how it played out. And though her own words hadn't been a challenge, she couldn't help taking his as one. "Really?" Her eyebrows lifted, her tone innocently curious. "You're the best?" Her hand lifted, slowly, so he could see it and move away if he wanted. (She didn't exactly think about it that way, but she was being careful.) "So I could…" She crooked one finger and brushed the back of it over the curve of his cheekbone, watching his expression with a smirk just starting to peek through the 'innocence'. "And you'd be just fine?" The first touch was careful, but the second (the same path, the same speed) shook just a little as she watched him.
Then she was blinking, ending the quietly intense moment she'd accidentally slipped into, and pulling her hand back to rest in her lap. She laughed at herself even though it sounded just a little strained, shaking her head. "You can't ban the words 'man meat'. That's just unfair." She cleared her throat after she said it, still trying to pull herself past that moment.
Eddie steeled himself, closing his eyes as her hand inched closer. “The best.” He whispered and opened his eyes, giving her a dark, serious look like they were practicing their poker faces on each other. The first brush over his cheekbone was easy, or so he told himself, and he managed to keep his resolve. The second, the one that shook across his skin made his ears turn bright pink and he gave a bashful smirk. He leaned into her touch, his expression turning soft now as he gave a quiet laugh.
His mind swam pleasantly and his eyebrows went up when she protested his ban on man meat, like he forgot exactly what they were talking about. “Wha- oh. Yes. I- here.” He moved closer again, one arm along the edge of the couch as the other took her hand. Eddie kissed her knuckles, her fingertips and then he pressed her hand to his face again. “Temporary ban on words I never should have used in a conversation?” He asked, voice quiet like his thoughts were not with the conversation at all. Then, he let her hand go, almost like he was testing to see if she’d keep touching him without any direction.
The next sound from her was a laugh, something soft and pleased. "Oh, it's your ears that go." Like it was something new she was discovering. "Not your cheeks." Her smile tipped into something warmer without her even thinking about it, and then she was watching closely as her own hand was being pressed against lips, granted dry kisses against knuckles, and then pressed to a cheek that did, indeed, not blush as much as she might have expected it to. She shifted it just enough to press her palm there (still a little clammy, but not as bad as it had been). Her thumb rested high on his cheekbone, her fingers able to catch against the heated outer shell of his ear.
"Temporary ban." It was only a murmur, and a distracted one at that.
“I knew I should have worn my hat.” He said and opened one eye to see that she hadn’t dropped her hand from his cheek. Yeah, him and Muerte? They liked to dance. Everything was a back and forth with them and if she had pulled away or made some excuse that got them up and moving, he’d back off. He’d likely back off the rest of the night and they could have tried to awkwardly enjoy the night as just friends. But, she was there and that murmur sounded good in the dark, glittering gold club they were hiding in.
Eddie felt his chest tighten, adrenaline and nerves twisting and sparking circuits inside of him. One hand daringly rested on her leg while the other reached to brush fingers across her jaw. He had been with women since he was gone, but none of it felt as intimate as this. He knew the irony of it, he knew how innocent this whole thing might have looked to anyone watching. But, they were crossing the line, not just talking about it. Eddie looked up at her, looked for what he was feeling mirrored back at him and then decided to stop being so scared.
He leaned in and kissed her lips softly, tentatively like a question. A riddle he really should have known the answer to.
Of course his hand had to find a home right over one of the rips in her jeans, fishnet and skin exposed between denim. She blinked at it, at the warmth of his hand, was about to look down at it until he touched her face again. It derailed her thoughts, leaving her only with two - the first was that she wished she had the ability to think about more, and the second? "Skin is… weird." She didn't realize how silly she sounded at first, because then Eddie was closer, leaning in.
She didn't remember closing her eyes. But she was caught, blind and frozen, anchored at only a few points of warm contact, but all it took was those few to make the rest of her feel flushed and warm. She didn't think about moving, didn't remember her clumsy angling into the kiss, reaching for his lapel with one hand, curving her fingers behind his ear with the other. Long, warm, lost moments passed until she had to turn away, still close, to breathe in deeply against his cheek, eyes still closed, and then exhale a so-shaky whisper. "...Um."
His fingers got tangled in her fishnets, tugging at the weak strings as she kissed him back. The softness of it, the way she filled him up with a warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time, healed a tiny part of him that had been shattered into pieces. Eddie thought they should take it slow for her sake, but maybe he needed a little tenderness, too. Maybe it had been too long since he had someone that he really wanted. The riddled man’s mind shut off for that long, lingering kiss and when it turned back on as she moved for a gasp of air, he could only think about how new and good she made him feel.
The shaky whisper earned a muffled laugh. “Sorry.” Eddie’s head was swimming too much for him to really think out the logic of his apology, but he gave it anyway. Her lips at his cheek made him shiver pleasantly. “I ah-” He started, voice so low it was barely there and then he lost his train of thought, one finger accidentally snapping a single strand of her fishnets off with a tiny pop.
She'd watched people, so many people of so many kinds and only a fraction of them human, for an untold amount of time. She'd grown to know how people fought and loved and the way they were drawn to each other. She wasn't any of her siblings, but she knew how they each fit together to influence the lives of people. She lived her rare days and died on those same days, and she'd thought it had given her an idea of people worked. But there was a difference to those days and this. On those days, she'd never quite had this racing heart, short breath, almost sick feeling. Along with everything else, it was overwhelming. And she understood why people got so turned around by it. Even Dream.
Eyes closed, she tipped her head to rest temple-to-temple against Eddie, breathing softly and not paying attention to the way it sent her breath across his cheek. She still had one hand curving fingers around his ear, and she slowly dropped it away, along the side of his neck and down to rest on his shoulder. Her other was still firmly grasping at his lapel. Thoughts trying to catch up with everything, it was the pressure at her leg that caught her attention, and she finally moved enough to look down at this hand. It drew a laugh from her, a wide smile, but still a quiet voice. "Was I not punk enough?"
Eddie reached to touch her face, a quick brush of his hand. The urge to fill the silence with words was automatic, though he easily forgot about once she rested her forehead against his. Muerte made him feel warm, made him feel like he didn’t need to scramble to fix anything inside of him. He smiled all goofy and then looked down at her leg when she laughed. “Oh!” His dark eyes went wide and he untangled his fingers from her netting and then shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. “I got carried away. I do that, sometimes.” Eddie tilted his head like there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it.
He leaned closer for another kiss, this one brief as if he were simply testing to see if lightning could strike twice and then he pulled back. There was simple happiness on his face, something that she likely hadn’t seen in a long time. Energy in those dark eyes. The riddled man looked away in thought and then centered his gaze back on her, on those hands gripping his blazer. He tried to sort through a way to tell her how he felt, what she meant to him and the best solution to the riddle he could come up with was a soft, “I’m really glad you’re here.”
She was still trying to clear her head from the kiss, but the sight of his fingers tangled in the fine webbing of bright fishnet made the back of her mind buzz with unfocused distraction. It drew another laugh from her, and a shake of her head. "How do you handle this all the time?" She whispered. "You think I'd be used to a lot going on in my head, but… not like this." His sheepish smile made her want to kiss him again, so when he leaned forward, she was already there to meet him. It was shorter than the first kiss, still a little uncertain, but made her feel just as warm.
It took a bit for her thoughts to catch up after that second kiss, but her eyes finally focused on Eddie again and she smiled. Sweet and knowing. "I know you can get carried away. It's part of what makes you who you are." And hadn't she known that since the very first time she ever spoke to him. Even before. And yet... "I'm glad I'm here too." That was even softer. Almost shy, and her cheeks flushed again as she did her best to ignore those thoughts that continued to linger just at the edge of her awareness about what she would return to once they left this oasis of a "normal" door.
Eddie gave a charmed little smile at her question. “I’m sure I’d be asking the same if we ever found a door that made me like you.” There was no flicker of desire to experience that in his eyes. Maybe when he was younger, maybe back when he thought he was a god. This Eddie Nigma was humbled to the rough skin on the tips of his fingers and he knew seeing the world through Death’s eyes would drive him to the brink. “The difference is, of course, that I think you’re going to get the hang of this.”
He was glad she kissed him back and more of the worry he was carrying around with him kept fading into the background. Eddie slouched down so that they were practically eye-level and leaned his head against the cushion of the couch. He took one of her hands and threaded his fingers through hers, thumb grazing the inside of her palm. “I’m sorry for being so pointy before. Edgy. Pushy. I should have known.” Eddie shook his head. To him it wasn’t a simple puzzle. Not until he started thinking about the way she looked at him before, the way she worried about him even when he was being terrible.
She found that each of Eddie's smiles made her smile in return, each one a little different. "I think I'd run from a door that made you like me." She shook her head. Going one direction was hard enough - taking everything she was and making it fit into one single human brain. She had no idea what it would be like to suddenly have to expand an awareness outward that much and not be used to handling it. She shook her head as her smile went softer and a little uncertain again. "We'll see, I guess."
Shifting just enough to mirror his pose a bit, she leaned her shoulder into the back of the couch and looked down at their hands as Eddie wove their fingers together more. Her smile faded, but her eyes stayed focused and warm at the trace of his thumb. It made her curl her fingers more around his as she shook her head again. "I know you can be pointy. There's not always a way for you to know." Her expression shifted into something even warmer. "I know a lot more than you do, and I still mess up."
Eddie closed his eyes for a moment, mind instinctively going through all the different times they had messed each other up. The shouting matches, the icy sharp words. It wasn’t the first thing that came to mind when he thought about Muerte (that was the warm hand on his chest, the soft laugh like wings) and Eddie regretted letting Stephanie spiral his mind into hate for Muerte, using his own affection for her as a reason to push her away. “There used to be a time when I’d go crazy if anyone told me that they knew more than me. But,” Eddie shrugged and he didn’t feel a neon flicker of insecurity in his heart that had plagued him for centuries. “You helped me work that out. There’s things I’m never going to understand about you, about what you can do. Oh sure, I’ll try to understand, even if that won’t do me any good. But, ah, I’ve made peace with it.” He had told her that she made him feel wonderously small in the grand scheme of things and to him? That was a good thing. He had spent his whole life thinking that he was bigger than anyone in Gotham.
“I used to be so scared of talking to you.” Eddie didn’t know if this was a time for a heart-to-heart, but they weren’t dancing yet and he felt safe in the shadowed glitter of the Vegas club. “I knew-” He sighed. “I knew you were special to me. And, that scared the daylights out of me because I didn’t think I had a chance. I was worried that I’d want you and I’d tear everything down only to find out you wouldn’t- you couldn’t. I think the result was just us hurting each other.” He shook his head and looked down at their fingers tightly intertwined. A smile, a ghost of a laugh and he looked back up at her. “So, messing up? I think we could probably compete for that crown.”
"Hey." Her thumb was suddenly there, pressing carefully above his eyebrow and stroking out to the side of it as he closed his eyes to run through all those old memories. She didn't know exactly what he was thinking - she couldn't know, not here, not as she was - but she could guess by that line of pain between his brows that it wasn't good. And she wanted to pull him back from it. Thankfully, he moved past it (at least for the moment), and she smiled again, fond, as he started to talk about himself. Her eyebrow went up at the mention of her helping him, though. She hadn't meant to, hadn't ever really made an effort to. Not about that, at least. Her mouth shifted to the side, something a little wry in the corner of it. "Does that really count as a good thing?"
But being scared of her? No, that wasn't really something she wanted for him, and she shook her head and opened her mouth to tell him so. Sure, there were the moments (she could remember them, even like this) that she'd wanted him to realize that she wasn't something definable, that she tended to be beyond what most people could understand. But she'd never really wanted him to be scared of her. That wasn't something she wanted much at all, from anyone (with a very few notable exceptions). Her fingers tightened around his for a moment, the shake of her head urgent, but he didn't stop, the words continuing to come. And oh.
Oh.
She knew her cheeks were pink again (and she really wished she could get a handle on stopping that). And yeah, maybe the dark-and-gold bar wasn't the place to be talking about things, but she kept her tight hold on his hand and moved closer, the length of her thigh pressed to his leg. She shook her head again, but it was more at herself, and accompanied by a quiet little laugh. "Eddie, you scare the shit out of me. I'm not like Dream, I've never done anything like this before. And all I know is that it's supposed to end awfully. Mostly for you. And I don't want that for you. I don't want to hurt you."
She was moving closer despite the riddled little truths and he took that as a good sign. Eddie reached to touch her face as it turned a now familiar shade of pink and he moved a little closer, too. This wasn’t the first time a woman told him that she didn’t want to hurt him, but this time he thought he understood the equation of it. “Look, if things start going bad for me or for Gotham because of this? I’ll stop it myself. I know just taking the chance could be a big mistake. I just- I believe it’s going to be good. And, I really like you. I know I’ve said that plenty of times.” He smirked with a roll of his eyes and tilted his chin closer for a quick kiss that was gone the second it was there.
Eddie felt like the weight of what he wanted to tell her was finally off his chest. It took him a while for him to put the puzzle pieces together after not letting himself even think about it. But, things were starting to make sense. She made him feel warm and wanted and to him that was worth trying for. “Let’s go dance.” Eddie tugged at her hand. “If we missed a Talking Heads song I don’t know what I’ll do with myself.”
She wanted to agree with him, that he'd step back if things started to get out of hand. But she knew that there wasn't always the opportunity for that. Even so, she gave a little nod. She couldn't fight about it any more. Not like this - not here, not how she currently was. If there was going to be a fight about it (and she wasn't even certain she could bring herself to push back about it any longer), it wouldn't be until later. So she nodded and kissed back when he leaned forward - too quick, but a spark at the back of her mind told her that maybe quick was better. For the moment.
Because yes, dancing. That was what they'd come to this door for, and she finally felt like maybe noise and music and lights would be okay. If not, she had faith that they could return to someplace quiet until it all settled again. So she let the grin spread across her face and stood when he tugged. "I'm sure they'll play more, if we've missed it." So very certain. And if the fingers of her free hand found that torn spot on her fishnets, if tracing the extra rip of space there made her cheeks stay just a little extra bit of pink… she wasn't going to comment on it. Dancing. That was what they came to the door for.