Re: Quicklog: Bucky B/Sharon C
Freelance is probably the best I can do right now. I'm not about to get a job at the IHOP. As delicious as that would be. [Bucky never had a real job in that sense. He was raised on an army base, and that was his only job, before becoming a hero and then an assassin. The thought of flipping burgers was almost hilarious to him. It would definitely go along with his giant metal arm, right?]
I didn't say it wasn't important. It is. It's sometimes impossible to explain to someone new what you experienced, because they can try to get it, but they can't get it. I mean that's in general, not even specific to any of this. [Bucky was never that great at expressing himself, and he couldn't really explain to people what his mind was like. Sharon and Natasha understood more than anyone else, maybe Barton now, because when your mind wasn't your own, it changed things.]
Maybe I can't help either of them. I keep telling people I'm his best friend, I'm his partner, his right hand man, but I'm pretty much just repeating it like that's going to make it all true. I'm not the same guy I used to be. [That was obvious to him. And when Steve asked if he ever felt isolated, he nearly laughed at the question, because of course he did. Every day. Bucky used to be good with people, excellent with them even. He was a charmer. He was friendly and quick to laugh, one of the boys, and it was as natural to him as breathing.]
I know it isn't fair, Carter, that's the point. My head is a screwed up place, I can't ... separate shit the way most people can. [It wasn't about them. Bucky's mind was a well of different programming and memories he didn't want. He rolled the beer around in his hand.] It just made sense, you know, when I got here. It was Tasha. Tasha always made everything better. I didn't even think of it any other way until she asked. Now I'm wondering if I put any energy into seeing her as another person. [Which made him seem like an asshole and he was well aware. That's why he was talking to Carter, who knew he was one.]