kaleigh/severus
WHO: Kaleigh Nott & Severus Snape
WHAT: Discussing the crazy kids and...;)
WHERE: Her house.
RATING: PG
STATUS: DONE




Kaleigh's head was still spinning from the news that her barely 19 year old nephew was expecting a child. He and Pansy were little more than babies themselves for Merlin's sake! Salazar, she was as frazzled had it been Teddy who landed himself in such a pickle. Granted, Narcissa and Kaleigh had been fairly young when they had their precious little bundles, but times had been different then. What in the world had those two spoiled children been thinking? They had no idea what it meant to raise a family! Especially so soon after a war! How were they going to handle it? Their whole lives ahead of them and...

She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths like Angus had always encouraged her in lieu of a nervous breakdown. It would be alright. They had faced worse than the miracle of birth, right? Right. So why did she feel so terrible and scared? Sighing, she picked up the letter Severus had written after the news broken. She reread it and then tossed it aside as she sunk down into the couch to await his arrival.

Severus was nothing if not punctual. His letter said he would be at her home at seven, and he raised the knocker to rap on the door with five minutes to spare. The number of times he had drilled taking the proper precautions into his students' heads had apparently been wasted on those two. He had always told his students that he didn't care what they got up to in the privacy of their own dormitories, but he was not going to have any unwed mothers in Slytherin House. Their reputation was badly tarnished enough, as it was. Granted, Draco and Pansy were out of school now, but he still felt that he had somehow failed them, and their parents, and -- as it happened -- Kaleigh.

Of course, he nearly always felt that he had failed Kaleigh in some way, though he wasn't entirely certain why.

After he'd knocked, Severus stood back on the porch, one arm folded across his stomach, holding onto his other elbow, whilst he stroked a finger over his lower lip in thought.

Kaleigh would have shushed him and swatted an arm if she knew Severus' dour thoughts. He had done everything for Teddy and Draco; whatever Angus had thought of him, Kaleigh had always felt kindly toward the Head of Slytherin. Her instincts had been proved right and all she could remember was what he was then and not what had he been. And, really, wasn't that most important?

When she heard the door, she pulled herself together, giving her reflection a quick glance before opening up for him. "Severus, thank you for coming!" She kissed his cheek and ushered him inside. "I made dinner. Don't dare tell me you have eaten."

Severus nodded at her thanks, and gave Kaleigh's upper arm a gentle squeeze when she kissed him. Though he was tempted to raise an eyebrow and quip, "Fine -- I won't tell you," he managed to refrain. He wasn't really in the mood for jokes. Nor was he especially in the mood for dinner, either, but he would make a valiant effort to at least sample whatever she set before him. "No, I haven't eaten," he answered quietly, shaking his head. All day, actually, now he thought about it. Draco might not have been his son, but with the way the situation still gnawed at his innards, he may as well have been.

Kaleigh rather felt the same way, but cooking (even with the aid of magic) soothed her. Besides, it felt right to feed them both if they were going to commiserate. "Good," she replied, grinning as she gestured for him to take a seat in the dining room. It was too big a house for Kaleigh and she really couldn't afford it any longer, but she was having a hard time letting go. It was her last reminder of Angus, after all. Hence, it felt good to have another person around even if only for a bit.

She hustled to the kitchen to grab the impressive roast surrounded by carrots and potatoes. "Wine?" She asked as she returned to Severus. She placed the steaming food into the middle of the table, turning back to him with a grin. She looked like an excited girl, but she couldn't help it. She adored entertaining and felt lonely those days so any chance to spend with friends was a welcomed one.

"Yes, please," Severus answered almost immediately, with another nod. He probably shouldn't drink on an empty stomach, but ... well, the roast did smell good, so he might be able to have a bite or two. "Anything I can do to help?" Kaleigh was obviously enjoying herself, but he still felt a bit useless, and he didn't quite like it when she fussed over him. He wasn't entirely certain for the reason behind that, either.

It came natural for Kaleigh to fuss over others so she didn't see why Severus should be any different. True, he wasn't exactly the most likely of possibilities to smother, but Kaleigh ignored that. She simply saw her old friend, not the scary dark figure so many others thought of him as. "No, no. I am fine; everything's done." She poured his glass, setting the heavy bottle down with a flourish before sitting across from him. "Eat, eat," she encouraged as she pushed the meat toward him.

With a nod, Severus stood to carve the roast and serve them both. At least Kaleigh was letting him help a little now. He felt a bit less useless, as a result, but he could only imagine what Angus would have thought of him taking on that role, and in the man's own house, no less. Finally, when they both had ample helpings of roast and vegetables, he sat once more and raised his glass, though he also hadn't the foggiest notion of what -- if anything -- to toast. The "to old friends" from the night she and Narcissa had kidnapped him and forced him to get out of the castle sprang to mind, of course, but if he used that toast too many time, he feared it might become worn. So instead, he simply nodded to her with a warm smile and took a sip.

Kaleigh didn't need a toast. Sure, she was proper and well-mannered, but she wasn't completely formal, especially as she grew older. It was enough to be sitting with a friend for dinner. However, the reason for their visit wasn't lost on her. She didn't know how to bring it up delicately so she finally blurted, "I've half a mind to warm that boy's bum again!" She shook her head, the familiar worries plaguing her heart. "What are they going to do? Mere babies themselves...sort of...oh!" She let out a frustrated sigh, taking out her irritation on her dinner.

It was a good thing Severus had swallowed that sip when he did. Kaleigh launched into her tirade so quickly, without even the slightest preamble, that he might have choked on his wine, if he hadn't. "Don't think the same thought hadn't crossed my mind, Kaleigh, dear," he said after a moment, shaking his head. "My first thought was putting both of them across my knee. They know better than this." He nearly added that he'd raised them better than that, and considering that his Slytherins spent ten months of the year in his care, he practically had, but that still might have been overstepping his bounds, just a little. He did think of himself as a surrogate parent, however, and as such, he was both as angry and as worried as their true parents were, no doubt.

Kaleigh laughed in spite of the tense situation. She did credit Severus with helping to raise the children. After their families, who was more important than a Head of House? And in Draco's case...who could have been more important than Severus period? She pushed her food around her plate before looking back up at the man sitting across from her. "I know accidents happen and the baby is going to be part of my family now, but..." She frowned, recalling Draco's face when he told her. "Do you think they're overcompensating? I mean they haven't really experienced anyone other than each other..."

Severus couldn't help making a small, skeptical noise in the back of his throat at the very idea of her wanting his opinion on the nature of Draco and Pansy's relationship. "I don't think I'm the best person to ask about that sort of thing," he said quietly, looking down into his wine glass before taking another sip. He'd never had so much as a kiss. Relationships proper were rather beyond him -- in spite of the fact that he'd had his robes soaked more times than he could count, when the girls in Slytherin had experienced a broken heart and needed a shoulder to cry on.

Kaleigh cocked her head, causing her light brown hair to fall down her shoulders. "Why's that?" She prompted gently. "I remember all the girls in your year needing your strong shoulder." Her twinkled mischievously, recalling the same memories Severus was, but in a much different fashion.

He gave a small chuckle at that. Severus had actually been thinking of his students when he was Head of House. He'd quite forgotten that it had happened in school, as well. Nearly all the girls in his year had come to him on a regular basis for sympathy when their boyfriends treated them poorly, and he had been all too willing to hold them whilst they cried. That had been the closest thing to physical affection he had experienced up until that point, and he had lapped it up, even if not a single one of those girls would ever have considered him as a prospect for a boyfriend himself. Everyone's friend; no one's lover: that description fit him perfectly, then and now.

"Because I've only seen the bad side of relationships, obviously," he finally answered. "Never the good."

His words pained Kaleigh. No one deserved to spend his life alone, but Severus especially didn't. He was a good man and had more than proved his worth to the world. He deserved happiness. Her stomach actually twisted at the idea of him alone at Spinner's End. "That should change then." She said it like it was something unable to be debated. "I know some nice women..." She trailed off, her point hanging in the air.

Severus held up his hand to stop her, even before she trailed off. "I think I'm a bit old to start dating now, Kaleigh," he said, shaking his head. "Too old and too set in my ways. But I do thank you, all the same." He held up his glass and toasted her again, silently, before taking another drink. The only woman he would have even come close to considering was the one sitting across the table from him, but she was still in mourning. And besides, he wasn't good enough for her. He never had been.

However, that just riled Kaleigh even more. "Nonsense, Severus Snape! What a load if I ever heard it!" She tsked and shook her head like she was scolding one of her boys. "Here I have my nephew having a baby at nineteen and you, in your...well, in your prime thinking you can't have a relationship! Utter nonsense!" She sipped her wine, glaring at her long time friend.

It would probably rile her even more, but Severus only found Kaleigh's indignation amusing, and his smile, if not the chuckle that came along with it, would certainly tell her so. "I never said I couldn't have a relationship, did I?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "I don't suppose it ever occurred to you that I might not want one?" He gave a small shrug, finally picking up his fork and knife to cut a bite of roast. "Some people are simply better off alone, and I firmly believe that I happen to be one of those people." Then he raised his fork and took a bite of roast, giving her a challenging look, so that she could argue the point to her heart's content whilst he chewed.

He was absolutely right; that chuckle incensed the woman. "Oh, but do you feel that way because you are truly content or resigned?" Kaleigh challenged. She put her fork down so she could fully gauge the whole situation and his reaction toward it. "There's a difference and if you have never even tried, how do you know? Truly know?" She smoothed out a wrinkle in the tablecloth, but her sparkling eyes never left Severus' face. "Because I'm telling you...I have experienced love and I can't imagine never having that again." Her words surprised her and a guilty look crossed her face nearly immediately. She had never said as much even to Narcissa, but it was true. Kaleigh couldn't bear the thought of living out the rest of her years alone.

In spite of his best efforts, what Kaleigh said made him -- angry. Burning ball in the pit of his stomach angry. Severus clenched his jaw and set down his fork with a clang. Just because he'd never -- well, he had experienced love. His Patronus stated that as plainly as anything possibly could. He didn't need a relationship for that, and damn her for lording her experience over him. Severus started to say that he'd never had anybody drill a hole in his head, either, but he didn't need to experience that to know he didn't want to, but somehow, he couldn't quite bring himself to say that to her. Instead, after a few calming breaths, he simply said, "Both. I am both content and resigned, and I'll thank you not to mock me for it, Kaleigh."

Kaleigh felt her expression fall so she tried to quickly look away, hoping to turn back to Severus with a calmer, more neutral look. "I would never mock you," she argued. "Why would you even say that? I never have!" She felt her heart pound at the insinuation. She remembered doing nothing, but defending the man, even against her own husband. "I only...I was merely trying to help."

After a few more deep breaths, Severus nodded slowly and said, "My apologies, Kaleigh. Perhaps I am a touch oversensitive on this subject in particular." Then, his cheeks warming ever so slightly, he looked down at his plate, picking up his fork once more, but only to push a bit of vegetables around. He really wasn't hungry at all any more. Not that he had been before, either, but he certainly wasn't now.

Kaleigh concentrated on her dish though her mind kept wandering to what she had said wrong. The air felt awkward and she knew she was responsible whatever she had originally intended. "No. I can be a bit overbearing, I suppose. I am sorry, Severus. I only want you to be happy." She looked up, a small, sheepish smile creeping onto her face

"I..." Severus's gaze flicked up briefly, to take in the guilty expression adorning Kaleigh's features. "I know," he said finally, with a nod. And he did know. He was being entirely honest. At least at that point. "But it is possible to be happy without being in a relationship, Kaleigh. I promise you that it is." All right -- that was a bit less honest. He couldn't say that he was happy -- not entirely -- but he was content. More or less.

God, he didn't want to think about this. Not now. Not with her sitting across the table from him and studying him like a slide under a microscope. His cheeks began to warm even more, and Severus ducked his head to hide that fact as much as possible as he took another drink of wine. Perhaps she would put the flush down to nothing more than the spirits. Perhaps. Oh, who was he kidding? He could never be that lucky.

"Well, I know that much," Kaleigh admitted slowly. "I miss Angus, but I have found a bit more of myself lately. Still..." Tears pricked at her pretty eyes, threatening as they always did when she thought too hard on her slain husband. "It would be nice to come home to someone. A family, you know? It was so nice having Teddy here. I mean...I don't begrudge his moving on, but it was still nice, you know?"

Severus nodded again, as if he knew what she meant, but in reality, he hadn't the first clue what having someone to come home to felt like. Or having a family, for that matter. True, he'd had numerous students that he'd thought of as his own children, but none of them were his. At times like this, the fact that he was alone -- quite alone in the world -- was thrown into such sharp relief. They would all say hello if they passed him on the street, but did he ever enter their thoughts apart from that? Somehow, he doubted it.

If Kaleigh had heard him say such a thing, she would have scolded him. Surely, he knew he meant more to Draco and Teddy than that? He was part of their family.

The silence settled in, making Kaleigh quite uncomfortable. "Forget I brought it up," she said as she took up her knife to butter her bread. She had to learn to curb her mouth; she really did. She was ruining the whole night.

She hadn't ruined the whole night, and had Severus known what Kaleigh was thinking just then, he would have told her so, in no uncertain terms. He hadn't expected pleasant conversation, considering the reason he was there. An unexpected pregnancy was not exactly cause for celebration, most of the time. But still, he shook his head when she told him to forget she'd brought it up.

"It's all right, Kaleigh. I know you worry about me, and I do appreciate that fact, even if I don't always know how to show it especially well." He gave her a small smile and cut another bite of roast that he didn't really want, but he ate it all the same. Best to let her fuss over him for a bit, if it made her feel that she was actually accomplishing something. She must feel dreadfully useless just now, otherwise.

Useless? He did nail it on the head. Even with her job, Kaleigh still missed...well, fussing as Severus deemed it. She loved caring for her home and family even though Draco and Pansy's news didn't exactly make her feel useful in the "good" way. Thinking along the lines, she gave Severus a small smile. "Well, we'll both have someone else to worry over soon, won't we?"

"I suppose we will," he answered with a nod, wondering if either Draco or Pansy would appreciate his involvement in their baby's life. If they even wanted to have the baby, of course. That was their decision, naturally, but the way Kaleigh spoke of it said the decision had been more or less finalized. "I take it you are rather looking forward to being a great Aunt?" He tried not to frown again as he wondered what that would make him. A grand Head of House? Grand Para? Or, actually, nothing. The family would never be his own, no matter how indispensable he made himself. That was a sobering thought.

"Well, it feels odd to be happy per se, but..." Kaleigh couldn't help, but grin then. "I am excited to meet the new little person, yeah. Aren't you? Your godson is having a baby!" She wouldn't have him feeling anything less than family. She simply wouldn't stand for it; not after all Severus had done for them.

"Why does it feel odd to be happy?" Severus asked then, frowning. He started to say Angus wouldn't want her to wallow in sorrow for the remainder of her days. Miss him, yes, but not mourn for the rest of her time on earth. And then he thought, fleetingly, that perhaps Lily might think the same thing of him. But then again, that was different. Kaleigh hadn't gotten Angus killed, after all ... "They call them bundles of joy for a reason, I imagine," he finally added, with a small smile.

"Oh, I know," Kaleigh agreed, "But it is the not the little darlings fault." She frowned suddenly despite Severus' tiny smile. "I wonder if the Ministry will go administering laws against this little soul." She hugged her arms to her sides, suddenly worrying about more than Pansy and Draco's age.

"Not if I can help it," Severus said immediately, a hard edge to his voice that had been noticeably absent before. He took a deep breath, however, to calm himself from the sudden flare of anger. He'd had enough of that for one evening. The both of them had, actually. He didn't need to subject Kaleigh to his temper any more tonight.

Kaleigh's face showed she believed Severus with every ounce of her being. Why wouldn't she after everything they had been through together? "You always could keep those children from danger...even of the parental kind." She winked, referring to the times he had stepped in to prevent her from punishing the silly boys.

He actually chuckled at that. "Whoever would have thought, between the two of us, that I would be the more lenient?" Severus almost hadn't noticed the wink, at first, and though he knew she meant nothing by it, either, he couldn't quite help the reaction of warmth spreading throughout his chest. He also thought momentarily about winking himself, as well, but that would have only prompted her to ask who he was, and what he had done with Severus Snape.

Kaleigh giggled almost like a school girl with a secret when he mentioned that. "You could go home when they acted up!" She reminded him. "I swear, I love them, but together?" She feigned a great shudder.

"I've seen much worse, in my day," he answered, shaking his head and immediately thinking of the Weasley twins. Draco and Teddy -- together or separately -- had absolutely nothing on that pair.

"Oh, something worse than Draco's all out tantrums? Or Teddy's uncanny ability to wander off?" Kaleigh leaned onto the table, propping her face in her hands. "I sense a storyyyyy!"

"Yes," he answered, unhelpfully, and then smirked. "But I'm afraid that Hogwarts' disciplinary files are strictly confidential. And Draco's tantrums were never all that bad." Once his para learned that the secret to ending them was to simply ignore the boy until he'd screamed and cried until he was exhausted and then crawled into his lap. Teddy's wanderings, however, were another matter entirely, and he had given them a number of nasty scares over the years. Far more than Severus liked to remember.

Kaleigh completely cracked up. "Not that bad? I swear I lost some hearing in this ear!" She tugged at her right earlobe, adorned with a pretty diamond earring. Kaleigh had sold some other pieces, but those had been a gift from her parents and she wasn't about to part with them unless absolutely forced.

"Silencing Charms, my dear Kaleigh!" Severus answered immediately, though he couldn't help chuckling himself. "His tantrums were much easier to bear when I didn't actually have to listen, I will admit."

Kaleigh gasped. "You little stinker!" She flicked her wand and sent her empty dish to the kitchen. "I swear I thought if I did that, he'd lose air or something and I'd never know." She blushed at her over protective nature. "Then I had Cissa telling me how I should just let the men handle it...that crazy, brilliant woman."

"I kept a close watch," Severus answered with a smirk. "And there were times when I grew a bit worried, I'll admit, when his face became especially red, but the second I dropped the charm, I could tell he was still getting plenty of air." He titled his head to the side, watching her, and noting the flush in her cheeks, which was -- well, he hesitated to use a word like "adorable," but there really was no other way to describe such a thing.

"Sometimes I'd give anything to go back to when they were little," Kaleigh confessed. "For a time, I thought...well, you know. He was gone and they were safe and their worst nightmare involved no dessert with dinner." She stood from the table, choosing to close the gap between them. She perched next to him to rest a hand at his arm. "I want the baby to feel like that."

Severus nodded slowly, with a quiet, "I understand." Though what he was thinking was more along the lines of he would do everything within his power to make this, her fondest wish, come true. It was difficult to think when she was so close like this, his nostrils full of the scent of her perfume, and the gentle, comforting hand resting on his arm. He looked up, just as slowly as he'd nodded, and gave her something of a twisted smile, with only half his mouth choosing to cooperate, just then.

The other half, it seemed, had the sudden urge to kiss her, but that ... would have been wrong. Entirely wrong. And Severus looked down at his plate again almost immediately, a guilty flush rising in his cheeks. He was betraying Lily's memory, as well as Angus's, and ... Kaleigh would never think of him that way. It was silly even to contemplate such a thing. What had he been thinking? Closing his eyes, Severus shook his head, a soft sigh escaping through his nose. He was a fool.

"Severus?" Kaleigh asked, looking at him in concern, "What is it? What's wrong?" She squeezed the arm she held. "Did I say something? You don't need to worry. It will be fine. It will. You'll see."

"Nothing's wrong," Severus answered immediately. Probably a bit too quickly, come to think of it, and he looked up again, trying to smile, though he couldn't quite meet her eyes. "And I know everything will be fine. I do." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, wanting to move her hand off his arm, but at the same time ... not wanting to. Something like that was the closest he ever came to real affection these days, pathetic though that undoubtedly was. Oh, he probably could have found someone if he'd wanted to -- being a "hero" and all -- but he didn't want to. He only wanted ... her. And for once, in a very long time, that her wasn't Lily. And that felt wrong, too.