Re: quicklog: jason t/gwen s
[She knew she'd made him uncertain and knocked his confidence down, and she was sorry for it. She was sorry in the way she'd been sorry those years ago when the first Peter (the second in general, but the first for her) had arrived. He'd wanted to move fast too, and she hadn't moved fast enough. The belief stuck with her, to this day, that she'd lost him because of that. She'd over-corrected with Harry, and she wondered if she was going too far in reverse here. She knew whatever was affecting the door was clouding her judgement, but she didn't think it was strong enough to change who she was as a person. She was sorry for that, and it would've been a lot easier for everyone involved if she could just do what everyone else her age did.
But she'd never been that girl, even when she'd be pretending for Harry's benefit.
So, Jason's question came as both a surprise and a distraction from the feelings in her belly. Because she didn't have a ready answer for him. She closed her hand over his, where it had come to rest on her knee, and she gave him an apologetic look.] I did a lot of stuff for Harry- Nothing that would be considered kinky or bad for most people, but I slept with people I didn't love, and it left me feeling really bad about myself, about who I'd become. I know you're okay with casual, but I need to work up to it. Even feeling weird, and I know that isn't what you want to hear. [Her cheeks were red, and the rise and drop of her shoulders was embarrassed.] I think it just means more if people are in love and in a relationship. I did it a lot the other way, and it always left me feeling empty. Not that we're like that- [Quick correction, and way to get that wrong, Stacy.] We're not. We dated a long time, and I care about you, and I think you care about me. [She didn't want to invoke Mary Jane, she didn't.] I'm sorry I'm not less uptight.