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A year in therapy had taught Sam to be a little more in-touch with her feelings, yeah? She still wasn't great about understanding them, but she got the gist of when she was headed for a spiral. This was a fucking spiral just waiting to happen. Kneeling there, waiting for Neil or Cris or someone to take the uncooked burgers from her trembling hand, she felt like she was on the corner of a street, yeah? Embarrassed like that, and it was fucking stupid. She knew it was fucking stupid, and she knew no one could make her feel anything, that she was the one who gave that control away.
But she sucked at logic, yeah?
But, ok, Meredith's reply about PDA wasn't bad, yeah? She could see it. She even started to agree about it. Time and place, and some people thought the time and place was different than others. "It's just affection," she began. "I mean, fucking someone in public, ok, maybe that's bad, but some affection isn't, yeah?" she asked, and she didn't even think about her language, because she was being pretty restrained for her. At work, she never cursed; it was a learned thing. But she was too tense to keep the word from slipping. In fact, she missed it slipping altogether, because Meredith was going on about other people seeing, and about that being ok.
Yeah, ok, she wasn't fucking nuts. She wasn't imagining the judgement there. Inky eyes watered, but she wasn't going to fucking cry. No fucking way, yeah? Maybe she sniffled. "Yeah, no, I don't mind anyone seeing me do anything. I'm trashy that way," she finally said, because it was easier, yeah? To meet that shit head on. "Some guys like that." Which was completely hurt talking, but she was too tense to reel it in.