As someone whose personally experienced the death of a parent I know how difficult it is. I also know how thrilled I'd be if I could have my mother back. She's not coming back though. She's never coming back. Monsters don't just get to waltz out of purgatory. It's a one way trip. You, however, got out.
So stop crying about what you are and how you shouldn't be alive. Man up and talk to your god damn son