Re: Marvel: Cris & Sam
He said he knew, yeah? But that just made her feel worse somehow. She wasn't looking for absolution or anything, because she didn't think she deserved any, and because her head was just too fucking heavy for it. But Cris had this thing, yeah? When he was upset and didn't want to push at her, he'd just stop. It was something new, probably born from her own fucking hysterics, but it made her feel worse, and the knowledge that there was lots of unsaid shit - probably all bad - made her skin itch in a completely different way than jonseing for a needle did. "No, yeah, I would never do that so you would know," she said, like clarification made a difference. In her mind, it did, yeah? In her mind it was better if he thought she'd just run away somewhere better.
At least he propped the balled up stained fabric against his head again, and she wondered if she could summon up the energy to just fucking scream. People would come, yeah? They'd make sure he was ok. She couldn't tell herself, and she knew he wouldn't tell her if he wasn't. He'd be too worried she'd go off herself if he went to a hospital or something. She glanced toward the door, thoughts probably hella apparent in black that was starting to constrict, like stormy skies and unfocused sight. "You can handcuff me somewhere or whatever." It wasn't a full thought, but she had tipped her head back to look at the balled up white fabric, so it was probably pretty fucking easy to do the math and come up with the right answer.
He touched her face, and her eyes closed again. She didn't know she smelled like those things. She wasn't thinking at all, or she wouldn't be anywhere near him after her actions on Fremont. Like run-off from a river, and she wouldn't want to get him wet. That was what it was all about, yeah? Not dragging him down. Not dragging anyone down. Not being the fucking burden she'd become.
Easily derailed, and the metal sphere that banked itself against the insides of her mind stilled when he asked about Joey like that, like it was normal - she knew it wasn't fucking normal. But she smiled a teary smile. "IDK. I wanted to know where I was going to be before I buried him. I didn't want him stuck alone somewhere, like Gotham or whatever, and I can't figure out where I'm going to be," she explained, eyes still closed, and she rubbed her cheek against his now-wet shirt.