Re: Max M/Sharon C
Once upon a time there was a badass house plant called Sharon..... ;)
So, when I got here and met this Steve, this man I didn't know, and a man who only knew some vague younger and hotter version of me, he was here with my Aunt Peggy. And I was happy for them, because I thought they were getting a second chance that they deserved. And I didn't feel so protective of what I had at home, because everything I had at home was different. I just loved having them close by.
Then Aunt Peggy left, and I got to know Steve, and things went well. And then it was just this awesome part of my life. For a while I kept waiting for this other shoe to drop (which, I guess it finally has.). But here we were being all honest with each other, we told each other everything. Any problems we did have were easily navigated, or worked out.
I counted on him, but in a completely different way than I did with the other Steve in my part of the universe. Here we counted on each other. I met and fell in love with a completely different man here. And I didn't say it. I could have a million times. It wasn't because I was afraid or anything. I just. Didn't. He knew. I knew he knew. He had to have known.Right?
So here I am. No change on my end. Same Sharon. Same love. Same desires. It's even the same man. But I look at him and I see us, and maybe he looks at me and he sees someone who might as well be a stranger, or someone who maybe just feels familiar. I look at my life and the only thing missing is him not being stuck at this fancy hotel with me glaring at me for stealing the chocolate off of his pillow nightly. I'm about to show up at Stark Tower with my pillow and tell him to scoot over.
That being said. I'm afraid I got a little too personal with his Christmas gift, I haven't talked to him about it. He gave me this drawing that he found of me, that he'd done pre-mindfuck. It's beautiful. The card said "He'd want you to have this." That stung a little, though I know he didn't mean for it to.
It has to be so weird to be him right now. And I want to support him if I can, or if he'll let me. But I don't want to press either. I don't do well with fine lines. And I'll be honest with you....Unlike when I first got here, I am very protective of what I had here. And I feel like I've got no right to be.
I mean it when I say I'm better with Steve in my life, and I want to keep it that way.
So.... to your point. Which is very good advice, by the way, and advice I would always take and advice I'd even give. I don't know if I'm ready to fail at this. Sure, this sucks, but not having him around at all will be worse.