""Dora White"" aka Tonks {likes butts} (morebutts) wrote in rewritethreads, @ 2020-12-19 20:54:00 |
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Tonks had spent a lot of this trip to the past unsure of what she was doing, but at least she'd had her walls up. They didn't talk about Remus and some of the other dead, and she got to pretend that he wasn't. If they didn't talk about it, and she didn't think about it, she wasn't a widow and she didn't have a child she'd all but abandoned at her mother's. Just pretend they were there for the Potters and the Longbottoms and the other members of the first Order, and if they could just defeat the Dark Lord 17 years earlier, they could prevent many muggle and wizarding deaths. Because everything was fine. And then Harry started telling people. It was inevitable, really, despite trying to put it off. If they were going to truly affect the outcome of the war, they would have eventually needed to tell the Order; however they did it, it was highly unlikely they could have successfully gained their trust without telling them who they really were. The problem for Tonks, then, was that she had quite a different relationship with certain members of the Order than the rest of the kids did. Those of the DA who had personal connections, they were all family--parents, uncles, that sort of thing. Tonks had a husband. An older one with insecurities and a complex that she missed and would probably never actually get back. While she'd been ignoring that, everything had been fine, even if Tonks could tell that she was less exuberant than usual. But with the Marauders knowing about them, with Sirius knowing about her, all of it was coming up to the surface. Part of her wished she had someone to talk to about it, but all of the people she usually went to for advice or an ear to listen were either not aware of her existence here and couldn't find out, or knew about her and just couldn't find out who she was talking about. Which was probably why she found herself at the kitchen table chewing on the end of a straw and staring at nothing for more than fifteen minutes by herself when she'd initially come in there to find a snack. |