Re: Dick/Tim
You're always going to be my brother, and I'm sorry that I can't seem to do right by you. I'd have laid down and died to keep you from feeling like second place. Or second best. Because I know better than anyone how infuriating it is to be second best. And yes, I know how hurtful it is to be in someone else's shadow. I know what it feels like to tell yourself you're never going to be good enough. And I would have done anything to prevent you feeling that way. I'm sorry I failed you, Tim. I didn't want any of that for you, I wanted to do better. To be better. So that no one in my family would ever have to feel that. It should have stopped with me, and maybe I should have known better, or seen it coming, and known how to do it differently.
But don't assume I don't understand what it feels like. I live with it every day of my life from the time I get up, to the time I go to sleep, and even in my dreams. I live it. I'm sorry that I caused you to have to feel it too. Because I never felt that way about you, you were never second to anyone to me. That was never what it was about. I should have been better.