ɢlαdιolυѕ αмιcιтια (ex_dadiolus277) wrote in revoltic, @ 2018-06-19 11:30:00 |
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This wasn't the first time Noctis felt overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. He'd experienced something similar as a teenager, and Gladio had taken great pains to teach him breathing exercises when his heart was too heavy to cope. Inhale on a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of seven. Exhale on a count of eight. He closed his eyes and forced air into his lungs just like he'd been taught, sagging against the elevator wall as numbers flashed on the panel. It helped a bit. Even though the echoing call of magic rang hollow inside him, empty and yearning for the bonds that always brought him such comfort in the past. Those days were over. Noctis couldn't forge any connections with his friends again — he couldn't keep taking from them just to soothe his anxiety and stress. They'd sacrificed enough on his behalf, and they deserved better. He'd fight to ensure they had a chance at a better life here. After he made it home, anyway.
Except Noctis didn't end up in 506. He activated the door to 505 and stepped inside, not quite registering the fact that he wasn't in his assigned apartment. It was still home to him, though, and he needed that so desperately right now. Inhale on a count of four. In lieu of a bond forged between children expected to uphold a life they were barely old enough to understand, Noctis followed his feet into Gladio's apartment and proceeded to tug his jacket off, then his shoes, dropping the articles of clothing wherever they happened to end up. Hold your breath for a count of seven. He shrugged on his friend's hoodie, the one he'd pilfered not too long ago. It was heavy and smelled just like Gladio, and it made the tension drain from his shoulders. Exhale on a count of eight. Then Noctis was climbing onto the couch without any warning, laying across his friend's lap like he was twelve again.
Better. Much better.
Gladio… had been avoiding a little. Not that it might be apparent to most. He still there of course. And would of course step in if Noctis wanted or needed. But for the most part he had stayed fairly quiet since learning of the Princess' arrival. After all, it was really his place. He had never formally met the woman and the last thing he wanted to intrude on was her and Noctis being able to be reunited. And with Nyx able and willing apparently to step in and give Noctis a break it seemed better to leave Lunafreya with familiar faces for now.
Of course there was… more to it - but those were thoughts he was trying hard not get wrapped up in right then.
He checked in of course, quick messages to make sure Noctis was okay, that nothing was needed. But it had the air of distance of electronic communication instead of face to face. So when he heard his door open there was a soft smile, somehow knowing that out of the few who would even just walk in it would be Noctis. Confirmed by the sound of the steps, that heavy shuffle that Gladio knew all too well. The one that spoke the words Noctis would always struggle with. I'm tired, I'm hurting, I'm overwhelmed.
And while Gladio would never want for Noctis to be feeling those things, he was glad that Noctis viewed him as a safe space to give into it when it did come. So he simply lifted his arms up, book in hand, so Noctis could flop over him and gently rested his arms back down on Noctis. Just like they had done countless times before. Though whereas before Gladio might have given a pat or two to the top of Noct's head, now his hand fell to Noctis' hair - fingers carding gently through the strands.
"You wanna sleep for a bit?" Asked softly, not as a joke or a dig to Noct's napping habits - but rather an offer. To either stay quiet and let Noctis drift off, or to offer conversation if Noctis needed to talk about anything.
Noctis hadn't noticed that Gladio was avoiding him, mostly because he was too worn out from all of the emotional upheaval lately. It didn't help that they'd been strictly communicating through their phones with the exception of one brief late-night trip to grab burgers. He had no reason to believe his friend needed space, or that anyone assumed he was still engaged to Luna after ... well. Everything. That had been an arrangement between their kingdoms, a farce set up to hide the Empire's true intentions to violently overthrow Lucis in one last bid for power. How could those terms still stand?
The weight of Gladio's arms along his side brought more comfort and relief than Noctis could possibly articulate. He enjoyed that slight pressure, like being swaddled in a heavy, heated blanket, and some of the tension left him in a rush of breath. There were still too many thoughts in his head for a nap — endless noise, insecurities clamoring for attention — and he grunted in response to the offer, a definite negative. At least here, for a moment, Noctis felt safe. Maybe that was what gave him the courage to speak. "Have you ever lied to me?" It was a simple question, deceptively so. Even Noctis' tone was light, almost distant, like this was merely a passing thought and not something he'd struggled with all his life thanks to a father with too many secrets. Part of him expected Gladio to brush the question off, while the other part braced for yet another confession from someone he cared about.
First Nyx. Now Luna. If I had told you, what would you have done? He wondered whether he was just an untrustworthy person, too weak and caught up in his own concerns to truly support his self-made family. What kind of friend did it make Noctis if no one trusted him? What kind of king? But he wasn't that, either — not anymore. He just wondered what Gladio had kept from him if everyone else had done the same, and if his friend would even tell him.
To anyone else it might have come off as that. A passing curiosity. A simple question that didn't have the weight of Noctis' history behind it. But Gladio wasn't just anyone else. He knew well enough from the secrets his own father had kept that it was sore subject. Truth and what it all entailed.
And so there's no immediate answer. No quick shrug off of the question with an of course not meant to placate and quickly change the subject. Instead Gladio marked his page, closed the book he had been reading and set it on the back of the couch. All while giving the question thought and going through the many years they had spent together. Looking for a moment when he might have done so.
"Little things maybe? Saying I'm fine if maybe I'm really not but it's nothing that can particularly be fixed at the moment so I don't want to worry you," a pause, his fingers still threaded through Noct's hair and he smiled softly. "The way you do to me," he added. The lies they all told each other really.
"Oh and there was that one time before you were going to hang out with Prompto right when you two first became friends and you were freaking out and asked me if you had anything in your teeth -" an amused smirk. "You did. I told you you didn't."
His expression shifted into something more serious again. "Before I left to face the trials -" though that had been less an outright lie and more an omission of certain facts. "I knew I wouldn't have been able to go if you had asked me to stay." His hand moved to cup the side of Noctis' face lightly. At the time it had felt par for the course. Normal. Indicative of nothing more than just the bonds between Shield and Prince, friends. Now it was just another moment he had started to question.
Noctis shifted slightly to glare up at Gladio when he mentioned the teeth thing, but there was very little heat behind it. He was settling again a moment later, bracing himself when his friend continued in a very different tone. Here it comes, Noctis thought, telling himself he was fully prepared to hear anything — and yet, he wasn't. He felt completely, utterly torn apart by the knowledge that Gladio had never once lied to him. In all the years they'd known each other as King and Shield, as friends, there were no secrets between them. Not a single lie, save for the small reassurances they told one another but could always manage to see through. It was only when Gladio's hand rested against his cheek that Noctis realized he was crying, and that shocked him a little bit. Where the hell were the tears even coming from?
For a long moment, he was silent. No attempt to speak, mostly because the words wouldn't come. What he did manage was still something, though — dragging his friend's hand to his mouth so he could kiss Gladio's knuckles with all the gentleness and respect of an attendant to their sovereign. It was a role reversal. He knew it was. But that was the point. Noctis loved Gladio so much, grateful beyond words that he had him now and that he could always trust him to be honest. He was an incredible, incandescent human being, and Noctis needed him to know that.
"I want to bond with you again," came out instead. He still had Gladio's hand caught, cradling it close to his chest as if unwilling to let him go. Noctis shifted again so that he could get a better look at his friend's reaction, though, the silent tears already dry on his face. There was steel in his eyes now. Somewhere between guarded and hopeful, searching for the answer to his unasked question in Gladio's gaze.
Gladio would never dare to mention the tears. Not that he would have anything really to even say. But complete displays of emotion like this were so rare on Noctis that he didn't dare draw attention to it save for his thumb that brushed gently against Noct’s cheek.
His breath hitched as that hand was taken and brought to Noctis' mouth. The significance of the brush of lips against his knuckles not lost on him. This wasn't just a show of affection - though he knew that was part of it. No, it was so much more and Gladio found himself swallowing hard against a sudden lump in his throat.
One that only grew as Noctis spoke. I want to bond with you again. He didn't speak, not because he struggled for some way to rebuke the offer but because there was almost a shock at the words. His hand shifted in Noctis' grip to be able to lace their fingers together and he gave a squeeze.
A simple okay wouldn't do. He knew that. No, it was important that Noctis knew he wouldn't be entering into this again just because he had asked. Instead that he would enter freely. Of his own choice and not just because it was expected of him. "I want to bond with you again too," the conviction behind the statement evident in his tone. It would always be wrapped up in who they were - King and Shield - that could never truly go away and Gladio would never want it to. But his desire to bond again was more than that too. Not just King and Shield but Noctis and Gladio. A true choice that they had never been allowed all those years ago.
Noctis briefly smirked just a little bit when his words seemed to render his friend speechless. It was so rare that he ever managed to surprise Gladio, even if the moment was tense and heavy with the weight of all that came before them. Everything they weren't saying. This was a sacred ceremony, a ritual that demanded extensive preparation and prayer. A hundred and thirteen men and women came before them, and all had, presumably, forged the eternal contract precisely as dictated in their ancient texts. As King and Shield, they were meant to create magic bonds before the eyes of the Gods, not cuddling on a couch in Gladio's apartment with their fingers intertwined. But then, they'd never been very traditional, had they?
His first bonding ceremony had gone strictly to plan. It was filled with memorizing Old Lucian oaths, being poked and prodded by a tailor, and stress that kept him from sleeping the week leading up to the event itself. Tradition dictated it would happen on Noctis' fifteenth birthday, his coming of age ceremony a solemn affair with only Gladio's comforting presence and clever quips keeping the Crown Prince from buckling under the weight of so many expectations. That was the memory that surfaced now — Gladio gently nudging his shoulder to earn a smile from Noctis as they waited in the antechamber, two friends sitting side by side, about to embark on a journey neither of them could have known.
I love you, Noctis thought, resting their clasped hands against the center of his chest. It was the exact spot where each royal arm had landed, and maybe, deep down, the place where he needed the warmth of the bond to originate from the most — to chase out the ice that lay there, a chill he couldn't shake.
He didn't even sit up for this. There was no need, really, no reason to stand on ceremony when the moment felt so perfect and fragile as it was. All Noctis had to do was draw from the well of magic sleeping inside him, like wading into a calm lake, and let that heat spread through their joined hands all the way up Gladio's arm. He could feel its path — inch by inch, just like the first time, and yet, nothing like it at all. Noctis stared at Gladio through it, watching him intently as he felt every quivering part of the man, like being able to reach out and hold his heart in his hands, beating steadily, warm and soft. This was intense. Raw. All the boundaries were down, all the bets were off.
If Gladio accepted this, fully and completely, even without a single uttered oath, the bond between them would solidify in a few more seconds. If he didn't ... Noctis wasn't sure he would survive it, but he tried not to linger on the thought.
Fifteen years ago Gladio had done much the same as Noctis. Weeks of memorization and preparation. Words he could even now recite with a clear confidence if he were asked. The official culmination of what he had known would be his life for as long as he could remember. But it's not that moment in the antechamber that came to him then. Not the words or the prayers uttered, the traditions that had been so ingrained in their lives.
Rather it was a moment the morning of. In his childhood home as he dressed and got ready. His hands steady despite the nerves he felt - nerves not for the oaths he was about to say, or the bonding itself. Nerves because he was still an eighteen year old kid who worried about messing up, about forgetting a word or a line. About doing something wrong during such an important moment.
His father's reflection in the mirror, standing behind him. That look of pride as Gladio made one last adjustment. Pride that had been twinged with something else he hadn't been able to place at the time. That only far later, after the dust settled, after the sun had risen again, that Gladio finally figured out. He had known after all. The path that laid out before Gladio and Noctis. The heartache that they wouldn't be able to escape. The heartache and burden that Regis and Clarus had carried, knowing the price to be paid. Knowing that their children would not become the old men they were.
"Your life is no longer you own," Clarus had said, "it is and will always be Noctis' from this day forward." It had seemed such a simple concept back that. One Gladio had known for as long as he had known anything. His duty was bigger than himself. That his life would only have meaning as long as there was breath in Noctis' lungs. His duty, his purpose, in so many ways his very reason for being.
"But -" Claurs had continued. "His life is yours too." And that had been cause for questioning look across the younger Shield's face. "Every victory, every happiness… every moment of self doubt and hesitation, every grief and every failure," Clarus hands had come to rest on Gladio's shoulders as their eyes met in the mirror. "You will feel them as though they were your own. There is no one you will know better, and no one who will know you better."
And as Gladio looked down at Noctis, at their hands joined against his chest he knew that to be true. Noctis was everything. But that didn't diminish himself. How could it when they were so intertwined with each other, so ingrained. When it wasn't servitude, it was a partnership. More than the tradition that dictated their relationship. Gladio loved Noctis completely, with everything he had in him. The man that laid in his lap that was trying so damn hard to be more open and warm, as he had loved the teenager that had been so closed off to anyone outside his small circle of trusted companions - so hard to read from day to day. As he had loved the withdrawn child, even as it had driven him absolutely nuts. There was not a moment in his life that Noctis had not seeped into. Just like he knew there was not a moment in Noctis' that he couldn't say the same.
So there was no hesitation as he felt the warmth from their hands, felt the magic crawl up his arm, seep into his very being. No moment of questioning. Just acceptance. Just every part of Gladio letting it in, welcoming it. Without the words they had spoken all those years ago because they didn't need them. They already knew it. Knew they rang as true - if not moreseo - in this quiet moment as they had when it had been so wrapped up in the traditions. All of it reflected in Gladio's gaze as he looked at Noctis - the devotion, the commitment, the love he felt.
His other hand still cupped Noct's face gently. His breath steady as he felt the magic seep into his bones, his blood, his very being. As it settled deep inside of him and filled all those holes that had been left in the wake of losing it. Stitched up all those jagged edges, eased that awful empty feeling that had haunted him since that first sunrise. And for the first time since he had felt that magic be ripped from him, Gladio felt right. Whole and complete.
He smiled - warm and open as his thumb brushed against Noct's cheek. He dropped his head, leaned down to rest his forehead against Noct's. "I missed you," he said quietly. Words he had said before of course. But different in this moment. Because this was more than simply missing his friend - he had missed the magic that ran through his veins, missed the way it meant that Noctis was a part of him, how they were tied together, tethered in some way that was beyond words.
They smiled at the same moment, just as the bond finished threading them together, that feeling of safety and home made real. Once, the idea of connecting himself so fully to another person had been nothing short of terrifying, but now, Noctis was profoundly satisfied, and he marveled at what a difference the change made. He could feel more than just every point of physical contact between them — Gladio's emotions were as tangible as the man's warm breath that feathered lightly across his face. It stirred something deep inside him, an intensity Noctis had assumed would ease once they were bound by magic again. It didn't. If anything, the feeling strengthened, magnified by the rush of sharing something so precious with a person he cared so deeply about.
"You must be careful, Noctis," Regis had told him all those years ago, taking great pains to fuss over his son's tie an hour before that first bonding ceremony. Noctis heaving a noisy sigh, trying to swat his dad's hands away. "I got it, alright?" He snapped, annoyed, referring both to the fussing and the ritual itself. He'd trained for months in order to get it right — one misstep, one false move, and Noctis could draw too much from Gladio. Unlike using raw elements to power spells, a bond forged by Lucian magic necessitated using the blood of their retainers. Thankfully, there were less knives involved than there used to be. But that didn't mean the process wasn't potentially dangerous still.
Regis sighed, fondness and weariness in his eyes. It was a familiar look. "I meant in the future, dear boy. A Shield must protect their King, but a King must also protect their Shield. You will be the keeper of his heart after today — he offers it to you freely. See that it doesn't come to harm." Like all children, Noctis wasn't entirely sure what that wisdom meant. He'd put it out of his mind, only to return now in a flash of understanding. He offers it to you freely. Noctis saw it in the way Gladio looked at him, in the way he touched him, too, as if reverent. He inhaled a short, rattling breath, and reached up with a trembling hand to grip the back of Gladio's neck. "Missed you, too," he rasped quietly.
It still wasn't complete. There were spaces inside him that were meant for Ignis and Prompto, spaces that couldn't be filled by anyone else. But Gladio had always been his foundation, the shore in the distance after being lost at sea, and the cliff that held steady against an oncoming storm. I love you even more he wanted to say. Noctis settled for touching his friend instead, tracing each muscle in his neck, chasing every quiver of a heartbeat, and brushing tendrils of long, beautiful hair out of the way when they obstructed his path. He clung tight to their still-clasped hands, too, trying to convey I still feel the same and I won't ever leave you again with every caress. After giving everything up, after finding himself in a world lost and alone, Noctis finally felt at home.
Gladio had almost expected that as the bond between them settled in again and filled up all those missing parts, that it would suddenly be so painfully obvious that the way his feelings had changed was just to counter that absence. A foolish notion in retrospect. As there was no absence anymore. No, Noctis was present now. Not just in the tangible way of Gladio being able to see and touch him. But a part of him once more. And in that presence… his feelings weren't diminished. Not in the least. If anything they were heightened. Ran deeper and felt more intently.
And more than that he could feel them returned. Almost too much as Noctis' hand lingered at the back of his neck, the touch at once soothing and making his heart race and his head spin. It would be easy - too easy really, to close that small distance between them. To let his lips brush over Noct's, to give in to the moment even more than he already had. But even knowing now that it was true, that he could trust what he felt… that still didn't make it right. So he pressed his lips lightly to Noctis' forehead instead and sat up straighter, though he kept his hand entwined with Noctis'.
A soft smile played on his lips, amused. "And to think they made us memorize ancient texts for weeks when it really was just that easy," he said lightly as his other hand moved back to card through Noctis' hair again.
For a brief, barely there moment, Noctis imagined preventing Gladio from pulling away. He would tighten his grip, drag his friend back down by the neck, and taste their bond on his lips. Maybe even coax a few lovely little sounds from him. But he didn't. Noctis remained where he was, watching through half-lidded eyes as Gladio straightened up again. He loves me back, Noctis thought in wonder, and really, that was more than enough — confirmation that his feelings were returned, and he wasn't going crazy. How could he ask Gladio for more when he was dead? As much as the disappointment stung, Noctis was so proud of his friend for standing firm on this and refusing to give in. It would hurt Gladio in the long run — more than losing a friend or a bond, but losing a lover. It reminded him that he couldn't think of his own desires when the happiness of those around him hung in the balance. Noctis might not be a king here, but he was certainly still responsible for his actions and decisions.
He would do better by them all. He had to.
Noctis closed his eyes when those clever fingers ran through his hair and sighed, content. "Dude. The cloaks were the worst part. I felt like a vampire." It's another relaxed, lazy moment or two before Noctis blinked an eye open, peeking up at Gladio with a frown. "You alright?" There was no telling whether Noctis had drawn too much energy from his friend's blood. It certainly felt like a seamless process, far more than last time, but he couldn't be too careful. His concern was palpable through the bond as he tried to suss out exactly how Gladio was feeling. That and playing with his hand, absently tracing runes on his skin.
Gladio laughed at the mention of the cloaks. "You're still bitter because you couldn't pull it off the way I could," he retorted lightly, a teasing tone to the words. Words he's pretty sure he might have even said way back then. It was weird to think of just how long ago that had been. How much history laid between them - all the good and all of the bad. His father's words again rang through his mind; there is no one you will know better, and no one who will know you better. At eighteen it had seemed such a foreign concept. Of course he knew Noctis and Noctis knew him, not really realizing the depth to which that rang true. At thirty five it was something else entirely and the truth of it was undeniable.
He nodded as Noctis peeked up at him, an amused smile on his lips at the sight - though one that didn't have its fair share of fondness. The bond was still fresh, new, still settling in and he knew it would take a few days to truly establish itself - like it had that first time. And while it didn't hurt, not in the least - he did feel that exhaustion that creeped up just under the euphoria of being bonded again.
"Yeah - I'm okay, just a little tired," he paused. "You?"
Noctis scoffed, the annoyed look ruined by a smirk he couldn't help. "Fuck off, man. You look good in everything, alright? Quit rubbing it in all the time." He could feel the heat creeping up to color his face after he spoke those words, but with any luck, it was too dark in the apartment this late for Gladio to notice him blushing. There were enough things he couldn't live down to go adding a new one. Still, as much as he lamented his friend's gigantic ego, he did think Gladio looked beautiful all the time — like it was effortless for him, just a fact of nature. Anything he wore was suddenly stylish, even if that something was hardly anything at all, and he was constantly turning heads.
He's mine, Noctis thought, slightly guilty about it, but unable to resist the urge to trace the inky feathers that lay upon his friend's forearm.
It was Gladio's soft smile that unraveled the rest of the tension that lingered in Noctis, though. His friend was so absurdly cute that it made his heart flutter, and he smiled back because he couldn't help himself, blissfully content. "Same," Noctis replied, his voice full of warmth. Later, he'd dig up some of the leftovers from the party and heat them both up a plate, but for now, he settled in, marveling at the feeling of being so complete. He'd never take it for granted again. "How's it feel now, huh?" He asked about the new bond, not really expecting an answer. They were just teasing words as Noctis reached up to tug a little bit on Gladio's beard, feeling lighthearted and playful.
"Glad you finally realized it," Gladio couldn't help but jab at Noctis, only belatedly realizing perhaps the words would come off a bit more weighted than a mere joke, given everything as of late. Oh well, too late to take it back now. And besides, if it caught Noct off guard? Well, there was something to be said about the way Noctis looked flustered to all hell. Realizations of his own he figured, his eyes slipping shut for a moment as Noctis' fingers started to trace along the ink of his tattoo. And if he knew about the thought that accompanied the motion, it wouldn't be a thing he'd be able to deny.
Gladio was more than content to sit still as Noctis made himself comfortable. He'd long since given up on trying to convince Noctis he wasn't actually a pillow. And he'd definitely stopped wanting to try somewhere along the line as well.
"You gonna ask me that every two minutes?" he questioned when Noctis broke the silence. The half deadpan tone twinged with equal parts affection and amusement. An attempt at some sort of stop it look as Noctis tugged at his beard. Half hearted at best.
"Still good," he answered regardless. Gladio paused, glanced down at their fingers entwined and pulled his back to run them over Noct's before lacing their fingers back together and giving a small squeeze. "Different though? Not - bad different," he added hastily, in case Noctis take the comment another way. "Just… different." Though he wasn't entirely sure how to explain it. Stronger somehow, if that was even possible. Deeper. Like the way the bond felt to him was reacting somehow to the way they had approached it. Forged out of half a lifetime of emotional weight. Different because they were different now. Two adults who had chosen it, instead of two kids who had been told that's the way it was supposed to be.
Noctis shoved at Gladio when he agreed to looking good in anything. "Why are you such an asshole?" He asked (it wasn't a whine, damn you), and he scowled, smacking his friend's hand away so he could cross his arms. He wasn't actually upset. Noctis would have left by now if that were the case. This was just their usual banter, teasing and poking, and it felt good to be falling back into it. Besides, Gladio would always win back his favor. That was half the fun of this little song and dance, really — that Noctis felt wanted, something he'd desperately craved as a child, any sort of acknowledgment from the people he loved. It felt nice. He'd never admit it, though, even if it was painfully obvious to anyone who knew him well.
"I was asking two different questions," Noctis replied, a clarification he hadn't bothered to make out loud. It figured. "Are you okay and what's the bond feel like now?" He let Gladio play with his hand despite his little display from a moment ago, quietly pleased about it. The motion soothed him as he watched his friend through half-lidded eyes. Different. It didn't explain what felt like a seismic shift in their connection, but then, what could?
Curious, he reached through the bond to feel Gladio on the other side, and that energy immediately wrapped around him, warm and comforting. "Y'know what you feel like?" Noctis closed his eyes and focused on the aura. "Duscae. When it's super early and there's that, like. Taste in the air, you know? Right after a storm." It was the only way he could find the words to describe magic — through the elements, and the places they'd visited together. Gladio's bond was undeniably the outdoors, but it was more specific than that. It was wild, equal parts rocky and smooth, teeming with so many new discoveries and so much life. That was Gladio to him.
It was definitely a routine he knew well, and one he had endless patience for. Even if he tried to play like he didn't or the fact that he could give as good as he got from Noctis. Never malicious, just… digging at each other because they could. He hummed a soft noise as Noctis clarified what he meant, but let Noctis continue to talk as his fingertips started to move again, dragging over Noct's arm. It was supposed to stop this, the bonding, or so he had thought a little. Make that need for all these casual intimate touches they had fallen into start to fall away because they wouldn't need to make up for the lack of something else. Instead though it was quickly apparent that desire was only increased.
His hand moved as Noctis sought him out through the bond, up Noct's arm to curl fingers lightly around his neck, thumb brushing along the stubble against Noct's jaw. The sort of touch that danced just along the line of what was proper - and alright it was probably way over that line, but still innocent enough that he could fool himself on it. Even if it was laced with so much emotion and the way Noctis' magic flickered between them, the way he not only let it in but seemed to encourage it - seeking that connection that Noctis offered.
Gladio smiled a little at Noctis' words and the picture they painted. And he could picture it clearly, feel it even. And as he closed his eyes and focused on the threads that connected them he could pinpoint something else. "Remember when we used to train back at the Manor," he started, "late in the afternoon, after you were done with classes - the way the sun would start to sink behind those big trees, the birds chirping and that gods awful music Iris used to be into that she refused to turn down or close her window when she'd listen…" he smiled again, carded his hand through Noctis' hair.
Which was to say home. Noctis felt like home. That it didn't matter all those physical places they had lost along the way, the ones that had just started to be rebuilt. Home was them. Even here, a completely different world than the one they'd left behind all Gladio needed to feel that sensation was Noctis. Not just those afternoons in the Manor, not just the city they'd left behind, but everything that had made Lucis what it was. The duty he took so much pride in, the friendship it had given him. And gods he had missed that feeling.
Noctis felt his heartbeat throb hard under the fingers on his neck, a steady thump, thump, thump that increased slightly when their gazes locked. He knew that Gladio could feel it—physically, and through the bond—that he was being too obvious, and that he'd need to tone it down before they got carried away. But the way he was being looked at made something inside him quiver. He loves me back, Noctis thought again, still amazed and anguished. He had no right to happiness like this, especially when it came at the expense of someone else. Gladio deserved so much more than him, and he had to respect that. But Gods, did it feel incredible to be wanted by someone—by the person he'd admired and trusted almost his entire life. He'd never imagined he'd have something like that with anyone. Not after growing up around a father who always seemed so remote, so unreachable, only ever close to one person, and even then, Regis still suffered in silence.
The low sound of his friend's voice soothed him immensely, and Noctis sighed heavily, eyes closed again. He could picture the same scene without effort—and whether that was because of the bond or just memory recall, he didn't know. But it was strong, as if it had happened yesterday, and it made him smile. "You gonna start reciting poetry to me, big guy?" Noctis teased, even as his heart sang at the words. It was obvious what Gladio meant, and he was deeply pleased by it, pushing his head gently against his friend's hand to encourage more petting. He blinked his eyes open and gazed up at Gladio with more love than he knew what to do with, all shining eyes and soft looks. It was getting really bad. So bad. And he felt guilty for wanting to cling to this happiness for a little while longer—before they had to face the world again.
"Thanks," he said after a long moment, voice rough. It was for loving him, for standing by him, for being honest, for so many things he couldn't begin to name. Gladio was incredible, and he deserved to know that. Even if the way it came out was "You're pretty alright," and a smirk.
It was intoxicating really. The way Noctis looked up at him, the way he could feel all the emotion that radiated in those blue eyes. Made him foolishly start to forget all the reasons why he shouldn't give into what had grown between them, why it wasn't right when it felt so right there in that moment. And he realized that maybe what had kept him from realizing all of this so much earlier wasn't just the rules and roles they had been born into - but maybe deep down it had been some instinct of protecting himself. Some subconscious thought that letting himself feel more than something platonic for Noctis would be as all consuming and intense as it was proving now to be.
He huffed a laugh but there was no bark behind it, not when there was nothing but fondness as he looked down at Noctis. Besides, he was more than fluent in Noctis after a lifetime of it and knew the words that were being spoken underneath the seemingly flippant comment. "You're pretty alright, too," which was to say; same.
In lieu of doing something dumb, like tugging Noctis up, pulling him in close and kissing him senseless like he's wanted to do for weeks now - Gladio reached him and picked his book back up. He settled his free hand on Noct's chest - where the bond had seeped between them, the fact it had been where they'd found Noctis with his father's sword run through the same spot not lost on him. And like Noctis the warmth that was now associated with that spot started to chase away the coldness of the image. His thumb rubbed idly against the fabric of Noct's hoodie - his hoodie really though he doubted he was getting it back anytime soon for any period of time longer than just enough to let his scent permeate the fabric again. A soothing slow motion. "It's not poetry but - " a small smile as he started to read from where he had left off.
He was content - happy - as he read outloud. Happier than he had been in a damn long time. And while there were things he wanted, things he longed for - this was enough. A lazy feeling moment tucked away from the rest of the world. Noct's heart a steady beat underneath his hand, the feel of their bond connecting them on a level even beyond friendship, the comfortable feeling between them that came with a lifetime of history and the contentedness that came with knowing that for the moment they were safe. Yeah it was enough, it was more than enough.
For a half a second, Noctis thought Gladio might actually kiss him. There was something glinting in those amber eyes, something with heat behind it, but the moment passed as soon as he'd thought he caught it. Had he been reading this entire situation wrong the whole time? Did they simply love each other more deeply than normal friends, but nothing further? He gusted out a sigh and decided he was too tired to analyze this anymore. The past few hours were finally catching up with him, and all it took was Gladio reading a chapter or two in that deep, soothing voice before Noctis succumbed to sleep. He did, however, rest his hand over the one on his chest, happy that he was allowed to have this much. It meant everything. He'd come home.