Re: Quicklog, Clem's lakehouse: Graham R/Shane A
[When Graham had to be smart, he was smart. He wouldn't have lived as long as he had, doing what he and Shane did, if he had no brains at all. But business, that partnership, even surviving-- they weren't the same. When it came to shit like Clem and being around other people, social situations, he was clueless. Yeah, he was. He said and did things without knowing any better, because maybe it was just easier that way; ignorance is bliss, or whatever people said. He'd stopped trying to function like a normal person after Lore died, after Jake went to live with his parents. He just didn't need to. Shane understood him, Shane didn't need him to be anything other than what he was, freak or no freak, and so he settled.
He should've known Shane could see through any pretense he tried to throw up, like he could actually hide a damn thing. Thing was, he couldn't put his finger on why, exactly, it bothered him. Figuring that out required real thinking, and Graham didn't like getting introspective unless he had to. He was already stuck in his head too much, yeah? But it reminded him a little of years and years and years ago, as a kid, when a couple of his friends would do shit without him, wouldn't even ask, and he'd had to pretend to be okay with it later when he found out. Kind of lonely, a hint of jealousy, and he'd forgotten what that was like. He had Lore but Lore wasn't real, part of him had always known that even from the start, and he didn't even think of the hotel wish; he had little hope it would actually fucking happen anyway.
But, like he had as a kid, he kept it to himself and looked over when Shane sat next to him.] I am sorry. [But yeah, saying it was probably real stupid.] Guess you're right, though. Saying it just made things worse. [He looked down at the baby, because it was easier that way.] I do like her. And it was fine before that goddamn party.
[Affection didn't happen often. He wasn't good with it, plain and simple, and it was a real fucking small circle of people he trusted enough to to be okay with it at all. Shane, for a long time, had been that circle, and Graham didn't pull away or tense or do any of the things he would've done with somebody else when he squeezed his shoulder. He looked up, and it'd been stupid of him to think he could go back, rewind time, and keep it that way. Clock kept on ticking even when he turned it back, he couldn't make it stay. And when Shane said he liked Clem, he didn't look away, he just kept on looking. Even when he said you, too. It made him think of all the times he'd told Clem she was wrong, every single instance he'd shrugged off her insinuations.]
She said the same thing. [It didn't bother him none. There was no discomfort, but he had a ghost on his shoulder and they didn't.] You remember when we all went dancing, yeah? [With a glance down at the baby, Graham turned so he was facing Shane.] She said we should've all bedded down then. Would've been better. [He shrugged.] I'm no good at this shit, Shane. You think she's right?