Re: Call: Penny R/Cris M
Hold on. [He pulls out his iPad. And he links her, over the journals—to this, this, whatever's visible of this, both of these conversations, —and—that's it. He sits for a minute, quiet.] What do I do if I can't step back? Huh? [He swallows a lilttle.] Did she say I was bad for her? When you asked her? [Not the point, he knows, but he has to ask, and he knows he sounds all of 16 and pathetic for it.] I ain't a bad guy, Pen. Y'know? I love her. I'd—give her anything. Maybe that's not enough. I'm not perfect. I know that. I know. But, I ain't bad for her. I know I'm not. She's not for me.—And—But, this other guy? He doesn't do a damn thing. This girl couldn't tell if stuff was in her head or not with him—three years—I just—one word, and she'd be gone and—I dunno what he's got that I don't. And I know, she tells me it ain't about that. She doesn't know what she feels for him. But, she knows she wants me? Sometimes? I dunno. I dunno how to step back. She wants time and I can't even give her that, 'cause I got this guy breathin' down my neck, and I worry—what if I give it, and she's—and she's gone. [So forlorn, it's miserable and pathetic.] I'm seein' her in the morning. I mean, that's all I wanna do. I just—I just wanna be with her, and she tells me it's the same with her, but she can't—she doesn't like the labels. It feels too heavy, too scary, and I thought... I mean, I really thought it was—that we were—but she's stuck on this guy, and I told him, tell her, I told him—you gotta tell her, you can't keep stringin' her along, and what if he does? What if he does and she leaves? I think I fucked up. I think I really fucked up with this girl, Ashleigh. I dunno what I was doin'. What if she gets upset, y'know? Mad about what I did and goes back to Neil tonight, and—and—I'm supposed to see her, in the morning. I'm just afraid I ruined it.