Re: Louis D/Cris M
She is fighting for her life, Lou. You kidding me? That's the problem here. You don't see it. You think she's sitting here, readyta jump in fronta a bus, but she's not. She's fighting hard, but, the reality is, she's sick. She can't do all the stuff she used to and she's trying to come to terms with those changes. It brings your mortality into focus, huh? Sharp. Cruel. She's young, huh? It's a big change. You ever know anybody terminal? Or somebody with something chronic? Something that changes the parametersa their life significant, contracts em or just warps em? This is what it looks like. It ain't pretty and it's not easy. It's a process. She's working on it, and her trying to come to grips with it isn't the same as her giving up. People don't always kick and scream when they fight, but I dunno what you're seeing in her, but she's not lifeless behind the eyes. Maybe you just never actually seen somebody that low, I dunno, but Sam ain't onea them. And you saying all this stuff invalidates how hard this stuff is for her, how much she's really accomplishing, even if it ain't how you want it to look, huh?
Lou, you can tell her she's gonna die, that her chancesa dying are XYZ if she sticks a needle in her arm, and that's not gonna help her. You can tell me and it's not gonna help her. Every day is an immediate risk. Stuffing her in bubblewrap will keep her alive in the barest sensea the word—she'll have a heartbeat. That's it, huh? That ain't Sam. That's a body. I gotta kid. I get the impulse. But people got agency and you gotta lettem keep it. Your desire for her safety don't trump her choices for how she lives. I know you're gonna say it don't count cause she's an addict or she could die if the sun hits her wrong, but it does count, prolly even more. You get powerless like that, enslaved, any tracea power means something, any kinda control. She needs it, she needs it more than whatever it is you need for her to feel good.
Don't make me explain to you why putting the burdena proof on Sam, by making her talk to you bout some way you made her feel when you yelled the word rape in fronta her, is messed up, huh? Don't make me do that.
I know stuff's always going bad here or there, but look at it this way, huh? She's doing good, alla that considered. She's still got her job. She's taking her meds. I know you don't think it's enough, but, Lou, for her, that's big stuff and it is enough. It's selfish to do everything you can, cause what you're trying to do—well, you said it yourself. You're trying to save her. It ain't about you.