She didn't hear the footfalls, the calls of police, nothing. Ok, so maybe Russ might follow her or whatever, but she didn't want him to corner her, so she just wasn't fucking listening. If he caught up with her, he would want to have another one of those fucking conversations where he repeated shit that she felt, like he was trying to feed her back whatever she wanted to hear. And, ok, so maybe it was hypocrisy or something, but she wasn't stupid enough to believe anything that came out of his mouth. Russ, for months, had been seeing what he wanted to see. She didn't want to be people's fucked out junkie problem, but she knew that was what she was. Russ pretended otherwise, like she was stupid enough to believe it, and that shit just rankled.
She was near traffic, and maybe that shit was deliberate. One fucking step. All she needed to do was just take one fucking step, and all this shit would be over. She was euphoria, high red on her cheeks, but she wasn't happy. It was this manic chaos, and her brain wouldn't fucking stop. And if she just took that fucking step, then she wouldn't be a problem for anyone anymore. She just needed to fucking do it, yeah? One step.
One fucking step.
She'd just done it - taken said step forward, to the curb, one foot out into the busy insanity of New York traffic and a few feet away from the slow of the crosswalk, horns and yelling and shit that didn't stop. It wasn't slow today, congestion wasn't bad mid-day, and there was enough movement of cars that-
The grab from behind terrified her. Scared would be a fucking understatement, and she screamed and fought, elbows back and into the gut of whoever was holding her, and high as she was, it was just fucking panic. Micah. Ian. Micah. Ian. Micah. Ian. And people stopping to watch, like she was some fucking freakshow attraction.
She was still fighting when he turned her toward him, burned lip and eyes nearly black with dilation. But he said her name, and he touched her chin, and all she could think about was the fact that she'd fucked up again. Fucked up at sparing him this, them this, and when he tugged her in she just fucking sobbed, hands against his shoulders, bracing before they closed into fists. One fist landed on his shoulder, closed and without much force to it, and then another, and then another. "LET ME GO. LET ME GO. LET ME GO."