With his arms around her, Cate wrapped hers around his middle and buried her head into his chest as both hands came up to grip tightly against him. Pride was admittedly (among other things like being hard headed) something they shared. In this case it was something that had caused both of them to suffer needlessly and that in itself was punishment enough. But fear was a very real and almost tangible thing anymore. Their death was literally fated to happen or if not fated it was at least a point in their future they would have to face and she wasn’t sure she could face losing him and certainly couldn't lose her children. Not like that.
They were her children, they were part of them and they were innocent to all of this. Living with the knowledge that she somehow failed to protect them killed her. Perhaps that was in part why she struggled so much with allowing them to go to his brother’s that night. Not because they weren’t safe, but because she feared losing even a second with them. As if holding onto them tight now would prevent the horrors of tomorrow.
Her head shook as he apologized, not because she didn’t forgive him, but because she didn’t need to hear it. I’m sorry wasn’t what she wanted, she wasn’t holding out for some apology he hadn’t given. None of this was about some ‘I’m sorry’. All Cate wanted was Edgar to promise her that he wouldn’t die on her and to keep it, but he couldn’t.
Even she knew he couldn’t promise that. He was an Auror and he was in this so-called Order of the Phoenix. How could he promise something like that? Worse now came the knowledge that he’d break it so either way, he could never offer her that peace of mind and that was what killed her the most.
“Just don’t die, Edgar.” Cate said her tone breaking once more at the very suggestion of it happening. “I don’t care about any of it. I’m sorry I got upset, I’m sorry I’m still upset that you broke your promise. I’m sorry that I caused our fight by being difficult. I’m sorry about the funeral I just…..I’m sorry.” Perhaps her apologies too were pointless but she felt like she had to make them. If this was their last few months together, she didn’t want to spend them at odds with him. “None of it matters,” Cate said as she looked up at him, her grip tightening against his shirt, afraid to let him go. “All that matters is that you live. I don't want to lose you or our children.”