Castiel (strappedonwings) wrote in ridgewayresort, @ 2011-10-27 16:43:00 |
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Entry tags: | castiel harvelle-winchester, dean winchester |
Who: Cas and Dean
What: Reunion
Where: Behind their house
When: Monday
Warnings: lowishStatus Log
Dean stood against the back wall of the house. He'd banished Johann to his doghouse with sneers and threats to kick him. He'd never actually touched the hound, and he wouldn't, but Johann didn't have to know that.
Dean sighed and glanced around the yard. It wasn't as secluded as he'd like, but it would have to do. He just needed some time alone with Cas, without the pressures of family life and domesticity.
Cas was tense. He knew Dean was upset with him, knew why. There was no comeback, no getting out of it. Dean was upset and Cas was going to face him. Dean, his husband. The one he'd promised it all to long before he'd brought a ring. He turned the corner of the house and saw him waiting. Dean. His heart tightened in his chest as he resisted the temptation to run. He stopped a yard before him. Dean. "Hey," he said softly.
Dean didn't speak. He held his jaw tight. He needed to hit something, and the wall wasn't going to satisfy that need. He stalked the few steps it took to get to Cas, and threw his fist, pummelling Cas alongside the jaw.
He regretted it as soon as he did it, the moment his knuckles connected with his husband's skin. He'd needed this release so long ago, in the world before the resort. Cas had, at times, been his human punching bag. He hated that he fell back on old habits, immaturity he'd thought he'd outgrown.
He couldn't take the hit back, it was done. He flung himself at Cas, arms going tight around him, to hold him close. He didn't speak, couldn't speak. He could only hold on, for the moment, and ride out the tidal wave of his emotions.
This time it was different. In the old days there had been blows, since they arrived at the resort there had been venting, mutual and consenting and, when it came down to it, Cas gave his consent once more but the tears that squeezed from under his eyelids were not from physical pain. He fell against Dean and accepted his punishment but, something in his mind told him something was wrong. He closed his arms around Deans with a beat of hesitation.
Dean's knees felt weak. He could have fallen, but Cas kept him upright. He pressed his face to Cas' shoulder, seeking comfort in his husband's embrace.
Cas held Dean tight, held him up. He rested his head against his husband's but his eyes stayed open, fixed on the distance. "Don't forget I need to breathe," he said softy, his voice brittle.
Dean's back stiffened and he eased his hold just slightly. "Shouldn't have..." He shook his head. He wasn't ready for words yet, and the shouldn't have could easily refer to hitting Cas, or Cas going off to that damn ship when Dean was so very against it.
Cas couldn't remember the last time holding Dean brought him no comfort but he did his best not to let it show. Dean was the music he had to face so he faced it squarely. "I know. My bad," he said, just as softly. He held Dean and felt numb.
It took him another minute to pull himself together. He finally eased back enough to put some breathing room between Cas and himself. "I thought I'd lost you."
"I promised I'd come back," he said, not looking Dean in the eye. "I'm right here." but he didn't sound like he was.
"You weren't." Dean shook his head. "I don't want to fight anymore, Cas."
"We're not fighting," Cas said, even more softly.