Re: In Person: Steve R/Sharon C
She had asked, she didn't know what she had expected the answer to be, she didn't even know if they had the same definition of what she was asking. The pieces weren't adding up for her - at all. But her mind was wandering to every possibility and as she turned around and poured the deep red liquid into a glass she mulled it over. And in the seconds that it took she was sure she had it all worked out in her mind. Steve hadn't been around as much, and she was now pretty certain where he'd been and with whom. She had begun to think that he was distancing himself from her, which he may have been but she was now also convinced he was distancing himself from her while screwing around with someone else.
Her mind raced with words she wanted to say, questions she wanted answered, but she couldn't make any of them come out.
As she replayed the, entirely invented and not at all based on facts, scenario in her mind she had the nagging voice reminding her that she should have been prepared for this to go crazy and blow up in her face. What was worse was that she was convinced that she had been prepared for it. But she was being proven wrong in this moment while she stood there staring past him, chewing on the inside of her lip as she often did when she worried or stressed.
She reminded herself that she was the one who had started this up, who had broken their deal. She wasn't responsible for his actions, but she didn't know if she was supposed to be so affected by them. She was mentally kicking herself as the silence dragged on and on in the kitchen. She opened her mouth to ask a question but closed it again quickly, the wine was still in her hand, drink untouched, but she was holding onto it tightly.
She ran the gauntlet of emotion and felt everything from anger to calm and every single one of the emotions in between pricked at her skin and plucked at her nerve endings. She felt it in every part of her body, but her stance and expression remained the same. The inside of her lip already a bit raw from abuse earlier in the day at work, but still she persisted.
When she finally broke her eye contact with the small nail hole on the wall behind Steve she looked back at him, her expression more sad than angry though she was still feeling both heavily. "I really don't know what to say, Steve," she paused, "I always know what to say," the last part was said quietly and more to herself than it was to him and she shook her head, again mostly at herself. Shit. The wine glass was set on the counter and she folded her arms in front of her and sighed. "How inappropriate are we talking here? And I'm not asking for details, that's your business, but I'm assuming you've also been with me since so that makes it at least partially my business too."