Evangeline Sablier is not broken, but please (handlewithcare) wrote in rooms,
Re: Wren H/Evie S
Why is it okay for everyone to be afraid but me? Why is everything "yes Evie, bad things happened to you but..." Why do my experiences matter less? Why are my fears and my feelings of loss less significant than everyone else's? Maybe I didn't go kill a bunch of people, and maybe people think I'm this indestructible force that can't be knocked down but did anyone stop to think that I'm knocked so god damn far down that getting up isn't even what I'm hoping for anymore, I'm hoping for not getting trampled. That's it. There's the life dream. I'm going to do what I can not to be trampled.
I'm not asking anyone to be normal, I would never. I'm not even asking Jack to step up and tell me anything. I would never, because I'm clearly unable to do the same thing. Losing Will has been awful. Because I loved him, and I cared about him, and I feel like the effort it took to get us to where we were, to where we were happy was so much, and so hard. And we got there. And then he just fucking died. So maybe Jack is afraid of getting close again, I get that. I'm really afraid of spending the next seven years trying to convince someone to be happy with me only to have them die. And if we aren't all dancing around the fact that Jack isn't exactly known for making safe and sane decisions, then I'll eat my hat.
Maybe it isn't fair of me to project my life experiences onto someone else, but everyone does that. So maybe I'm afraid of going down the same broken path with someone else who won't let us get there until its too late. And I feel like that's a valid fear to have, and its just as valid as all of his.