InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm stuck on your heart"

Justin doesn't like food (goldfinch) wrote in resurrectio_rpg,
@ 2008-04-18 22:01:00

Who: Justin & Zach
What: Justin is FREAKING OUT.
When: Friday, after Zach's entry
Where: Astronomy Tower
Rating: R, for swears and angst and DRAMA
Status: In progress

Justin's chest felt as if it would cave in and possibly explode. How could Zach possibly think any of those things? How could he think that they'd be better off without him? How could he think that he'd be better off dead? Justin's eyes burned with tears as he practically flew up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower, bursting into the room and swallowing hard when he found no sign of Zach. Shit. Oh fucking... there! Out on the balcony. Thank god.

Justin made his way out there immediately, heart shattering into nearly a million pieces when he saw Zach there, curled into a ball and looking completely miserable. "God, Zach," he whispered, tears finally escaping when he caught sight of Zach's. Falling to his knees, Justin threw his arms around Zach and pressed his face into his shoulder, whimpering softly. "Don't, please, love you, Zach, don't want to lose you, please, never want to lose you, please," he blurted before sucking in a shaky breath. "Please."

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-19 03:41 am UTC (link)

It was really only because Justin, Ernest, and Pansy had replied when they had that Zach hadn't gone through with his original plan of clambering up to the top of the Astronomy Tower and jumping off. Fucking hell, this was a mess. Just a few days ago, he'd been convinced that he'd never give anyone the satisfaction of seeing him brought so low, and that he'd never go off loving Big Brother -- not even a week ago, he'd denounced suicide as being the cheap, easy way out -- and now what was he doing? He'd sat down, written his entry, and he'd been ready to jump when he'd seen Justin's comment. Then Ernest and Pansy's comments had come and Zach had sat back down, not sure of what the fuck he thought he was doing anymore. And then the crying started up again.

And then Justin had come up, just like he'd promised to. Fucking hell, it was good to see him. Without really thinking about it, Zach put his arms around Justin and lowered his legs, so it was easier for them to hug. "'m not gonna," he mumbled into Justin's neck. "'m so sorry, 'm not gonna... I got stupid, 'm sorry."

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goldfinch
2008-04-19 03:50 am UTC (link)

Justin clutched at Zach tighter still, trembling violently as he moved closer, practically sitting in Zach's lap in an attempt to get as close as he could. God, he'd nearly lost Zach. He'd nearly lost his Zach forever, and the severity of the situation hit Justin all at once, his entire body convulsing as a sob ripped from his mouth. "God, Zach," he whimpered pathetically. "Love you, dun ever wanna lose you, my Zach, love you s'much."

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-19 04:09 am UTC (link)

...Merlin Fucking Christ, all that fucking mess deciding not to kill himself and Zach was going to catch his death by Justin Finch-Fletchley. Trying hard not to whimper or shake too much himself, Zach clung tighter to Justin, shaking his head 'no' against Justin's neck and crying a little bit into Justin's shirt. "'m sorry," he said, louder and clearer, even though his voice had to go and break on him. "'m sorry, I love you too, 'm not gonna, 'm not, I... I almost did. Saw your comment, though. Yours, an' Mister MacMillan's, an'..." He almost brought Pansy up by name, but stopped himself quickly enough, remembering his promise to her. "An' Susie and Hannah. I'm so fucking sorry, Justin."

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	goldfinch 2008-04-19 04:25 am UTC (link)
	God, Zach. "Stop 'pologising, just... Jus' dun ever think 'bout it 'gain, okay? Not ever again, promise me, please," he begged quietly, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm himself. He still clutched tightly at Zach, but not nearly as desperately, hands still shaking. "Really love you, Zach," he whispered. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	loudmouthprat 2008-04-19 05:17 am UTC (link)
	Still trying not to whimper helplessly, Zach nodded against Justin's neck. "Never 'gain," he agreed quietly, taking several deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself a bit. "I love you too, I... I'm -- Mr. Macmillan asked if I wanted to go over to his place for a bit. Jus' the weekend. ...I told him yes." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

goldfinch
2008-04-19 11:48 am UTC (link)

That... That might be good for Zach. To get away from all of this for a little while, and to let Mister Macmillan fuss over him some. Zach needed someone fussing over him. Justin nodded, stroking his fingers through Zach's hair in an attempt to calm them both down a bit more. "I think that's a good idea," he murmured. "Mister Macmillan will take care of you. And you could probably use a break from all of this bloody mess. ...You'll come back, though, right? You won't go running off without me, will you?" Not that Justin really had any doubts that Zach wouldn't run off without him, but it was reassuring to hear the words sometimes. Especially now.

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-19 08:10 pm UTC (link)

...That was just it, though, wasn't it? Maybe Zach did need a break from all of the bloody mess, but that didn't change the fact that he'd been the one who'd caused it all in the first place. And he bloody shouldn't have. He didn't have the fucking right to make people suffer the way he'd been doing -- Dad was right, and Ernie was right, and anybody who'd ever run Zach down was right there with them in being right. He was a menace. He couldn't be trusted with his friends, or his life, or anything; he'd only fuck it up like he did everything else. "I won' go running, 'll come back, promise..." Despite his best efforts, he cut himself off with a rather loud sob. "'s all my fault, Justin, god, 's all my fault, 'm sorry, 'm sorry, 'm sorry..."

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goldfinch
2008-04-19 08:22 pm UTC (link)

"No, nononono, shhhhh," Justin crooned, trying not to fall back into his own tears as he stroked Zach's hair with one hand and his back with the other. "Shhhhh, Zachy, please, don't cry any more, please, shhhhh. It's okay. 's okay, please... Doesn't matter whose fault it is, jus' please don't cry, please. Only thin' that matters is you're alive an' here an'... an' I'll take care'f you, okay? You'll always have me. Jus' please don't cry," he pleaded quietly, nuzzling softly against Zach's cheek.

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-22 12:34 am UTC (link)

As Justin tried to calm him down, Zach mostly just kept crying, not sure of where this was coming from or why it was happening or anything really; instinctively, he leaned further into Justin's touch, clinging to him for dear life. God. What the fuck was wrong with him? Aside from the incredibly obvious answer of 'everything?' Slowly, but surely, Zach's fit of crying subsided until he was just sniffling pitifully into Justin's neck. Merlin, this was what he was being reduced to; he was supposed to be fucking better than this.

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goldfinch
2008-04-22 01:32 am UTC (link)

Justin didn't even noticed when Zach actually stopped crying. He just kept petting his hair and rubbing his back and murmuring soothingly against Zach's cheek. God, it killed him to see Zach like this. He was usually so... alive, and now he just seemed run down and completely broken. It wasn't right. When Justin finally realized Zach wasn't crying any more, he tightened an arm around him and kissed his cheek softly. "D'you wanna go down to the infirmary with me until Mister Macmillan comes?"

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