Narrative: Evie S Who: Evie Sablier and Daisy! Where: Clem's place in Tuxedo Park, NY What: Oops? Stopping the Snow a little... When: Early in the morning after The Storm
Snow was pretty. Evie liked snow. Sometimes she dusted a few inches just for the hell of it. That was the point, this was a girl who understood weather was a dangerous power to wield and from the minute she first knocked down a tree in an electrical storm and knocked power out to 150,00 residents in New Jersey, she took it seriously. And she learned to control it. She knew where it came from, and it was far from perfect. Far from perfect it had been the last thing on her mind when it she had come back through the door because she had spent weeks without it working.
Which may have been part of the problem.
But as she lay on the floor in Shane and Graham's living room, her insides just a little bit warmer because Daisy was up on the couch next to her snoring softly, just getting over a runny nose and sounding a little bit like a pig her worries were a little subsided. A little. She had gone to get her. And sat there in almost complete silence. Staring at the face of her baby a face she thought looked completely different. Weeks mattered in baby time. And unlike a week's vacation that the books all said were normal and okay. She hadn't time to prepare for, nor had she expected to spend WEEKS away from her baby.
Her baby who was her only family in the world. And vice versa. Her baby that she didn't know what to do with other than love, and her baby that she couldn't afford so she just loved extra and indulged as much as she could. Her baby that she spoiled with no bed times or real structure because she couldn't get her things like candies and toys and happy meals. Her baby that got every moment of her attention devoted to her because there was no one else, her baby that was, quite literally the center of the universe.
She was pretty sure she was doing that all wrong, but there was a hiccup in the relationship now.
One that hurt Evie more than it seemed to hurt Daisy. Daisy's face had smiled when she saw Evie, it had been a nice reunion. And then she had gone off to play with the other kids. And then she had pushed a hug away.
And later that evening back at Shane and Graham's house during a temper tantrum Evie's hugs hadn't soothed her. She had soothed herself. And she hadn't even wanted to nurse, which was good because her milk was all dried up from all that time spent not nursing. But still. It all hurt Evie more than it hurt Daisy. And while Evie knew, deep down that this was good, and what had been happening before was baby Grey Gardens levels of unhealthy it still bothered her. But she didn't let anyone see it, she never let anyone see anything. Maybe that was part of the problem. And the one time she had she'd sassed at Jack who was going through enough all on his own. She a terrible person. But she also knew that everything was bothering her. And she was feeling pushed away in every direction. And now by a toddler. She was a ridiculous terrible human being and everything was still bothering her.
But still. As she had laid there on a thick blanket on the floor next to the couch in case Daisy (or the still unnamed puppy (who was as happy to see Daisy as anyone and curled up next to her also snoring) took a rolling tumble off in the night and needed a soft landing, she thought just having her kid there might get her some sleep. And it did. It wasn't restless, she knew her dreams weren't great, but still she didn't wake until the earliest morning hours. She had heard the wind howling in the night when her dreams were scariest. But still she didn't wake.
When Daisy finally started to fuss in the morning the sun was just starting to peek up over the hills and Evie's eyes opened, she yawned, Daisy yawned, and fussed a little more, wriggling and the puppy whined, and Evie stretched and her leg ached and she groaned. and Daisy rolled off the couch and plopped down onto Evie and Evie groaned again and smiled. A real one. Even though that shit hurt. "Bonjour, mam'zelle," she said wrapping her arms around her and pulling her in closely to her chest and rolling over to her side and pulling the covers over their heads. Daisy giggled and babbled a few words in Daisy, a few words in English that she had picked up in the past few weeks, and sentences in French that Evie was pleased to see she still had. Daisy put her hands toddler gently on her face, where there were some bruises and looked at her seriously. "Owie?" Evie nodded. "Owie." She responded. And took Daisy's chubby little fingers and gave them little kisses to distract her.
She sang to her the song she sang to her every morning, Le petit matin, tout plein de lumière and Daisy sang along when she remembered words, and laughed and tried to change words she didn't remember, like she always did. It almost felt like outside of those blankets was a normal life.
But she did need to get up.
And once she did, and she carried Daisy on her hip over to the door to let puppy out who was bouncing at her feet she looked out the window. She gasped. "Merde. Shit. Double Shit." And Daisy. Of course. Repeated it.