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Tweak says, "We've come to hug."

Ernie (forget_the_past) wrote in resurrectio_rpg,
@ 2008-05-17 18:55:00

ernie/pansy
WHO: Ernie MacMillan & Pansy Parkinson
WHAT: Chatting
WHERE: Around the castle
RATING: PG (and C for cute!)
STATUS: Finished! Yay!

Ernie felt ridiculous. He had no right feeling so down considering he had escaped the second war unharmed and with all his loved ones alive and, furthermore, still happy. Yet, he couldn't deny the pain in his chest or the dark thoughts that would visit his mind in the hours when slumber refused to come.

The year had started off hopeful. Evil was vanquished; Ernie was the new Head Boy. He had been on top of the world. However, then he had stepped foot in Hogwarts finding all had changed. Change was inevitable, war or not, but with a new Headmistress, new Minister, and a still evident power struggle within the wizarding world, Ernie wondered if the hell they had known was better than whatever future they were entering. At least before the war, lines had been drawn. Friendships were what they were and it was much easier to pretend he never thought about the memories of yesterday. Now? His old friends seemed more likely to support while his new ones seemed to think they were better than him.

Ernie was grateful for Hannah. She, as always, was reason and love all rolled into one. Then there was Hermione, a friend from the first time he met her. Still, to say he didn't worry about Justin would be remiss. He did, of course, but it hurt knowing he'd always be number two. Hell, maybe even four. Support was important to Ernie; he'd support his mates, but not hold their hands. People needed to learn to fly on their own and be held responsible for their own actions.

Ernie wasn't perfect. He could be pompous and self-righteous, but he believed in loyalty. It was why he could be smart enough to let go of a poisonous relationship, but still never actually stop caring. Not only was Smith proof of that, but Nott and Malfoy and Parkinson. Whether they realized it or not, Ernie still missed them. He still worried and thought about them. He just couldn't always agree with them.

Though lately? It seemed he did which was frightening. How could they seem to understand him better than those in his own House save Hannah? Perhaps something was to be said for those who saw you in a poopy diaper, after all.

These thoughts fluttering through his mind, Ernie found his round lasting longer than usual. He kept forgetting to check areas and had to go back. By the time he finished, he was so tired, he simply slumped on a window ledge right near the Great Hall. He closed his eyes, leaning back into the clear glass. His head pounded and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to crawl into his own bed at home and have his mum bring him chicken soup. Seventeen? He felt more like seven just then.

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ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 06:42 pm UTC (link)

Pansy fluctuated between overly happy and deep dark depression on nearly a daily basis these days. She had used to place the blame entirely on everyone else but in an epiphany she found the problem wasn’t everyone else but something within herself. It was all she could do to work on that now. She was more than a little afraid it was too late to turn back the clock but there was nothing that would stop her from trying. When everyone else had started to grow up, she’d clung desperately to the threads of what had been for so long. She had to grow up too if she wanted any of them to remain in her life. It wasn’t a matter of if she felt like anymore. It was necessary. She had to prove that she could be different whether she wanted to or not if she wanted anyone to want to be around. Despite, her behavior since school got in she did actually want friends. Perhaps it was loneliness the drove her to want to change.

Rounds were spent in solitude most of the time these days. No one wanted to be around her during them. She didn’t ask anymore if whomever it was wanted to meet up and she couldn’t keep track of who was even supposed to be doing them with her. She simply toured the halls and made note of anything out of the norm. This night had been spent much like the others wandering around on her own, quiet and watching. She might have passed right by and not said a word if Ernie hadn’t looked so wretched. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d actually spoken to each other in person. A large portion of that was because she wasn’t that certain he desired her speaking to him. There was always a large portion of her that wanted to though. Despite the fact he was a good bit taller, he was still the little boy that she’d play fought with for most of her childhood. Seeing him like that made her feel more than a little protective and concerned; Maybe there was something human in Pansy that wasn’t evil after all.

“Ernie,” she said coming closer, careful to not startle him too much. The tone of her voice hinted at the fact she was concerned and not just being pretentious or seeking a new battle. She was actually, legitimately inquiring on him. “Are you okay?”

Her dark eyes fixed on him for a moment as if trying to be able to figure him out. She missed when their close group of friends had been able to finish sentences. She couldn’t even tell what was bothering him now. At least thinking on him made her think less on herself. She didn’t ask aloud for permission to join him but rather just filled the space next to him reaching tentatively to touch his forehead unsolicited and unwarned. It was a bit like playing doctor when they were children again only she didn’t have to cry to make him play with her. She didn’t linger and she didn’t feel a fever. She found herself trying to think of ways to fix whatever was wrong. It was amazing how Pansy transition one day to the next. She didn’t need long drawn out excuses or permissions to care about people when she did. She could go from hard to soft in a moment. This was her softer side.

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forget_the_past
2008-05-17 06:54 pm UTC (link)

Ernie had almost fallen asleep. It hadn't been on purpose, but between his pounding head and his want to rid himself of his problems for even a few short hours, his mind and body had started to relax in an effort to help him heal. Hearing his name, he did start some as his eyes fluttered open, revealing for a brief few seconds the raw pain beating within his soul. However, realizing where he was, he pulled himself together, straightening up on the perch. Yet, as reality set in and Ernie realized Pansy was the one speaking, confusion and distrust came knocking.

The last time he had spoken to her? Probably at one of the prefect meetings, but even that wasn't to her, but rather to the group. They had exchanged some comments via the journals, but usually those ended badly. Ernie wasn't surprised really. He knew how they felt about him. He had been sorted into the wrong House, messing up their group forever. Still, having grown up a bit, Ernie also realized it had not just been the Sorting, but his own reactions toward them and, in exchange, theirs toward him. Who started the behavior was almost irrelevant now.

For these reasons, Pansy's touch was surprising. She hadn't been that physically close to him in years, and to actually feel her hand upon his forehead left him first mystified and then wary. He pulled away, running a hand through his fluffy hair. "My apologies."

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ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 07:20 pm UTC (link)

Pansy’s face filled with confusion and possibly a touch of hurt at his reaction to her. This was usually where she put up the guards to keep people away but instead only a quiet laugh escaped her lips. This was all so surreal really. “No – it’s okay,” she said after a moment. Who was she to think she could just come up and invade his space. He had every right to be wary of her. She hadn’t exactly been nice to him in a long time. Not since he’d become a Hufflepuff.

She chewed her bottom lip for a few moments simply trying to think of what she could say or do that would make things easier. She wanted him to trust her and not be wary of her. She wanted to erase the damage she’d done. They hadn’t been anywhere alone with each other in years and it was abundantly clear that things were horrid. She couldn’t remember how they’d gotten this bad though. Maybe it was her fault. Maybe it was both of their faults. It didn’t really matter though. She just wanted it to be right.

“I’m sorry,” she said after a long moment. She was sorry for touching him without permission, for being such a hag, for not allowing him to make his own decisions all these year and for everything. It all came out in those words. For anyone else they were just words. Pansy hardly ever apologized though and never in person. That had to count for something. “I just care – you know, I could use some fresh air,” she said babbling a bit. She wasn’t great at this making nice or fixing thing stuff. She was trying though. A hint of a quiet smile crossed her features at the prospect of breaking a rule. “If they ask, we heard something and went to check it out. The fresh air could do us both some good actually --”

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forget_the_past
2008-05-17 07:36 pm UTC (link)

Ernie should have been used to the unexpected, but as Pansy apologized and babbled on about 'caring' and 'fresh air', his mouth opened ever so slightly into an 'O' expression. Pansy Parkinson never apologized and even if it was only for something as small as touching him…yet something told Ernie she meant more as she continued speaking.

For a moment, the Hufflepuff wondered if she was under some spell or if someone was playing a horrible prank and had polyjuiced herself to look like Pansy. Once he realized what he had suspected, Ernie chided himself. Some Hufflepuff. Some MacMillan. His father always waxed poetic about love and acceptance, but Ernie had always been a bit more guarded. Oh, he believed in the same things, but he also listened to his mother who was very practical. She taught about forgiveness and love as well, but to a point. She always said there came a time when one sometimes had to cut losses. As long as everyone tried their hardest, no one could be ashamed of ending things. It was a difficult lesson, and one Ernie wasn't sure he fully accepted. Yet, his tiff with Justin might have just been proof.

Nonetheless, had Ernie really tried with Pansy and the others? Granted, they had only been mere children, but perhaps now was a time to at least give a small benefit of doubt? Ernie wasn't sure he could take more heartbreak, but, then again, neither did Pansy really. She wasn't herself, that was for sure. Or, maybe she was. Maybe she was still the little girl who tugged at his arm and pouted to get her way? Maybe she was still the girl who smiled and kissed his cheek upon parting?

Ernie found himself nodding. He half wondered what his friends would say, but, really, other than Hannah and Hermione who else cared? He rose, managing a small, but sincere smile. "A walk could be nice." He didn't comment on anything else she said. He needed to digest it all.

He led her outside, allowing silence to settle for a few moments. Finally…"Thanks."

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ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 07:58 pm UTC (link)

Pansy wasn’t under a spell. It did cross her mind that maybe someone had slipped something in her pumpkin juice during dinner and it was only now starting to take affect on her. Parkinson’s weren’t quick to apologize. They were stubborn and they thought their way was the right way. Maybe there was more to her than being a Parkinson though; Maybe she actually had a mind for her own. She simply wasn’t content to just accept that she was a Slytherin and someone that she did want to be friends with was a Hufflepuff. If Teddy could go to the ball with Hannah, then she could certainly have Ernie back in her life. Maybe it wasn’t too late to be invited over for those Sunday Luncheons at the Nott’s after all and maybe one day she could bring her children over and all of them could be friends just as they had been. Even Draco could come around! She was definitely going soft and she knew it. Maybe she always had been.

A part of her was self-consciously afraid that Ernie was going to outright reject her attempts to make nice with him again. They were a grave deal less forgiving than they were when they were children. They could have drawn blood on each other back then and five minutes later they would have hugged and made up. She wished it were that simple these days. Why couldn’t it be though?

The smile that formed on her face when he agreed to go on a walk was real. It wasn’t one of the smirks that often filled her features these days. It wasn’t forced or fake. It felt good. She trailed alongside him, toward the door quietly watching him trying to think of how to break the ice again. She simply nodded at his thanks.

“—It feels nice out here,” she said after a moment attempting to start conversation. “It’s so calm and quiet. It’s hardly as chaotic as it is in there most of the time. It’s nice to just be able to reflect and get away from it all. ”

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forget_the_past
2008-05-17 08:04 pm UTC (link)

If Ernie could read minds, he'd have laughed at her ideas. Oh, the laughter wouldn't have been mean-spirited, but, rather, sweet and filled with irony. Pansy certainly put her heart and soul into things, didn't she? It was what he had admired about her; she was all or nothing. It didn't matter if Ernie necessarily agreed with her; he still admired that she could have her opinions and back them up. Granted, her reasons could be completely ridiculous, but such was life. She had always been a drama queen, but it had endeared Ernie toward her.

Despite the amusement he'd have felt at her thoughts, he'd have also been pleased. He missed Theodore a great deal. Hell, he even wondered why Malfoy had to be such a prat and go and try to win glory the way he did. Whatever the case, Ernie's did miss his childhood mates. They knew him in ways others didn't. It was inevitable considering how closely their families were all tied.

"Yes, it's not too cold just yet." Ernie kept walking, but spared a glance at Pansy. "Soooo…" He paused, wondering how to word what he needed to say. "Um, how are you?" Alright, it wasn't exactly what was on his mind, but small steps.

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ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 08:16 pm UTC (link)

What she really wanted to do was tell him her life story starting on the day they moved into Hogwarts. That was precisely the sort of thing she normally would have done without a second thought. She was trying to be less of a drama queen though, at least outwardly. She opted to tell him about the recent developments. There were some things no one knew about just yet minus Professor Snape. That was if he actually had read her decision.

“I’m okay,” she told him with a nod. “I’m thinking about applying for one of the St. Mungo internships. I guess it’s all I’ve been thinking about. Between keeping my grades up and trying to decide what to do with the rest of my life, there hasn’t been much time for anything else.” That much was a partial truth. She’d had plenty of time alone reading books, wishing something would happen. If nothing was going to happen, she had to make them happen. She’d had enough nothingness to last a lifetime. Playing
housewife and having more nothingness was slowly losing its appeal.

“What about you?” she said after a moment with a playful push to the shoulder. It was precisely the thing five year old Pansy would have done. She was growing up but she wasn’t that grown up yet. “What has the illustrious Ernie been up to and why did he look like someone shot his best friend back there?” She wasn’t the sort to not speak her mind. That much came natural to her. At least for once it was good-natured and not her being cruel to someone.

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forget_the_past
2008-05-17 08:25 pm UTC (link)

Ernie wouldn't have minded hearing her 'life story' as it was. If anything, it was something he had wished for time and time again, in the very buried part of his soul. Walking with her in the crisp air with colored leaves flying about them caused that sensation to bubble up within his heart and he had to take a deep breath to control the emotions warring within him.

Hearing her plan, Ernie's eyebrows raised in interest. "St. Mungo's? Really?" He had never really thought the 'new' Pansy would want such a job, but to hear that she did…renewed hoped filled Ernie. When she shoved his shoulder, he didn't even wince. Instead, he laughed and rolled his eyes. "Oy, easy there."

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ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 08:33 pm UTC (link)

It gave her satisfaction to know she’d taken him by surprise. It wasn’t the smug satisfaction that she got out of most things though. She was actually happy to know she’d made a decision about her life that wasn’t selfish or motivated by her desire for anything. She just wanted to feel like she belonged somewhere that she had a niche. She was good at potions and deep down she thought that maybe she could actually find somewhere that people respected her and didn’t hate or fear her. It would be like starting over again.

“Really St. Mungos,” she said with a smile. “Can’t you see me turning into the Snape of the Medical world?” Even a blind person could have told her she didn’t have anything to worry about turning into Snape lookwise. She frowned in the face of dirt too much. She was on the right path to turn into an angry old spinster too though. She felt pleasant and knowing she’d made him laugh filled her heart. She knew she’d missed Ernie but she hadn’t know just how much she’d missed having him around. It felt like having a part of herself back; The happier, younger part of herself. “I’ll take it easy on you when you start spilling,” she told him with a poke to his side.

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forget_the_past
2008-05-17 08:36 pm UTC (link)

"Hey, you know I'm ticklish!" Ernie yanked away from her poking, still smiling. He shook his head, sandy blonde hair falling into his eyes until he blew the strands away. "Professor Snape? Pansy…honestly, that would be horrifying." He could still remember being five and seeing Draco's godfather at the Malfoys. The man had bloody terrified him. Having him for a teacher all those years? Didn't do much in the way of rectifying that.

"Spilling? I do hope you mean words and not that you plan on poking me until I bleed," he teased.

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ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 08:44 pm UTC (link)

Yes, she did know he was ticklish! How could she forget! There were some things she couldn’t forget and that was one of them. “See, it could be worse! I could literally turn into Professor Snape and then I when we get out of here, I could totally come over for breakfast with your parents and then I’d sneak in and wake you up by hovering over your bed and staring at you,” she told him. She actually liked Professor Snape but he didn’t get it easy from any of them. It didn’t matter if he was Draco’s godfather or not. He was quite scary when he wanted to be. Pansy didn’t really to be anything like him other than maybe stealing some of his potions skills. She had to give credit when credit was due afterall.

“Maybe I want to do a little of both,” she told him giggling impishly. “We’ve got what – a good 70-80 years left in us if not more. I rather thing we’d both get bored of the poking though. Maybe once I get done with my internship I’ll do some form of Chinese Water torture but with potions. You’d like that wouldn’t you, Ernie?”

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forget_the_past
2008-05-17 08:53 pm UTC (link)

Ernie rolled his eyes in a good-natured ribbing. "What if I sleep in the nude? You'd be in for a rotten surprise wouldn't you?" Smirking, he easily caught her hand. Yet, meeting her eyes, he didn't release immediately. Instead, he gave it a light squeeze, smiling gently. The look said it all --- if she was willing to try, so was he. He let her hand go, clearing his throat. "And, years ahead or not, no poking, Miss Parkinson!" He started walking again, adding, "And I have plans to work with my father's business one day." It would be strange, really. Suddenly he'd be repeating history, doing business with the Notts and Malfoys of the wizarding world. All at once, Ernie understood how torn his father was at times and why. "You know, working with figures and all that. Stock and the like." He blushed a bit before adding, "I want to work in that part of the Ministry. Maybe help make it a bit more…" He didn't really know the proper word to describe it, and thus, trailed off.

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ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 09:12 pm UTC (link)

Pansy made a face. "It wouldn’t be anything I haven’t seen before,” she told him and that much was the truth. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen her nude either. Granted they’d been toddlers at the time and it really didn’t have the same implications. It still seemed fitting that she said it. “The only difference is there is more of you. I hope so anyways for your sake of course!“ She grew silent for a moment when he caught her hand. That took her by surprise but she understood what he was trying to say. The connection was reestablished and it made her grin wide. The minute he let go of her hand she was already linked arm into his and she wasn’t letting go. For once in her life, she really didn’t give a damn what anyone thought. She was just having fun with her friend. "And what exactly is the consequence if I do?" she asked of her poking. “Are you going to ground me?” She was actually surprised that Ernie wanted to do what his dad did. That much took him by surprise. Maybe it shouldn’t have though. The fact he wanted to work at the Ministry and make changes seemed to click though. “Watch you get promoted to Minister of Magic in two weeks! You’re too charming to be in stocks and figures for too long. You better invite me to your inaugural ball though and give me at least two dances or else I’ll sell embarrassing childhood pictures to the Prophet.” She was mostly joking. She wouldn’t really do that ever. Instead she stroked his ego. That had always been one of her stronger points. “You’ll be the most popular person the history of that department.”

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forget_the_past
2008-05-17 09:23 pm UTC (link)

Ernie's face turned the color of Gryffindor's robes as she first spoke of their early 'nudity' and then later hinted at his, er, endowment. Way too humiliated to actually comment on either to a lady, he simply allowed Pansy to take his arm and lead him around. It felt good to just let go and let someone else take charge. He had needed this respite and though he knew nothing back at the castle changed in those few moments, he held hope that if his relationship with Pansy could take a turn for the better so could many other things. Ah, there was that Hufflepuff optimism. He had missed it something dreadful.

"Show those pictures and I'll just sell yours to those society magazines you birds are always reading." He made a 'nah nah so there' expression that his mother had always said would freeze his face that way. Then, sobering, he added in a much quieter and sincere tone, "Thank you. It's odd to think we'll be out in that world soon, yeah?"

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ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 09:40 pm UTC (link)

Making up with Ernie might have felt like a big win but it was only one battle in a war to get her life back into some semblance of what she wanted it to be. She wasn’t sure that she wanted the same things she used to want but if she could get back the few things she wasn’t willing to let go of then she’d be okay. It was mildly ironic that only the night before she’d been talking to Hannah Abbott over the journals about how friendships worked both ways. She’d made an effort with Ernie and it had worked. It gave her real hope. She didn’t even care about the fact they were roaming around after hours, aimlessly and talking about nothing of any real weight. It just felt good. Detention would have almost been worth it not that anyone in the faculty could really complain – they were just doing what they faculty had been encouraging all along.

"Go right ahead. Grab a camera and maybe I’ll pose for a few new ones while we’re at it," she announced mostly jestingly. She was teasing him. Her father would have died if she did something like that. She could imagine him along with several other father’s who might die of shock. She’d always been so proper though about that sort of thing. “You can join me and we’ll cause a riot – we’ll be the best looking models to ever grace their pages.” There was Pansy being as modest as ever and true to form. She liked embarrassing Ernie though. She always had. Moments later she offered a somber and truthful, “To be honest, I’m still scared witless over the whole thing. I’ve gotten rather used to the noises in the dormitory. I don’t think I want to live at home but the prospect of doing it alone is rather frightening. ”

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forget_the_past
2008-05-17 09:48 pm UTC (link)

Ernie wasn't too concerned with being outside. He had been on a round and if anyone saw the Head Boy and Prefect, he or she would likely assume they were attending to business. Well, unless they decided to run around in the Forbidden Forest, of course.

"Stop that," he hissed, his face so warm he just knew eggs could be fried on it. "Oy, no more photo shatter!" He chuckled, running his free hand over his cheeks to cool them (and hide how bright red he was).

Taking a breath, he considered her last comments. "I think we all are, but…well, considering last year, can the real world really be any worse?"

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ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 10:06 pm UTC (link)

They running around the Forbidden Forest wasn't a concern. Pansy was petrified of it. She trusted Ernie to never let anything bad happen to her but that didn't mean she wanted to go traipsing through it in the middle of the night. Someone would be hard-pressed to talk her into it during the day even. She did like the Unicorns. She was a girl though. All girls liked Unicorns. It was practically a girl rule.

"What's that?" she said teasing him more. "You'd love to but you're afraid you'd be blinded by my milky-white chest?" It was just too easy and it was way too much fun. Besides, it was Ernie! Modesty was perhaps why he'd ended up in Hufflepuff. She had some modesty but she was also a Slytherin. She never let anything go easily. She could barely taunt him without laughing though. She wasn't stopping. Not at all. "You couldn't tell dad though -- your father would murder me for corrupting his sweet, innocent boy. He used to be such a good boy before he started hanging out with Pansy Parkinson again. Now he's a playboy and all the young witches objectify him."

She considered what he had to say about the real world being no worse than what they'd already gone through. She wasn't sure. It could go either way. "It could be," she said after a long moment. "I'm hoping things will work out though. If I get lonely, I think I'll have to get a hairless cat. They're so ugly though. "

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forget_the_past
2008-05-17 10:13 pm UTC (link)

Objectify him? Oy. Ernie was quite proud of himself when it came to ability, intelligence, and morals; however, he most certainly did not consider himself any sort of bloke a girl would fancy on sight. He was bulky and his hair was a bit wild if he didn't charm it just so and…just oy. Oy. Oy. Oy. The conversation needed to end. Why wasn't it ending? Oh, right, it was Pansy and she didn't allow such. He remembered this now.

"A hairless one?" Ernie's nose wrinkled though he supposed such creatures deserved homes too. Still…"Why hairless?"

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ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 10:20 pm UTC (link)

Pansy did let it die though. She did get bored of tormenting Ernie after a while. It was fun but she liked it more when he actually talked back. She would leave him and his innocent self be for now anyways.

"Allergies remember,” she said as if it were the easiest thing in the universe for him to remember. She barely tolerated living with them in her dormitory. She certainly wasn’t going to have one in her own place. Besides they’d probably end up clawing at her ankles until they bled. Maybe she’d want them declawed as well. “You wouldn’t like it much if I suffocated in my sleep would you?”

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	forget_the_past 2008-05-17 10:27 pm UTC (link)
	Ernie had forgotten, but when she said it, he remembered and nodded. "Oh, right." Winking playfully, he gave her side a little nudge. "And, I don't know...if you keep talking about blackmailing me and all..." Noticing darkness was growing, he patted her cheek with his free hand. "What do you say we give them all a show and I'll walk you back to your dorm?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ex_parkins800
2008-05-17 10:40 pm UTC (link)

She could never take threats terribly seriously from Ernie. Maybe she should have. Pansy would have been better off if she did. Surely one of these days he would get some revenge for years of torment. At the moment, it just made her laugh. "Sure you will," she replied to the implied threat.

The prospect of Ernie walking her back made her grin. Most people from her year wouldn't care that much. She seemed to think that anyways. She touched her free hand on his on her cheek before moving that hand back to her side. Her cheeks flushed a little at that. He'd finally gotten her. "I'm always up for stirring the pot," she told him as she began to move back toward the castle with him. "It should at least confuse the first years. They're just going to have to get used to it. We're not going back to that dreadful other way." Screw it all. She wasn't. She was clinging to this for as long as she could.

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