InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "My Spoon is Too Big"

Zacharias Smith (loudmouthprat) wrote in resurrectio_rpg,
@ 2008-04-25 12:30:00

Who: Zach, Ernie, and Poppy.
What: Zach is trying to get back to Hufflepuff to meet Ernie. Too bad he's stoned and revealing his secret love of Cabaret.
When: Friday afternoon, after Zach's entry.
Where: Random corridor, en route to the Hufflepuff seventh year boys' dormitory.
Rating: Probably R-ish for drug stuff, swears, the usual Zach stuff.
Status: In progress.

Zach didn't really know what the big deal was and why Ernie was going to the room to see him. It was a nice thought, really -- he didn't get to see enough of Ernie anymore, and most of it was pretty awful, which he rather deserved, after what a git he'd been to the poor bloke; getting to see Ernie just sounded like a good thing, and Zach wasn't going to argue with that at all -- it just didn't make sense. He was happy. Why did that merit Ernie having to come and find him? ...Well, whatever. Zach had already gone out to the Pitch to enjoy the nice day, and he gave it all one last look before deciding that he didn't care. If Ernie wanted to come find him, then he'd make it easy, at least, and, tucking his journal under his arm, he headed back into the castle, going right down the familiar path to Hufflepuff.

Really, the only impediment to Zach's ability to get to Hufflepuff was Zach. Of course, he didn't think of it in that way, but it was the truth. He was too busy getting distracted by how shiny and pretty and brilliant everything was to move with any sense of expediency -- Merlin, why hadn't he noticed it before? Merlin, it was stupid being down all the time when everything was so bloody nice -- Hannah was right. He had to stop letting his stupid father affect him so much and just get on and be happy; happy felt a lot better than angry and upset did. Everything was too beautiful to be upset all the time like he was. Especially not with the song he currently had stuck in his head. Zach knew he should've been going to Hufflepuff quicker, since Ernie was probably already there, waiting for him, but his disoriented walking quickly found him leaning against a wall, giggling like mad.

Despite his giggling, he managed to get out, in a voice that was, perhaps, a bit louder than he needed to be: "Yes, Texas is from America, but she's a very cunning linguist!" This made him dissolve into another fit of giggling before he went on, singing a little off-key and rather mangling a fair few of the words: "Wir sagen: Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome! Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret! Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome! Fremde, etranger, stranger. Gluklich zu sehen, je suis enchante -- happy to see you! Bliebe, reste, stay! Willkommen, bienvenue..."

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forget_the_past
2008-04-25 05:25 pm UTC (link)

Dealing with a high Zach was the last thing Ernie wanted to do. Still, it was clear something had been in those brownies. Zach's journal entry pointed to that. Besides, Ernie wasn't heartless. He might have been mad at Smith, but he wasn't going to leave him to rot. Thus, when it took forever for Zach to arrive back at their dorm, Ernie went looking. Oy, as Head Boy he ought to report this.

"Zach!"

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-25 05:54 pm UTC (link)

For point of fact, something had been in the brownies, but Zach was completely and utterly unaware of that fact, and, even if he had been aware of it, he still felt nice. He felt nicer than he'd felt in a good, long while and he wasn't going to argue with that. Honestly, he didn't know what the big deal was. He was HAPPY. That was supposed to be a GOOD thing. Still, when he saw Ernie coming down the corridor, he got a huge, innocent grin on his face. Ernie was good. Yeah, they were in a fight or whatever, but Ernie was still good. "Heeeeey," he drawled peacefully. "I was jus' goin' back t'see you... What're you doing here?" He smiled at that. Ernie being there was a good thing. Meant less work.

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	forget_the_past 2008-04-25 06:41 pm UTC (link)
	Less work for Zach maybe. Seeing the boy confirmed all of Ernie's worst thoughts. "Smith, oy, did you taste anything funny in those brownies you were rambling about?" He grabbed at Zach's arm, trying to steady him. "We have to get back to the dorm. If a professor sees..." He shook his head, trailing off of that unpleasant thought. He'd figure all that out later. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

loudmouthprat
2008-04-25 06:57 pm UTC (link)

...Huh? What? Were they moving now? ...Okay, they were definitely moving now. And Ernie was asking questions. Did they really have to talk and move at the same time? That was a really squiffy change of things, but Zach went along with it. Ernie knew best, after all. That was why they'd made him Head Boy. "I'unno," he answered, wrinkling his nose as he tried to remember actually eating the brownies. "They were a little off, yeah, but not a lot. I thought they was just... overcooked or summat." Placidly unaware of the gravity of the situation, beyond the fact that it was Bad, he smiled at Ernie. "Thanks, mate. ...For lookin' out for me."

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forget_the_past
2008-04-25 07:48 pm UTC (link)

It was his curse. That need to look after that is; Ernie wished he could just forget people. It would be easier in the long run wouldn't it? But even with Malfoy, Ernie had covered prefect shifts and fretted over his weight and sick state last year. And for what? What did Ernie get in return other than headaches and crap friends?

"Whatever," he muttered, propelling him forward. "Come on; a bit more."

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-25 08:10 pm UTC (link)

"Right..." Zach followed obediently, but he was rather starting to wonder why. Okay, fine, Ernie knew best and just wanted to get him somewhere where he wasn't going to get in trouble -- because Merlin knew that that was one of the last things Zach needed, after everything else he'd gotten into thus far this year -- but Ernie was still mad at him. And Zach couldn't rightly blame him. After everything... really, Zach was surprised that Justin, Susan, and Mr. MacMillan WEREN'T mad at him. Or at least that they weren't acting like it. "...Ernie?" he asked, his voice rather uncharacteristically small and a bit sad. "...When we get back home, c'n we talk?"

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forget_the_past
2008-04-25 08:34 pm UTC (link)

Ernie wanted to sigh, but managed not to. THIS was why he couldn't stay angry at people like Zach and Draco. It wasn't their fault they had issues, but, Helga, it was annoying and perhaps if Ernie could simply crawl under a rock and live there life would be easier all around. Since he couldn't, he knew he'd be living with his curse of caring too much and not being understood by most others for the rest of his life. Still, did his so-called best mates have to NOT understand him either? Sure, Smith was vulnerable just then, but what would happen when the stupid brownies wore off? Oh, Merlin in hell, Ernie had a thought. He didn't know what was in those brownies; Pomfrey would HAVE to check Zach out. Helga and Merlin and Godric and Salazar and Rowena all on a stick.

"Right now, you just need rest." Ernie paused, thoughts rushing through his head. "How are you feeling? Your heart racing?"

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-25 09:20 pm UTC (link)

Zach had to think about that. Ernie might have meant the question with Zach's honest best interests at heart, but it was also a marvelous distraction from Zach's need to just talk to Ernie. ...How did he feel, physically? Really, he hadn't even been thinking about how he felt physically. "...Not so bad?" he answered while still mulling the question over. "...'s not racing... 's a little up, though. ...Hands feel kinda cold. ...And 'm thirsty." Thirsty as all fuck, really. When had his mouth gotten so DRY? And, since when... "An' my head hurts a little. Not a lot, though." Enough to make Zach wince almost as soon as he'd dismissed the pain as being 'not a lot.'

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forget_the_past
2008-04-25 09:26 pm UTC (link)

Ernie had one arm at Zach's back, but now he gripped his waist, supporting Zach as much as possible. He tried to think back to everything he had learned in prefect training. "Keep calm," he advised. "Deep breaths and all." He glanced behind him, but there still wasn't anyone coming. Where the heck was everyone? "Zach, we need to go to Pomfrey, alright? How many brownies did you eat? Did you notice anything odd in them? Color? Chunks? Anything?" Though Ernie hadn't had time to dwell earlier, asking the questions caused a fury to stir within. No matter what Zach did, whoever laced food was ten times worse. This was someone's health.

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-25 09:38 pm UTC (link)

Zach had to think about these questions, too, which was not doing his head any favors, but he knew that Ernie only had his best interests at heart in asking him hard questions. It was just coming up with answers that was proving to be rather difficult, especially now that, out of nowhere, Zach's stomach had decided that it would be a brilliant idea to attempt gymnastics. "I dunno, a lot, there was..." He paused, holding his hands out in front of him and miming the approximate proportions of the gift box he'd received earlier. "'s box. An... was a bit too big for the brownies, definitely not full all th'way... had maybe like... the bottom was full, then there were a couple free ones on top? An' nothin' was off about them or in them or anythin', an' I thought they were from you -- 'cos the note wasn' signed, but it looked kinda like your writing, an'... thought it was a little odd, what it said, but... figured it couldn't be too bad? If it was from you, anyway, it couldn't."

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forget_the_past
2008-04-25 09:42 pm UTC (link)

Ernie shook his head. "Weren't from me, mate. Definitely not me." He peered at Zach, trying to make sure he wasn't going to pass out or anything. "Come on, Zach, this way." He pulled him along with him, refusing to let the bloke out of his grip in case he decided to run or something. "Just...a little bit more and then you can rest." Ernie smiled encouragingly, feeling like he was talking to a five-year-old. Oh, whoever did this? Was going to be in trouble. DEEP trouble. Ernie would make sure of it.

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-25 09:59 pm UTC (link)

Zach wasn't feeling alert in the slightest, but he certainly wasn't feeling like anywhere near passing out. He'd been there before, and this definitely wasn't it -- the happy feelings were starting to go away as his head started pounding harder, though. Things weren't as funny as they had been just now. And it definitely did not feel nice at all. "Really wished they had been from you. Just wishful thinking, though, I guess," he sighed. He managed to crack a small smile at Ernie as they kept going. ...Merlin, he was a bloody athlete; he could make it through this without sicking up all over someone who was trying to help him. Literally or figuratively.

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forget_the_past
2008-04-25 10:03 pm UTC (link)

"Zach, don't...please." Ernie released a deep sigh finally. His emotions were waring, but one thing he knew? He'd always be there when Smith needed him. Whether it was a curse or strength of character, Ernie didn't know. He just knew the hat put him in Hufflepuff for a reason. Loyalty, even when it was stupid, was important to Ernie MacMillan. Maybe it wasn't even stupid. Who knew anymore? The Ministry surely didn't so how could a 17 year old? "We'll have plenty of time to hang out and talk after you get checked out."

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-25 10:16 pm UTC (link)

Zach winced a bit as they passed by a window and he got a burst of sunlight right in the eyes, but, once it was gone, he nodded. Right. Pomfrey now, talking later. Ernie knew better than he did in general, really, and especially on this one; the only thing to do was to listen to him now, and then Pomfrey later, and then get ready for countless lectures on what a stupid thing he'd done in eating anonymous brownies laced with Merlin only knew what.

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	forget_the_past 2008-04-25 10:32 pm UTC (link)
	Perhaps Ernie should have liked high Zach better than normal Zach. At least he was docile? Except, of course, Ernie didn't like that his friend was stoned and hadn't even intended it. "Good," he approved as Zach didn't put up a fuss. "Madam?" He called as they entered the wing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

loudmouthprat
2008-04-25 10:56 pm UTC (link)

Poppy had been surprisingly free of any visitors for most of the day. Given that Hogwarts was full of a few hundred pre-adolescents and teenagers, who had to learn how to properly use magic at the same time they were dealing with puberty, controlling their emotions, the aftermath of a war, and everything else, this was a very rare occurrence for her, but, aside from a first-year who'd tripped on the stairs earlier in the morning, she hadn't had anyone in her infirmary all day. She hadn't even had a visit from Justin -- which, she assumed was good, since he usually tended to visit when he was feeling poorly and, after the events of the previous weekend, he didn't need to feel poorly for a good, long while. She'd been reading a novel when she finally heard someone enter and call for her, and looking up she saw one, Ernie MacMillan, half-dragging one, Zacharias Smith. ...Oh, Merlin. If there was one thing Zacharias Smith didn't need, it was another trip into her infirmary, especially not when he looked as awful as he did -- pale, lethargic, bloodshot eyes... Merlin's tap-shoes.

Poppy abandoned her novel hastily and went to help Ernie get Zacharias into the nearest bed, taking his free arm and attempting to coax him into a sitting position. Luckily, he didn't put up as much of a fuss as she suspected he would have under normal circumstances; even getting him to take a Calming Draught after Justin had gotten him down from the Astronomy Tower had been torturous. Once she had him seated, she knelt down and began examining him, asking, "What happened to him? Either of you can explain."

"Brownies happened," Zach sighed, exhausted. He wrinkled his brow in confusion, but said nothing else, when Pomfrey stared at him confusedly.

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forget_the_past
2008-04-26 01:07 am UTC (link)

Ernie stepped aside, allowing Pomfrey to examine Zach in her careful matter. "Very bad brownies apparently." Ernie shrugged his shoulders, watching the scene closely. He wouldn't leave until someone kicked him out. It was probably stupid; undoubtedly Zach would rather have Justin or Susan or any other number of people present, but...whatever. Ernie was staying put. "Someone sent them and he thought they were from me and..." He waved his hand, indicating the mess. "This happened."

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-26 01:37 am UTC (link)

Yeah, maybe it would have been slightly more comfortable for Zach to have had Justin, Susan, Hannah, or Sally-Anne there with him instead of Ernie -- but, of the five people on that list, the only one he genuinely trusted with this situation was Ernie. Justin, Susan, and Hannah had seen him through more than their fair share of intolerably awful shenanigans and reactions to outside shite, and Sally-Anne was proving to be a good friend to him... but Justin and Susan would have been too fussy and emotional right now, and, while there wasn't anything wrong with how Zach thought Hannah and Sally-Anne would have handled this, he just... trusted Ernie with it more. He didn't want Ernie to leave, and, while Pomfrey checked him over, he gave Ernie a vulnerable, imploring look, silently asking him to please, please stay.

Poppy sighed. Given her experience with both students past and present, she felt certain that whoever had done this to Zacharias had meant it as some sort of joke, but this was running well into, 'James Potter on his absolute worst of days' territory. This was far past the Weasley Twins and almost every other prankster she'd ever seen go through Hogwarts; this was just potentially dangerous. It was somewhat comforting that Zacharias did not appear to be poisoned or anything even remotely that awful; he certainly wasn't well, but he wasn't dying either, and that was something positive.

Gently, Poppy placed her hand on the boy's forehead. No fever was also a good sign. After various student experimentations that had gone on under her watch in her early years as the Hogwarts mediwitch, she was fairly certain she knew what had been in the Brownies. All she needed was a few answers. "How do you feel, Zacharias?" she asked.

"Like... death warmed over," he grumbled. "'s completely unfair, 'cos I felt perfectly fine not too long 'go -- like... felt happy for the first time in way too long, an' everything was fun, and silly, an' it was great, an' then... not so great. Hands are cold, mouth is dry, head is killing me... anything else?"

"It was brownies, you said? How many did you-"

"All of 'em," Zach huffed. Merlin, he was really getting tired of that bloody question. "I didn' count how many they were, jus'... ate all of them. It was a lot, if that..."

Yes, Poppy was absolutely sure of her diagnosis now. Poor thing had gotten spiked pot brownies and overindulged. But, before she could deal with that specifically... Keeping a hand on his forehead, she asked quickly, "What's wrong?"

As soon as he made a weak little noise and mumbled, "I'm'unna be sick," Poppy Summoned over a basin and held it steady on the boy's knees, using her free hand to rub his back while he sicked up in the basin. Yes, it had definitely been pot brownies. Merlin. As though Zacharias Smith really needed to be vomiting -- he was already too thin, and, if they hadn't made him ill, the brownies really could have been good for him.

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	forget_the_past 2008-04-26 01:44 am UTC (link)
	Ernie caught the look. It surprised him, but he nodded. He wouldn't leave no matter how much he wanted to go find whoever did this to Zach and strangle him or her. When his housemate began to regurgitate, he stepped forward and took up rubbing Zach's back, waving Pomfrey away to do whatever else she had to do for Zach. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

loudmouthprat
2008-04-26 02:18 am UTC (link)

"You can relax somewhat, Mister MacMillan," Poppy said gently, Summoning over a flash of an Anti-Nausea Draught and a flask of a neutralizing potion for the task at hand. That way, Zacharias would be rid of the unpleasant side-effects of the THC without losing the contents of his stomach entirely. "He hasn't been poisoned; he's high."

Zach coughed loudly as that round of vomiting silenced itself. His stomach certainly didn't feel calm, and he was pretty sure that it was planning to give him another stunning show of gastronomical acrobatics before Pomfrey handed him the potions and explained what they were for. Once he'd taken them, he looked at her as though she'd just suggested that he was a Martian. "I'm what?"

"High, Mister Smith," she explained again. "Your brownies were spiked with marijuana, which is why you initially felt so well -- and why you have been suddenly struck with headaches, lethargy, nausea, and everything else. Given the circumstances, I will put in my word for your professors to be lenient with you... unless the brownies were not the only source-"

"I don't smoke that shite," Zach sighed. Merlin, he was bloody exhausted. "'m an athlete, don't smoke anything. ...Kinna like my lungs, y'know?"

"Alright, then," Poppy agreed. As terrible as he could be when he set his mind to it, she trusted Zacharias on this note. She knew that he took his athletics more seriously than he took most things and she trusted that he wouldn't have endangered his ability to play or his lungs by smoking marijuana at school. "As for treatment, you'll have to wait out the rest of this experience, I'm afraid, but the nausea and the headache should, at least, subside. I would prefer to keep you here for the night, if you don't object."

Zach shook his head. "Dun' object."

Poppy nodded. At least he wasn't fussing; that was a plus. "Thank you, Mister Smith. ...How do you feel now?" He shrugged. "Do you need anything?" He shook his head again. "Alright. You lay down. I'll leave you two alone and come check up in a bit." He nodded again and clumsily toed his shoes off. Giving him a smile, she took the basin and stood up. "Thank you for getting him here so expediently, Mister MacMillan. He's lucky to have a friend like you." Even though, from Justin's accounts of what had been going on in Hufflepuff House, Ernie and Zach were far from being on good terms, at the moment. "If either of you needs anything, call for me. Understood?"

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forget_the_past
2008-04-26 03:09 am UTC (link)

Ernie forced a smile at Pomfrey. He thanked her, considering her words. A good friend? Sure, to some maybe. Others would disagree. Hell, Zach might even disagree even if Ernie thought he had been perfectly good to him. Ernie didn't believe coddling did any good other than to lead to things like...well, this. Or entries threatening suicide. Helga in hell, why couldn't anyone SEE that? Ernie never stopped caring and just because HIS caring wasn't saying yes to everything and hugging at the drop of a hat didn't mean he was a BAD person. The only people who had a right to deem Ernie a bad friend...well, were two Slytherins who would probably be more than happy to explain why.

Seriously, why couldn't Ernie focus anymore? Why did his every move make him second guess himself and wax lyrical about the past? Roughly, he dragged a chair toward Zach's bed and plopped down on it, saying nothing.

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-26 03:34 am UTC (link)

Whatever had gotten into Ernie's head and started making him second guess everything he did was probably the slightly more high-class version of whatever had gotten into Zach and made him more defensive, angry, down on everything, and all around gitty than usual. ...Then again, no. Probably not. The down on everything and all around feelings of uselessness, pointlessness, etc. had other roots, which may have been related to whatever had gotten into Ernie's head, but everything else was just Zach's idiotic pride, his short fuse, and his utter inability to keep his mouth shut. And, now that he was distinctly not as happy as he had been, he really missed the feeling. Merlin, he was an idiot, being upset all the time. Even if he'd only been happy because he'd been high, it still felt loads better than being upset.

...Come to think: fuck; he was going to get it from Dad for this shenanigan; he could feel it coming. If the bastard was paying attention like he said he was, then there was no way out of that.

But that could be dealt with in due time. Doing what Pomfrey had told him to, Zach laid down on his side, purposefully avoiding looking at Ernie. ...Merlin, he'd wanted to talk so badly... but now he just felt incapable of saying anything worthwhile. Ernie was probably even more upset with him for being so fucking stupid today, and Zach didn't really blame him for that; he'd probably had plans that had been interrupted by Zach's journal entry and then his wandering around, completely stoned. ...Still, though... something had to be said... "I meant it, y'know," he said quietly, forcing himself to look up at Ernie. "What I wrote today, I mean. Say I wasn't in my right mind or whatever you want, I still meant every word. ...I'm sorry." He didn't really expect Ernie to believe him, but he couldn't just let this go without trying, at least.

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forget_the_past
2008-04-26 03:41 am UTC (link)

Ernie hated feeling estranged from his friends. He despised feeling the outcast in his own dorm and he absolutely abhorred not connecting with people he once trusted with his life. It wasn't that he didn't trust them anymore; it was just...different. Things had been said. Trust had been broken. Ernie felt much like he had on the Hogwarts Express his very first day his first year. Perhaps it was a growing up of sorts, but it didn't feel good. Not good at all. Just the opposite. It felt lousy. Lousy and lonely. But there was no denying that Ernie just didn't...fit into his old life. He felt like he was in limbo. He still loved his Hufflepuff friends just like he still, deep down, loved Teddy and Draco. It was a truth he grappled with. How could he dislike someone and still care so damn much? It was confusing to say the least.

"I know." Ernie meant that too. He did know Zach was sorry. That wasn't the point. The point...Ernie wasn't even sure what the point was anymore.

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-26 04:04 am UTC (link)

Zach didn't know what the point was anymore either, if he'd even known in the first place; he severely doubted that he had. He barely had a functioning idea of who he was, let alone what the point was, and, looking at things right now, he didn't really like what he knew about Zach. Zach was a sad and lonely person who was codependent in the worst of all possible ways but still wanted to shove people away; he was an angry person and he frowned for no good reason; he was perpetually annoying because he thought that bad attention was better than no attention; he was unreasonable and bit the hand that fed him, regardless of how it came at him; he was prideful, wrathful, envious, and not really as lustful as he liked to seem; he was scared, terrified even; he wasn't actually capable of that much, so he took it out on people who were; and he wasted so much time trying not to be Zach that it was a miracle he managed to get any assignments or anything else done. Zach was a bloke who wanted not to be Zach. It didn't make any fucking sense, but he didn't like it.

"I wish there were anything I could say, or do, or... something, but..." He shrugged and finally looked away from Ernie. "...'s like, I... I want you to take me back, but I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. I've been awful; I wouldn't take me back. ...At least forgive Justin and Susan, I... I can't even explain what happened there, but it was probably my fault for influencing them or... something." Sighing softly, Zach rolled onto his back and rubbed his temples. Before he could think about what he was saying, he muttered, "Helga... I miss how I felt on the drugs."

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forget_the_past
2008-04-26 04:16 am UTC (link)

Yet it wasn't really a matter of forgiveness. And if it was, Ernie had already forgiven Zach. How could he not? Zach's family deserved to be kicked and that wasn't Zach's fault. Zach needed all the understanding he could get. But when did understanding become letting friends run head first toward the demons? It had been Ernie's point all along and he couldn't apologize for it even if he knew some wanted him to. He didn't regret anything he said. Maybe Zach needed both types of friendship --- Ernie to speak the harsh reality and Susan and Justin to coddle. Maybe. Just maybe that was Ernie's purpose. Still, how dreadfully lonesome it felt.

"Zach...mate, come on. Don't say that." Ernie felt very tired all of a sudden. He pushed his chair closer, resting a hand on Zach's arm. "You never lost me. Just..." How could he explain if he was mad at anyone it was Justin and Susan? It almost didn't make sense, but Ernie could pardon Zach. He couldn't say the same for the other two.

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-26 05:06 am UTC (link)

"I feel like I did, though," Zach said bluntly, "for a minute there." Well, more than a minute, really. If it had been a minute, then it had been the longest, most grueling, and over-extended minute of Zach's entire, bloody life. Having a shit homelife and always being at odds with Dad weren't decent excuses for anything, let alone everything Zach had been doing in the past couple of weeks -- and being upset over getting whisked off to Russia instead of being allowed to help in the war effort didn't help anybody either. The war was over, and prolonging it by acting like a git to everybody was just as bad as the fact that it had happened in the first place; pushing people didn't do anything except get them all hacked off at the source of their irritation -- namely, Zach. "I was shoving and shoving, and pushing buttons, and running my mouth off, and... being an idiot all around, and I was pretty sure I'd lost you. Wouldn't have been surprised, really, but... I mean... no, I don't know what I mean. I just know that I'm an idiot of the highest order, and... I don't want to push this 'til it breaks. I don't want to know what that's like. To really lose you. I hate this enough as is."

Rolling onto his side again, Zach looked at Ernie head-on and added, "And I don't wanna be so angry all the time anymore. I didn't really remember -- I mean, sicking up and everything hasn't been great, but I just... got so used to being in a strop all the time, I forgot what it was like to be happy without, like, bragging and being a prat. And I don't like it." Merlin, he was just like his dad. It was unbelievable. And it had taken all this mess for him to see it.

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forget_the_past
2008-04-26 05:05 pm UTC (link)

Ernie's grip on Zach's arm tightened. "You didn't," he repeated. "You haven't. I...I just wish you'd listen to me sometimes instead of dismissing me like a five-year-old is all." He glanced away for a moment, thinking about the last few weeks. "It's been hard and then with Justin and Susan just agreeing all the time...well, you weren't the only one to feel lonely, Zach. And then my dad..." He brought his attention back to the boy in the bed. "I'm glad he was able to help at all. Since clearly I can't."

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-26 06:22 pm UTC (link)

"I think you can," Zach said earnestly, looking up at Ernie. "I mean... you got me here -- you worried at all instead of laughing it up like those two did -- and then... I mean. This whole thing had a lot of major downfalls all over the place, for everybody, but... it might be good in the end? Maybe? Might be just wishful thinking on my part again, but... I'd kind of like to think that all of us, especially me, didn't go through this mess of shite just to act like nothing happened. Y'know? I've been a real arse through this whole thing, but I don't really know that I could deal with myself if I didn't try to learn from it, or make up for it, or something along those lines." He paused and shrugged, gnawing on his lower lip a little bit. "'m sorry you feel like you can't help. Because, honestly, I think you can; I think you can better than Justin and Susan, at any rate, and Hannah's probably only a little behind you there... and I feel like shit for making you feel like you can't help."

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forget_the_past
2008-04-27 01:18 am UTC (link)

Ernie fell silent for a few moments as he digested all Zach said. It meant much to Ernie even if he was afraid it would all become the exact same thing again once Zach stepped foot outside the wing. However, for the moment, maybe words were enough.

"Well," he said finally, his tone soft, "I'm still here and...we'll just figure it out. Yeah?" He smiled gently. "Like my smile, aye?"

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loudmouthprat
2008-04-27 02:11 am UTC (link)

Zach nodded and murmured a, "Yeah" in response to Ernie's original question. Maybe it was just the pot, or maybe it was the sicking up, or maybe it was a lot of things, but Zach didn't want what he was saying to end up being just words. He wanted something more real than words.

But then Ernie changed the subject to something infinitely more light-hearted. "That I do," Zach said with a small laugh and a peaceful expression on his face. "'s nice. Real nice."

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