Re: [Jester's Court: Cat & Jack]
Cat was his own brand of lost. No one ever realized it, or the people in the family didn't, which always surprised him. One day, surely, they'd wake up and look around them, but, no. They were all doomed to terminal selfishness, and Cat was just as guilty as the rest, you know, in his own way. And as much as he hated the revolving door that was Bruce's family? He still thought it was ballsy, taking off, getting away, learning to live like normal people and without all the complicated bullshit that was acquired during a childhood in Jersey. It was impossible to cluster around equally broken people, because no one could ever see beyond their own shards. No one could help themselves, and it was a perpetual competition of who had it worse?
Anyway. Unimportant, really, and Cat wasn't even certain what had shaped him anymore. Was it Jersey? Was it Russia? Was it the initial five years, the ones before the orphanage? Was it the brothel? Who knew? All Cat was certain of was that there was a bone-heavy weariness in his bones, and his body felt much too young for that shit.
"I'll say what I want to say," he told Jack in contradiction of Jack's edict that Cat say what he meant. "Everyone," he repeated, and he did it just to be a little shit, and he did it because that? Was something he had control over. He didn't have control over anything else, or so it felt. Well, no, he apparently had control over whether they went into a funhouse or rode a rollercoaster, and for Cat? It was a no-brainer. Maybe it was an unexpected no-brainer, but it was a no-brainer.
He turned toward the funhouse. Why? Because it reminded him of a certain clown, of Eddie, of home. What better way to prepare? He didn't drag his feet or scuff his kicks against the dirt. He did toss his cigarette out, and he pulled out his very modern modbox, and he took a few tokes before handing it over. After all, funhouses? Were all kinds of fucked up, and being really stoned was the best way to face one. "Nothing that I feel right now is fun, which is as honest as I get. So, you know, let's go looked in fucked up mirrors. It can't be more distorted than reality."