teddy/remus
WHO: Theodore Nott & Remus Lupin
WHEN: Monday afternoon
WHERE: DADA classroom
WHAT: A much needed bonding experience
RATING: PG
STATUS: Done





Teddy's concentration had been off since he had decided spending time with Hannah wasn't possible. It was funny how that worked, really. He was so uncertain about a future with her, but he also hated not being with her. He wasn't used to his heart warring with his brain and he certainly didn't like it. Top that off with his general annoyance toward the Hogwarts staff and anger against the Ministry and Theodore Nott wasn't a ray of sunshine by any stretch.

He didn't like the anger he felt, but he couldn't help it. However, no matter how bad things got in the past, he never let his marks suffer. So as he stared down at the latest result of his awful effort, he squeezed his eyes shut. What did it matter anyway? It wasn't like he could get any job he wanted under the current regimen. And it wasn't like he ever planned on a career having to use Defence Against the Dark Arts anyway. Still, Teddy always did his best and when he saw a big fat 'Unsatisfactory' scrawled across his parchment, he couldn't help taking it personally. Professor Lupin had to think he was an absolute idiot. And if Professor Snape found out…

Teddy slammed his book shut with a thud. He felt shaky on the inside and something told him moisture was pricking at his eyes, but he never cried and if his body was going to betray him, it wasn't going to be in the middle of the afternoon in a classroom filled with…

It was then he realized he had been staring at his assignment in disbelief while the others had rushed back to their dormitories and lives. Well, brilliant. He was losing his bloody mind.

Remus hated failing the boy. Honestly, he never wanted to see any of his students fail. He'd never been one of those teachers who took joy in making their exams and essays as difficult as they could just to see if they could stump their students. To Remus, that wasn't the point of teaching. Teaching was to make sure students understood, not seeing if you could be smarter than they were. Obviously he knew his subject, or he wouldn't be allowed to teach it. His job was to make sure they knew his subject.

But he'd grown a soft spot in his heart where the Nott boy was concerned. He was intelligent and bright, and though he'd always struggled in Defence, he'd always been able to at least make passing marks, and he'd tried. That was the most important part to Remus was that he'd tried. Now? He'd all but given up. And it pained him to watch. Just as much as it pained him to scribble the T on the parchment in red ink, and the note beside it.

The other students had already left the classroom, but Remus noticed Theodore hadn't left yet. He probably should've minded his own business. He knew Theodore wanted nothing, or less than nothing, to do with him. But he took a slow breath, considering his words. No proper teacher would let their student do so poorly without saying a word. "Want to talk about it?" he asked quietly, keeping his distance as he leaned against his desk, his arms crossed in front of him.

Teddy was startled out of his own little world when Remus spoke. "Pardon? Oh…I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to dawdle. I'm leaving now." Teddy pushed the last of his books into the small backpack he carried, but forgot to zipper it up and in his hurry, swung its contents all over the floor.

And it was that small mishap that broke the camel's back. "Oh, for bloody sake!" Teddy threw the bag on top of the spilled books and papers before sinking down to collect it all. His shoulders shook a bit with the tears he didn't want to shed and he would have been horrified to know there were already a few stray ones spilling onto his cheeks. However, he wasn't physically aware of anything that was happening. His mind was a million miles away and torn in a thousand different directions.

Instinctively, without thinking twice about it, Remus hurried forward to help Theodore gather his belongings. He noticed the tears, but thought it best not to mention them. At least, not just yet. "It's alright," he said soothingly, leaning back on his heels. "See? No harm done." Only there was. There was so much harm done, but none of it to the contents of the bag strewn across the floor. All of it done to the young man in front of him, obviously struggling with his emotions.

Carefully, not wanting to anger him, or frighten him, Remus reached out, lightly resting a hand on Theodore's shoulder. "Sure you don't want to talk about it?" The mark he'd been given, the last several weeks of hell, whatever. He just had the feeling the boy needed to talk.

The touch brought Teddy back into the room. He didn't shrug Remus off though he wiped at his face with the back of his arm. It was something Kaleigh would have scolded him for, but just then he didn't have it in him to try and find his handkerchief. He looked back at his professor's hand and then allowed his eyes to rise to Remus' face. "I studied. I just…blanked, I guess." He pushed some of his things into the bag for lack of knowing what else to say or do. "I'll try harder, sir."

Remus considered his response slowly and carefully. One wrong word would likely push Theodore back into the hard shell he'd been in. "You've been working hard," he said quietly. "You've got better in you, I know that. But you're...distracted," he said finally. Carefully, he gave the shoulder beneath his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Which means not hard enough, doesn't it?" Teddy's tone was respectful and the words weren't meant to be cheeky at all. He was ashamed of himself. It was a general feeling he had always had and it had intensified in the last month. He tried to smile at the man, but it didn't quite land as Teddy quickly looked away and squeezed his eyes shut again. "Oh, Merlin, my apologies. I'm acting like a first year." He pulled himself up and off the floor.

Standing, Remus held out the last loose sheet of parchment that had fallen. The paper he'd just returned with the red ink scribbled on it. He hesitated, then shook his head. "No, you're not. You're acting like a young man who's had a hell of a year." He didn't typically swear in front of the students, not even Harry, really. But this? Was a bit different. There really wasn't any other word to describe what all Theodore Nott had been though. "You'd been making loads of progress. I haven't given up hope for that O in Defence, you know."

Teddy blushed as he realized what Remus was handing back to him. Well, wasn't that just perfect? He accepted the assignment and actually waved it a bit. "Oh? Are you an eternal optimist, Professor, or just think I'm holding back for effect?" Teddy's lips twitched in spite of himself, but it really was sorta funny.

A tiny smirk crossed Remus' face, and he shrugged despite himself. "Perhaps a bit of both?" he offered up. "I do know, though, that that's hardly an example of your best work. Maybe you are holding out on me."

"I…I suppose ending our lessons wasn't the best idea." Teddy admitted that notion softly as it wasn't easy to say aloud. "You made it easier, sir. The times Professor Snape tried, well, he reminded me of Uncle Lucius and…" Teddy shrugged his shoulders. "My father was more patient when it came to teaching. Like you, I sup--- well, I know." Teddy cleared his throat. "Draco helped some, but he has his own work and I don't want to be a bother."

Remus was more than a bit surprised by the admission. He casually pulled himself up to the edge of the desk, letting his legs dangle just a bit over the edge. "I've missed having you around," he confessed quietly. "You don't have the natural skill at it that Draco does, but you work twice as hard. You could be great, you know. At whatever you set your mind to."

It was Teddy's turn to be surprised then. "Don't you like having more time for…for the others?" Insecurity filled every word, but something akin to hope shone in Teddy's eyes for the first time in awhile. With Severus and Lucius and even Draco, Teddy always wanted to please and was always worried about failing and disappointing them. With Remus, it had been different. The DADA teacher had been patient and kind and he never seemed to judge Teddy on what he should be, but on who he was.

"I'll make time for any of my students who needs me," Remus told him sincerely. "You were making such progress, it made it worthwhile for me. That's why I do what I do, Theodore." Picking up a quill from the desk, he ran it idly through his fingers. "I hated when I couldn't talk you into continuing out lessons. I knew you needed them, but I wasn't about to force you. I figured if it was what you wanted...well...you'd ask."

Teddy's heart pounded in his chest and he willed it to cease, but it seemed the more he tried to calm himself, the more his emotions betrayed him. "Well, then." He rubbed his arms with his hands, warming himself though the room wasn't at all cold. "Thought you didn't care one way since…" He sounded like a spoiled five year old and he well knew it, but he couldn't help how he felt. "I don't know, alright?" Teddy's legs felt weak so he helped himself to a seat near the desk Remus was perched on. "I just know I can't go out there right now because I am this…" His voice cracked. "This…close to losing it. And part of me doesn't even know why anymore. I'm angry and I don't want to be, but every time someone says most anything…I don't see any good and that's not normal. That's so NOT normal." He banged the top of the desk with an open palm.

Remus didn't get angry at the boy's emotional outburst. He sat patiently, waiting. He knew Theodore was hurt. He knew he was angry. That was hardly a secret to anyone, any longer. Any person with access to a journal knew that. Now he only needed to figure out what to do from there. "Theodore?" he asked, keeping his tone even and level. "Why would you think I didn't care?" Though he had an idea, he needed to hear Theodore's take exactly.

Teddy hadn't been prepared for the question, and thus, remained quiet for a few moments. "No one said a word about what they were doing. I was polite to Potter…" He wondered if he should use the Gryffindor's first name given he was talking to his Head of House, but Teddy couldn't bring himself to. "But I didn't agree. He wasn't happy about that, but he doesn't get to rewrite history. I get it, alright? It was necessary and some had to be left out, blah blah, but it doesn't make it any nicer. If there was at least some understanding of why some wouldn't want it…" He sighed and shook his head. "It all sounds very stupid. I know. And all Draco did was say no and why wouldn't he, but he's not stupid for Salazar's sake, and there was no reason for the whole lot to go jumping over him for answering the stupid question. Who missed the DA? The few DA members!" Teddy's voice shook with anger again and he took a deep breath to calm his temper. "It was throwing it all in our faces, but then to see how no one even noticed how horrible that was and act like we were committing some great travesty…it wasn't fair is all. Why should I get my mates to rein it in if they won't? A-and I suppose I wanted someone to step in and acknowledge it. If it were Draco, professors would have been all over him. Have been all over him, including Professor Snape, but where in hell was he when Potter and them were taunting? And I'm just supposed to accept that everyone feels bad and wants to make it right when…how do I know it doesn't happen again? How? And I know it makes me a horrid person for not being able to just forgive and maybe a hypocrite, but I am tired of being the one apologizing for my family and trying to prove myself and…" He was really crying by then and buried his face in his hands. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said…I don't even deserve to feel this way. I didn't fight. I didn't say anything against…I…just…"

Oh, Merlin. Remus certainly hadn't expected this when he'd woken up. He wasn't entirely sure he was prepared for it. For all the times he'd run over the scenario in his head while watching the boy struggle in his class, he hadn't actually thought he'd ever be granted it. Sliding down from the desk, he moved forward to the place where Theodore sat. Throwing caution to the wind, he reached out and embraced the younger man in his arms, holding tightly. He had the distinct feeling the boy needed touch, and he needed to cry, and he needed all of that without feeling judged. "I know it hurts," he said carefully. "I know it hurts not to be able to trust. It's the worst feeling in the entire world, isn't it? Thinking no one cares and you're the only one who knows it. Oh, but Teddy, they do care. So many people care. They may not know how to show it, but they do." He didn't budge a muscle, only held the young man tightly in his arms. Less than masculine, perhaps, and Theodore would likely deny this had ever happened. But it was the only way Remus knew to show he truly did care what happened to him and to his future.

There had only been two people who hugged Teddy regularly --- his mother and father. With Angus gone, Teddy tried to step up for him and so his embraces with his mum often felt more like he was reassuring her than the other way around. Yet, none of that prepared him for his Defense professor holding him. His initial reaction was to just push the man away and bolt. Really, how more humiliating could the day could get? He was about to take NEWTs and enter the so-called real world and there he was blubbering like a baby into a teacher's arms. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Despite his first instinct, Teddy was still a polite and proper boy at heart. Shoving and running away would actually be quite rude and, well, Remus was being nice…and reminding him of how Angus acted when he was hurting…

Slowly, Teddy allowed his own arms to return the gesture. It wasn't a guarantee of anything. He had learned no one, not even those who loved him most, could possibly promise to never let him down. No more than he could make such a vow. But maybe, just maybe, he could prove himself worthy without being a total doormat OR a total git. And somehow that started with accepting that Remus Lupin really did care for him despite what did or didn't happen.

He pulled away, still quiet, and dug out his handkerchief. He fixed himself up as much as possible and then offered the man a genuine, if small, smile. "I take it this means we're on for lessons again then?"

Remus knelt down so he was looking up at the young man in front of him. Gently, he rested a hand on his knee and smiled. "Only if you're ready to," he said carefully. "I know Draco's talented, and he certainly has the ability, if you'd rather keep up with him." However, Remus did let his academic nature take over as he tapped Theodore's paper gently with one finger. "But if you do want to pass...and Theodore, I do want you to. I..." Did he have the right to continue? Had they reached the common ground he'd hoped for?

"I want you to show them all," he said finally. "I want you to prove you're the wizard I know you are, no matter what your past ties may be." His smile wavered a little as he looked up hesitantly. He knew Theodore was angry and thought Remus' concern wasn't genuine, but he also knew if he wanted to reach the young man, he needed to keep trying.

Teddy didn't hesitate any further. "I need you if I want to do that, sir." He offered another smile, one that was much more reminiscent of his usual expression. "Please."

The smile Remus returned couldn't have been more sincere. "You know my office hours," he told him, giving the knee a squeeze before he pulled himself to his feet with a wince. "I am seriously getting far too old to be trying to sit like that," he joked, though he scrunched his face as he stretched those poorly used muscles.

Teddy actually chuckled at that. The sound seemed almost foreign considering how lousy he felt those days, but he was grateful for one load being lessened. He had been a wreck over the class, even if he did keep saying he wouldn't mind living as a muggle. For better or worse, the Wizarding World was what he knew. "Not terribly old," he teased. "Just in certain lights, you see…"

Remus tilted an eyebrow up, a smirk crossing his face. "Watch it, mister. You're going to get old some day, and when you get wrinkles, I hope I'm still around to mock them!" Which he wouldn't, obviously, but it sounded so very convincing. It also hinted at a relationship beyond professor and student, one which Remus wanted from most of his students, but knew wasn't likely in all situations. But still...maybe.

Teddy did quirk his brows at that insinuation, but kept smiling. "Oh, I'm sure you'll still be alive and breathing, Professor. Mum says it's all about being young at heart and all."

"Easily said from your mum, who probably won't look her age for another twenty years," Remus said with a feigned sigh.

"Well, now that's just odd to discuss," Teddy retorted. "Though I'm sure she'd appreciate hearing such. Especially since…" He trailed off as a fleeting look of sadness crossed his face again.

The thought of his 'mission' from Tonks crossed his mind, but Remus pushed it aside. Mostly. He had no intentions of mentioning it to Teddy. If and when Kaleigh did start dating, it was up to her to tell him, not his Defense professor. "Your mum is lovely, and I'm sure she knows it," Remus informed him. "I'll bet your dad told her all the time," he added a moment later, his words quiet. It was quite possibly dangerous territory, bringing up Angus Nott, but Theodore had already spilled so much, it couldn't exactly hurt.

"He did." Teddy looked down at his hands. "Nearly a year now." He shrugged as he fiddled with a loose thread in his uniform. "Suppose he wasn't very good with a wand either."

Remus rocked back on his heels before shaking his head. "I have to disagree," he said softly. "Your father was rather handy with a wand, even if I can't say I always agreed with how he used it." He ought to know, he'd faced more than enough of Nott's hexes himself. Not that he'd dare use that exact wording with the boy in front of him. "You've got the skill, Teddy. It's there, I think you just lose focus sometimes is all. Your charms and jinxes are actually very good once you cast them."

"He had a mission, I guess." Looking forlorn, Teddy's gaze managed to find Remus' again. "I don't want to have to defend myself that way. Ever. H-he wouldn't want me to either. If he lived to see what D-Draco did, he'd…well. It would have broken his heart." It had, after all, nearly destroyed both Teddy and Kaleigh's as well. It wasn't something Teddy readily thought about, but the anger and worry he had felt during those months still surfaced time to time.

Almost absently, Remus reached out, touching the back of Theodore's head gently. He dropped his touch a moment later and nodded. "I think there are a lot of things that parents go through that they don't want for their children. I think that's why he'd want you to rise above everything you're facing now. He chose one path, but there's no reason you shouldn't be able to choose another." He actually had the feeling that if Angus had seen the Order-supporting werewolf giving his son advice about his decisions, he'd roll over in his grave. But Teddy needed comfort, and Angus wasn't exactly there to do it.

Teddy actually laughed as Remus spoke. "Merlin, yes, he would say that actually." Shyly, he pulled out a small medallion he always kept around his neck, but hidden under clothing. "Do you know what it means?" He asked Remus of the Armis Exposcere Pacem?

A curious look crossed Remus' face as he examined the medal with dawning. "They demanded peace by force of arms," he read quietly. It was a phrase he'd discovered in his old history books, researching past wars of the more muggle variety. He wasn't sure he'd ever come across a wizard wearing one, however. "When did you get that?" he asked, hoping for the story behind it.

"My father gave it to me for Christmas fifth year." Teddy pushed the chain back under his robes, but kept his hand over it through the material. "He knew I liked history and he said that was why, but…" He paused and sighed. "Guess I know why he really gave it to me now." Teddy still wished Angus had just told him the entire story then.

But Remus supposed he understood why Angus couldn't have brought himself to explain the entire situation to his son. How did you explain the decision that led to following one of the most evil wizards of their time? "He wanted you to understand," he said, biting his lower lip just a bit as he considered his next words. "There was a time he probably thought what he was doing was best. And...you have to know, Theodore, once someone followed him, it was keep following him or die." Which he had anyway, but his family had been spared. Could all wizarding families say that? Probably not.

"Oh, I know my father didn't really believe in it anymore. Not like…" He paused, unsure if he was betraying his family. "Well some others in my family. And I can understand it, I think, a little. They were scared and wanted to be powerful, yeah? Isn't that why ambition is looked down on sometimes? Because of what it can lead to?" Teddy withdrew his hand from his chest. "In the end, though, don't we all follow someone? Isn't it all blind faith? How can we ever have peace then?"

Deep questions from such a young mind. Remus knew the answer he gave was crucial. Teddy was still in such a difficult place. "I think," he began, taking his time to think as he spoke, "that it's not blind faith if you put enough thought into what or who you're choosing to follow. I also think... I think that it's okay to follow the things a person supports more than the actual person." Which, perhaps, had been the case with Dumbledore. Looking back, Remus couldn't possibly have agreed with all of the old Headmaster's decisions. That didn't, however, mean he believed any less in the Order and the things they'd been fighting for.

Teddy had no way of knowing what Remus was thinking as the old Headmaster never entered his own thoughts anymore. He had never liked nor disliked the man. He didn't always feel important to him, but, really, he hadn't felt important to most of the staff save Severus. He had no way of knowing if that was normal or a product of his sorting, but he also didn't really care. The only ones who could ever hurt Teddy were the ones who entered his emotional sphere. Still, he understood Remus' point without knowing the prompting of such an idea. "And sometimes you support the person and not their ideas," he added quietly. "It's hard, yeah?"

"It's part of growing up," Remus said gently. "Part of finding your own path, I think. Learning what you think and believe. And sometimes no, you won't agree with a person's way of thinking, but you can still care deeply for the person." Releasing a slow breath, he nodded. "It's still one of the hardest things you'll ever face."

The afternoon was taking a toll, especially after that comment as Teddy thought about Hannah and even Draco and Pansy. "Yes, yes it is." Teddy stood up and, in a move he wouldn't usually take with a professor, squeezed Remus' shoulder rather than offering a hand. "And something that…I think I need to stop hiding from, yeah?" A wistful little smile sprung to his lips. "Thank you, Professor. And…I'm sorry if I've offended you at all. I know I've been less than kind lately."

Remus straightened a bit, just grateful he'd made it through the conversation without Theodore throwing angry words around. Which he certainly wouldn't have blamed him for. He offered a reassuring smile. "You have," he agreed, though he gave Teddy a squeeze to his elbow to let him know there weren't hard feelings for it. "But you didn't say a thing that someone else shouldn't have ages ago. I'm only sorry it had to be taken out on you to do so." His face grew a bit somber as he met Theodore's eyes. "And I mean that. I truly am sorry."