Re: Log: Meredith/Sam
[The words just kept coming. Selfish. Idiot. No one liking her. The words kept coming and she just kept trying not to think and not to do. What use was there in even trying to defend herself against all the words, all the hate? They hated her, they disliked her, but Mere? She didn't feel that strongly about anyone there. She didn't hate Sam, didn't hate Neil's family, didn't hate any of them. But they were all filled up with it until it came pouring out of them and their minds were all made up about her and what she was. Who she was.
Horrible.
Terrible.
She wasn't a fucking saint, and Meredith? She knew that. She knew that better than anyone in this place. But just because she tried to keep things settled, that she didn't wear her heart on her sleeve like everyone else, that made it bad. Yeah, she would leave, yeah, she ran. That was how she dealt, and was that a horrible thing to do when you needed space?
Apparently.
But Meredith didn't say a word about any of it. None of them tried to understand her, tried to get to know her, and she just didn't have the energy to try and prove that she was different from what they said. So she let them yell and shout and she wasn't going to say a word.
She focused on Sam as she tugged at the tourniquet, watching it fall to the floor, and then there was the shove. The trembling of the lip. There wasn't much time to think about anything else as she stumblestepped backwards. Meredith was unsteady enough as it was with the amount of alcohol in her blood, and that coupled with a pair of heels and the shove to her shoulders had her pinwheeling in a way that was almost comedic.
At least until she caught herself on a barstool, arm hooked through the rungs, and she went down hard on the floor.
The bar went silent at the sound of the fall, and Meredith's cheeks blazed scarlet with a combination of embarrassment, fury, and alcohol. Her throat felt thick and dry, her cheeks suddenly wet, and there was a feeble throw of her purse at the other woman before her hands came up to cover her face, hiding from the onlookers, but mostly hiding from Sam.]
I never wanted anyone to have to help me.
[It was muffled and thick and fingers dug into the hair at her scalp, fingernails biting in.]