Anna Milton [supernatural] (ofanangel) wrote in ridgewayresort, @ 2011-12-25 16:21:00 |
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Entry tags: | anna milton |
WHO: Anna & Cas
WHEN: Christmas Eve (after dean & jo's gifts)
WHERE: the Princess Suite
WHAT: Anna gives Cas his gift (she sang "A Thousand Years" to him) & then they talk about how to get better
RATING: pg
[22:44] minutemarch: "That was beautiful," Cas said, his voice soft, his eyes on Anna. "He took her hand in his.". I feel the same about you.". And he did. It wasn't love he was struggling with.
[22:46] lovedlea: Anna lifted her free hand to wipe the tears she'd been fighting (a failing battle) all night. She never was very good with words, so she wasn't sure she could say anything more right than what she'd just sang, couldn't explain herself anymore than that. So she simple went with "I love you".
[22:53] minutemarch: "I love you too," he said, reaching up to brush away her tears. "And I know I've been poor at showing that. Anna, I know that and I'm sorry. I'm... I think I need help too.". It was hard for him to admit but, once he had, he was relieved.
[22:55] lovedlea: Anna nodded, leaning her face into his hand for a second. She couldn't really stop the tears. She wanted to, she hated feeling this way, but they just kept rolling down her cheeks. "I made things harder for you."
[23:01] minutemarch: "It wasn't your fault, love. You're not trying to hurt us.". He got to his knees and closed his arms around her. "It's alright love. Most of this? It's not you or Dean or Jo. I'm just... not ready."
[23:04] lovedlea: Wrapping her arms around him, Anna stroked her fingers through Cas' hair. "It got harder when I moved in. I want... to make it better. I don't like seeing you hurting." She knew what was going on now wasn't her fault, but before they'd gotten here, she'd seen things wearing down on Cas and most of it started when Robin had brought her back.
[23:16] minutemarch: He relaxed in her arms. "It's not you being here love. I want you here. I love you. I'm in love with you. I want you to stay. It's not you but this thing with the kids...". He stopped. He just couldn't define it.
[23:18] lovedlea: "Are you scared it's too much?" Anna pressed her cheek against his head and sighed. "It's already too much sometimes. I'm scared... a lot of the time I'm afraid it's not going to work. Are you worried about what'll happen if we add more to what we're already dealing with?"
[23:22] minutemarch: He nodded against the side of her head. "Yes. Aiden is great, i love being his dad, but are we really ready for more? Can we take on five kids when we're like this with one?"
[23:24] lovedlea: Anna nodded. That's part of what she was worried about. Most of it was that things were so hard now that she wasn't sure how much longer they'd put up with her, and how could four more kids come into the world if they weren't even together. But she didn't want to say that because she knew it would just hurt him more. "I'm... asking Gabriel to fix things... me, I mean, my head, what's wrong with me."
[23:25] minutemarch: "That's good, love," he said softly. Then, a moment later, "Do you think he'll fix mine?"
[23:27] lovedlea: "Do you think you need fixing like that?"
[23:32] minutemarch: "Yeah.... Lately. I just can't get back up."
[23:34] lovedlea: "You don't think it'll be easier when I'm not... the way I am?" Anna was sure a lot of his mood was because of her, because she was so down that she just seemed to be dragging everyone else with her. She made it hard on everyone because it was hard on her.
[23:44] minutemarch: "Some but... I think I need help, Anna. It's really not just you.". It had started when Dean had hit him and he wouldn't say it but it was that that triggered his spiral. "I don't feel like myself."
[23:45] lovedlea: "Me either." Anna sighed, stroking her fingers through his hair again. "I want to be happy again. I want you to be happy. I want you to look at me like you did before Petersen sent me back there."
[23:48] minutemarch: Cas just rested in her arms, breathing slowly. "Let me see Gabriel too. I want to feel like I did. I know I should. I love you. All of you. It's there. I just can't get it."
[23:51] lovedlea: "If that's what it takes, you should see Gabriel." Anna pressed a kiss to the top of his head and wiped her eyes again. "I want you to come with me when I go. I don't want to go alone. But just you. It'll be easier with just you."
[23:52] minutemarch: "alright. I'll co
[23:53] minutemarch: come with you.". He sat back a little, smiled at her thinly. "can we do it soon? Before the kids go back?"
[23:55] lovedlea: "We can do it now if Gabriel's not busy." She figured he probably would be. And tomorrow. But Anna was afraid she'd lose her nerve if they didn't do it soon.
[23:56] minutemarch: "Let's message him.". He kissed her cheek. "I love you."
[23:57] lovedlea: Anna nodded. "I sent him a message earlier, but he hasn't responded." Closing her eyes, she leaned in and pressed her forehead against his. "I love you, too."
[00:00] minutemarch: "He's with his kids. He'll answer soon.".
[00:01] lovedlea: "I figured he was busy. It's okay. I don't want to take him away from that." Or anything, really. A large part of Anna was still afraid to be near him. Just the thought had closed wounds aching.
[00:16] minutemarch: Cas nuzzled her. "I'll be there."