Bella nodded. She had made her mind up. She'd made her mind up nearly two years ago when she'd met him. There was nothing she could do about it. Perhaps if he really had left for good, really didn't love her, she'd have been able to move on eventually. Jacob made her happy and helped heal the hole Edward had left in her heart, but she knew she could never have felt the overwhelming love she felt for Edward with anyone else. He had said she was his own personal brand of heroine, but he was hers too.
"I hate hurting Jake," she said, shaking her head, looking down at the pizza for a minute, not paying attention to the movie. "That's the worst thing. I don't want to hurt him, but I know, if anything happened with us, the fact that I love Edward would kill him in the end..." And that was if Edward didn't get to him first. She couldn't win either way. It wasn't so much confusion as guilt. She had let things go too far with Jake, let herself get in too deep and depend on him. But now she was stuck. She couldn't live without either of them; Edward as her soul mate and Jacob as her best friend.
Bella nodded, snapping out of her trance-like state to look back at Rachel. "Oh yeah." She hadn't been on the same shift as Julie yet, but she was sure she'd met her once or twice. "Singer, huh?" she said, able to tell that Rachel was proud of her job. "You do a lot of singing back home?"