Who: Hannah Abbott and Theodore Nott
What: Being...relatively angsty, admittedly, but taking steps towards moving on
When: Thursday afternoon
Where: Outside on the grounds
Rating: PG (PG-13 for ANGST!)
Status: Complete



She needed a break. It was getting impossible to revise as much as she was and not literally lose her mind. Hannah was blurry-eyed, tight-chested, and stiff-necked. Her physical health was being compromised and for what? A few last ditch efforts at being the witch that she wasn't? It might have been a defeatist attitude, but the fact of the matter was, Hannah didn't have it in her to be brilliant with magic. A good witch, perhaps, but she'd never be Hermione, or Megan, or... Well. Best not to keep dwelling on her. It was done, after all, and he'd apparently never given it a second thought.

If nothing else, it was that thought that drove her out of the castle and into the late May sunshine. Tabitha followed at her heels, grateful for the chance to be outside. The only one who hated the cold Scottish winters more than Hannah was the gray and white cat by her side. It would do them both a bit of good to get out and get some fresh air. Though Hannah was pretty sure her internal dilemma had to be worse than Tabby's. Tabby, after all, did nothing all day but eat, sleep, chase mice, and get her tummy scratched by the group of first years who would occasionally snag her in the common room. Hannah was relatively certain that her cat had never had problems with school or boys. Maybe Tabby remembered what it was like to be separated from her mother. She'd never know, though, and she simply bent and gave the cat a scratch behind the ears before leading her out the double doors and into the courtyard.

It was warm enough that she no longer needed a jumper, and she walked a little more freely than she did bundled up for the colder weather. The weather admittedly put a bit of a skip to her step, her blond ponytail swinging behind her as she walked. This had been the best idea she could've had. For a brief moment, the worries she'd been dealing with over the last several weeks were left behind and she could simply focus on breathing and enjoying being alive. Something she hadn't been grateful for in a while.

All of that came crashing to a halt, however, when she nearly tripped over a familiar bundle of fur. "Oooh, no," Hannah groaned, pausing to watch as Tabby greeted her old friend like a long lost sister. Which did make sense; since she was no longer seeing Kala's owner, there was really no reason for her to see Kala, either. "Puts new meaning to staying together for the sake of the children, doesn't it girl?" she mumbled, bending to scratch Kala in that place she'd found under her chin. A rush of nostalgia passed over her as she remembered doing the exact same thing in the exact same place several months ago, before meeting up with Teddy for a cuddle beneath a nearby tree. Shoot. And if Kala was around, it was only to be expected that Teddy was around, too. Still. "You'll never learn not to wander off, will you?" she asked the cat, who'd turned away from her to pounce Tabitha. She pulled herself to her feet and glanced around, knowing an overly worried owner was likely searching for his highly adventurous explorer.

Teddy had gotten accustomed to his cat rushing off. He had determined long ago little miss Kala was a Gryffindor and simply sought to keep as good a hold on her as he could. However, she must have sensed Tabitha and Hannah as she had fairly jumped out of his lap and tore off. Teddy had been attempting to study, but there was no way he'd let Kala wander around with the Forbidden Forest not that far off. So, with a sigh, he grabbed his books quickly and darted after her. He saw the animal jump at her old friend and bit his lip. Gave new meaning to the word deja vu. Swallowing hard, he walked over to the Hufflepuff and the cats. "Hm, fancy meeting like this again." He smiled though conflicting emotions warred within.

How could he be smiling? How could he smile when she felt like her entire world had turned upside down? If their first meeting like this had gone differently, maybe she wouldn't have put her heart and soul into him. She shifted her weight, attempting a smile but afraid it probably just came out as a shaky grimace. "Hi," she replied softly. "I... Well, she just came running over. Almost tripped over her. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were out here, I would've stayed to the other side..." Oh, no, she was a rambling, shaking mess and he'd barely even spoken. She had to get it together. And soon.

Teddy could smile because what else could he bloody do? He didn't hate her. He had been disappointed and hurt, but dwelling on that hadn't helped anyone, least of all Teddy. So he smiled; he meant it too. They could move forward or avoid each other, but neither seemed an appealing option. Hence, when she said she'd have avoided the area, he frowned. "You don't have to stay away from me." Looking down at his happy cat, he added, "Us." He cleared his throat, glancing toward the shining sun for a moment. "Full circle I suppose." Merlin, that was cheesy.

She didn't want things to come full circle. She wanted to be right back to the way things had been only a few months ago. But how could she tell him that when he seemed to be moving on so well? "I just meant..." Sighing, she shrugged her shoulders slightly. "I just meant that I would've known Kala would come after Tabby. And you were probably busy." With a girl, the way Hannah's luck was running. Or else being told how brilliant his NEWT scores were going to be. Just like everyone else who wasn't her.

Teddy wasn't thinking about any girl in that way. He had rarely before Hannah and even less so since her. Part of it was that he was busy with NEWT preparation, but part of it was also due to suffering his first heartbreak. It hadn't been easy for him and if it looked like it was, it was only a testament to the hat being right in putting him into Slytherin -- Theodore Nott could pretend to be perfectly fine if it served. "I needed a break anyway," he insisted, "Besides..." He jerked a thumb in the cats' direction. "Look how happy they are." He felt a stab of guilt, but it wasn't like he could arrange kitty playdates with his ex-girlfriend.

At the sight of the two cats batting leaves back and forth, a smile forced it's way on to Hannah's face. How could it not? She wasn't the only one miserable staying away from Teddy. Tabitha looked overjoyed to be playing with her best friend again, and was acting almost kittenish now that she had a buddy again. While she seemed to enjoy staring at Ernie's puffskin, she never clicked with them the way she did with Kala. Mostly because Hannah always worried about her playing too rough with them.

But that wasn't the case with Kala at all. She could pounce and roll and bite all she wanted. Hannah even let a giggle slip as she knelt on the ground, letting the cats climb on her as they pounced. "It's always worse on the children," she said softly, but she dared a glance up at him with the tiniest of smiles.

Teddy felt heat rise to his cheeks though he did manage a chuckle. "How are you then? With...your tests coming and all?" He ventured into a neutral category though he couldn't help recalling when he aided her in Charms. It seemed forever ago, but also just like yesterday. How was the even possible?

Groaning at the mention, Hannah almost instinctively pulled Tabitha close for a quick snuggle to tide her over before replying to the thought of the evil exams that plagued her nightmares. "Remember the girl who freaked out before OWLs? The one that got sent to Madam Pomfrey like, twice, before the exams even began?" Even the students who barely knew her remembered it, it was possibly the most humiliating moment of her life. Her saving grace was that a lot of the people had no idea who she was.

"Hannah," Teddy said softly, his tone filled with mirth, "Of course I knew that was you!" He might have kept to himself, but he wasn't that immune to gossip! "But you're also different now, lo--- Hannah." He called most of his female friends "love" but it seemed strange to refer to Hannah that way just then. "You are ready. You've seen worse things than a poor mark anyway, yeah?"

"It's not just a poor mark," she reminded him, her voice defeated. It was hard, opening up to him the same way she used to. She was allowed to, if he wanted to be friends, and even though that was the last thing she truly wanted, she'd missed having her confidante. Ernie and Megan were wonderful, and she loved the friendship she was developing with Hermione. But she'd always been able to offer up her true self to Teddy and she found it all spilling forward again. "It's not just about the O versus the E or the A. It's your entire future as a witch or a wizard. It's different for you."

Teddy's eyebrows shot up at that. "Oh? You think I have some right because of my family and blood?" He shook his head. "Hannah, you are a witch and so long as you do your best, no one can fault you. You are not starting out behind us. No, never." Teddy hesitantly rested a hand on her arm. "If anything, if I fail, it should look worse!"

For a moment, she froze at the slight touch. It would be so easy to pretend it was months ago and lean in and kiss him softly because of it. Instead, she breathed a bit deeper, looking up to meet his eyes. "You won't, though," she said, her voice tinged with confidence. "Besides, it is different for you because, even by some freak coincidence you did fail, you're still, by rights, a wizard. You'd find some job around here, even if you were just driving the Knight Bus." Which he'd be terribly cute doing, but she couldn't allow herself to think on that, then, could she? "Me? If I fail, I may as well go be a pirate or something."

"I found a job with a family friend taking pity on me, you mean? They don't want me having any job, Hannah. Not now." His heart hurt at hearing the words said out loud, but it was very true. The Ministry didn't want him doing anything important. Maybe not even driving the damn bus...

"You can't get better than Ernest Macmillan, you know," she reminded him, though her voice was soft and encouraging. "He'll be good to you, you know that. It'll be a fair start, I think." She absently scooped up Kala, nestling the soft fur with her cheek. As much as she loved her cat, she'd missed Kala. "I've said it before, I'll say it again, he wouldn't offer it out of pity alone if he thought you'd be rubbish at it."

They had discussed it briefly over journals and while Teddy mostly agreed with her, he also knew the MacMillans could be far too generous for their own good. He shrugged his shoulders, smiling at how Kala nestled into Hannah. "What? You jealous, sweetheart?" He asked Tabitha who was sitting and looking up at them. He laughed again and pulled her up. Focusing on Hannah again, he offered a small nod. "I will do my best, that's for sure."

She couldn't help the slight tug in her chest at how easily Tabitha fit into Teddy's arms. She was jealous of her cat. That was a new level of pathetic. "I know you will," she said quietly. "You always do. I think Mr. Macmillan knows that, too."

"Let's hope, yeah?" Teddy scratched Tabitha behind her ears. "You missed me, huh, girl?"

She wasn't the only one. "Cried at the door for a while," Hannah admitted, holding Kala just a bit closer, mostly to keep herself from crying. "Surprised she didn't stalk down to the dungeons and hunt you down when I finally did let her out."

They were getting into dangerous territory. Teddy didn't want to hurt her, but he just didn't know what to do. He still loved her, but was it enough? Was it ever really enough? His mother had loved his father even when she hated Angus' activities, but what did it really get her in the end? "Well, we'll have to visit again?" He looked hopefully at his former flame.

But could she do that? Could she honestly just sit and chat with him like any normal person when she just wanted to be with him? She'd once heard a saying that if you could still be friends with someone you loved, either you still loved them or you never really loved them at all. And she knew which case she was in. All she wanted was to make things right again, and she couldn't. Not when he was being swept off to foreign countries with girls prettier than she was who were probably in very little danger of failing anything ever.

"I... Well..." Kala purred in her arms and stretched, and Hannah hesitated. She could outright say no, but it really wasn't fair for her cat to be miserable. But still... "We're leaving soon anyway. Won't matter, in the end."

"It won't?" The words were out before Teddy could help himself. "I thought..." He shook his head, placing Tabitha back on the ground. He straightened and held his arms out for his own pet. "Fine then, you are right. See you around."

"Well, will it?" she asked, her voice rising slightly. "I mean... Oh, forget it. Maybe you were right all along. This... I don't know. This can't work." Reluctantly, she placed Kala in Teddy's arms, refusing to make eye contact as she did. She couldn't, however, completely miss the way her arms brushed his as she did.

Well what happened now? She was the one who said it! "You are the one who said it didn't matter," Teddy reminded her curtly. "I rather imagined we'd meet for lunch or something once in awhile. What mates do and all." He resisted the urge to stalk off. That would just be rude.

No, no, no, she couldn't do this now. Not with NEWTs glaring at her and her entire future as a witch on the line and this wasn't the time for her to try and play polite and kind and 'just mates'. "Maybe mates can," Hannah replied stubbornly, "but I can't, Teddy. I'm sorry. I thought it... I wanted to. I did, but I can't."

"Well, good to know I meant anything at all to you then." Teddy hugged Kala to his chest since he could feel that she tensed at his tone. She was always so good about picking up on when he was angry or unhappy. And just then? He was both. "Only mates call me Teddy," he said coldly. "Good luck on your exams." He glanced back down at Tabitha, but couldn't bring himself to spare another moment. His chest felt heavy and if any waterworks were going to escape, it would be in the privacy of his room. Still, he looked over at Hannah again, hurt registering in every one of his facial features. "I wouldn't just abandon you, but...fine. Goodbye."

Hannah, however, was much less picky about who saw her cry. Not these days, not when even a quill drop could cause her to break down. Her eyes welled up and her lip quivered slightly. "How?" she asked after him. "How can you expect me to just pretend like I'm fine with this, Theodore? Because I'm not and I don't know that I ever will be." Oh for pity's sake, now she was doing that awful chest heaving breathing. How attractive that must have been. "You might be able to sit across a lunch table from me and pretend we never happened, but I can't, don't you get that?"

He hated seeing anyone cry, but he especially didn't like it in a girl he cared for. He softened if only a bit and sighed. "Because how can we ever be anything at all if we can't even be friends? That's how anything started in the first place. I don't see why it has to be...so completely one thing or the other." And perhaps that was why Hufflepuff had not been the choice for one Theodore Nott. He reached a hand out to brush a tear. "It's not worth crying over. Maybe you have it right. Maybe it is better to just...let everything go." He didn't believe that and it wouldn't make him happy, but if even being near him made her miserable what choice did they have?

"How can I be even that when I can't get the idea that you hate me out of my head?" she countered, her eyes lowering to her cat, to the grass in front of her, to a newly blossomed spring flower. Anything to avoid those perfect eyes. "Friends? It started out as friends, yes, but that's before I fell in love with you. And you hating me hasn't changed that. It's harder now... It's not something I can just turn off and on and pretend it didn't happen because you want to be mates now."

Teddy blinked several times, wondering how exactly she got that into her head. Granted, he had been angry which had given way to disappointment and bitterness, but hatred? "Hannah..." He cupped her chin, worried that they were heading into dangerous territory. "I never hated you! I don't hate anyone except maybe the awful people hurting Mum." He closed his eyes, willing his emotions and brain to cooperate together. "I never stopped loving you either, Hannah. That's not...that's...I can't be with you right now. Maybe I can't be with anyone. I don't know. You were right. You can't wait for me, but..." He groaned as sentiment got the best of him. "I don't mean to be selfish. If you can't...then you can't." He didn't want to lose her entirely, but what else could he say? He couldn't promise they'd return to normal. He didn't know what normal was even. He had to take NEWTS and start that job and he had to...he had to find himself. As cliche as it was, he had to learn what he needed and wanted. And even with as much as he wanted to snog Hannah senseless just then, he knew he couldn't. Love wasn't enough; there was work and trust too. He didn't trust himself and he didn't trust that she was in a position to choose him. It pained him, but that was the truth. They were from very different backgrounds and they had clashed about some very important things. Neither could take back their words or actions and as much as they cared for each other was it really fair to make battles out of such crucial topics? Teddy would never relent on his feelings toward Dumbledore and the DA and various other things of that sort, but it wasn't fair to ask Hannah to pretend she felt like he did. How could she? She wasn't him. But he needed her to understand just as he was sure she needed him to. And yet...neither could. At least not at the moment. Perhaps in time, but that time wasn't then. Teddy felt it and he knew he'd have to watch her walk away and simply pray it all worked out. It would be the hardest thing he ever did, but it would be the kindest he knew how to be then.

But it tore his heart apart. "I am sorry," he whispered, finally allowing some silent tears to fall down his own cheeks. If he couldn't show her how much he hurt too, he really was a bastard and so he let that moisture come. "I..." He backed up, wiping at his face with the back of his arm in a very un-Teddy like move. He didn't feel like digging for that damn handkerchief. "I will miss you and if...if you ever need me...for whatever..." He paused to take a deep shuddering breath. "You really can talk to me. I...yeah, you are right, you don't just turn those feelings off." He shrugged again, stroking Kala's soft fur as he continued backing away. He didn't want to leave her like that. Not alone like that. "Go find Ernie or Megan or someone. Please," he nearly begged.

She couldn't help it. As he'd touched her, she'd found herself nearly well nestling into his hand. Even if the words he was saying broke her heart all over again. And yet, they gave her a twinge of hope. Hope she shouldn't have allowed herself, considering how easily it was for it to be snatched away again. "Wait, no." She shook her head quickly, her ponytail flipping slightly. He was crying. The boy she loved, the one she loved desperately to this day, was actually crying, and it was her fault. "Teddy... When I said I couldn't wait around forever... I thought you didn't want me. At all. I..." She took a deep, much needed breath, feeling a chill down her spine that had nothing to do with the weather. "I'd wait if that's what you wanted." God, she would, wouldn't she? Was that pathetic? Should she be out, trying to date again?

She didn't want to. If she was honest with herself, Hannah had no urge to be with anyone but the young man standing in front of her. Maybe someday she'd meet someone who changed her mind, but then all she could remember was Teddy's gentle touch and the smile he'd worn a few minutes ago. All she wanted was the bloke who'd been brilliantly polite to her father and who treated his mum like a queen. "I'm not ready to give up," she said softly. "I thought I was but it's only making it harder. And... If you think there's a chance... Any chance at all, Teddy, that's all I'm asking." She hadn't even meant to switch back to calling him Teddy after his bitter declaration that it was Theodore, but she had. "Lunches, dinners, parties... Whatever it takes." It would still be hard, of course. But possible. And that's all she was asking.

The only reason he had demanded his full name was because he thought she didn't want to have anything to do with him. Still, to hear so plainly that she needed something he wasn't sure he could give just tore his heart out. "I would never ask you to...Hannah, I don't know what's going to happen when we leave, but I know I want you to at least be part of it. Maybe we'll grow closer or...I don't know. But I don't want to just walk away." Teddy swallowed against his feelings once more. "You can't wait for me to sort myself out. I'm a bloody mess, Hannah. I just..." He sniffed in the warm air, calming himself. "I just want us to be open to where life takes us. But that's not fair."

A small, hesitant smile crossed her face. He didn't know her very well if he didn't realise her strong-willed self very well could wait for him to sort himself out. But darn if there wasn't still Tracey out there. Out there, spiriting the one person Hannah loved off to what was probably some deserted Greek island. The thought made her face cloud over a bit. She could wait for him, of course. But would he do the same for her? Or would he be lying on some Greek beach somewhere getting suntan oil rubbed on him by Greek goddesses...and Tracey. The thought made her a bit queasy, really. "I know that I'm not ready to give up on trying to make this work," she said a moment later, her voice determined. "I know that you need time to get yourself together, and that's okay, Teddy. In a few weeks, or a few months... Whatever it takes, when you're ready, we'll talk about it. In the meantime... I don't know. We could try. The friend thing." She took a few steps forward and reached out, the hand that wasn't holding Tabby close touching his arm. "I know I'm not ready to lose you completely."

He wanted to ask her what changed her mind in a few moments, but he didn't dare ruin the moment. He was afraid they'd just wind up arguing again and he was sick of that. "Good then." He smiled, lightly tapping the hand that grazed his arm. "So...mates then."

In the past few moments, she'd realised that he still loved her. And that there was a chance. And that, if she ever wanted it to work, she had to work at it. One of the main Hufflepuff qualities was not shying away from hard work, after all. She could do this. Biting her lip, she tried desperately to put the image of the beautiful and mannered Tracey snogging her ex boyfriend out of her mind. "Mates. Yep." Until he realised what she already knew. He was supposed to be with her. They'd made it through too much to just move on as if nothing had happened. "Besides," she added, a hint of a giggle escaping a throat still clogged with tears, "we can't keep making these two live apart. We'll have to bring them over every once in a while or meet up in a park somewhere."

Gazing fondly at both cats, Teddy allowed the talk to turn jocular again. "Yes, we'll have to. And I know Mum would love to see you again as well." His steady demeanor didn't show the quick pacing of his heart; could they really do this? He hated not being in control, but, somehow, he was choosing to remain in limbo. And for what? A job? Fear? The past? The future? A chance to spread his wings? Teddy didn't know and that scared him more than anything. Was he really just meant to be a loner? It had suited him thus far, but Hannah had shown him another way. But that way had also led him to pain he had never experienced before. Sure, Angus' death had been agony, but in an entirely different way. Betrayal and mistrust were hard feelings to grapple with, especially when there was no clear right or wrong in all of it. But what did it all mean? Did it mean Hannah wasn't the one for him? Or was it proof she was? Teddy didn't know so it was easier to flee. He wasn't entirely happy, but he wasn't entirely unhappy either. What was that neutral feeling? Was it just a mask? Would it come crashing down again? Or was it all just that simple tale of first love? Would they both get over each other or would they come together again? Teddy wanted the answer, but if he couldn't give it, how could she? And would there be that much uncertainty if she was the one? Or, in the end, did it all come back to him? Was he the one punishing them both? None of the questions seemed to have answers and that didn't sit well with the Slytherin. He was a guarded sort; all those emotions tired him and caused unease. "We'll get together a few days after NEWTs then? Say goodbye?"

It sounded so final when he said it that way. And she was already scared enough of leaving school and finding herself cut off from the wizarding world completely. Even if all she ever got from Teddy was someone to attend a show with or grab a bite to eat when she was bored, at least it was something. Some way to stay connected to the people and the things that had come to mean so much to her. It'd been so easy to get pulled away after her mum's death. It could so easily happen again. "I think that..." She took a deep breath before making herself meet his eyes. "I think that'd be nice. And maybe once we're settled for the summer."

"Definitely once we're settled." His eyes shone brightly, honesty spilling from them. "Definitely."