Re: log; misha and adrian
"That's okay," he said, with a small smile. "Maybe it's better, not knowing everything." Even if the end was a good one, what was the point to living if you knew the end it would all come to? Misha didn't seem like the sort of person, whatever else he might be, who wasn't interested in seeing how life turned out.
He shrugged a shoulder, taking a drag from the cigarette. "It was a long time ago." He blew the smoke toward the window again. "What about your mom? Is she still alive?" Misha must have a mother, he assumed. He didn't question, just yet, how Misha had come to be on Earth. Maybe all heavenly creatures lived here.
"Almost," he said. "I had to leave." He ashed the cigarette onto the windowsill. The ashes conveniently blew away, leaving the white paint spotless. "The only time I can remember the obscurus getting out and hurting someone is when I was seventeen. Newt, my friend. We were dating on and off, and he said he saw me with a boy, so we broke up. I didn't remember kissing him, so I thought Newt was lying. Turns out it was true, but I didn't remember it." He tipped the cigarette up to the ceiling. "I went down to the lake to try to talk to him, and some boys came out of the woodwork to beat the hell out of him. I nearly killed them." He picked at his fingernails around the cigarette with a tip of a thumbnail. "I ran. The magical community doesn't like people like me - Obscurials. They'd rather pretend we don't exist anymore. That we're a problem from a less civilized age. If they found me, I knew I would be locked up. For my safety, and everyone else's. I ran. Newt took the blame.
Was he nice, deep down? "I'm not," he said, "but I want to be." As for whether something had happened to him when he was small, he blinked, slowly. "I don't know." It was the truth, as was what followed. "Probably." It wasn't a small admission. These were things he preferred not to dwell on, to make it easier for him to live his fractured life. Going forward, though, that might not be possible. "I don't think that's an excuse, though. For being cruel." As for now, he shook his head. "Just disappointed," he said.
"They only teach kids," he explained. "And like I said, they'd be more likely to report me to the authorities than try to teach me something. I don't think they believe the obscurus is teachable." He shifted against the wall. "Obscurials don't just die. We explode. We go out in fire and flame. Take out whole villages or towns, sometimes, and kill our tormentors. And the ones on record, they were just children." He placed the cigarette between his lips. "They'd be about as excited to help me test the obscurus's limits as you'd be to test the limits of a bomb."
He tipped his head. "That's true," he said. "You're probably right. I was always scared to touch it, but Sue let it out sometimes. Not to hurt people. Just to...bleed it off. Run it. Like a dog. No one died then. It wasn't really controlled. But it was something."
Adrian smiled back at Misha. He liked seeing him happy in the midst of cool angelic power. "I don't need it to be easy," he said. "I'd take the fighting, if it meant having something like that." He was having an emotional night. Was it the bleedoff from being melded together, or was this the new normal? There were tears in the corners of his eyes again, and that wasn't a pretty look, feeling sorry for yourself.
The living room faded away, replaced again by the comfortable bedroom at the B&B. The bed, for the moment, was empty. He didn't understand why Misha was asking him to do this again. Hadn't they covered the hard part by now?