Re: Call: Penny R/Cris M
[Where to begin.] Alright. I yelled at Jake. 'Bout Sam. She got mad. We had words. I ended up sayin' somethin' stupid 'bout us bein' together, which—I guess...—which we hadn't decided on, and her? She freaked out. It was in the middle of a conversation 'bout stuff, somea it, I never told nobody. It was goin' okay though, 'til I said we were together. But, then she goes, and I know I freaked her, but I couldn't get her back. Me? I decide I'm gonna go sit at her place, wait for her, huh?—I go to get Teresa and I run into Meredith, down in Melrose. Literally. I ran into her. And 'course, I lose it. I'm tellin' her to leave me alone, she's tellin' me she's a victim, I'm gettin' more agitated, she keeps tryin' to play the victim, so I scream at her. Right on the street. She runs away. I'm—I'm shaken up, but I go home. I get kiddo. We go to Sam's. [Deep breath in, deep breath out.] Next, I'm hearin' from you—get your call, 'bout her post? I'd been talkin' to people to keep myself occupied waitin' for Sam. I talked to your Clementine, huh? She told me 'bout the post. She tells me Meredith's tellin' people 'bout me, 'bout how stuff went down, all off, and—I try callin' Sam a few more times, before, after. I wrote to Neil to tell him I ran into his girl, that I yelled at her, to keep her away. I'm not gettin' nothin' back. I talked with Lou for a bit.
Then, I finally hear from Sam. I try to talk about Meredith and apologize for my fuck-up earlier. Y'know what she tells me? She got drunk, invited Neil to a motel to fuck her and that hijo de puta went. He went. I wrote to him, and that's where he was. Sam falls over herself tryin' to tell me he didn't do nothin', but I know him. He don't say no to her. She thinks he don't want her, but I'm not blind. I know somethin' happened. I know she got undressed and I know he went alone and didn't contact nobody, and then she's tellin' me she's ashamed, only 'cause she got rejected, and she's tellin' me she wantsta crawl outta her skin. I'm tryin' to calm her down. I asked her if she wanted to fuck him, she says no. She says it's not 'bout wantin' the guy. It's about her. Her mixed up feelings. 'Cause they were together, three years, before he up and disappeared one day, only a couple days after the fucker finally tells her he loves her back, huh? And the whole time, she's unsure, 'cause he's no good at reassurance, but—anyway, he disappeared, she never got closure, I come along, then he comes back with this girl Meredith. And—I—I ask her, if she wants this guy and all she ever tells me, is he doesn't want her. He does. Pen, I know he does. When I ask if SHE wants him, she's "I dunno, I dunno! But I want you! I don't want you to go!"—and I—I don't wanna go. 'Course I don't. I love her. But—and I knew this would happen. I told her, and she kept sayin', papi, don't worry 'bout Neil. I wanna be with you, here with you, and she—they're separate in her head. It's not competition, even though, I know, if he asks her to go, she'll go, and how the fuck is that not competition? How the fuck do I not worry 'bout that, and how the FUCK do I let her wantin' me in the moment be enough, when she could just up and leave? Break my heart and go to this guy, this guy who's terrible for her, just 'cause he finally, finally, finally decides he wants her?