Who: Severus Snape and Remus Lupin
When: Backdated to Severus' birthday
Where: Severus' rooms
What: Bonding. We...think.



Remus knew what it was like to not want a big deal made over your birthday. He'd fought it for years, only cheering up a bit when Sirius or James or Lily made an effort. Things were different now, of course, but feeling alone on what was supposed to be a special day made you want to just ignore it.

But the world was a different place than it had been when he was in his twenties. He'd found a bit of happiness, and though he didn't always have Tonks' bright and upbeat view of the world, he was trying. And he couldn't help but feel that Severus Snape deserved to be doing something for his birthday, at least something that wasn't sitting around in his rooms reading.

Against his better judgment, Remus showed up at Severus' door on the ninth, ready to make good on his own mental promise to at least offer a friend that evening. Whether Severus wanted a friend in him or not. It wouldn't do him any good to not at least try.

Severus didn't want a friend in anyone though he did have to admit Remus was a more tolerable companion than most. Remus did, after all, read some. Still, Severus didn't have one good memory surrounding his birthday and he was quite content to sit at home lest a disaster fall. When he was younger, his mother had tried to make the day special, but Tobias always managed to ruin it with a word, look, or fist. Once he was away from home, Severus had been content to ignore it though Lily had brought him a cupcake and present every year until their falling out. Once that happened, Severus despised his 'special day' even more. Celebrating his birth? What a mockery. Hence, hearing the knock at his door in the dungeons made him groan. Minerva had better made good on her promise not to disturb him with forced niceties. Growling, he swept to the door. "Yes?" He asked gruffly on seeing Remus.

Somehow, despite being approximately the same age, Severus had the ability to make Remus want to cower like a schoolboy. He didn't find the man mean, exactly. Especially not now that he knew everything Snape had been doing for them over the years. But it didn't make it easier to face him when he looked like he'd enjoy nothing more than slapping Remus with a good old-fashioned hex and sending him on his way.

Still. He had promised himself he'd try. "Happy birthday," he offered, placing a smile on his face and handing over the brightly coloured box containing the engraved quill set and several small bags of potions ingredients. "You weren't kidding, you really do plan on being in here all night reading, don't you?"

Severus' dark eyes flickered over the extended present. Why the hell had he gone and done that for? Casting Remus an annoyed look, Severus moved from the door. "Apparently not what you had in mind, however. Well, then, don't stand there like an idiot. Come in." He gestured inside the dark, cold, and rather drab chambers. "You shouldn't have," Severus said as he held up the box. Yet, unlike most people who uttered those words, his tone indicated Remus really shouldn't have.

Remus gave a careless shrug at that, still smiling despite himself. In truth, he felt a bit awkward knowing Severus felt so...well, unwelcoming all things considered. But it was a special day, and he was determined to make it one for Severus, too. He entered the room, smirking internally at his ability to surprise Severus, welcome or not. "You deserve it," he said simply, as if he'd done absolutely nothing. Which, as far as he was concerned, he hadn't. It was a gift, yes, but that's what people did for each other.

It wasn't that Severus hated Remus. No, despite Remus' connection to Sirius and James, Severus had come to realize the man wasn't nearly the git he had assumed. Granted, he could be annoyingly optimistic as far as Severus was concerned, but then again he classified most people that way. If anything, Severus was annoyed in knowing he didn't mind Remus' companionship once in awhile. The Potions Master was a solitary creature; it was all he had known since the moment Lily denied his apology and years as a spy didn't help alleviate that feeling. "Does that mean this thing will blow up then?" He attempted it as a joke, but his expression told another tale.

"Please," Remus scoffed, leaning absently against the back of a dark-coloured couch. "I don't even know how to make things blow up. Not without a wand, at least, and I think you'd notice if I was doing that." He grinned, then, attempting to keep the mood light and airy. Or, at least try and get it light and airy. "You're the one with the chemistry, remember. If anyone's able to blow things up, that'd be you." The words were teasing, however, and not meant in any negative way.

Severus knew Remus meant no harm though his words did make him stiffen. That was what he was known for, right? The ability to hurt and destroy? Severus had wanted to be great, but he had been sorely disappointed to find that recognition for things others found grotesque didn't make him happy. If anything, it felt lonelier and…dare he say it hurt?

Whatever his feelings, Severus had accepted his fate long ago. He deserved to be punished for losing the best thing to ever happen to him. "Sit," he said abruptly. If he had to open presents, they might as well do it properly.

If Remus had known what was going through Severus' mind, he'd never have allowed him to continue on that train of thought. If anything, Remus meant it as a compliment. He was awful with potions, anyone who knew him knew it. It had kept him out of the Auror academy and Healer training, assuming his condition wouldn't have done so for him. Severus' skill with a cauldron was something Remus had always respected, even when he'd been a teenager grudgingly accepting that the Slytherin would always be better than him at the subject.

But Severus would likely never be quite that open with him, and Remus instead took the offered seat, leaning forward casually. "It's not much," he admitted, glancing at the ground in front of him. "But I saw it and thought you might like it. And it was either that or get Tonks to help me pick something out, and I figured you only needed so many new clothes a year." He gave a small laugh, then, shaking his head helplessly at his girlfriend's desperate attempts to get a bit of love in Severus' life.

Severus allowed himself something vaguely resembling a smile at that. Really, it could seem a grimace to the untrained eye. "Then I sincerely thank you." He unwrapped the box though he felt incredibly stupid in doing so. "Very nice," he told Remus sincerely. "I…appreciate it." The words were hard to get out, but there they were.

"I wasn't sure which you'd need," Remus explained, motioning to the herbs and other ingredients that he'd found. "I tried to get a variety, but I'm sure if there's any you don't use at all, you could exchange them for others that you do." The quill, of course, wasn't exchangeable, as engraved items often weren't. Remus was pretty certain there weren't many other wizards named Severus Snape using quills around. "I hope you like it," he added, sounding a bit like an eager child desperate to please.

Snape brushed his fingers over his name. No one had ever given him such a personal thing before and he hated the tugging motion of his heart. "Nonsense. There's always a use for an herb." He couldn't express his emotions very well and even if he could, pride wouldn't allow him to tell Remus how much it meant. Clearing his throat, he placed the items carefully back in their rightful place and asked, "Your trip was a success then?"

"Well, if by success you mean that Draco and Tonks didn't pull each other's hair out and I didn't get drowned by either one of them, sure," he said good-naturedly. Though Severus hadn't said anything out of the ordinary for him, Remus noticed the expression on his face. Despite what everyone may have thought about him being 'one of the guys', he'd always felt a bit out of place with Sirius, James, and Peter. He was much more the type to be on the outside looking in, and had grown accustomed to watching posture and expression. And if he wasn't mistaken, he'd done well. Severus seemed to appreciate the gift, at least, which was all he'd asked. "I think everyone had a good time, and that's all that matters."

"Yes, I suppose so." Severus nodded though, honestly, he didn't fancy the idea of competing with Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks for a place with Draco. He was used to losing to Angus and Kaleigh, but Draco was his godchild and he wanted the number one spot. He placed the box on the table near his chair to disguise any feelings that might have flickered over his face and turned back only when he was sure he wore his usual neutral expression. "You can tell you girlfriend I wore her robes and danced with Professor Vector. She can give up now. I gave in."

At that, Remus had to give a genuine smile. "She'll be pleased, I promise. I don't suppose I can report back any sparks flying between you and Septima?" Probably not, if Severus was still calling the pretty young teacher by her last name, but it was worth it to ask.

That question was rewarded with rolled eyes and snorting. "Remus, honestly." Uncomfortable, Severus stood and grabbed his tea kettle. He poured two cups before returning to the DADA teacher.

"What?" Remus asked defensively, though he wore a smile. He accepted the tea cup with a nod of thanks. Before he continued, he took a long sip, letting the liquid warm him. If asked, he'd have to admit he was amused that Severus Snape took his tea exactly the same way he did. "Is it so wrong for her to want you to have someone special to think about? She doesn't mean any harm by it, I assure you, she's just...eager."

Did he really just ask that? Severus fixed him with an irritated look before taking his time in gulping his own tea. "I have someone special in my life. He's blonde, 17, and the biggest brat you'll ever meet. Not to mention another messy haired pain in my side." He glanced around, wondering if he still had some vodka laying about. He had the feeling he'd need a stiff one before the evening concluded.

Instead of replying with a sharp-tongued reply, Remus smiled a bit wistfully. "He's wonderful," he admitted. "Even if he does have an attitude a kilometer long." But he'd come to recognize the boy as a good kid in general. He made Tonks happy, and that's what Remus wanted. "Speaking of messy haired pains in your side..." Remus began slowly, taking his time over the words. "How was your Christmas?" He didn't add 'with Harry' because he honestly felt like he didn't need to.

Severus' eyebrows shot up at Remus' declaration regarding Draco's personality. He wasn't sure how he felt about it, but, then again, he was used to never getting anyone to himself. However, Remus' question about his Christmas made him feel even more awkward. "It was fine." He chose his words carefully. "Mr. Potter was fine. I only regret I could not change his mind where you and the others were concerned."

The reminder hurt. It wasn't Severus' fault, of course. And, for what it was worth, it wasn't really Harry's fault, either. The boy had been through hell and back. Maybe they were all asking too much of him. But that didn't mean it didn't cut a little deeper every time Harry pushed him away. He couldn't help but thinking that Harry would have opened up to Sirius. But Remus wasn't his godfather, and he hadn't been there for him when he'd needed him most, and maybe he didn't deserve the closeness he so craved with James and Lily's only son. "That's alright," he answered Severus quietly. "You tried, then? That's all I can ask. No one can get through to him, I didn't expect you to work miracles. So long as he wasn't alone." Either of them.

Severus nodded. "We did talk a bit. I'm hoping he'll come around soon enough." He offered a wry smile. "Don't need him winding up a cranky DADA professor, do we?"

"As if he'd ever want to be," Remus began, then paused. He really hated always burdening Severus with tales of woe concerning Harry. The Potions Master had done more than enough for the boy, and was still rather involved. The last thing Remus needed was to needle more out of him. "Besides," he added, attempting to switch the mood from somber to more playful, "haven't you heard? It's the Potions professor who's cranky, the Dark Arts teacher is a sap." His words were punctuated with a hesitant smile.

If Remus looked, he'd have noticed a flicker of humor in Severus' eyes. "Yes, well, Potter's not cut out for Potions, now is he?"

Lifting his eyebrows, Remus regarded the other man carefully, though he still held a slightly teasing look to him. "Well, I doubt he could ever replace our current professor, no. But he's not completely rubbish in that regard, I don't think. Certainly better than, say, I was."

Severus shook his head. His hair actually looked less greasy since he took more time in the bath since the war (and his spy days) ended though it was still messy and definitely hung in his face. "Lily would wonder what happened." He surprised himself in speaking her name and busied himself with returning his cup to the kitchen. "Would you like anything else, Remus?"

To his own surprise, Remus stood, joining Severus in the kitchen with his own cup. He wasn't one to be waited on, after all, and was more than willing to take care of his own dishes. "No, thank you," he said quietly, studying the man who might have been a good friend had circumstances been different. "Lily would be proud," he said softly, glancing sideways. "Even with the way he's been acting recently, I think she'd be proud. He's a credit to her even if he isn't a potions genius."

Severus didn't feel like talking about any of it. "Well, we aren't all fortunate enough to be born a Potter offspring now are we?" He snapped his faucet shut decisively. "Thank you for coming, Remus, but, as you see, I have several more chapters to attend to."

Remus sighed, his shoulders dropping visibly. He should leave well enough alone, and he knew it. But instead, his chin lifted almost defiantly. "You're not the only one who misses her, you know," he said bluntly. "And I'd bet anything she'd be damn proud of you, too, for everything you've done. But you don't stop and think of things like that, do you?" Jaw set in uncharacteristic stubbornness, he continued, "thank you for the tea."

At the risk of sounding like a first year, it wasn't fair. They'd never be able to cross that hurdle, would they? "Happy birthday, Severus. Really." Remus gave a tip of his head and headed for the door.

That was an unexpected response and for once Severus chose not to shoot back a nasty response. "Bloody hell, Remus. Why are you here? What do you want from me?" He threw down his dish towel and rounded to the place Remus stood. "I'm stuck here having another blasted birthday and for what? I'm not even of use anymore!"

Whirling around to face his colleague, Remus glared. "Not of use? Is that what you think?" A tired expression crossed his face. "You may not have wanted to come here and teach, but some of us sure as hell did. Because I'm grateful every single day I get to work with those kids. And if my job isn't worth it, or putting me 'to use' as you say, then I don't know what is." Yes, the work he'd done with the Order had meant a great deal to Remus, but he'd never opt to go back to the days of the war, not if he didn't have to.

Truthfully, Severus didn't want to return to wartimes either. But now he was alone and what the hell was he to do? "You don't understand, Remus. You never understood! Do you think I don't care about teaching? Is that it? Because I don't mollycoddle? I'll have you know I want every student I've had to succeed! How do you think it feels to know I lost two young boys to Him? How do you think it feels going to bed every night knowing I nearly lost the one thing in my life worth having? And all because I listened to that Headmaster you love so much! I take responsibility for the misery I brought on myself, but how can I reconcile letting my godson suffer? How in Salazar's name can I reconcile knowing someone I thought might actually care about me was content to make a fool of me in allowing a child I'd have done anything to protect die? He knew what Lily meant to me! And did that matter? No! None of it mattered! The ends justifying the means? Did it? Harry's alive, but miserable! He'll turn into me, you watch! And for what? Do you really think another Voldemort will never exist? What then? Do we use a whole new generation to serve the goddamn greater good?" Shocked at the hyperbole that poured out of his mouth, Severus staggered backwards, breathing hard. "My apologies. Just go. Go!"

"No," Remus said, though much quieter than he had intended. "No, I won't. I'm not leaving here until you know damn good and well that that isn't at all what I meant." Hesitantly, he took several steps closer, glad that at least it was all out in the open. "I just don't see how you can possibly think you're not of use when you just said all that. You're the reason those boys are here now. Everyone knows it. And there's not a student in this school who hasn't benefited from your teachings in some way or another." He bit his lip, more hesitant still. "I'm not saying Dumbledore was right. I know he wasn't, surely even he knew the mistakes he made. And I know he took advantage of you. But you rose above all of that. You're the strong one here."

If Severus was shocked before, that feeling didn't compare to the absolute mystification that overcame him at Remus' words. He hadn't meant to say as much as he did, but to have Remus validate his feelings…it meant more than he was willing to confess. "Well." He cleared his throat. "I suppose I did make a few good choices along the way." His eyes met Remus'. "I need a drink. A stiff one. The Leaky?"

"Well," Remus began, a flicker of surprise crossing his face, "that is what I originally came here to offer, but you seemed so very content to just sit here and...well, read."

"That was before you insisted on talking and making me need a drink." Severus summoned his cloak. "Coming or not?"

Remus gave a chuckle, only shrugging his shoulders. Not how he'd expected the night to go, but with the pink elephant in the corner being brought forth, maybe they'd start to make a bit of progress. "Of course I am," he agreed, and led the way to the door.