Re: Sam A/Cris M
You can handle the shit with Teresita, mami. I know it's a lot and it's on me for putting it on you. Tal vez sea egoĆsta de mi parte, all that. But you are good with her and I know you'll take care of her. You're like that, no? You take care of other people before you do yourself. I know sometimes [...] having someone else to take care of, to feed, who depends on you, when you don't wanna do anything for yourself anymore, it can be good. I've been there. Not like you, pero casi.
You gotta trust me when I say nothing you do will be a turnoff. Don't [...] not talk to me because you're worried about that. I [...] like you. A lot. That's not gonna change. You don't gotta agree. You don't gotta like me back. It's just the truth.
You know who I'm still scared of? Mi padre. He's dead and he still scares me. I have nightmares, all that stuff. It's dumb, right? But that's what trauma does, mami. It messes with you. It's not logical or rational, and I know you feel bad, like maybe, if you weren't scared, he'd just leave you alone, like you're [...] I dunno, giving him the upper-hand by reacting, but that's not how it is. I work with this stuff everyday, so you need to take my word here on this. He talks and gets into your head because that's what he DOES. It's not you. Mi padre, he was like that. He could get in there and make you not know which way was up and I would do anything he asked me to do, you know that? The only place I stopped was if he wanted me to hurt someone else. That wasn't me being strong, that was me being too scared. And when I finally could stand up to him, Viejo ate his gun.
You gotta see. It's two-pronged, right? Guys like that, they're weak, messed up. But that doesn't mean you're weak when it affects you. You're not a fucking idiot, Sam. Yeah, he's just a guy, but he's a guy who's hurt you. It's a normal reaction to not wanna go through that again, to do anything to get out of it. Yeah? So you weld and do what you gotta do to feel better, but unless you're calling me an idiota too for acting how I did with mi padre, you're not dumb or weak and you gotta trust me on that.