Re: AHS: Sam A & Cris M
"Yeah," she said quietly of hanging on. "I did that for a long time before the end. Like six months or something," she admitted. It was the first time she actually said that shit aloud, but it was true. From the time the hotel had dumped them in Gotham, everything had been different. Even before she got old and shit, things had been wrong. But she held the fuck on, even though she could tell passive had faded into lack of interest or whatever. She recognized his smile, the one that said he knew it was hopeless, because she'd seen that smile in the mirror. It made her sad, yeah, and she almost missed the dip of his head to the side. But she was looking at him by the time he said it was Neil's loss, and she gave him a grin that was nearly sheepish. "Nah. I caused a lot of fucking trouble. Surprised?" Her smile said she didn't expect him to be surprised at all, and she didn't give specifics. The last thing she wanted was for him to realize just how monumentally fucked up she was, and she was just starting to realize that.
His fingers brushed against her bare knee, and she looked down at the touch. At one point, that random brush of fingers would've made her fucking jump. But it didn't anymore, and she was trying to look at the positives; that was one of them.
She stayed close, knees against his belly, and she nodded when he asked if talking to Russ was funny. She almost told him that it was fucking hysterical, but then she realized Russ might tell him she was a suicidal junkie and, yeah, no. "He just talks on the journals a lot. He's loud," she said, and she felt some guilt well the fuck up. Shame, or whatever, was new to her. She didn't like how it felt, and now she wanted the drink he'd sent back for herself. She groaned. "Yeah, I know him, but don't ask him about me, ok?" she finally added, pressure of her knees against his stomach as she nervously tried to press them together.
He sat back, and she took her smoke, and she left the space between them for now. "I went back a few months ago. It happens sometimes, yeah? We get spit the fuck back. It didn't feel like home anymore, either. Everyone moved on, and most of my family is here," she said, motioning behind herself with the smoke, a general indication of the hotel itself. "I didn't fit the same out there. People ask about where you've been and what you've been doing, yeah? And the answers all have to be lies, and no one's experienced the same stuff. Me sentÃa sola," she said, her inky gaze sliding to his glass and the clink of ice cubes.