Re: Chinatown Apt: Robert/Selina
"It was good," she echoed. It was true. It was good, and before had been good, and before that had been better. She wanted those days back, the early ones, and she was fairly sure she wasn't supposed to be able to ruin things so quickly. But then, she had no experience with this, and what did she know? To her, a relationship was sex on a rooftop and no communication for months, and then starting all over again like no time had passed.
"Stop," she insisted, when he started talking about things being on hold. "Stop. I don't want to make choices right now. Why do I have to make choices? Why?" And there was a sob building, and she was afraid she would never stop if she started. "Why can't it be like before? Why can't it be talking and listening and whatever happened was okay? Why can't it be that way?" And maybe it wasn't. Maybe that wasn't how these things worked, but that had been good. It hadn't felt like pressure. It hadn't felt like expectations. She hadn't been worried about telling him anything, anything at all, and he would always tell her the truth. He listened. She listened. They listened. If this conversation happened then, it would have been so very different, and maybe being intimate made people more selfish.
She dragged in a breath, and her chest hurt, and she shook her head. She didn't want to explain. God, she didn't want to explain, and she was tired. She was tired and sore, and she wasn't in once piece. She was shards beneath the skin, and she needed time to glue them back together. She didn't want to talk about them, about stopping, about starting, about needs and wants. She just wanted it to be, and it had been that way before. She just wanted that.
She looked at him, impossibly sad. "You know, all I wanted was for you to hold me." She shrugged, cheeks wet, and she was crying now, and there wasn't anything she could do to stop it. God, she wanted her pride back. More than anything, she wanted her pride back.
"And if you leave this stupid door, I can still visit you. So I don't care if you leave here."