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Tweak says, "frandy!"

Harry Potter (ex_potty746) wrote in resurrectio_rpg,
@ 2009-01-01 19:06:00

Who; Harry Potter and Hermione Granger
What; They have to run into each other sometime
When; Thursday Evening
Where; Gryffindor Common Room
Status; Incomplete / In progress
Rating; Maybe PG-13 for language? I'm new, I don't know. :-)

It was hard for Harry to pin down exactly what he was feeling lately. It wasn't regret. Not really. He knew, of course, that he was on everyone's bad sides. He couldn't remember the last time he'd talked to anyone - not real talk, not anything substantial. Hermione didn't give him sad looks across the lunch table anymore, or if she was he didn't notice.

Funny, that. The war hadn't taken his two best friends from him. He himself had done that.

But he didn't know any other way he could have made it through the year. That was why what he felt wasn't quite regret. How could he regret his actions if he still thought they were right? Well...not right exactly. He was bloody well miserable, more antisocial than he'd ever been in his life, and he felt pathetically lonely in a castle surrounded by children. That couldn't be right.

Which was why he was there, sitting in the common room instead of hiding in the library or Hagrid's shack, or his own dorm shut up in his bed. He didn't regret things, but he was ready for them to change. He didn't want to shut himself away, but he'd done it for so long he had no idea how to go about changing things for himself.

At his best times he wasn't any sort of social wiz, and this wasn't the best of times. Give him a dark wizard and he was all set on what to do. Put one of his friends in front of him and he'd be a bloody ruin.

Still, he was in the common room. It was a start. A small one. A really, quite pathetically small one. But he could only do what he could do.

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ex_booksmart673
2009-01-01 09:42 pm UTC (link)

How many times on a daily basis did Hermione trace the same steps to the common room and back out again? How many times daily did she tread the scarlet and gold carpets that lined the floors and decorated the all-too familiar room? It was countless, something even she couldn't keep track of if she tried. It was rare most of these occasions that anything caused her to stop dead in her tracks. Usually, she was on her way out to class or the the library or else in opposition, coming back to do work or perhaps ready herself for bed. There were always the same faces. Students working, chatting, spending time unwinding after a long day with a game of Snap or something similar.

But today, there was a face there that she rarely ever saw holed up in that room anymore. It was one that certainly caused a falter in her footsteps. Not only that, but a prick to her heart. It was impossible to avoid Harry on a daily basis. But it wasn't as if she truly wanted to do that to begin with. It was just difficult to have to sit beside the hollow shell of a boy in class when he was rarely seen anymore elsewhere if he could help it. And so when she saw him in the common room, it was something of a shock considering how rare it was that it happened anymore. Perhaps it was on account of this shock that Hermione stood still for a moment in debate, unsure of how to approach the situation.

Her best bet would have been to continue en route to her room as she had been intending. She would simply collect her study guides and pour over them for a good while as was becoming routine on a daily basis now with N.E.W.T.s coming up. But she didn't budge from the spot near the portrait hole. At least, not for a minute or so. When she did move however, it was in a different direction that originally planned. And somehow, this route was a lot more dangerous than continuing up the girls' staircases. "Harry," she acknowledged as she approached him at a distance, awaiting a metaphorical slap in the face for her brazen action of simply saying hello.

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ex_potty746
2009-01-01 09:50 pm UTC (link)

It was actually rather relaxing sitting where he was. Close to the fire, not too near to any of the small groups studying or chatting. He could look over at the dark table near the stairs and picture himself younger, playing chess with Ron while Hermione tried to convince them to study. It was nice.

Of course it couldn't last.

The sound of his name snapped him out of his reverie. He looked over, and when he saw Hermione approaching his stomach curled. No chance of small talk with Hermione, really. No chance of avoiding guilt or hoping she just wouldn't talk about anything serious.

No chance of running into someone this first attempt at normality who he didn't owe about a thousand apologies to.

He drew a breath, stealing himself, and tried to smile. It felt limp and pathetic, but he managed it. "Hullo, Hermione."

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ex_booksmart673
2009-01-01 09:58 pm UTC (link)

A smile on Harry's face was enough to slam her heart against her chest. As rare as it was to see Harry lingering about the common room, it was a hundred times less likely for her or anyone else for that matter, to witness a smile creep across his lips. She missed it. She missed it more than anything, truth be told. Because even in the midst of a war, it used to appear. Even when things were at their worst with the return of the Dark Lord, that smile would sometimes make its presence known. It was something that was unguarded and filled with something that had at one time, given her hope for the future.

But the future turned out to be nothing like she expected. The future, in some ways, had ended up being more awful than the war itself. The aftermath pulled some apart while it should have bonded those same people closer together. The two of them were a prime example of such a thing. "All right, then?" she asked, still with reservation.

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ex_potty746
2009-01-01 10:02 pm UTC (link)

Harry's smile went a bit more sincere at that. He had practically ignored Hermione - ignored everyone - for months, but she was still friend enough to not fly at him with fists clenched.

Maybe that was a good sign.

He shrugged. "All right," he said, figuring it was true. The things that weren't all right were so small and petty - and his own fault anyway - that he'd be a right arse to even mention them.

He hesitated, but nodded his chin at the stiff-backed armchair nearest his. "Want to...um...or are you going somewhere?"

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ex_booksmart673
2009-01-01 10:31 pm UTC (link)

That was the problem. Hermione would always be Harry's friend. It wasn't something that she could turn on and off despite what might have compromised the fact. But the fact of the matter was that she was still hurt by everything that had happened and because of this, she was still guarded in her actions towards him even now.

"I... had been going to study," she said, hesitantly. But there was a problem in wanting to remain guarded with Harry. She missed him. She missed him more than she had been hurt by him, more than the scars that his distant actions had caused. And for that reason, she cautiously settled into the arm chair he'd motioned to, mindful of not getting any sort of hopes up too quickly. "How has yours been going?" she asked.

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ex_potty746
2009-01-01 10:40 pm UTC (link)

"You can..." go study if you want, he'd been about to say. But his heart wasn't really in the offer, so he trailed off when she sat. He raised his eyebrows with a smile. "How's what? My studying? About as well as it ever has." Which wasn't well at all, really.

His smile faded and he sighed. "Doesn't seem to be much..." Again he trailed off, this time with a look at her face. She didn't seem comfortable, and he didn't blame her.

Maybe it wasn't really time to attempt an actual serious talk. Maybe he should just keep things as easy as they could be.

So he shook his head. "Never mind. Anyway, how's yours? Not that I really have to ask, but..."

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ex_booksmart673
2009-01-01 10:59 pm UTC (link)

This wasn't supposed to feel like this. Old mates weren't supposed to dance around one another in circles, walking on eggshells as if the smallest remark could cause everything to fall by the wayside again or else, set them apart even worse off than before. But after what they'd gone through this year, that was exactly what the air felt like between them -- strained, unsure.

Still, if he could make an effort, Hermione decided that she could as well. A small grin even touched her lips when he mentioned how his studying was going. She knew full well that it hadn't always been his favourite past time. When he started on something else but didn't finish the statement, Hermione didn't push. Rather, she answered, "Well. The study guides are helping," she said.

After another moment, she added, "You... are welcome to use them, you know. If you wanted. Whenever."

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ex_potty746
2009-01-01 11:05 pm UTC (link)

"Thanks." Harry grinned, small and brief but for a moment he really actually felt like grinning. Which was new. "Soon as I decide my lessons are important, I'll be sure to take you up on that. Though of course you were always the study guide of choice, you know."

For a moment, they could have been fifth years passing an evening between catastrophes. He was almost relaxed, almost able to look at her without remembering how much he had to make up for.

Almost.

He tilted his head back and sighed. How could something as easy as talking come so hard, after all the rubbish crises he'd survived?

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ex_booksmart673
2009-01-01 11:23 pm UTC (link)

When he spoke in such a manner that read into memories they had, it was difficult for Hermione to remain so cautious. Talking about better times -- times when one of the greatest worries she had was how to help her friends succeed academically without allowing them to cheat off of her -- made it simultaneously easier and harder to endure this encounter with Harry now. "Yes, well I doubt I was much help by starting your paragraphs for you more than I should have."

Instinct nearly made her reach out to him when he leaned his head back and he looked defeated when there was no current battle to be had. Instead, she kept her hands to her side and averted her eyes, teeth snagging her lower lip to prevent from speaking aloud the thoughts that plagued her.

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ex_potty746
2009-01-01 11:28 pm UTC (link)

Harry huffed a breath that was almost a laugh. "You were plenty of help. You know Ron and I weren't ever going to be good little students, whether you helped or not. We'd've just been more used to shoddy grades by now if you didn't."

He straightened, shaking his head of morbid thoughts. If he was going to have a nice small-talk sort of conversation he would bloody well enjoy it. "I dunno, hard to see the point in it, really. Studying about Goblin Wars and runes and bloody magical creatures."

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	ex_booksmart673 2009-01-01 11:35 pm UTC (link)
	"Why?" she asked. "It's not pointless by any means, Harry," she said. And it might have seemed that way to some, but knowledge was worth everything to Hermione. It was one thing that could never change, never be taken away by an outside source. It was the most effective weapon a person could have and she would maintain that idea every time it was questioned. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_potty746 2009-01-01 11:38 pm UTC (link)
	He shrugged. "Feels pointless. Feels a bit like we all grew up last year but still got pushed into becoming kids again for one last useless term." He smiled faintly. "I know you won't agree." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ex_booksmart673
2009-01-01 11:42 pm UTC (link)

"I won't," she admitted. If anything, she believed the complete opposite of such a thing. "If anything, I feel more grown up than I ever have as a result of everything that happened with the war. We all were forced to grow up too fast." She was quiet for a moment, picking at the end of her jumper sleeve before speaking again. "It's just been too long since there hasn't been war that I don't think anyone... I don't think anyone even remembers how to act," she said almost wistfully.

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ex_potty746
2009-01-02 12:05 am UTC (link)

Harry frowned, but for the moment he ignored his apprehension and answered honestly. "This might sound like whinging or something, but you have no idea how right you are. My whole place in the Wizarding World was centered around Voldemort. From year one. And it's not like my life was exactly normal before I came here."

He looked away, feeling awkward after months of keeping himself to himself. "It's not like I'm trying to be a stilted git. I don't know how to live without someone to fight."

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