Re: House of Strays: Ronan/Ben
[That Ronan finds relief in his words doesn't surprise him - and it's obvious he does.] Sometimes I do wonder. [He confesses, his own hands balanced on his knees to keep him from following every instinct he has to reach for Ronan.] If it was me, if I did something. [For it to happen with Liam and then Ronan, but their relations are too different, the circumstances wildly opposite, and they are two very separate men. Ronan is not Liam. And even knowing he's alone in his mind, he can't compare the two.]
Then I realize that following that train of thought isn't good. It speaks of self-doubt and low self-esteem and denies you responsibility for your actions. [It isn't healthy.
And maybe it isn't healthy to be focused solely on his own emotional state, but he can't help Ronan with his until he deals with his own. Still. His fingers jerk like they're already reaching out to the other man, but his palms don't leave the leather.]
I think we [He clears his throat.] We need to talk about why you did it, but that's not a conversation I'm ready to have yet. [Because the why was important, maybe more so with the lines of everything so blurred. His eyes close as his head tips back.] I think one thing and I feel another - and I need to not have that. They need to be the same for me and until they are, I can't help anyone.