Re: [postcard: scully & mulder]
[A poorly drawn turtle face is doodled upon Cepheus. There are no turtle faces on the accompanying envelope or the multitude of correspondence cards.]
Mulder,
There are several instances of serial killers writing letters. Jack the Ripper. David Berkowitz. The Zodiac Killer. I will agree that they would probably not write about the more lighthearted interpretations of constellations. And they're probably very angry drunks. As for being an amorous drunk? What is splendid to one makes another feel like a fool more often than not. Though I don't show it all the time, I'm an affectionate person by nature and no hangover will ever erase that completely. But sober-me knows that drunk-me's idea to start a polyamorous nudist commune is unrealistic.
I think we are all a little hypocritical at times, Mulder. There's no shame in appreciating vulnerability in someone else while disliking it in yourself. I fall prey to the same trap. Would you share what you think is weakness with me? Or would that be terrifying? I have cried only a handful of times in my life, but I cried myself to sleep the other night over something I heard in a TV show. The sailboat constellation I mentioned? It came from that. Part of me envies you for your ability to keep those emotions in check. The other part of me hopes one day you will face those emotions without drinking. A good cry can be very cathartic.
As long as you believe the stars are stacked against him, then they will remain that way for the tortoise. Nothing is a difficult concept to imagine. There is always something there. Even for the tortoise, no matter how far he surfs the waves of the universe. That goes for those of us that empathize with him, too. We will learn what is out there one day. Do you think we came from nothing?
You are right. About the change in ourselves. It can be difficult to see our flaws, point them out, and then recognize that it has been that way for far too long. Do you think your life would be very different if you did change the metaphorical condition of your spine? Would you rush into burning buildings to save people? Or would you be more apt to be closer with people?
There is a lot I would change about myself. Most is nothing important. My pinky toenail on my left foot grows straight up and makes wearing shoes uncomfortable. Things like that. Something real? I would like to be able to tell people no. Perhaps that is a type of cowardice. As for the world? More empathy is a very good call, Mulder. It is tough to come up with anything that would make the world better than that. More hope, maybe? The ability for humanity to see their potential and try to reach for it, instead of trying to convince scientists that the Earth is flat?
If anything lasting comes out of this, let it be this vow: At some point in the next few weeks, acquiring Chinese food will become a priority. Years is far too long for the either of us.
I'm not convinced that the town is as chaotic as it appears. Why do you not let people closer? Do you not want to feel whole? I've found that distance to be a common theme around here. Does letting people in fall into those big, scary emotions? Do you ever pour your heart out to anyone? Or, asking as a fellow hypocrite, does the distance make it easier if you need to leave? I have tried to let people in. It never seems to work.