Re: log; misha and adrian
"There's nothing to say sorry for," he said, at a murmur. The cigarette was flicked to the side in the imaginary world, a deft, practiced snap. "If anyone should get an apology, it's him, from me. I've tried to give him one. I don't know if it really worked."
He considered the idea that whatever had happened to him when he was a kid was still nipping at his heels. It seemed obvious, sure. When he drifted outside his own body to watch the proceedings, when the obscurus hammered against his chest like a runaway heart, he knew there was probably more to the story than he was letting himself know. "Well, I'll start here," he said. This was the most he'd done to face it down in twenty years. If he could look his split life in the face and start to connect the pieces, the first step was past him. He wouldn't have divine help on the rest, though.
Misha's golden smile and promise of more hope was too sweet. Adrian dipped his head, very much a habit of his shyer self. "That's the best review I can think of."
He would think later about Misha spending six months trying to get Damian just to cross the gap and see him in person, wondering why. Questions for another time, maybe, as the scene played out in front of them, and he weighed tipping the bed against sitting on the floor.
When the bed and the bedroom were gone, he felt a warm pulse wash through him, rinsing the weakness from his limbs. He looked up at Misha, took his hand, and stood with him. It felt a little embarassing to have gone flat to the floor like a kid now that the feeling was gone, but it had been a choice between two options, between lashing out and holding back. He realized then that he'd been making that decision almost daily, and for a very long time.
Misha's hand still gave him that warm, peaceful sensation. In that moment of calm, he tried to find the words to thank him. What he'd done today might work, or it might fall apart in the long run, but it had at least given him a chance to move forward.
"Thanks," he said. "This is...there's hope, still, I guess, for me. So, thank you."