Sadie Lynn (sirenonstrings) wrote in repose, @ 2018-06-14 17:15:00 |
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Much like at the Center, life here in Repose had a rhythm to it. Here though, it was slower, minutes passed by nodding at someone when you walked down the street, the town full of people already known -- or in Leena's case, people she wanted to not know. Maybe that was the problem -- cities always had something. Towns had a lot of nothing. Nothing used to be a comfort. A chance for her to breathe again, to not feel like the whole world was closing in. Now it felt the opposite as she crossed down Main Street and headed for the diner. With C&C on limited hours, it was now the best place to grab some breakfast and a coffee -- both of which she was in a mood for. Dressed in her norm: t-shirt, jeans, hoodie, boots, she didn't look that out of place as she stepped inside and headed for her favorite booth in the corner. She nodded her head to the spiky haired server she knew and got a little half wave in return. No big, and she shoved her hands in her pockets as she slipped into the booth meant for more people than just herself. ---- Spring was in the air, or at least that’s what Sadie was telling herself now that the cold of winter seemed to be some semblance of breaking. It had always been one of her favorite seasons, second only really to Fall, but even more so since she’d taken to living on the road. Winter was harsh and unforgiving, it had very little sun, and there was no swimming to be had at all. Spring, while it still didn’t have swimming, at least carried the promise of warmer weather and that Sadie could venture out into the world with her violin in more comfort. The latter honestly felt a little weird, what with how she’d been keeping her head down at the Carnival for the last few months. She’d found she rather liked playing there though, having a real job and getting to know people again, even if that too was weird in its own way. She was getting better at being social, she was loosening up the grip on the way she tended to talk to people and hiding less and less behind her violin. She smiled more, looked a lot less disheveled, and would even venture to say she’d made friends in the last few months. Add to all that the fact she had regular access to hot food, a warm bath, and clean clothes. Plus now she was aware she wasn’t the only person who could do what she could do and, while that didn’t really come with any kind of answers per se, it too was a comfort. It was a place she could practice it, to get more comfortable with it and feel less like she needed to keep her tongue on such a tight leash less she ruin lives by accident again. Sadie would have actually used the word ‘happy’ to describe the way she was feeling on a regular basis. This had just about everything to do with why she had such a pep in her step as she approached the diner. She had money in her pocket for something to eat and a free afternoon where the sun was out. She had clean clothes, even if they were a simple pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and a coat thick enough to keep any chill from getting through. She had fresh strings on her instrument and a bright smile on her face as she set up outside on the curb, like she had dozens of times in her life. Today though, Sadie wasn’t playing to keep from starving or to get enough money to stay warm. Today, she wasn’t digging out sad little pieces to chase away grey winter skies. Today, she was playing because it was something she loved. It was why she was digging deep into the reserve of songs she’d picked up from that borrowed iPod from long ago. It was why the case was set behind tapping toes that she couldn’t hope to hold still — and why she had a smile on her face so big it practically threatened to split her whole face in half. Today was a really, really, good day. --- Her coffee came from her server without question: black -- bitter and delicious -- as she plucked a menu out of the stand and read over it, like anything on it had changed since the last time. Nothing had, but she finally decided on the pancakes with bacon and eggs. It was different than the breakfast sandwiches that could be purchased at any coffee shop, no matter which name was displayed over the door. Different too, than the one in Albuquerque, where she'd finally tried the hot chocolate with a little raspberry syrup that made it sweet and sultry going down. Only the once, when she had picked up the note left to her. A note that was still kept tucked into her thin wallet and written by a girl she'd never see again. A girl she never mentioned and why the hell was she thinking about this now. Her fingers closed around the worn white porcelain handle of the cup and she brought it up to take a deep gulp of the hot, bitter contents. The bells above the door jingled as someone new came in, sound from the outside carried in with them. A violin. Or what sounded like one. It wasn't what she needed to remember today, not when her thoughts were still all jumbled about with the conversation with Jack. She scooted deeper into the booth, and tilted her head against the window. Just barely she could make out the woman on the sidewalk, playing the instrument -- whatever it was. As she really got into it though, the sound inside got louder. It was clearer, enough so that Leena started tapping her foot against the stand for the table top. It wasn't -- Sadie couldn't be here. Leena pressed her head a little more against the window, but she couldn't see. Scooting out, she nodded at her server. "I'll be right back --" She'd never skipped out on a check before, but she just needed to see. To know it wasn't her so she could let those days fade. Heart thumping against her ribcage, she swung the door open a little harder than she intended as she set sights on the player. From the back she was -- thin, like Sadie had been, and the hair was right, and the clothes were different but -- "Sadie?" --- Sadie had learned that life, if nothing else, was entirely unpredictable. You never knew what a day might bring, what twists and turns it might take, what strangers you might meet or, if you were very lucky, what memories might stick with you. Of course there were dark turns in there too, hardships and losses, questions that would never have answers, and hard knocks at the space underneath her ribs. She tried her best not to think about those things though and she tried even harder to keep them out of her music. She focused on the good times and happy memories, of friends she’d made along the way. She tried her best to fixate on the things that made her smile, on the warm and happy moments she kept tucked away just for herself. It made it easier to smile, to put some real magic in the music she played, and to help share that feeling with the world around her at large. If nothing else, she thought she might chase away the last bits of winter and whatever strangeness had recently befallen the town… But then she heard it; that sound she’d never ever forget. It was the one that, even in her best of best case scenarios, even in her wildest of wild dreams, and in the wishes she’d made upon the brightest stars in the night sky, she never imagined she’d ever hear that voice again. It half jolted the bow from her strings, cutting the music in a jarring, cacophonous note. So surprised and startled was she that she just blinked as she turned, as her eyes settled on that shape she knew so well. She’d never once even tried to forget the girl she’d danced with on the sidewalk, the one whose name was scawled on a piece of cardboard that lived in her violin case. She couldn’t even if she’d wanted to, but no. It was always there, a private memory attached to a name and a smile, a faint little laugh from a woman who made her heart just… A million things flashed through her mind. Words she always told herself she’d say, things she’d do if she ever saw the woman again. In turn, each of them failed her and her mouth just flapped. Her brain fired in a million brilliant fireworks all at once and it seemed to just short circuit the tiny violinist entirely. All she could do was stand there, blink, and smile brightly in that oh-so-Sadie way. Her arms flexed and, for a brief instant, it seemed like she might sweep up the other woman in the biggest of the biggest hugs — but she didn’t. Instead she’d use a language she felt might better communicate everything. So it was that she’d set her bow upon the strings with a whole new sense of joy and vigor. The song she picked was person and straight out of their history and she played it with a vibrant, delighted smile, right for the one person standing around her that she could could see right now. She let the energy of that happiness press all the way down in her toes, she let the music and the memory both join to move her feet in big, springy, dance moves that bounded her toward the woman and weaved her around her presence. She bent and bowed and she smiled, did she ever smile at the other woman. She pranced and practically giggled in song she was so surprised. When the song finished? Finally quite unable to stop herself, Sadie wouldn’t even miss a beat. In one, fluid, motion she’d tuck the violin and the bow up under her arm. From there the was no stopping the swing of her arms around Leena. It was brief and very gentle, but it was there all the same. The whole thing was even rounded out with one of those signature chirps of Sadie’s, where she’d roll back on her heels and awkwardly tuck hair behind her ear when she realized what she’d just done. “...’Ello there.” She murmured quietly, but happily. “...Didn’ae think I’d be seein’ you again…” She paused looking up at Leena as she cleared her throat, trying to find a more confident tone but unable to disentangle it from the warmth that blossomed in her like a personal Spring. “Glad to be wrong about tha’ I am...” And finally, even if her eyes dropped to her worn shoes, she managed to find that more clear voice. “Still ‘ave your iPod, if’n ye’ want it back now. Can go get it from my trailer here in town.” --- Sadie. The violinist turned towards her, and maybe it was just a fluke that there were two Sadie's out in the world that played the violin on street corners -- or so Leena told herself until she finished turning and she could see that impish face with the delicately pointed chin and those big fucking eyes that broadcast every emotion she had. Her heart knocked so hard into her ribs she had to press a hand to her side, only wincing a little when the strings screamed their abuse with that rough note. The first rough note she'd ever heard out of Sadie's playing and she caused it. Damnit. Her mouth opened to say something -- There'd been a jolt once (hers) when she'd thought there would be a hug and it didn't come. That same jolt she witnessed now on the other side of things and she almost stepped forward into it, only Sadie picked up her bow, and started into a very familiar song. She tried to fight the smile back and failed, epically. Before she was half way through, Leena was bouncing on her toes, twisting to keep Sadie as her center point. It wasn't quite the dancing she'd done back in Albuquerque, but there was no lie in the upturn of her mouth, and when the bow and violin ended up under Sadie's arm and the other was wrapped around her, Leena didn't balk. She didn't freeze, her arms closed around the other woman's slim frame and she was half tempted to yank her back when they finally broke apart. She never did that. Fuck it. "I didn't think I'd be seeing you either." The bells above the diner door jingled again as her server poked her head out with a raised eyebrow as if asking if Leena was going to return as promised. "Um, no, it’s yours. My mom got me another one and I just ordered breakfast, and I really think that server might kill me if I don't go back and at least pay for coffee. Have you had breakfast yet? C'mon, let’s go inside. How did you end up here anyway? I got your note, the barista gave it to me, but they told me it'd been a few days since you'd been there by the time I got it. I'm sorry, by the way," she said all in a rush. "I didn't mean to just abandon you." --- Sadie squeezed into that hug in a way that entirely betrayed just how badly she'd wanted it and for how long too. She held it just long enough to keep it in her mind, to burn the shape and scent and feeling into memory. When it finally broke, her smile was twice as big and her eyes twice as bright. Leena could have asked her to go anywhere and Sadie wouldn't dream of saying no -- least of all for a cup of coffee and something to eat. Quickly she scooped up her violin case and put everything away before politely excusing herself from the crowd that had gathered and she scurried back to Leena’s side. “Nae, I ‘aven't and would quite like to ‘ave some with ye’ if...if that'd be alrigh’?” All the hours and work she'd put in to her confidence and sure footing were stripped away in a wash of joy and confusion. This was an impossible moment and no amount of hope could have prepared her for how excited she was, or how hard that would make things. Fortunately, perhaps as a blessing all its own, her own autopilot hadn’t been completely eroded and Sadie was able to fall back on it. Not wanting to acknowledge the guilt she felt at making off with the iPod, no matter the fact it had been replaced, Sadie was quiet as they entered the diner. Said guilt sat squarely in that same realm as her not wanting to say that she’d abandoned Leena, which it seemed very much the way the other woman saw it. However all that would be left to hang in a soft silence until they’d sat back down at Leena’s table and those bright eyes of Sadie’s had a chance settle back upon the woman again. She studied her intently, unable to shake the disbelief of what was happening, of the place she’d suddenly found herself, but there simply was no arguing it. This wasn’t some delusion or another dream in which the woman appeared. She made doubly sure by pinching herself under the table even. No. This was the same woman, Alive. Present. Sitting right in front of her — another sign that ending up in Repose was exactly where she’d been meant to be all along. “...M’glad ye’ got the note.” Was the very first thing she could think to say but, like Leena, once the words began there was simply no stopping them. “An ye’ didn’ae abandon me, t’was me who did tha’...” Her head hung low, her accent unable to be tucked away by carefully placed words. “’Ave this awful habit I do, of runnin’ meself outta’ places. Made a right mess of Albuquerque I did…” She forced her gaze up. “If’n I hadn’t, I’d’a kept comin’ back to that lil’ shoppe till I’d seen you again — but dun’ ye’ go thinkin’ t’was yer doin’, please?” Even letting the words out, no matter if they were accepted or rejected, felt an immense weight lift from her insides. Sadie had carried the guilt around about that since the day it’d happened. It’d made her more wary of generosity, of accepting loans or anything of the sort, if only because what if she did that again? She’d been haunted by what she saw as a wrong she’d paid unto the woman across from her and, if nothing else, at least it seemed Repose was giving her a chance to set that right. “As for how I come up’n this place?” A slight pause was given as Sadie put in an order for her own food, pancakes and coffee, was given with a notable absence of the previous apprehension that came from her once meager budget. “Well, after I ‘ad to beat feet real quick like, I jus’ kinda rode on. Didn’ae stay in one place too long after that…” Her voice trailed off, but the smile remained. “Jus’ kinda drifted I did-did. Till I ended up roundin’ my way here.” There was more to the story of course, but curiosity demanded she turned the question back across the table. “Wot ‘bout you? How’d you end up ‘ere? Mind you, not complainin’ none. S...s’really good to see you again.” ---- If it would be alright for Sadie to have breakfast with her? "Yes! Yes, please, absolutely," was the only answer Leena could give. It'd been going on months since she'd seen the other girl, but it was still so -- so unusual to see her again. And Leena knew she should have been worried if Sadie was following her, but worry wasn't pinging around in her brain. Neither was paranoia, after that brief bout of it last time when Sadie had known her name. Not from something nefarious either, something as innocent as her leaving it on her coffee cup. Going back into the diner seemed strange now and she bounced a little on the balls of her feet all the way back to her booth. It was meant for more than just one and now -- now there was someone else to slide into it across from her and Leena could not quite make herself sit still. First it was the silverware -- her fingers adjusting it a millimeter at a time. Then the napkin holder, then her heels bouncing on the floor, because it wasn't like that time that she and Sadie had danced on the sidewalk or even when they'd had coffee, because this was home. Her mom was here. Her brother. She lived in this town, and now Sadie was here, and real, and not something that was left behind at the Center. And then there was the fact that Sadie was studying her, unobtrusive and light in a way that made it nearly impossible for her to sit still through. Then she ducked her head, the warm slur of words issued quietly. "You-- you didn't," she said quickly with a fast shake of her head. "I--" she started and inhaled long and shakily. "I was having a bad couple of days at the center and they wanted me to stay close." Her outside rights had been revoked, and though that time was a little fuzzy, she was pretty sure they put her back on Watch for a few days. But it was -- it was done now. Over with. She wasn't there, they were here, and her mouth did a funny little quirk into an almost smile. "I went back as soon as I could go out again, that's when they gave me your note. I didn't -- I didn't stop because of something you did, okay? That's not why." Losing people was just -- it was something that happened. People came and went, came and went, hell, even Bruce had come and went like three times since she'd learned about him and he was her father. It was a fact of life and she had accepted that Sadie was gone once she got that note. Except she really apparently wasn't. It was her turn to study the woman across from her, a little less dusty from the road, a bit cleaner in those places that often got forgotten when someone wasn't regularly showering. Places she knew all too well as Sadie ordered. She listened, fingers finally stilling on the tabletop, the steady thump of her heels slowing. "I, oh -- I live here," she said with a little shrug of her shoulders. "I was in Albuquerque to attend a special inpatient psychiatric center." No point in hiding it and if it freaked Sadie out -- well, best to do it now instead of waiting for later when she'd gotten a chance to get attached. --- Leena’s excitement and the fact that she even said ‘please’ was enough to light a whole new string of bulbs in Sadie’s smile. There were words, probably things her Mum or Grandma’ma might have said to tease her about the way her cheeks flushed, but Sadie didn’t care to think on it. Right now all that mattered was catching up with Leena, someone she missed more than she realized and someone she never thought she’d see again. Right now, the only thing Sadie could do was try not to crowd the other woman sat and listen without interruption as the story was explained. There was watching on both sides, at the way napkins and silverware were being moved about, at how the other woman looked. Sadie had spent weeks making sure she hadn’t said anything wrong during their conversations, that she hadn’t influenced anything and now she seemed quite reaffirmed. Like Leena however, sitting still proved difficult. Her toes were wiggling in her shoes. She couldn’t stop the flux in her smile from moving her lips back and forth in a tide of happiness, no more so than she could stop the way her eyes bounced across the face across from hers. “Well.” Sadie replied finally, once the coffee had arrived and her hands had something to hold so they wouldn’t fidget. “From my way o’seein’ it, nobody abandoned nobody then — which is nice, ‘ave got an awful bad habit of runnin’ people off I do.” Even delivered in mirth, there was a touch of serious there which Sadie quickly did her best to turn the conversation away from. “Seems what matters most is runnin’ inta’ you again — you still runnin’, by-the-by? — Not tha’, I mean, we jus’ talked about it once is all and I was sad we never did it. — Which — nothin’ to feel bad for, s’jus’ tha’ way things went — and now they went here and I get to see you again and — it’s really nice.” She was babbling but unable to really stop it. The fact that she hadn’t done something wrong was a blessing and a curse. If only she’d not made a mess of things, if only she’d kept waiting….but that wasn’t what happened. That wasn’t what Sadie could let herself focus on and she gave a gentle clearing of her throat in response to that. She needed to collect her words, to stop herself from falling into the trap of hindsight that had been so much of her life. That part was over now and she was into the chapter set in Repose. A chapter that, it would seem, featured Leena as well...and people said hope was for suckers. “They treat you okay there? The doctors I mean and if’n that’s too nosy a question, you just say so and I’ll hush.” To Sadie, this was simultaneously a way to get the most important detail, to hopefully find out Leena had got whatever help one might need in a place like that, and that Sadie hadn’t subsequently made things more difficult for her. Beyond that, it was hardly a detail worth batting at eye at to the tiny, accented, violinist. People came from all walks of life and everybody had a story. She never judged anyone on what they went through or did (because how could she really?) but rather chose to just accept people as how they were. After all, that was all she wanted from anyone. --- Even though it was delivered in teasing mirth, Leena heard the truth under it. It wasn't that often that she felt differently, but in this case, it wasn't true. "You didn't," she said with another one of those little shakes of her head. "I tried to come back as soon as I could, but it wasn't anything that had to do with you. That's not why I didn't show up." And if she had -- she'd been a hot mess on those first few days after that. It wouldn't have been good and she didn't know if she'd have bothered coming back to the Center if she left it at that point. Those days had been hard and in the end it was better that she had stayed. Especially if it meant getting to see Sadie again now. "No, I -- sorta?" She stumbled over her words, and furiously tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. "I mean, this is my home, but I'm getting ready to travel --" Back to Jersey. Away. Her brows bent together at the realization. "It is," she said quietly. It was good to see her again. "You're staying though, right? I'm coming back. I need to find some things there and then I'll come back," Leena said almost forcefully, as if the question had been asked a few too many times and she wanted to cut off the worry before it began. The question about the doctors though, that made her still for a moment. She sucked in a breath and when she spoke again, it was a lot less forceful. "Yeah, they were good. The staff was really good. I still--" should she even confide this? She'd already started too, and Sadie didn't appear at all put off about where she'd been. "I still do tele-sessions with them. I will for a while." It was all said with a small, shy smile. "But, tell me about you. What are you doing here? Still busking? You look good. Happy, I mean." --- “‘Preciate you sayin’ tha’ I do-I do.” Which was not the waif’s way of disregarding it either. She trusted Leena was telling her the truth. There was a thoughtful nod that followed those words, one meant to convey an understanding more than anything, when the revelation of departures came up again. That too was another constant in Sadie’s life. Her own, other people she’d met along her travels. Maybe moving on was the constant? Maybe that was just her lot in life now, to be transient — but then why was Repose seeming to offer her reason after reason that she should stay? Why would that happen? Sadie didn’t entirely know what to make of it and her teeth sunk into her bottom lip thoughtfully for a moment. What was it her Mother had always said about God, or the Universe’s plan? What difference did any of that make if she could read the signs right anyway? What difference did it really make to be thinking about all of this right now when she was wasting valuable conversation time? A soft sigh fell out of her mouth, more infrustration at herself from yet another avenue with no clear answers, and she took another sip of her coffee in an attempt to right her demeanor back to its usual bright and perky self. She needed to pay attention, to hear the words. And boy did they make her smile. Perhaps in her own way of misreading things or looking for what she wanted to see, she caught a wind of encouragement...or was it hope?...Was she just — Gosh dang it, did it really matter? A friend was here, someone she’d missed was here, and that latter crossroad in particularly was not one Sadie often got to revisit. Usually, when people were gone from her life, they stayed that way. Whatever notions she might have had about what that meant, or its scope, she needed to stop. “Yes.” She finally answered, doing her best to keep her voice clear and steady. “Plan to stay here quite a spell. Got meself a workin’ job like, at the Carnival here in town, dry place to sleep and plenty o’money fer grub and the like — which ‘as a lot to do with not quite lookin’ so much like’n alleycat.” She smirked, her cheeks touched pink, before she cleared her throat to continue. “— Meetin’ some nice folks and runnin’ into you pretty much seals the deal that I ‘aven’ae plans to be movin’ on none too soon.” As long as I don’t screw up. Sadie thought, blissful that she was able to catch the words before they had been given tone or sound. “I still busk, on the side like, but mostly ‘cause I just like playin’ for folks and I’m ne’er quite sure what to be doin’ with meself — dun’ae wanna always be buggin’ the folk I know, not used to ‘avin’ this much time on my hands…” Her voice trailed and she just shrugged. “So I walk around, find spots to play.” She nodded back over her shoulder. “S’how I came to be here, all serendipitous like.” Which was a slight show of her own hand and how her toes were still wiggling at just who had come out of that coffee shop to greet her. Another sip of coffee, a faint, quiet, second to let the seriousness settle, before another light nod was given. “Well tha’s good then yeah? If they’re helpin’? Doctor’s never could do much for me.” There was a mild disdain there, but nothing major. Whatever had been ‘wrong’ with Sadie, wasn’t something that could be corrected, or at least that was the conclusion she’d come to after being juggled between them as a young child. It had been one of her Mother’s many attempts to assuage the issues in the home and, like everything short of Sadie leaving it behind, it hadn’t worked. “But.” She waved her hands about in front of the table, dismissing her own commentary as if it were chalk on a blackboard and her hands were erasers. “S’good to see you out’n’about ‘gain an m’glad they’re still willin’ to work with you’n be helpin’.” Because that meant that, whatever Leena had been working on wherever she’d been, obviously things were well enough that she could not stay there….or at least that was the best assumption Sadie could make without so rudely just asking... ...And that opened up a whole can of worms she wasn’t quite ready to deal with herself. “Wot ‘bout you then? Off somewhere fun? Big adventure? Grand romantic escape like you see in the movies?” She smirked, wiggling her eyebrows in the hopes of indicating she was being more playful than prying. ---- Leena watched in that way she watched everyone -- to see. People showed themselves when they were least expecting to, which meant it was always a good idea to have two eyes on them at all times. That was standard operating procedure when it came to her, even when someone didn't ping off her internal wariness barometer. (Sadie hadn't, except for that moment in the coffee shop, and that had been logical.) "The Carnival?" She asked, quietly hushed. Now Leena didn't have her mother's maxims or her father's wisdom, but she did believe in serendipity and it was staring her straight in the face. "My brother -- Damian, used to own the Carnival. I think he's sold it by now, but --" Sadie here. Sadie in Albuquerque. Sadie at the fucking Carnival. She reached for her cup of coffee too and took a huge gulp down, so large it hurt a little, forcing her pipes to open up past where they were threatening to constrict. Sadie's blushing wasn't making it easier and she had to take another, slower gulp to finally get them to relax a little more. And that wasn't any easier to think about, was it? Sadie was pretty and pretty wasn't a language that Leena spoke on any day of the week. It was a painful language and she was doing her best to focus, to think about the words rather than the woman issuing them. That would be easier. "I'm -- I'm glad you're still busking." A nasty, ugly part of her wanted to know if anyone had danced -- no. She wasn't going to pay attention to that part any more than she was going to pay attention to the one that saying pretty pretty pretty about the girl sitting across from her. Jealous was an ugly color on anyone and she had no desire to try that on for herself. She took another sip of coffee, let it burn across her tongue and down her throat. "They're, um, yeah. They're good. They're actually really helpful. They push me on my comfort zone when I need to be pushed and let me stay there when it's not hurting me to do so. So its -- good. They're good." As much as she wanted to ask about the fact that they hadn't been able to help Sadie, she didn't. When Sadie was ready to tell her about that, then she'd listen and ask. She laughed at the next bit though, almost startling herself even as she shook her head. "No, no romance." No romance ever because, and like she'd told Jack, love wasn't in her cards. "And no, none of that. I, um--" How did she explain this without telling her the whole sordid fucking tale? "None of the above? I'm going looking for some, uh, it's a really long story, are you sure you want to hear it?" She asked, one eye half closing as her face scrunched up. God, even a fucking half truth would be better than the whole damn story, but now she was already knee fucking deep in it. Damnit all. --- Now it was Sadie’s turn to watch, curiously tilting her head at the revelations now present about the Carnival and Leena’s apparent family. There was a quizzical look to follow, one where Sadie tried to see how the scary-and-kind-of-intimidating Damian had come from the same places as dancing-and-laughing-on-the-sidewalk, Leena. It was a lot of moving pieces and parts, things Sadie couldn’t quite wrap her head around. She didn’t have to sort them out though, not to know she wanted to stay right where she was and to keep right on catching up with Leena. Whatever else was at work here, be it Karma, comeuppance, or even a cosmic joke, Sadie was now committed to seeing it though. “He did.” She finally managed the reply with another sip of coffee. It was taken in part to help settle the butterflies in a wash of bean water and also to chase away the odd chill she felt too. “Shame tha’, didn’ae get to spend much time with ‘im fore he did.” Which she genuinely meant. The guy seemed like he could use a few more smiles in his life, assuming he didn’t actually hate smiling, and Sadie had liked to think she might have been able to help in that department. “Couldn’t figure out what to do with myself if I wasn’t playin’ music, so that’ll probably be somethin’ I’m up to long as my feet and hands can make it work.” She laughed, mostly at herself, before awkwardly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and giving a more direct glance at the woman sitting across from her. “Cann’ae complain when there’s nice side bits though...s’not everyday I get to run into someone I’ve been very much hopin’ to do just tha’ with.” Because why not be honest about it now? How many hours had she spent, wondering if the girl at the coffee counter might turn around and be the dancing wonder from the sidewalk? ….Even if her cheeks went all rosey again at the way it just popped out of her mouth and forced her to clear her throat to regain some composure. Now if only she could have gotten herself to stop smiling so she didn’t look so Cheshire Cat crazy, she would have been onto something. “That’s good, that is.” She chimed in response to the bit about the Doctors. Not wanting to pry any more than she did want to make Leena (or anyone) feel looked down for something like that, Sadie felt it was best not to treat it like an Elephant in the room with them. It was a part of life they’d both gone through and that was all. Whatever reasons, whatever help was done or not done in their respective cases, the fact that Leena seemed happy with their involvement (much like Sadie was with their lack thereof) was what mattered. “Doin’ new things is good though sometimes, even if it can be scary.” She nodded a bit, trying to follow along with the conversation and address it without being awkward or weird. “An sometimes it’s just better to stay indoors with a good book.” She nodded, all matter-of-fact and with an understanding bit of warmth to her expression, as the last of her coffee was drained and she waited for a refill on the cup. “So sounds to me like your Docs are smart folk.” She finally rounded out the thought. “An I’m glad for tha’. Be a right terrible thing to hear if’n you had the mean kind.” Not that Sadie had any personal experience, but the stories she’d heard and movies she’d seen were enough to make her wary. “And — uhm — if you ever want company in or out of those comfort zones, if we’re in the same place, I’d be happy to give it?” Because that seemed like the best way to round it all without being weird….right? Okay, no, it was probably weird. There was just so much she hadn’t said, or had the time to say, when last they’d crossed paths. Sadie was admittedly worried this might be a repeat of that, what with Leena off on some adventure of sorts, and she didn’t at all want a repeat of that in any way, shape, or form. Plus, facing facts, Sadie had never been exactly good at keeping her mouth shut and not talking a mile a minute. She was just glad she hadn’t lost her grip on the careful phrasing she knew was necessary. Fortunately enough, the sound of Leena’s laughter was enough to break up any and all clouds. Goodness gracious, she’d missed that sound, with all of it’s little bits and jingles, more than she’d even realized. It drew a soft sigh from her as shoulders led the way into a whole body relaxation into that chair. She gently folded her hands around her coffee cup, cradling it out of habit and ease all the same, and then she nodded. “‘Course I want to hear it! If it’s not a thing you mind tellin’ tha’ is?” Got nothing but time to sit here and listen if’n that’s the case.” She’d already decided this was how she’d spent the entire rest of her day, perhaps even her week, or however long Leena was around. She’d soak up the moments, get fat on pancakes, she’d listen to every last story the other woman wanted to tell, and she’d be happy as happy could be. ---- "He's generally cantankerous," she said of Sadie wanting to spend more time with him. The Wainright children weren't rays of sunlight, even if they managed to find them shining through the clouds. And maybe Damian smiled more, but Leena wasn't sure she'd ever seen his teeth outside of him snarling at someone and she didn't want that for Sadie. All of that got washed away in a wave of heat at Sadie's admission about wanting to run into her again. People didn't want that. Not people that weren't family anyway and sometimes not even them. There were a few family members she hadn't even spoken to -- ever in her recent memory. And everytime she spoke to Stephanie it felt like a catastrophe waiting to happen. But that wasn't this, and she squirmed forward, head ducking down as she pushed another few strands behind her ear. When she finally looked up, Sadie was flushing and still grinning and something hot settled underneath her ribcage. Something she wasn't going to look at now, not even think about, because -- because she was the proverbial fucking bull in a china shop when it came to delicate things and this was a DELICATE THING. All caps. Full stop. It was helpful then when she mentioned the bit about doctors, it provided a welcome distraction that had her breathing a little easier. "Yeah," she whispered, practically gulping on the word and not at all thinking about how Sadie knew doctors and how badly she wanted to ask but the words had gotten burned out by that coal making a home next to her heart. "I wouldn't have stayed with the mean kind." There had been enough of that in her life that if she'd thought for a second that the doctors at the Center would have done less than help her, she would have had Damian and Cat and everyone else she knew on the phone to get that information out and make the place safe. It hadn't been required though and she was thankful for that. Her head bobbed a little in agreement to staying indoors and reading. Some days, that was all she wanted. And some days she wanted to be out and about while reading, but that tended to be tempting fate and just begging for her to trip over something and smash her face flat against tree roots or brambles. Which was about how this conversation almost left her. "I-- Okay." Except her ventures outside of her comfort zone usually involved pain and screaming and/or crying. None of which she wanted to show Sadie. "You don't have to, you know? But I'll--" She wanted to say that she'd keep that in mind, but what she really wanted to do was not. Leena took in a deep breath before that lie spilled from her lips. Fuck lying. "Thank you for the offer, but it's not something I can ask of you. Or anyone." Or would. She drained her cup of coffee and gestured to the server for a refill. "But thank you, I appreciate that. I'd rather dance --" except that was out of her comfort zone too, and the tops of her cheeks reddened with the knowledge. "Okay tabling this one before I stick my foot so far in my mouth I can't get it out again." The next topic of discussion wasn't any easier and this one she squirmed in the seat, shifting her weight from side to side, even going so far as to rock forward before she settled again. Fuck, they just met up again and Sadie was totally going to pin her as a freak. Which she might be right about, but what Leena didn't want in the least. "It's a shitty story to tell over breakfast, so later, maybe? If that's okay?" She asked, hand coming up to tuck her hair behind her ear again. --- Now, to be sure, Sadie was a curious sort. More often than not, that took the shape of watching, of picking out details and guessing. Leena had stuck out in her head on account of the fact that she’d encouraged a direct bit of talking that Sadie rarely got a chance at (Well, that was one of the many reasons anyway). It was possible she’d built that moment up some in the months and, ‘cause it’d been such a nice and rare thing, her fondness for the memory tempered how she remembered that talk. …Well, ‘cept…’cept she’d gone over their conversation a hundred million times or more and...and it raised a lot more questions and made her get a little smaller in her seat. She hated making people uncomfortable and she’d been so excited that she’d just sprinted right into the dialogue. It was probably how she’d managed to miss some very important bits of the information on the whole; details that’d no doubt have her flabbergasted at herself in the mirror when she finally connected the dots. It was how she’d probably pried too much with her question and it was why she went a bit quiet after and just sipped at her coffee. It was how she felt bad and suddenly self conscious about running someone off. “Fair ‘nuff on all points.” Sadie she...she had an idea just then and took a slow breath herself. If Leena could put it all on the table about Doctors and the things she’d been going through? Well, perhaps that was the lead Sadie should have been following all along. “M’sorry if’n I’m a bit rusty at…” She waved her hands back and forth at the space between them, but didn’t really fill in the blanks. “S’one thing to talk to folks when yer performin’, but it’s been awhile since I’ve had reason to do this on the regular and —” another pause, taking advantage of her also refilled cup to swallow a sip, resolving that if the words made it past the sweet beverage then she would let them out of her mouth. “And it’s just real nice to see you again is all, an I’m just sittin’ here all beside meself, wonderin’ just how long it’ll be before I get the taste of my shoes to go about with the pancakes too.” There was the faintest of giggles, not self deprecating but perhaps a little nervous, at the confession. “Special day for me that was, and not just ‘cause I felt a special kinda rotten ‘bout takin’ your iPod neither and just —” Already somewhat experated with herself, Sadie just laughed again and waved another hand about. “Bah, see? S’rubbish.” She was laughing at least, because really what else was there to when you were quite certain you were being ridiculous? “What I’m tryin’a get at is tha’, when you get back, if there’s room like, be nice to see you some is all?” And oh, look, blessed be the Saints, the pancakes arrived just in time to keep Sadie from saying anything more. Instead she’d butter them, waiting patiently for her turn at the syrup, and giving herself a moment to think then. She was...she was probably acting funny, and it probably had everything to do with….well...a lot of things that weren’t exactly easy to untangle then...and Sadie she just she tried to think back, to hit the roots of what had made this all so easy and… Then she got a real soft smile on her face for a second, took a bite of pancake, and spoke once it’d been swallowed.. “So. What’s a film you’ve ne’er seen but always really wanted to?” Because questions like that, over sweet drinks and music, was how this all started out...and maybe going back there to start, well Sadie just hoped it was a little less awkward than flinging personal questions like she had been. --- That little bit about tasting rubber along with her pancakes had Leena smiling and shaking her head a little bit. None of her conversations were like the ones she had with Sadie, but then most of the people she knew were already aware that she'd been missing and she'd lost her memories while she'd been gone. Lost. Like maybe she could find them again. She muttered a quiet thanks as she got a refill on her coffee along with her breakfast and reached out to check out the rack of four different syrups. She stopped on one and dragged it out, then scooted it across the surface of the table with the backs of her fingers. "This one's raspberry." Sadie liked it in her hot chocolate -- maybe she'd like it on her pancakes as well. "And it's -- it's okay. Sometimes I suck at conversing too, it's not your fault, and it's -- it's okay," she finally said quietly as she reached for the maple syrup and drizzled a little over her pancakes. "You didn't take my iPod though. I gave it to you and I didn't come back to get it. I'd like it if you kept it." And not just because she had a replacement gifted to her by Cat, but, and it was ridiculous to be pleased by, but she was by the fact that Sadie got to listen to all the music she had listened to on those days she was at the Center. "It's really, really okay, alright?" Were she a little better at all of this, she might have reached out to squeeze Sadie's hand, but all she could do was offer her another one of those smiles, little and heart felt. That, and edge the raspberry syrup a little closer to the other girl. "And, um, yeah. We can definitely -- when I get back. Or I can message you over the forums? Have you been on the forums? Do you have a phone? I can text too. Or we can get an app that'll work with the iPod and we can message that way. I'm not disappearing or anything, and when I get back we can do something. Lunch or," her tongue darted out to wet her lips. "Breakfast again. Or dinner. Whatever. Whenever you're not performing." Her work at the B&B gave her some flexibility, enough that if she was late, no one really cared. And if she took longer on her lunch, she just stayed longer in the evenings. There was enough to do around the grounds. Taking a breath to stop her ramblings, she started cutting her pancakes with the edge of her fork, butter and syrup dripping down into the cuts she made. "A film?" It was the kind of easy question that could be answered over a sweet breakfast, and she forked a little triangle of pancake into her mouth while she considered her answer. "I want to see that new movie, Thoroughbreds? About the two girls? That one. But I also want to see Thelma and Louise, which is older but I still want to watch it. And um, another old movie. Legend. I want to see that." --- Mighty touched Sadie was, that Leena had remembered the raspberry part. She hadn’t expected that and the crests of her cheek got a little pink, her dimples poking out some just then. “‘Least we can be bad at it together then, yeah?” Sadie chimed as fingers wrapped around the handle and pulled it toward her own pile of sweet bread. She appreciated the understanding more than she could rightly express. Talking to Leena, real easy it had always been. Add to that the fact she didn’t seem none too bothered by Sadie herself, and the fact she was apparently living in the place Sadie was starting to try and look at like home some? Well, Sadie was tickled pink. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling any more than she could fight the warm glow of syrup and coffee, of good company that seemed to fill her from the toes on up. “That’s mighty kind of you, thank you.” She spoke softly, but genuinely, at the offer to keep the iPod. She’d take a break then, to keep from rambling, and dig into her own pancakes some more. “Learned to play a lot more things on it, I did. So, if ever you want, ‘could come ‘round an I could play some for you. As payment like.” The last part though, it came with a little smirk designed to indicate she was teasing some. What Leena had offered? Sadie wasn’t about to be so insulting as to refuse. Plus she liked it, for the same unspoken reason the other woman wanted her to have it. Many a night, when she could charge it, that music had helped lull her off to quite a nice sleep. At the next questions, Sadie reached into her pants pocket and fished the phone out of her pocket, only to wag it sheepishly. “Got it after I started workin’ the Carnival, I did. Been on the forums a lil, know how they work and such. Textin’ and callin’ — the last one’s what m’best at really — but ye’ can —” Smiling real big she was now at the talk of more meals like this maybe. It was another bread crumb, another string, she should have followed, but so excited was she that it was missed entirely. “Tha’d be real nice it would. Promise I’ll do…” She stopped herself just then with a sip of coffee. She could do better than her best and she had every intention of adjusting those words before they even got all the way out. “Promise I’ll be here when you get back this time.” And she, one hundred percent, absolutely, meant it. People didn’t come back into her life. Not ever, not once, did she remember it happening, and she didn’t intend to squander that opportunity. “And I’ll make sure to trade digits ‘fore we go.” “Can pretty much set me hours though, so easy to work ‘roun’.” She was relaxing a little now, remembering to let the conversation come a bit more naturally now, and with it the accent would slowly return. “And you can be sure I’d make the time in short order.” Which...maybe was a little more bold than she’d intended, but it’d been said now and she was just gonna jump right on to the next thing rather than make another rambling fuss. “What’s they ‘bout then?” Because Sadie’s film experience was largely limited to a few classics and Disney movies. She liked movies well enough and liked hearing people tell about the ones they liked or wanted to see. She also wasn’t the least bit embarrassed by her lack of knowledge and instead excitedly learned into the conversation the two of them were about to have about movies of all things. ---- "Yeah, I'd like that," she said of Sadie coming around and playing more songs off her iPod. And the thought of not having to share it with anyone, for it to be theirs, that didn't make a wild flurry of butterflies appear in her stomach. Leena gnawed on a piece of bacon to distract herself from the feeling, and all the things that funneled into it. It was too soon, it wasn't right, Sadie was just being sweet, she was unlovable -- that's what she'd told Jack and she was sticking to it. Holding the piece between her fingers and thumb, she reached out with her other hand for the phone. "I'll put my number in, then you can text me whenever. Or call. I'm not always good about talking on the phone, but I'm fast with texting." It was an easy way to communicate when she was feeling like being close but not too close. It allowed for distance, an armor she used frequently. That little slip away from her accent made it all the more poignant when it slipped back into Sadie's words, clipping them on her tongue and ordering them into abbreviated sounds. "I believe you," she said quiet, knowing the promise for what it was. Few promises could be made, and she wanted to be flippant about it, cast it off like it was okay if Sadie wasn't there, but Leena -- she hoped she was. "And good, because you owe me some music," she said with a teasing smile. Finishing off her piece of bacon before she started waving it about in the air, she swallowed hurriedly and took another sip of coffee. "Thoroughbreds, I'm not really sure, except that one girl can't feel anything and they hatch a plan to kill the other girl's father. I'm not sure if he's up to anything he should be, or if he's just an asshole." Leena rolled her shoulders, because she really didn't know much more than that. "And Thelma and Louise is about these two women, and I think they're married, and they leave their spouses for a road trip and a life of crime." Which maybe should have been a little bit concerning considering what happened at during Book night, but mostly it looked like a fun, if silly movie, with two female leads. "Legend's about-- I don't know. Fairies and unicorns? It looks very sparkly and mystical. Whimsical? And there's good and evil, but I don't know anything more than that. I saw the trailer for it months ago, so--" She shrugged again, because that was most of what she remembered but she wasn't sure how accurate it was, or if she was missing a major part. "What about you? Any movies you want to see?" Leaving Sadie to talk, she picked up her fork again and began to clean up her pancakes. They were always so good here, fluffy and light and the bacon wasn't half bad either. ---- “Well, that’ll make it easier then, and you can text me whenever you’d like too, if that’s easiest an I’ll always check ‘fore callin’?” She offered the last bit at the end, because she was nothing if not accommodating. Adapting to people was part of her life, or what her life had become at any rate. When a crowd wasn’t responding to the jigs and reels she preferred, she knew to switch it up, to find what worked. She’s quickly reasoned that dealing with people wasn’t a whole lot different. You had to meet them where they needed meeting. Well, at least you did if you wanted them to keep coming around. Which she very much did with the person in question sitting across from her. This was someone who’d come along just when Sadie had needed a ray of sunshine and it was just what she’d been. This was someone who wanted to talk straight with Sadie and didn’t seem the least bit fussed by sitting down over pancakes, who remembered her favorite flavor of things. At the moment, there wasn’t a middle ground, a place of comfort, she wouldn’t have tried to find for Leena. “Promise I’ll get back to you quick like too.” She added at the end. “If’n I’m buskin’ or performin’, I dun’ae have it on, as’a rule.” She explained, falling into an easy and less rapid-fire rhythm. “But, soon as I sit down. Firs’ thing, I’ll get back.” She offered a polite smile just then, another bite of pancakes to follow, and a sip of coffee to wash the whole thing down in the most content of humming sounds. Which blossomed into an outright giggle when Leena played along with her tease. “I keep sayin’ this’n I promise I mean ‘em to tha’ last, but I promise not to skip the bill.” She went right along with it, looking delighted. “Love to have you come ‘roun’, or I can, and can play you music.” She decided to turn up the volume of the play just a little, and dropped her voice to a whisper then. “I’ve got some new things I’ve been tryin’, real hush like, would lov’ for you to tell me wha’ you think some?” She leaned back in her chair, a finger pressed to her lips in a mock shhh gesture, before she took another bite of pancake and flashed and exaggeratedly innocent looking face. Then it was time to listen about movies and it was real obvious that listening was what she was doing. She ate slow, pacing herself and careful to chew with her mouth closed. She almost never broke eye contact however, unless it was to politely reach for her napkin and cover her mouth. Legend clearly got her attention most, which probably didn’t come as much of a surprise, but it mostly showed in the way her eyebrows and mouth lifted when the subject matter was explained. “Those all sound like a good bit of watching.” She nodded, as if it’d underline the point. There was a pause then, the slight flash of teeth upon her bottom lip, where she debated offering an invitation, but though perhaps she’d played that card enough with the offer of comfort zones and instead left it alone for now. Mention it in a text later she told herself, before laughing a bit at the final question. “It’d be a shorter list if’n ye’ asked what I’d seen.” She took another sip from her water glass. “I’d watch jus’ about anything once though. Guess maybe I’d like to see some what folks are always going on about?” She offered a shrug, but then seemed to drop into a serious thought on the question for a minute, and then just ended up laughing at herself. “Not jokin’, there’s so many I keep tryin’ ta’ think on one, and me brain jus’ scrambles ‘em all up.” She didn’t look upset by it though and the laughing at herself was more at the absurdity than as a negative. “So. Let’s say them ones you jus’ mentioned, and how’s about what’s a movie you could see a million times and ne’er get bored of in tha’ least? We’ll put that one on the list too.” Because that was a reasonable way to show interest and ask the question, right? --- Leena bobbed her head yes to the compromise. It'd be good, right? To talk to someone besides Damian and Claire. And occasionally Cat. Jack was purely a textual relationship, which worked awesome for her, and though she wasn't sure if it worked as well for Jack, he didn't seem to have any complaints. "Oh yeah, of course. If you're working wait until you have a break. When I'm here -- I work at the B&B, doing grounds work for them and stuff." Because she had asked Atticus for an outside job that mostly kept her away from having to directly communicate with anyone while still being close enough to feel like she was around people. "And I always wait until after work to start texting and calling people, so that's fine. I don't expect you to text back immediately, ever. Whether you're working or not." That was too much of a demand for anyone, and had anyone placed that demand on her, Leena would have hated it and done the exact opposite. "I don't think you'd skip a bill," she said quietly, between nibbles of her bacon. Sadie wasn't that type, much like Leena wasn't the type to have anyone come around where she lived. Her cave wasn't for visitors, but visiting Sadie? She bobbed her head a little. "I can come see you." That secretive whisper was going to do her in though, and her grin came easy. "Yeah, yeah, I'd like that," she said, her own voice dropping as if it really was a secret just between the two of them. She could almost ignore that little flush that started in the core at the thought of the two of them having secrets of their own. But not for a minute did she believe that exaggeratedly innocent face. Sweet, yes. Maybe innocent, but not that innocent, and she let out the quietest of chuckles before tucking back into her pancakes. Or maybe a movie. Given by the way Sadie looked while she was explaining Legend, she wanted to start there. Leena looked away and picked up her mug of coffee again, spinning it nervously in her hands as she issued the invitation that Sadie hadn't. "We could -- if you wanted to see it, we could watch it together," she said in starts and stops, and followed it up with a huge gulp of the bitter brew. "If you wanted," she added in a whisper, gaze finally darting back up. --- “You do?” Sadie’s eyes perked up a bit. “Lovely job, you do. Stayed there for a bit, I did. Before movin’ to the Carnival.” Though there probably hadn’t been a lot of grounds-work being done then, what with it being winter and all and Sadie felt a bit silly then. Still it was easy to breeze past it then. Especially when it came to the part about Leena coming to visit, which made Sadie nod excitedly — mouth full of pancakes be damned. “Mmhm!” She chimed brightly before reaching for her drink to wash down a bite of food whilst politely covering her mouth. “I’d love that, I would I would.” Accent had blossomed now that food was out of the way, however she was completely overcome by the swarm of little flutterbys when she caught that grin. It drove her eyes back down to the table just so she didn’t look like a total fool when she couldn’t stop her own smile in return. And then Leena? Well, she just kept right on going. She laughed some and Sadie? Oh it was all she could do not to turn into a radish right then and there. A right miracle it felt like, but she managed some all the same. Laughing had always been one of her favorite sounds just about anybody made, and Sadie had long since let go of the idea she might ever hear it from the woman sitting across from her. Or well. As long since as it had been since they’d seen each other anyway. Even then Sadie had held out hope for awhile. Stupid as she convinced herself it was, she just hadn’t been able to let it go and now? Now she felt like she was being rewarded for that in it’s own way, or for something at least. Even if all they had was this one other meal… But then Leena mentioned watching a movie and Sadie darn near dropped her fork. “Yes please.” She hadn’t meant it to sound so quiet and she had to take another drink to clear her throat. “Aye. Yes. Please, I would like that very much if’n yer offerin’.” She hadn’t really had a chance to watch much tele ever and only the once since leaving home had someone offered to watch a movie with her since she’d left home. Leena offering to share a movie with Sadie? She couldn’t even stop the way she nodded probably half a dozen times. “I’d like that a lot.” --- "You did?" But that must have been while she was still in Albuquerque. It didn't matter the month, there was always something to be doing, even if it mean making sure everything was shoveled and salted. "It's -- quirky. But I like it there." It afforded her a great deal of space whenever she wanted it, and a view of some of the same faces day in and day out if she was feeling a craving for those. The ladies that lived at the B&B were nothing like Sadie though. Sadie wasn't relegated to a face, and certainly not one that she could only see through the windows -- or in the imperfect photographs of her memory. She was real, and going to see her, to listen to more of that accent? Leena ducked her head as she grinned, waiting until her cheeks no longer hurt with it before she looked up again. But one yes was followed with another, and the tops of her cheeks went pink with it. "Yeah, of course. We can do that." She could meet her at her place, no threat perceived from the diminutive violinist the way men pinged off her radar and they could watch a movie with -- "We'll get a big bowl of popcorn. And I can stop and get candy if you want." It wasn't big or expensive, but it didn't have to be. It could be small, and them, and her bottom lip caught under her teeth before she hurriedly polished off her pancakes with a few decisive cuts. "I would too. We'll do it when I get back from Jersey, okay? And if we put my favorite movie on the list, yours has to go on too." And just like that, one movie became three and she wasn't feeling at all ashamed about it. There were so few people that she wanted to spend time with, but now there was one more, and someone she had never expected to see again, and certainly not here. She licked her fork clean before letting it clatter back down on the plate. "That was -- was yours good? Should we get more?" If Sadie wasn't full, they should get more. --- |