cv (ephemeras) wrote in rooms, @ 2015-02-25 03:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | !marvel comics, *narrative, gwen stacy |
Narrative
Who: Spider!Gwen
What: Gwen hates Hal's Valentine's Day wish & also there is webslinging
Where: Around Marvel NY
When: Immediately after this
Warnings/Rating: Nope
Gwen stopped by her mom's place after leaving Gotham. Emily was an adorable distraction, and her brothers were loud, and her mom made tea and talked about nothing in a way that was surprisingly soothing to the girl that was always thinking about something. Normally, it calmed her, but she still felt really weird, and now she was just upset about the situation with Jason as well. She left the tea behind, and she sat in her dad's study for a while. It didn't smell like him any longer, but her mom hadn't touched anything in the room, and it was a snapshot of that night when her dad didn't come home. Sitting there, in his big leather chair, usually made Gwen feel small and safe, but even that wasn't working. She just missed him more, and she just felt more alone in this big world, and she left after less than an hour. She gave Emily a kiss, and she assured her mom everything was great, and she walked out into the Manhattan cold and ignored the passing cabs in favor of a long subway ride back to her place.
When she climbed out her high-rise window it was with a new determination to get over this fear of heights thing that kept her from doing as much as she could with the webs. She understood fear. She understood fear conditioning and the involvement of the amygdala. She understood PTSD, and she knew her fear of heights came from the experience of dying from a fall. She understood that no therapist would ever be able to help her overcome the fear, despite her mom's insistence that she should maybe talk to someone about how paralyzed she became when she looked out the window and down at the sidewalk below. No therapist could understand what it felt like to die, and even Gwen didn't like to think about it if she could help it; she didn't talk about it, and she was still clinging to the hope that the nightmares would eventually abate.
But she was going to deal with this today. She still felt that weird hunger in her belly, and she might as well use it for something. She knew the adrenaline response that came with desire was similar to any euphoric body response. Well, Gwen Stacy was going to be euphoric. Mind over matter, right.
Suit on, mask still rolled up against her forehead, she sent her web to the opposite building. She lived on the thirtieth floor, and the drop was terrifying, but Gwen had always been stubborn. She refused to let this thing control her, and it was easier to deal with the fear than to think about how disappointed Jason had looked, because she shouldn't feel bad about that; she shouldn't! He'd slept with Mary Jane just weeks ago! She wasn't going to feel bad about not sleeping with him now. Though the things he'd said about her lack of sexual availability still taunted her, and she'd just gone and proven that today, hadn't she? Her reasons were immaterial. If she'd just slept with him all those months ago...
Nope! Not thinking about that, Stacy. Concentrate.
She tested the web, and she pulled the mask down, and she swung.
Her landing on the opposite ledge was sloppy; her foot slipped, and she caught herself with a well-timed web that snagged on a balcony, and she knew that was fear. She needed to stop thinking - overthinking. But not relying on her mind was something Gwen was really terrible at. Maybe the lack of sexual availability had something to do with her inability to turn her mind off. There were probably mental exercises she could do to help with that, but it seemed somehow counterintuitive to think about not thinking. But even during her time with Harry, and even when she'd been emulating the party girl to assure his interest in her, she'd never stopped thinking.
But she could do this; she couldn't be Mary Jane Watson, but she could do this.
She tried not thinking at all the next time she shot a web - back across to her apartment again. But that landing was even worse than the first. So she altered her approach. She thought about Flash; she thought about how worried she was. She didn't think about the web at all, because her mind ran in a million directions, calculating all the things that could potentially go wrong in the Silent Hill door. And by the time she looked down, she was on the opposite roof. No slip of foot, and no fear. Maybe, maybe she glee'd just a little, hands in the air and her hood falling back. But, okay, concentrate! Concentration was super important. This time she thought about Harry, and about her unfortunate conviction that his wish would revert when they were least expecting it. Bam! She made her way through a series of concerns - Peter and his friendship with Mary Jane, and Flash's comment that it would be best if Peter and Mary Jane just got together, and the fact that she could hear Carnage more clearly every single time she walked by Stark Tower, and Emily's future.
By the time the sun started to go down, she was in a groove. She'd stopped three muggings (take that!), and she'd thwarted one car theft, and she'd totally webbed a jerk in the balls. She didn't stay close to the ground between buildings, and while she hadn't managed to web over traffic or anything super complicated like that, she had managed one very flawless flip between Rockefeller Center and the Bank of America across the way. Sweet.